Dom vs. dominant, is there a difference?

[catalina_francisco]

interesting reading, sorry im jumping in on the tailend...

so if being a Dom is more then being a dominant person, can you be a Dom without having a sub at the time?

I believe you can just as easily as you can identify as a sub without having someone to actively submit to.

Catalina

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

LOL, I don't think of myself as wise enough yet....too stubborn for that...maybe someday though.

Catalina

It seems like this is a good place for learning, whether you've been involved in the lifestyle for a long while or just starting out.

And I can definitely relate to the being stubborn. It's the Tauras in me. And one of the things I see most prevalently in dealing with the "domineering" personalities we talked about before. I will listen, but then do as I see best. One of the conflicts I feel in researching D/s.

Rox.

 

[FurryFury]

This actually brings up another question I was going to post a thread about. I see a lot of 24/7 posters and can't imagine that type of lifestyle. Not in anyway downplaying what they have, I just don't think I could do it myself. Of course most of my opinions for that could be based on the aforementioned "domineering" types so maybe at some point this could work for me.

But I can be a very take charge person when the situation warrants it, and I have a hard time picturing letting that go.

Rox.

I believe many Doms wouldn't want you to let go of being a take charge person in certain areas of your life. After all unless they are into micro-management, they need to have someone capable of making decisions and taking charge of certain areas in day to day life.

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

I don't think that a dominant day to day personality or a submissive day to day personality always translates into the bedroom. What we may see at work or at other places may or may not be the core personality of a person. I know of many that seem dominant or submissive in most areas of their lives but are not that way at all in a sexual sense. I think that when we try to predict based on what see on the outside of a person in our real lives we are far more likely to get a person wrong than we are right. That's because what someone projects is often so different from what they feel at their core. Of course that applies only if they've even thought about D/s at all. Otherwise they may not even know or see it as applicable to them.

*shrugs*

Fury

agreed.. unless someone were to pay very close atention to my, they would never guess i was a sub. i have a type A personality, and often have a leadership role aong my friends. at a glance, one would think i was more dominant then submissive, but i am in no way dominant when it comes to anything sexual.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It seems like this is a good place for learning, whether you've been involved in the lifestyle for a long while or just starting out.

And I can definitely relate to the being stubborn. It's the Tauras in me. And one of the things I see most prevalently in dealing with the "domineering" personalities we talked about before. I will listen, but then do as I see best. One of the conflicts I feel in researching D/s.

Rox.

LOL, F is Taurus....but thankfully he is secure enough to admit where his weaknesses lie and then use my strengths to serve him in those areas and save him the bother....except those days when his stubborness is at a high and he wants to get a rise out of me by playing with my head about it to a point he has me believing he is about to do something really ill advised, and sometimes does just because he can. Thankfully they are rare, especially if I don't react in my usual Gemini way of major stressout.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

agreed.. unless someone were to pay very close atention to my, they would never guess i was a sub. i have a type A personality, and often have a leadership role aong my friends. at a glance, one would think i was more dominant then submissive, but i am in no way dominant when it comes to anything sexual.

Exactly. I've found inverse personality traits more often are seen in the RL than the one's you'd expect but like I said predicting such is nearly impossible.

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

Exactly. I've found inverse personality traits more often are seen in the RL than the one's you'd expect but like I said predicting such is nearly impossible.

Fury

nearly impossible, but still sometimes fun to try to figure people out

 

[FurryFury]

nearly impossible, but still sometimes fun to try to figure people out

*nods*

I agree with that too!

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

*nods*

I agree with that too!

Fury

great minds think alike

 

[Dark1ord6669]

So basically this would be more of a title within a D/s relationship and not necessarily a character description of someone not involved in the lifestyle?

Rox.

It is what you'll have it be. Labels and how they are used are quite personal.

But in the context given, so far as I can tell, it's just a way of answering your question. Dom vs dominant. (And what it means to you)

interesting reading, sorry im jumping in on the tailend...

so if being a Dom is more then being a dominant person, can you be a Dom without having a sub at the time?

IMO, no you can't. Why not...?

I believe you can just as easily as you can identify as a sub without having someone to actively submit to.

Catalina

Because although you can identify it in you, it doesn't make you "that". To further explain my thoughts. I do believe it's generally agreed upon that a PLY title is earned and given. So that's the context of my rant. That you can identify with being a PLY, but can't actively be one unless you are given the title of PLY (or viceversa)

 

[myinnerslut]

you can identify with being a PLY, but can't actively be one unless you are given the title of PLY (or viceversa)

given by who?

 

[FurryFury]

<snip>Because although you can identify it in you, it doesn't make you "that". To further explain my thoughts. I do believe it's generally agreed upon that a PLY title is earned and given. So that's the context of my rant. That you can identify with being a PLY, but can't actively be one unless you are given the title of PLY (or viceversa)

I'd have to disagree with your statement here. I can be what I feel I am in my core regardless of what anyone else thinks or labels me. If no one agrees that would in fact limit having someone else to enjoy that core self with however.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

IMO, no you can't. Why not...?



Because although you can identify it in you, it doesn't make you "that". To further explain my thoughts. I do believe it's generally agreed upon that a PLY title is earned and given. So that's the context of my rant. That you can identify with being a PLY, but can't actively be one unless you are given the title of PLY (or viceversa)

I guess where my difficulty lies in this thought pattern is that when I was looking for the one to spend my life with, I would not have gone further if someone had said to me they were dominant in personality but didn't think of themselves as a Dom. I think I would have moved onto the next person thinking this person wasn't sure of who they were, or were not who I wanted to be with. For me it is the same as if you are a lawyer, doctor etc.,....whether you are employed in that position at an appointed time does not change that you have the skills for the job and are still that person the title describes. Make sense?

Catalina

 

[RJMasters]

RJ, thank you for your input. I've read several of your posts and found them to be very thought provoking in my attempts to learn more.



So basically this would be more of a title within a D/s relationship and not necessarily a character description of someone not involved in the lifestyle?

Rox.

Actually I see it as both.

Again using these as an analogy....take the title "wife" or "husband". these are titles given only to people who are married, yet when you stop and think about it, there is so much that underlies what it means to be a wife or what it means to be a husband.

Also, note that the relationship also personalizes things, such as "my wife" or "my husband". Many might be dominant, but does that mean you should submit to everyone who is dominant? Of course not. So then when you enter into a relationship with a person, you become their submissive, and He becomes your dom.

So in a way it is used both as a title and also refelctive of character.


Some would attach certain standards as to what it means to be a Dom or not. I think it is easy to fall into that whole what is a "true" Dom and what is not argument. I have come to a decision that two things are true...

1. Just as someone can be a good, moderate or bad husband, so can they also be a good, moderate or bad Dom.

2. The only thing that is truly important in answering the question you have asked here about the difference between a Dom and dominant, is what to "you" consititues a person being a Dom. What character or standard do you feel a Dom should have. Because in the end, if you are seeking a Dom, then the only one you will feel truly comfortable in giving your submission to is one whom you can respect and trust.


Hope that made sense

 

[CutieMouse]

This actually brings up another question I was going to post a thread about. I see a lot of 24/7 posters and can't imagine that type of lifestyle. Not in anyway downplaying what they have, I just don't think I could do it myself. Of course most of my opinions for that could be based on the aforementioned "domineering" types so maybe at some point this could work for me.

But I can be a very take charge person when the situation warrants it, and I have a hard time picturing letting that go.

Rox.

Why would a person have to let go of being in charge of his or her Life, simply because he or she is labeled as submissive? I know Bandit continues to control her own finances, etc; Catalina is a successful professional woman- and a slave. When pressed, I identify mostly as submissive, and very much hold my own in everything from business dealings, to giving someone "the look" if they behave inappropriately around me.

There were some threads a while back asking for examples of 24/7 households... I'll see if I can't find time to bump themthis evening.

 

[angel_girl]

It seems like this is a good place for learning, whether you've been involved in the lifestyle for a long while or just starting out.

And I can definitely relate to the being stubborn. It's the Tauras in me. And one of the things I see most prevalently in dealing with the "domineering" personalities we talked about before. I will listen, but then do as I see best. One of the conflicts I feel in researching D/s.

Rox.

Rox...I could have written each of your posts. This is one of my conflicts...in every area of my life I'm quite alpha. I have to be...but this, most private intimate part of me screams to be dominated. I fight it. A lot (that Taurus in me as well).

~Angel

 

[SpectreT]

LOL, F is Taurus....but thankfully he is secure enough to admit where his weaknesses lie and then use my strengths to serve him in those areas and save him the bother....except those days when his stubborness is at a high and he wants to get a rise out of me by playing with my head about it to a point he has me believing he is about to do something really ill advised, and sometimes does just because he can. Thankfully they are rare, especially if I don't react in my usual Gemini way of major stressout.

Catalina

Waitaminnit... You're a Taurus/Gemini pairing? <low whistle> Which wall do you guys bang your heads into when your innate traits run into each other?

(Speaking as a Taurus with an unhealthy obsession with Scorpios... )

 

[CutieMouse]

Try being a Taurus in Love with a Taurus.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

interesting reading, sorry im jumping in on the tailend...

so if being a Dom is more then being a dominant person, can you be a Dom without having a sub at the time?

I have to agree with Fury on this one. It would seem to me that if this is your nature, and not just having a domineering personality without the emotional depth to actually take charge of someone as CutieMouse said, then even without a current sub you would still be you.

Rox.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

That's because what someone projects is often so different from what they feel at their core.
Fury

I have to also agree with this. Certainly the face you present to the general public can be very different from how you perceive yourself. And will be different for specific individuals as well.

Rox.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

It is what you'll have it be. Labels and how they are used are quite personal.

And I was trying so hard to not label. I know and have read that any "title" one way or the other has to be very personal by it's very nature. But I guess it's an easy thing to fall into. Especially in trying to define what you only half understand.

Thank you for adding your insight. I need to watch more carefully how I'm thinking of things so not to box myself in on what I can discover.

Rox.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

1. Just as someone can be a good, moderate or bad husband, so can they also be a good, moderate or bad Dom.

Yes actually this does make sense and again I appreciate your input. What I have quoted above is definitely something I'll have to keep in mind. And as I said to Dark1 I was trying very hard not to label and ended up doing it anyway.

I originally created the thread to try and determine why, in being involved with a couple very dominant personalities, I couldn't bring myself to see them as someone I could follow, in most contexts, without conflict. Despite it being something they expected or come to think of it maybe because of it. Expecting to be followed with earning the right, maybe. But when Catalina said domineering something clicked into place and that as a character trait made much more sense to me.

Rox.

 

[myinnerslut]

Try being a Taurus in Love with a Taurus.

what about a capricorn and a capricorn?

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

Why would a person have to let go of being in charge of his or her Life, simply because he or she is labeled as submissive?

There were some threads a while back asking for examples of 24/7 households... I'll see if I can't find time to bump themthis evening.

I guess it's more of a mindset for what "submission" means. Something I'm trying very hard to get away from in my thinking. Reading through some of the conversations here are helping. The dynamics are much more complex than I first thought. And at the same time making it easier to understand my own tendencies and bring them into focus.

I'm still finding my first inclination to focus on a particular type of behavoir to be, not exactly "right" or "wrong", but more towards Dom or Sub and how can you have both at the same time.

If I'm making sense anyway. Grrr, sometimes it's so hard to put all this into words. LOL

Rox.

Oh, and forgot to add anything you want to send my way, i.e. 24/7 households, would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

Try being a Taurus in Love with a Taurus.

Ouch, I heard that's a tough one, although have never experienced it myself.

Rox.