Do you believe spanking is an appropriate discipline for a child?

[intothewoods]

I'm surprised this hasn't been moved to the cafe.

 

[zoe8]

I think a swat on the butt is fine once in awhile, in certain situations, as many mentioned above. But if spanking is the only tool in your discipline arsenal, I think you will have problems. Any discipline tool used again and again, becomes less effective.

As kids get older the punishment really needs to fit the crime.

 

[DVS]

Yes, I was spanked as a kid and I turned out OK. I see nothing wrong with it, as long as it doesn't get out of hand (sorry no pun intended). And that's all I'm go go going to say on the subject.

 

[kimbernee]

There's something kind of icky about people who get turned on by spankings spanking their children. I hope you don't think it's OK because you're making them part of your fantasy world. If I were a practitioner of BDSM and had children, I'd be very, very cautious about crossing that line.

 

[BiBunny]

Southern Justice? Some little three year old brat at Walmart was told by his mom yesterday, "Keep it up and we're going in the bathroom" She looked like she was ready to tear that ass up.

Sometimes, when people's children are bad in public, I'm very tempted to look at the parents and say, "Look, if you won't whip their asses, I will." I know that wouldn't go over too well, though, so I keep the sentiment to myself.

 

[graceanne]

There's something kind of icky about people who get turned on by spankings spanking their children. I hope you don't think it's OK because you're making them part of your fantasy world. If I were a practitioner of BDSM and had children, I'd be very, very cautious about crossing that line.

I think it's erotic for my husband to suck on my nipples, too, but that didn't stop me from nursing my children.

 

[Corianne]

No, not in my household. I grew up with occasional spankings until we reached some age where my parents felt that spanking would no longer be appropriate. I will say that those spankings were usually by my dad, but he was fair, methodical, and did not spank in anger. We knew the rules, we learned where the line was drawn, and we were mostly smart enough after a few spankings not to cross the line with him. If we did, we knew what was coming. Spanking was also limited to hand to covered behind - no belts, switches, no smacks to the face or elsewhere.

However, I can remember the look on my son's face the very first time I swatted him on his diaper-clad butt. It shook me to my very core and I felt like the worst person in the world for violating his trust in me. I knew from that moment, he'd never have the exact same feelings towards mom that he had before that.

It was really awful. And so unnecessary. I gave him a few more swats here and there, but it diminished me and hurt his feelings each time. So I stopped. Instead, I found other ways to encourage the behavior I wanted from him.

He's a good kid. I'm glad I decided to avoid corporal punishment.

 

[insert____here]

There's something kind of icky about people who get turned on by spankings spanking their children. I hope you don't think it's OK because you're making them part of your fantasy world. If I were a practitioner of BDSM and had children, I'd be very, very cautious about crossing that line.

people who get turned on by children are called paedophiles.

what you're suggesting indicates not only a lack of understanding about why some people enjoy getting spanked, but that you understand nothing at all about healthy parent / child relations.

you just managed to piss me off. i'm not sure if i interpreted your post the wrong way, and if i did then sorry. i'm more than willing to listen to you point me in the right direction if you didn't mean it to come across the way i have taken it.

but as it stands, you just really annoyed the crap out of me.

 

[YourCaptor]

I don't think its a good way to discipline kids.

However I think spankings work great to teach specific lessons.

Pain is wired directly into arousal, emotions, and long term memory formation. That means when you spank your kids they will pay attention for once, apply bad to the situation, and actually remember it.

So, pick those spanking moments wisely, like playing in the street is bad, spank them now before a car does the job.

And by spank I don't mean beating either. Just something to get those learning processes going.

Hitting a child out of anger, frustration, revenge, or to cause harm is not the way to go.

 

[WriterDom]

Sometimes, when people's children are bad in public, I'm very tempted to look at the parents and say, "Look, if you won't whip their asses, I will." I know that wouldn't go over too well, though, so I keep the sentiment to myself.

I don't like to see kids beaten inside a store. I just don't want to be a party to it. Do what you want when you get the little brat home.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't like to see kids beaten inside a store. I just don't want to be a party to it. Do what you want when you get the little brat home.

Yeah, it's tacky to do it in public. Drag him somewhere else and do it.

 

[Netzach]

Am I the only child who got the "you're going to get smooshed by cars" message without being hit? A quick explanation of death and go splat may be uncomfortable, but it's pretty effective on kids with vivid imagination.

 

[chy_girl]

WD, I'd still like to know you definition of spanking.

Open handed or implements, up to how many swats, how hard, does a smack count as a spank...

I've know people who easily considered 10 lashes with belt or riding crop a spanking and I've know people who considered an extremely light swat on the butt with an open hand a spanking. What is your definition?

 

[WriterDom]

Objects can be used. The kid I grew up with two doors down well his dad would beat his ass on the back porch with a belt. His brother too. I guess for the embarrassment factor.

The virgin I dated got spanked with a yardstick. Too bad I never thought about using one on her.

 

[Cattypuss]

I hope I would never hit a child. For any reason whatsoever.

 

[Cattypuss]

Am I the only child who got the "you're going to get smooshed by cars" message without being hit? A quick explanation of death and go splat may be uncomfortable, but it's pretty effective on kids with vivid imagination.

Nope, that was my upbringing too. No hitting; lots of explaining.

 

[graceanne]

I don't like to see kids beaten inside a store. I just don't want to be a party to it. Do what you want when you get the little brat home.

I agree, actually. I don't believe in public humiliation as a disciplinary tool. And I don't think it's fair to other people to make them a party to it.

Am I the only child who got the "you're going to get smooshed by cars" message without being hit? A quick explanation of death and go splat may be uncomfortable, but it's pretty effective on kids with vivid imagination.

That works for some children, and should be attempted first. Some children think they're invincible (like the kids who skate off their roofs and other assorted stupid shit). They don't understand that they can die, it's just not there. They do, however, understand more immediate consequences such as a spanking.

 

[CutieMouse]

There's something kind of icky about people who get turned on by spankings spanking their children. I hope you don't think it's OK because you're making them part of your fantasy world. If I were a practitioner of BDSM and had children, I'd be very, very cautious about crossing that line.

Why do you assume that erotic [spanking] discipline and a parental [spanking] discipline are the same?

I do not like to spank. It is my *last* tool of choice in parenting - not because I'm a masochist and I "confuse" erotic discipline with parental discipline, but because (IMO) it doesn't work *long term*. If I'm reduced to the point of spanking one of the children, 99% of the time I have reached a place (mentally/emotionally) where I am all out pissed. Patience gone pissed - which means I have no business spanking my child, so I don't.

I will openly admit that I use other punishments that someone could probably link back to my love of mindf*cks, but that isn't about BDSM/sexuality - I just find it really effective for them to [literally] know I have no qualms about making their lives terribly uncomfortable should they do something bad enough to deserve it. The trick is raising them well (and consistantly) enough that I rarely (if ever) have to use that bag of tricks.

Sometimes, when people's children are bad in public, I'm very tempted to look at the parents and say, "Look, if you won't whip their asses, I will." I know that wouldn't go over too well, though, so I keep the sentiment to myself.

I'm never tempted to do that - one of mine was the most sensitive/emotional meltdown kid on the planet; I got a lot of dirty looks during the year it took to teach her to control her emotions. I do, however, have a bad habit of lecturing kids who run in stores, almost clotheslining (on purpose) kids who use those dammed wheely sneakers in stores, kids who treat fixtures like jungle gyms, or otherwise make asses of themselves. I will turn a kid into security/management/offer to inform their parents of their piss poor behavior without an ounce of guilt. Like I said - there are plenty of tools to deal with discipline issues without ever even touching the issue of spanking.

 

[chy_girl]

Objects can be used. The kid I grew up with two doors down well his dad would beat his ass on the back porch with a belt. His brother too. I guess for the embarrassment factor.

Yeah, no. I will flick a small hand that won't let go, I will firmly tap a screaming mouth with the pad of my finger, I will even pop a bottom with my open hand if the child simply will not pay attention.

Objects are not ok, and If I see someone spanking their child in a way that classifies as a 'beating' by the rules of the state I will report it.

Although, with the exception of flicking hands between one and about two and half years of age, there are far more creative and amusing ways of dealing with a child who's being a monster. Especially when they get a little older.

*snip*
Some children think they're invincible (like the kids who skate off their roofs and other assorted stupid shit). They don't understand that they can die, it's just not there. They do, however, understand more immediate consequences such as a spanking.

You have just outlined the first 25 years of my brothers' lives. I'm still shocked that they were able to survive long enough to vote and retained all original limbs and bodily function. Unfortunately, their own sons are just as bad.

It makes my mom smile.

 

[missginger2177]

Looks like I'm in the majority with a yes vote.

I think there's a difference between a beating/spanking/whipping etc. Without getting into semantics and definitions however, I was beat senseless as a child with fists, buckle end of a belt, I think a golf club one time. And, there are times when I look at my younger brother and all I can think is that if my parents had just spanked him once or twice he would have a better outlook on life.

See, I've got a 12 yo brother that seems to think that he is the biggest, baddest motherfucker on the planet and that nobody can touch him. I see him walking into high school as a freshman and getting the piss kicked out of him three or four times (likely by an upperclassman) before he figures out that he's delusional. I really think that if he'd been spanked, he would understand that there are bigger people out there who WILL beat the fuck out of you if you cross them.

That's my 1/3 of a cent anyway, damn inflation.

 

[graceanne]

Although, with the exception of flicking hands between one and about two and half years of age, there are far more creative and amusing ways of dealing with a child who's being a monster. Especially when they get a little older.

Yup. These days my choice ways of discipline (otherwise known as torture) are writing sentences and chores. I figure if they have enough energy to act up that I need to help them re-direct their energy.

You have just outlined the first 25 years of my brothers' lives. I'm still shocked that they were able to survive long enough to vote and retained all original limbs and bodily function. Unfortunately, their own sons are just as bad.

It makes my mom smile.

My mother in law laughs at me and K when D (our son) does stupid shit. But he's the one who will pick fights with kids twice his size.

there are bigger people out there who WILL beat the fuck out of you if you cross them.

That's my 1/3 of a cent anyway, damn inflation.

I let the sibling thing work with that one. If one of the smaller kids hits their bigger sibling, I figure they just learned not to pick fights with people who are bigger than you.

 

[the captians wench]

I was spanked as a child, from as far back as I can remember. Got the belt for serious offences, but there was also a lot of comunication in my house as to why we were being spanked.

I don't have children, but I have been known to pop a niece or nephew on the bum when they are being out right defiant. You know when after you have told them "don't do that" and explained why "that's hot" and they look into your eyes and do it anyway. A firm pop on the bum and some corner time and they are ready to listen. But again, before they come out of time out it's explained to them why that rule is there.

There is a huge difference between the feelings that go with disciplining a child and my own personal adult experiences with spankings. Just like there is a huge difference between my own punishments and corrections and play time beatings. Jounar has often used the same tools for both, but when it's correction my mind is in a different place and I don't enjoy it. It's cleansing, I get the message, but it is deffo not play time fun.

But I don't have children yet, so I don't know what I will do with my own.

 

[missginger2177]

I let the sibling thing work with that one. If one of the smaller kids hits their bigger sibling, I figure they just learned not to pick fights with people who are bigger than you.

Yeah. But this only works if the bigger sibling is allowed to hit back.

The last time I so much as looked at my little brother sideways I ended up blacked out from being held by the throat up against a wall, my feet a foot off the floor. Oh, and if I remember correctly I was whipped about ten minutes after that for marking his wrist whilst attempting to get the grip loosened.

 

[graceanne]

Yeah. But this only works if the bigger sibling is allowed to hit back.

Yeah, that's always helpful.

 

[chy_girl]

Yup. These days my choice ways of discipline (otherwise known as torture) are writing sentences and chores. I figure if they have enough energy to act up that I need to help them re-direct their energy.

I like the techniques in Parenting with Love and Logic. It's funny to watch the kids turn seven different shades of red when you smile at them and say "I love you to much to argue..."

99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane is good too, especially for special needs kids.

My mother in law laughs at me and K when D (our son) does stupid shit.

One of my nephew's accidentally set his friends head on fire. His friends mom showed up the next day to get him. Kid's mom took one look at him and in the most frustrated voice a mom could muster said "Did you set you hair on fire again?!?!" My sister-in-law felt much better after that.

And your right about the fighting - the natural consequence of picking the wrong sparing partner will drive the message home much quicker than a nagging mom.