Dom/me wannabe's and their lack of insight

[Kajira Callista]

bump.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I've been thinking about all of this false domination business.

Natually, we dominants like to tell ourselves "Oh, we are not clowns"---meanwhile, we think of every competitor "what a bozo".

And we submissives like to tell ourselves "we are people of taste, we'd never give the gift of our submission to someone like THAT."

Really, though, who is to say that one person's pushy false dominant isn't someone else's dreamboat?

What I've come to believe is that, the desire to be a dominate is the key factor.

Thus; while many people at this site, for instance, give me hives with their clownish ways, I don't doubt the solidity of their internal motivations for a second.

Totally forgot this thread, read first post, had a response in mind, scrolled down and saw that I'd beaten myself to the punch.

Who are these loser doms anyhow? We always hear about them. I wonder if any of the doms here are loser doms who'd try such an audacious stunt.

 

[DVS]

Totally forgot this thread, read first post, had a response in mind, scrolled down and saw that I'd beaten myself to the punch.

Who are these loser doms anyhow? We always hear about them. I wonder if any of the doms here are loser doms who'd try such an audacious stunt.

I really think collarme is full of them, unfortunately.

I'm sure I seem kind of whimpy, when I am not acting Domly. I'm not a 24/7 kind of guy. I sometimes feel like I'm Clark Kent...standing here, ready to take of those glasses at any time. But, subs don't want a Clark Kent type of dom and so they think I'm whimpy. Maybe I should try contacts?

 

[FurryFury]

I really think collarme is full of them, unfortunately.

I'm sure I seem kind of whimpy, when I am not acting Domly. I'm not a 24/7 kind of guy. I sometimes feel like I'm Clark Kent...standing here, ready to take of those glasses at any time. But, subs don't want a Clark Kent type of dom and so they think I'm whimpy. Maybe I should try contacts?

You are so not coming off that way Sugah!

Many subs don't want the 24/7 thing btw.

Frankly if I didn't think the Dom cared and if he didn't have other sides to him it would not work for me.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[greenmands]

I really think collarme is full of them, unfortunately.

I'm sure I seem kind of whimpy, when I am not acting Domly. I'm not a 24/7 kind of guy. I sometimes feel like I'm Clark Kent...standing here, ready to take of those glasses at any time. But, subs don't want a Clark Kent type of dom and so they think I'm whimpy. Maybe I should try contacts?

I agree with Fury, you don't seem that way here. I don't believe anyone can be 'On' all the time. Also, I've discovered (as others will probably agree with) quite a few people who are 'meek' at the office or other places can be the Dom/me from hell when they are in a scene.

 

[Miss Diva]

do etiquette rules go out the window

do etiquette rules go out the window if you are a dom. So I am chatting with a few guys who claim to be doms. And the conversation usually goes something like this:

Him: You need to be spanked and fucked real hard
Me: Nice to meet you , Where are you from, Do you want to exchange pics?
Him: You call yourself a sub. As a sub you are in no position to make demands.
Me: Uh I am not your sub

And at this point I think he is a a-hole. The conversation is a variation of that.

Today I was chatting with a guy who I had chatted with in October and he never chatted back. Today he was online and again he was like "oh yeah you are the disobediant slave" at which point I explained I was not his sub and therefore did not need to take his orders. And I basically told he was not a good Dom becuase usually a good Dom would not disappear w/o and explanation.

Or my favourite is if we are chatting and they say tell me about yourself I go thru the usual spiel (age, home, career) and my experience as a sub (I do say I am new) . And I ask them the same and all they say is "are you normally a secrative person dear?" Well I say "please ask a specific question".

And then I might say I want to get to know them and they say " you will have to have a bit of "blind faith" at first I am afraid". I think NOT. This is my life. sigh...

So my question to Doms, these guys are a-holes right and should be smacked across the head. Right. I would love to domme so of these idiots, maybe I will take lessons from netzach's.

Merci / M

 

[FurryFury]

A Dom is a person first and should act like it that include treating people they don't even know with respect and courtesy.

Yes, they should be smacked and a few other things, but me, I don't want to even touch em!

Sorry you ran into a few of them.

Fury

 

[DVS]

do etiquette rules go out the window if you are a dom. So I am chatting with a few guys who claim to be doms.

Merci / M

I don't think those guys were Doms. Well, maybe they "thought" they were Doms, or maybe they have spent all of their teen years online in a BDSM chat room where everyond is either getting spanked or spanking.

I've been to those kind of places. Of course, it's been quite a few years ago, but it's strange how everyone is looking for their kink to be tweaked. And, that is just how those guys sound to me. You were trying to carry on a normal get aquainted chat and they were just looking to get their kink tweaked.

They werew wannabe Doms, online Doms (the same thing) or my own special lable...14 year olds looking for some thrills.

 

[Bandit58]

do etiquette rules go out the window if you are a dom. So I am chatting with a few guys who claim to be doms. And the conversation usually goes something like this:

Him: You need to be spanked and fucked real hard
Me: Nice to meet you , Where are you from, Do you want to exchange pics?
Him: You call yourself a sub. As a sub you are in no position to make demands.
Me: Uh I am not your sub

And at this point I think he is a a-hole. The conversation is a variation of that.

Today I was chatting with a guy who I had chatted with in October and he never chatted back. Today he was online and again he was like "oh yeah you are the disobediant slave" at which point I explained I was not his sub and therefore did not need to take his orders. And I basically told he was not a good Dom becuase usually a good Dom would not disappear w/o and explanation.

Or my favourite is if we are chatting and they say tell me about yourself I go thru the usual spiel (age, home, career) and my experience as a sub (I do say I am new) . And I ask them the same and all they say is "are you normally a secrative person dear?" Well I say "please ask a specific question".

And then I might say I want to get to know them and they say " you will have to have a bit of "blind faith" at first I am afraid". I think NOT. This is my life. sigh...

So my question to Doms, these guys are a-holes right and should be smacked across the head. Right. I would love to domme so of these idiots, maybe I will take lessons from netzach's.

Merci / M

Sounds like the only "domming" they have done is typing on a screen with one hand on their dick

 

[catalina_francisco]

They werew wannabe Doms, online Doms (the same thing) or my own special lable...14 year olds looking for some thrills.

Think DVS has it nailed well. I am getting very good these days at picking those who have some actual hands on experience and those who have gleaned all their experience and ideas from online and chat rooms, both subs and Doms. The ones described here are lucky they haven't broken their necks triping over their own egos. Just continue being yourself Miss Diva and you will eventually find someone who appreciates that for what it is, a rarity.

Catalina

 

[timberwolf05]

I give respect to Dom/mes the same as I do most people, but I will not bow, scrape and grovel unless it is specifically something my Master orders me to. So far the opportunity has not been present much as we don't socialise as a rule, but I also would be surprised if it were something he would ordinarily want. Even before I had a Master, I did not treat Dominants any differently to anyone else....if I had I would have been pretending and that is not my style.

Catalina

==========
but I will not bow, scrape and grovel unless it is specifically something my Master orders me to.

---
I STILL won't...even MY Ms aint gonna get me to do it.
i am a human first...Her boy 2nd...
I aint doin that for no one...despite being SERVICE only anyway.
thats beside the point.

 

[little_dragon]

Im talking about various people i have met on line, or whilst out, who'm claim to be a Dom/me yet behave like your evolutionary unequal.
Its a annoying factor to be catagorised as sub, simply because your female, annoying, but statistically correct i guess. What i find far more difficult is the arrogance of some dom/mes who expect deference from me?
I have no problem being polite to anyone, why is it, that these people cant?
I met two Dom/mes this weekend socially, not in a play situation. One was curteous, polite, an excellent host and unassuming. The other invaded my personal body space, my eye contact was sought constantly, and all the time playing suggestively with his whip. With more costume than consume.
What i find amazing, is the complete lack of insight, the latter had into his effect on me, and any other potential partner. His expectation that i should want to be dominated at all, let alone by him was insulting. Not if he were the last person on earth would i.
Now, he may well of been a really nice person, but his social skill deficits/excesses were seriously impeding his likely success with anyone.
And why is there an assumption that a sub will sub for anyone?
Thats not my understanding, but i could be wrong. My very subjective knowledge tells me that subbing is a earned respect.
Do any of you who are submissives accomodate any dom/me like some pavlov dog? Because this seemed to be this Dom's view. And this assumption can be seen in chat rooms-frequently.
How do other people feel when approached unsolicited by a Dom/me with a suitcase of assumptions about you?

I hate it....there are a few guy friends who I hang with who know I like to be submissive.....and they'll try to get me to do things for them---without even realizing that I've already been "claimed" (even though my first "real" experience will be this Sunday).

I only bow down to one person and he knows who he is.

Anyone else can kiss my ass.

Little Dragon

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Yay

I only bow down to one person and he knows who he is.

Anyone else can kiss my ass.

Little Dragon

YAY for you Little Dragon , knowing that is a fine start

 

[Ritza]

To all that have posted, thanks for giving me the strength and courage to deal with a Dom i just met.

i went to my first Munch over the holidays. And this particular Dom was sitting at the same table as i with his sub. He didn't really show any overt signs that he was interested in me during the evening. At the end of the gathering his sub exchanged e-mail and phone number with me. Well the next day he was e-mailing and Im-ing me telling me he wanted me and what he wished to do to me.

i was taken aback by this since we only met the night before and it was for only a few hours. i also made it clear that for all practical purposes i was vanilla, never having experianced anything yet. My reason for going to the Munch in the first place, to meet people of like mind and learn.

i tryed politely to explain that i was being mentored by someone and i felt strongly about my commitment to him. i was very surprised when he became indignant that i was refusing him for a Dom that did not live close by. He bordered almost on disrespecting my Mentor. i was shocked because i thought that there would be a level of respect from one Dom to another. i have politely tried to explain i need to get to know someone before i can even think about engaging in any sexual acts. And he continues to be raunchy in my opinion.

i have been worried about offending him by having to get harsh and tell him to leave me alone. i have been considering not going back to the Munch so not to have to deal with him. But you all have given me courage that it's ok to put a Dom, that's not behaving very Dom-ly, in his place. Thank you all again.

r

 

[snowy ciara]

Good luck Ritza... FWIW, this guy sounds really out of line. Just state your case firmly, and stick to your guns and if he continues to be an overbearing jerk, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself.

 

[little_dragon]

Wow....

I thought Doms had respect for one another, too. Maybe.....get your Mentor to kick his ass if anything comes up again .

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Only One Definition ~ Its Not Only Employment Related

Sexual Harassment - Any repeated, unwanted behavior of a sexual nature perpetrated upon one individual by another. Sexual harassment may be verbal, visual, written, or physical. It can occur between people of different genders or those of the same sex. Harassing behaviors may occur in a variety of relationships including those among peers, and those where there is an imbalance of power between two individuals. The law is primarily concerned with the impact of the behavior, not the intent. In other words, the law is concerned with how the person on the receiving end is affected by the behavior, not with what the other person means by the behavior.

 

[Ritza]

Ciara, i'm sorry but i don't know what FWIW means. And thank you for the words of encouragement.
r

 

[little_dragon]

Wow.....thanks for that def.

I always knew what harrasment was, but I never knew. Now I can stick it to those guys who keep buggin me.

Thanks a lot!

 

[Ritza]

Wow....

I thought Doms had respect for one another, too. Maybe.....get your Mentor to kick his ass if anything comes up again .

lol...oh how funny!!! Thanks for the laugh.
r

 

[snowy ciara]

Ciara, i'm sorry but i don't know what FWIW means. And thank you for the words of encouragement.
r

"For what it's worth"... Sorry, I don't usually indulge in the internet acronym thing, but I was feeling lazy tonight.

 

[*curious*]

Continue going to the munch. If he harrasses you again, inform the greeters/organizers/a volunteer who helps run the munch that you are very new to the Lifestyle and happy to have found their goup; however, this "dom" won't take no for an answer and is making you very uncomfortable.

"No" is a very well respected word in BDSM circles... I suspect the organizers of the munch would be happy to have a chat with the "dom" in question.

 

[DVS]

Continue going to the munch. If he harrasses you again, inform the greeters/organizers/a volunteer who helps run the munch that you are very new to the Lifestyle and happy to have found their goup; however, this "dom" won't take no for an answer and is making you very uncomfortable.

"No" is a very well respected word in BDSM circles... I suspect the organizers of the munch would be happy to have a chat with the "dom" in question.

Some munches have a Sgt.at Arms for just that purpose, or another form of a bouncer that deals with situations that get out of hand, or have the potential to do so.

I don't know what it is with some people...Doms are people, too. But, sometimes you find one that is just a creep and so stuck on himself that he can't understand that someone might not want to be his bitch.

I'm sure, if you find someone in charge of the munch, they will help you. They want a friendly miunch and will surely side with you against that guy. Just don't make it any worse than it needs to be. Move to another table, if you need to, to keep away from him. Your life shouldn't be limited by his pussy attitude. It is harassment, if he continues to bother you.

 

[graceanne]

. . . pussy attitude.

hehe

What's on your mind DVS?

 

[little_dragon]

This might seem stupid, but....what's a munch exactly? A place for people to meet who are into BDSM?