Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Vitriolhack]

I understand this (initial post question). I have tried to get my wife to understand my needs but she sees it as me just being horny and insatiable. It just becomes a fight if I bring up stuff that I feel like is lacking. She has some legitimate reasons and I do too. It's just tough. We love each other but I feel my desires have outgrown where we started.

I need more. To be more wild. To be with more people. More experiences. I'm Just curious and want to try so much. Not sure she'll understand.. especially how I want to be a top to another man.

It’s really tough when each one is camped in his of her’s position not willing to explore or talk about it.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[K155]

Yeah, he's lost interest and was always very vanilla anyway, he would not be on board!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Yeah, he's lost interest and was always very vanilla anyway, he would not be on board!

What would he be onboard for?

 

[hulmule]

Wife has been in menopause for years...No interest in sex at all. Through out my marriage ive tried to tell her my needs... Fights , conversation, and death ears. Sad , i wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how i would react ?

 

[THoney269]

I've tried to get one particular partner to understand some of what I need,but it seems to devolve into his being critical and me limping in pain

 

[htobeme5]

I've tried to get one particular partner to understand some of what I need,but it seems to devolve into his being critical and me limping in pain

i now the feeling, and with her being the female and not seeing my true passion, it sucks. I can see red flags later in life.

 

[THoney269]

i now the feeling, and with her being the female and not seeing my true passion, it sucks. I can see red flags later in life.

Would you mind clarifying your statement? I don't want to misunderstand your meaning..

 

[Vitriolhack]

I've tried to get one particular partner to understand some of what I need,but it seems to devolve into his being critical and me limping in pain

Communication is key, it is usually not a good sign if one feels unsafe talking to their partner, or their partner makes them feel weird about their kink.

Of course we are always talking about consensual adults here having diverse opinions on what satisfaction means to them.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

Sometimes, just talking about it and imagining it is good enough to assuage the mind. Hell, I read a lot of stories here just for that reason .

 

[BrokenQuill]

I tried opening up to my partner about my bi side years ago. It nearly ended our marriage. Now I keep my thoughts to myself.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I tried opening up to my partner about my bi side years ago. It nearly ended our marriage. Now I keep my thoughts to myself.

I hear you loud and clear.

Fear of retribution often give way to the “yeas dear” syndrome, this is valid for either partner.

 

[THoney269]

usually not a good sign if one feels unsafe talking to their partner,

Not so much *unsafe* as *unheard* about any- and every- thing under the sun

hope you find what you are looking for

I think I might have already..in the form of several different people

 

[Vitriolhack]

Not so much *unsafe* as *unheard* about any- and every- thing under the sun

I think I might have already..in the form of several different people

It’s very rare to find everything we want or need to tickle our fancy sexually or mentally with “only” one person.

Enjoy your many friends with or without benefits

 

[THoney269]

It’s very rare to find everything we want or need to tickle our fancy sexually or mentally with “only” one person.

Thanks.. this explanation kept falling on deaf ears til I gave up

 

[Mtnmike]

I understand this (initial post question). I have tried to get my wife to understand my needs but she sees it as me just being horny and insatiable. It just becomes a fight if I bring up stuff that I feel like is lacking. She has some legitimate reasons and I do too. It's just tough. We love each other but I feel my desires have outgrown where we started.

I need more. To be more wild. To be with more people. More experiences. I'm Just curious and want to try so much. Not sure she'll understand.. especially how I want to be a top to another man.

Yeah, he's lost interest and was always very vanilla anyway, he would not be on board!

My wife is the same, unfortunate we don't find out sooner.

 

[MindYaBitness]

I wouldn't say I hide my needs & kinks, so much as I temper them down to palatable level. He's very, very, vanilla. Anything fun scares the hell out if him. So, I get what I can & live vicariously through stories & chatting.

Its not so bad. He really is a wonderful human being, I'm lucky to have him. Its not his fault that he's a vanilla cupcake that happened to marry a monster cookie.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Thanks.. this explanation kept falling on deaf ears til I gave up

Never give up, just learn to accept people the way they are, changing their minds takes decades!

As a general rule, best to avoid ass holes unless they are naked!

 

[Vitriolhack]

I wouldn't say I hide my needs & kinks, so much as I temper them down to palatable level. He's very, very, vanilla. Anything fun scares the hell out if him. So, I get what I can & live vicariously through stories & chatting.

It’s not so bad. He really is a wonderful human being, I'm lucky to have him. It’s not his fault that he's a vanilla cupcake that happened to marry a monster cookie.

We seem to have fallen on similar partners.

Except that, vanilla happens to be my favorite flavor! Can we at least agree that vanilla cupcakes taste great?

Like the blue monster says, “cookies are a sometimes food,” but boy, when you bite in them, you got to have the whole pack!

 

[THoney269]

changing their minds takes decades!

Unless there's a 20 year age gap, and the person is a retired Marine with a toxic ex. In that scenario (my IRL), you have more chance of convincing a tree to uproot itself for voluntary relocation than you do of changing the person's mind

 

[Vitriolhack]

Unless there's a 20 year age gap, and the person is a retired Marine with a toxic ex. In that scenario (my IRL), you have more chance of convincing a tree to uproot itself for voluntary relocation than you do of changing the person's mind

I hope you have a green thumb!

But seriously, let’s hope that with age comes wisdom. Alas, I understand that’s not always the case!

 

[THoney269]

hope you have a green thumb!

I do have a green thumb..unless African violets are not as delicate as I've been led to believe?

let’s hope that with age comes wisdom.

No such luck..the youngest person of my housemate, our landlord, and myself is the one attempting to de-escalate tension between the other two (who at 61 and 80 something, respectively, are acting like overtired toddlers)

 

[kribensis33]

I'm strait but I admire and love to look at cocks. The bigger the better. She would freak

 

[Vitriolhack]

I'm strait but I admire and love to look at cocks. The bigger the better. She would freak

Looking at cocks as if they were a piece of art! Nice one!

 

[kribensis33]

More than that. I admire and want to touch them

 

[Vitriolhack]

I do have a green thumb..unless African violets are not as delicate as I've been led to believe?

No such luck..the youngest person of my housemate, our landlord, and myself is the one attempting to de-escalate tension between the other two (who at 61 and 80 something, respectively, are acting like overtired toddlers)

I don’t want to be seen as mansplaining but, I tend to ignore people like that.

I’ve had difficult family members, I guess we all have that sort of experience. What do you do during the holidays when you know you will attend same events?

Avoid and ignore, I say!

Sorry, this may be conjured as mean. It is not, it’s just mental survival.

 

[Vitriolhack]

can relate to that, my wife never wants to talk or explore anything sexual

Everyone has reasons for their attitude towards a situation.

Have you tried discovering hers?