Dom/me wannabe's and their lack of insight

[FurryFury]

Public play may or may not involve those other than the playing party, i.e. Dom/me and sub. That is then just being seen while playing with your sub. That's public play, from how I see it. Some people get off on "doing their thing" while being watched.


Swinging would be when these partners exchange subs with another partner and /or when sex is involved and the couples engage in a group sex scene. Until couples engage in such activities, it is considered a public play situation.

How'd I do?

As you all know I have no experience with either public play or swinging. I think you are right DVS but your answer brings up another question that I've wondered about.

In "public play," which I would think mostly refers to BDSM play, does the Dominant person gratify themselves sexually? I somehow feel that it's more of a show off or instruction thing. I believe were I the Dom I would want to keep my own personal satisfaction for later in private. I wouldn't want to "let go," while in a public scene. I wonder if this is true at all in RL?

In "swinging" I see that as more of a nilla thing. I see it simply as fucking multiple partners. I could see that changing up subs and adding others in could also be called swinging in a BDSM way but I never thought of it before.

I've thought a lot about both things. A LOT! LOL.

*shrugs*

Fury

 

[Hecate]

I have often question public play
how is it different than swinging?

Easy:
1) NOBODY touches my sub (and yes, I COULD allow it but extremely rarely do, unless it is a close friend whom I KNOW to know what she is doing and the mood suits us - and then it is NOT sexual ... I may allow a befriended Mistress to stick a few needles in my sub's balls, or a fist up his rear at max ... nobody will have anything sexual going on with my property)

2) I do not indulge in sexual acts with any other subs - I may participate in a scne where my skills may add to the fun of all, but that is strictly "non-sexual"


edited to add: no, it is not sexual - we are slightly exhibitionistic (he more than me but I like to pamper that side of his at times), as we know with the way we play we can shock even some of the "hardcore" people *weg* .. and yes, we enjoy the shocking factor.

I mean, let's face it ... I have no energy left after an intense public sesion and he is badly aching .. not really what makes sex a good idea!

I know my view is waaaaayyyy not shared seemingly by most people attending those parties - sometimes I feel it is really "swingers night", but I refuse to step away from them because there is always the odd outstanding couple or two who will show me something new and fascinating!

 

[DVS]

As you all know I have no experience with either public play or swinging. I think you are right DVS but your answer brings up another question that I've wondered about.

In "public play," which I would think mostly refers to BDSM play, does the Dominant person gratify themselves sexually? I somehow feel that it's more of a show off or instruction thing. I believe were I the Dom I would want to keep my own personal satisfaction for later in private. I wouldn't want to "let go," while in a public scene. I wonder if this is true at all in RL?

In "swinging" I see that as more of a nilla thing. I see it simply as fucking multiple partners. I could see that changing up subs and adding others in could also be called swinging in a BDSM way but I never thought of it before.

I've thought a lot about both things. A LOT! LOL.

*shrugs*

Fury

True, swinging is a vanilla term, but it can be used in the BDSM area, as well. I see it as any sexual interaction between multiples of people. It could be vanilla, or strawberry, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. Swinging is when two people ( a couple) get together with at least one other person not in that couple for sexual fun...and frolic (I like that word).

Any public play I've seen, the Dom does not stoop to personal gratification. But, his sub is free to, and sometimes even forced into orgasms, during the scene. It's all part of the fun. Some subs say they are not even aware of anyone except their Dom, and some say the people watching gives them that extra thrill the extrovert in them craves.


DAMN TYPOS! I need to tupe slower, I guess.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

In "public play," which I would think mostly refers to BDSM play, does the Dominant person gratify themselves sexually? I somehow feel that it's more of a show off or instruction thing. I believe were I the Dom I would want to keep my own personal satisfaction for later in private. I wouldn't want to "let go," while in a public scene. I wonder if this is true at all in RL?

Fury

Hi Fury,

It depends on the venue and rules at the time. I have played in spaces that had strict "no penetration of bodily orifices (orifii??)", others that had strick "Latex or other barriers must be used" rules, and some (mostly private homes) where the only rule was "Don't get any blood, cum, shit or piss on the carpet". Drop cloths were readily available! *LOL* Some venues (most public dungeons) may have the "No Penetration" rule when open for public play, then relax to "Latex Barriers" when a restricted access, truly private party is held.

Some venues are fine with couples getting their freak on, others are not. Some are fine with total strangers hooking up and having sex, others are not. It really does depend. And of course there is absolutely NO requirement that those playing must have sex in their public play scene. Just make sure you know the house rules before you go, and be prepared if sexual play is allowed. Someone there WILL want to get it on with an audience! *chuckles*

 

[Richard49]

IMHO
ok not so humble
but in this case I own it as an opinon

bdsm behavor between me and whomever
is
yup is
sexual with it includes pentration or not

I get turned on sexually/go into heat
and I promise the whomever will for sure

 

[Kajira Callista]

IMHO
ok not so humble
but in this case I own it as an opinon

bdsm behavor between me and whomever
is
yup is
sexual with it includes pentration or not

I get turned on sexually/go into heat
and I promise the whomever will for sure

it seems a lot of people seem to think that bdsm has nothing whatsoever to do with sex....still trying to figure that one out.

 

[FurryFury]

it seems a lot of people seem to think that bdsm has nothing whatsoever to do with sex....still trying to figure that one out.

Well, I for one do not see BDSM as having nothing to do with sex.

However I do see that some aspects of it can be done and be exciting without actual sex being involved. That is not my preference mind you, but given that I am married and some Doms "play" with others without fucking or being sucked by the sub, I can see making that compromise for all concerned.

That makes sense doesn't it?

Fury

 

[Kajira Callista]

Well, I for one do not see BDSM as having nothing to do with sex.

However I do see that some aspects of it can be done and be exciting without actual sex being involved. That is not my preference mind you, but given that I am married and some Doms "play" with others without fucking or being sucked by the sub, I can see making that compromise for all concerned.

That makes sense doesn't it?

Fury

well everyone sees things differently. bdsm itself is sexual to me, it would have to be to my partner also or else it wouldnt work i suppose. *shrug*

 

[FurryFury]

well everyone sees things differently. bdsm itself is sexual to me, it would have to be to my partner also or else it wouldnt work i suppose. *shrug*

Actually I agree with you KC. I just meant those activities normally associated with sex do not necessary have to be present with BDSM (particularly in public) scenes, unless I'm sadly mistaken.

Fury

 

[Richard49]

some one define sex for me
shacking head
56 years old and I do not know what sex is

hey
does that make me a virgin?

 

[Kajira Callista]

some one define sex for me
shacking head
56 years old and I do not know what sex is

hey
does that make me a virgin?

lol wishful thinking richard.

 

[graceanne]

it seems a lot of people seem to think that bdsm has nothing whatsoever to do with sex....still trying to figure that one out.

I have to admit, this scening not having anything to do with sex is saying that blow jobs aren't sex. No you might not have INTERCOURSE while public scening, but you're arroused. You're getting a sexual high. How is that not sexual?

 

[FurryFury]

I have to admit, this scening not having anything to do with sex is saying that blow jobs aren't sex. No you might not have INTERCOURSE while public scening, but you're arroused. You're getting a sexual high. How is that not sexual?

It is. I agree it's sexual it just doesn't have to involve the body fluid exchange commonly known as sex.

Fury

 

[Blushing Bottom]

some one define sex for me
shacking head
56 years old and I do not know what sex is

hey
does that make me a virgin?

Define virgin.

 

[DVS]

I have to admit, this scening not having anything to do with sex is saying that blow jobs aren't sex. No you might not have INTERCOURSE while public scening, but you're arroused. You're getting a sexual high. How is that not sexual?

A dirty old man sitting on a park bench, watching the pretty young girls walk by.

He gets hard as he sees their tight asses and perky tits...but it's still in his pants and they can't see it. He smiles at them and they smile back. They giggle and run away.

Is that public scening?

 

[graceanne]

A dirty old man sitting on a park bench, watching the pretty young girls walk by.

He gets hard as he sees their tight asses and perky tits...but it's still in his pants and they can't see it. He smiles at them and they smile back. They giggle and run away.

Is that public scening?

No cause it's one person. Public scening is TWO (or more) people who are doing something sexual together.

 

[DVS]

No cause it's one person. Public scening is TWO (or more) people who are doing something sexual together.

How do you know the young girls didn't enjoy it? They giggled?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Oh...evil!

How do you know the young girls didn't enjoy it? They giggled?

 

[graceanne]

How do you know the young girls didn't enjoy it? They giggled?

Yeah you wish. Perv. We all know what you do during your lunch times now! *shakes head*

 

[alice_underneath]

Oops, sorry for not giving a full account............
Actually, <snip>

Thrall 67, thank you for taking the time to clarify.

That "Dom" was an idiot. And, no matter what a sub is told, if and when it comes to personal safety or personal pride anybody, be they sub or Dom can step out of their position and reprimand someone who has dissed them. Even in the workplace. If the boss has shown you disrespect, he needs to know it.

In your situation, you were doing as told, and that jerk was just pestering you, probably to see if you would step out of your role and acknowledge him. Sure, he got what he wanted, but he also found out that wasn't the thing to do.

He should be thankful it was only as simple as it was and not something more serious. His inability to show simple respect to another person...that other person minding his own business and following the set rules. This jerk reminds me of when I was in grade school and the class bully was shooting spitwads at the blackboard, behind the teacher's back. It's the same kind of mentality.

You did just as you should have. You need to follow rules given to you by authority figures. The jerk does, too. There is a point in time when...if someone is not following the rules and invading your space, and someone of authority isn't there to see, you need to stand up for your personal dignity.

DVS -

Great post.

Alice

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Oh...evil!

*quirks an eyebrow*


You rang?

 

[DVS]

some one define sex for me
shacking head
56 years old and I do not know what sex is

hey
does that make me a virgin?

Only if your himen were to grow back. Something tells me you won't have that problem.

 

[DVS]

it seems a lot of people seem to think that bdsm has nothing whatsoever to do with sex....still trying to figure that one out.

I think it has everything to do with sex, with me. I'm not a 24/7 and don't know if that would make a difference, but I just don't want to be dominant outside of my sex life. My partner is an equal, except when she's naked and squirming in my shackles. that's when she's my toy, my play thing, and my sex object to take, use, toy with, punish until I'm satisfied.

Oh, I do allow her a climax every now and then...I've got to keep her coming back for more.

 

[shy slave]

Swinging and BDSM play has often come up in conversation with BDSM aware friends and I.

Some of the couples who go to the local munch also swing.

They attend events and as a result we sometimes get people who are swingers coming to the munches, yet the have no interest in BDSM and think its simply kinky sex with strangers.

I went to a munch in the next county last week and met a man who swings (his wife was at home with the kids) to say I found him a horrible person is an understatement.

The munch was in the garden of a Gay pub. This man complained there wasn't any sex to watch, he complained that there were no couples so he couldn't make arrangements to 'hook up' with some people at a later date. He did not understand why anyone would want to be hurt or hurt another person, he actually commented that he could see nothing wrong in straight forward sex; where was the harm in it!
I tried to be nice as I spoke to him but I could feel my temper slow boiling.

It got worse
He wanted to know if I was willing to have sex with him back at his house with his wife. I explained I was owned and did not play in public and did not go to munches to have sex.

He then wanted to know if he wore leather trousers and called me 'bitch' would it change my mind, after all one Dom is much like another and he was ok about role play!!

Finally he asked about Andante I explained he lived in Denmark but we saw each other regularly. He leered at me and asked if Andantes wife knew about me!!
Hoping to shut him up I said his wife was dead.

His reply "Well if she was into the kinky stuff I bet she died smiling"

At that point I was so very angry I got up and walked away.
It was either that or punch him and explaining to my son why I was in a police station instead of coming home was something I didn't want to have to do.

I don't understand swinging, it never been an interest of mine and I know he is not like all swingers but it did highlight for me that people who have their own kinks view BDSM as an easy way to get sex and a role play based on kinky sex.

Needless to say, I am so looking forward to any munch Andante can come to and this man is there.
I really want to make those introductions

 

[greenmands]

I'd like to be there and watch, help if necessary. That twit is a prime example of why the gene pool could use a LOT of chlorine.