Domly patience and impatient subbies

[James G 5]

Do any of you sub-type folk find you're capable of being patient with every day situations, work, kids, etc but not in a relationship or with your Dom?
I think this is one of the dividing lines between Bottoms & Submissives, personally......

(and that's NOT a judgement call of one or the other being good or bad, just an observation)

 

[Desdemona]

Do any of you sub-type folk find you're capable of being patient with every day situations, work, kids, etc but not in a relationship or with your Dom?
I think this is one of the dividing lines between Bottoms & Submissives, personally......

(and that's NOT a judgement call of one or the other being good or bad, just an observation)

I'm extremely patient at work and with my friends and family. Its only when we start getting into a sensations or pleasures that I become pretty impatient. However, I must admit, I totally enjoy being teased and made to wait. LOL.

So how does this divide out between bottoms and subs? I'm curious as to your thoughts on this.

 

[Desdemona]

Fungi, you and ImortalAmmante are bad. LOL. I love to give gifts and get alot of pleasure from having them ripped open.

 

[Desdemona]

His Precious, Cellis and lace, I know how it feels to want something badly and not want to wait.


Cellis, I hope today is better than yesterday for you.

 

[Desdemona]

Catalina, I think you're very fortunate to have the gift of patience.

I agree with you and Peter that it's a great quality in a Dom/me.

Thank you all for your responses. It's pretty interesting stuff.

 

[James G 5]

So how does this divide out between bottoms and subs? I'm curious as to your thoughts on this.

Well, it's a pretty broad line
Some of it's along the lines of how I seperate Tops and Doms, as far as levels of commitment

A bottom can be anywhere from soneone who occasionaly likes to likes to be tied up to a "party player" to someone who theoretically submits but has so many limits/rules/boundaries ("We'll do this at THIS and THIS time, when I say it's OK, you will tie me up and beat me for 10 minutes, then crop me etc etc") where she is effectively topping from the bottom, someone who straight out tops from the bottom, etc
To me, a submissive is committed to a relationship paradigm that REQUIRES her patience and forbearing...by nature of giving up control (by her choice), she must gracefully bear the cost of that, which is that she must wait on and accept the timing & choices of another. I can't see an impatient person being very good at this. I can see an impatient person being a subbish BOTTOM, but not truly Submitting because the act of submission comes on a deeper internal level
But hell, I may just be talking out my ass
And I am NOT one of those to say that a Dom or Top or Sob or Bottom are better or worse or are more "real" than the others, and don't EVEN get me started on the "Natural Dom/sub" thing
We're all part of the wonderful panopoly of BDSM
But I do feel there are differences

 

[Desdemona]

Well, it's a pretty broad line
Some of it's along the lines of how I seperate Tops and Doms, as far as levels of commitment

A bottom can be anywhere from soneone who occasionaly likes to likes to be tied up to a "party player" to someone who theoretically submits but has so many limits/rules/boundaries ("We'll do this at THIS and THIS time, when I say it's OK, you will tie me up and beat me for 10 minutes, then crop me etc etc") where she is effectively topping from the bottom, someone who straight out tops from the bottom, etc
To me, a submissive is committed to a relationship paradigm that REQUIRES her patience and forbearing...by nature of giving up control (by her choice), she must gracefully bear the cost of that, which is that she must wait on and accept the timing & choices of another. I can't see an impatient person being very good at this. I can see an impatient person being a subbish BOTTOM, but not truly Submitting because the act of submission comes on a deeper internal level
But hell, I may just be talking out my ass
And I am NOT one of those to say that a Dom or Top or Sob or Bottom are better or worse or are more "real" than the others, and don't EVEN get me started on the "Natural Dom/sub" thing
We're all part of the wonderful panopoly of BDSM
But I do feel there are differences

OK, I've been thinking about your theory. I see where you are coming from however I also disagree to an extent. I don't think that impatience necessarily makes for less submission, but it may well make some aspects of a D/s relationship more difficult.

I think an impatient person can learn to control the behaviors that indicate impatience when necessary. For instance, there are times when Snooze makes a decision to delay something I want to do. I may internally really, really want to move forward and be pretty anxious about it. However, I have learned to accept His decision and wait calmly until He decides the time is right. Isn't that what a submissive does? (Hey, maybe I'm a little more patient than I give myself credit for. I don't know. Maybe its all situation dependant for me.)

I also think that some dominants enjoy teasing impatient subs and making us wait and making us beg. I sort of think its all about what you're looking for in a relationship and in a partner. Different strokes and all that, you know.

 

[SirTain]

Seems to me that a Dom/me has to be patient, but there is a very distinct difference between patient and demanding. Patience breeds anticipation. Sssswweeeeeet anticipation. Personally, I'd worry a bit about the sub attending to an impatient Dom/me.

I'm a fairly patient guy in general (except when driving, but getting better there too...my horn broke and I purposely haven't fixed it. It helps!) but I nonetheless am a two-biter on the lollipop too. I just loves that chewy center!

 

[James G 5]

Hmmm....I would say an impatient person who controls it for her Dominant is certainly submissive
Someone who doesn't is a bottom

OK, I've been thinking about your theory. I see where you are coming from however I also disagree to an extent. I don't think that impatience necessarily makes for less submission, but it may well make some aspects of a D/s relationship more difficult.

I think an impatient person can learn to control the behaviors that indicate impatience when necessary. For instance, there are times when Snooze makes a decision to delay something I want to do. I may internally really, really want to move forward and be pretty anxious about it. However, I have learned to accept His decision and wait calmly until He decides the time is right. Isn't that what a submissive does? (Hey, maybe I'm a little more patient than I give myself credit for. I don't know. Maybe its all situation dependant for me.)

I also think that some dominants enjoy teasing impatient subs and making us wait and making us beg. I sort of think its all about what you're looking for in a relationship and in a partner. Different strokes and all that, you know.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For me, the ultimate is when submission becomes so integral a part of life that outward acceptance of the Dominant's timing is a non-issue as acceptance conquers all levels of possible impatience, internal or external, overt or covert.

Catalina

 

[James G 5]

For me, the ultimate is when submission becomes so integral a part of life that outward acceptance of the Dominant's timing is a non-issue as acceptance conquers all levels of possible impatience, internal or external, overt or covert.

Catalina

I would agree
But those who are STRIVING for that still qualify as submissives to me

For those with Sig lines off
My Arrogant Pic Thread! Pouty's housewarming and previews of naughty pics with Porphry 08-13-03!
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=5776740#post5776740

New KINK pics with Moondusksub! 08-13-03
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=190747

 

[James G 5]

Lit went NUTS on me, this posted like 6 times *sigh*

For those with Sig lines off
My Arrogant Pic Thread! Pouty's housewarming and previews of naughty pics with Porphry 08-13-03!
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=5776740#post5776740

New KINK pics with Moondusksub! 08-13-03
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=190747

 

[James G 5]

Lit went NUTS on me, this posted like 6 times *sigh*

For those with Sig lines off
My Arrogant Pic Thread! Pouty's housewarming and previews of naughty pics with Porphry 08-13-03!
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=5776740#post5776740

New KINK pics with Moondusksub! 08-13-03
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=190747

 

[James G 5]

Lit went NUTS on me, this posted like 6 times *sigh*

For those with Sig lines off
My Arrogant Pic Thread! Pouty's housewarming and previews of naughty pics with Porphry 08-13-03!
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=5776740#post5776740

New KINK pics with Moondusksub! 08-13-03
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=190747

 

[James G 5]

Lit went NUTS on me, this posted like 6 times *sigh*

For those with Sig lines off
My Arrogant Pic Thread! Pouty's housewarming and previews of naughty pics with Porphry 08-13-03!
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=5776740#post5776740

New KINK pics with Moondusksub! 08-13-03
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=190747

 

[Desdemona]

For me, the ultimate is when submission becomes so integral a part of life that outward acceptance of the Dominant's timing is a non-issue as acceptance conquers all levels of possible impatience, internal or external, overt or covert.

Catalina

Catalina, isn't that more a trait of a slave? I'm just asking. What you describe seems like the next step beyond being a sub.

 

[Desdemona]

Hmmm....I would say an impatient person who controls it for her Dominant is certainly submissive
Someone who doesn't is a bottom

Glad we agree.

As you said earlier, neither is better or worse than the other.

 

[James G 5]

Glad we agree.

As you said earlier, neither is better or worse than the other.

Nope

I guess you could add a third category & say some of thsoe going to the outer reaches of pushiness cease being bottoms & become SAMs
But there again, there're those who love them
SAMs have NO patience tho

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina, isn't that more a trait of a slave? I'm just asking. What you describe seems like the next step beyond being a sub.

I guess it can be interpreted that way, and I can see where the differentiation may apply, but then I see slaves as submissives also. The statement was more meant to stand on it's own, not apply to anyone but myself, but I will attempt to articulate my thinking, though I acknowledge my views not only don't suit everyone, and that is okay, but I also tend to be extreme in most things....all or nothing thought patterns abound. LOL.

To me, submission is more than just a matter of role playing to please, in other words appearing to submit while wanting something else, or a quicker outcome as this discussion is on. In my days as a submissve only I still strove for this goal. I saw the submissive role of submission as just that....submitting to the will of the Dominant, or saying no thanks, as was my right, unlike the position of slave where there is not a choice.

If I gave the outward appearance of submitting, it became role play only to not feel that submission internally also, accepting the dictates of the Dominant. For me submission is about accepting the responsibility of submitting emotionally and physically, to honour the Dominant with that power in thought and action. I guess some of this is also influenced by my spiritual journey also where I strive for authenticity where it would be so easy to outwardly accept and give a show of growing, while inwardly never facing the deeper challenges and struggling to peel away the layers of misconceptions. Both paths are far from easy, but that is always what attracts me to most things. Hope this has gone some way to making my words clearer, though my mind is not working well so I suspect it sounds confused.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

I do not tolerate impatience in a sub. I personally find when a sub tells Me he is impatient, I make sure I tell him it is his problem, not Mine. I do things on My own timetable, and not his. If he has a problem with that then he needs to move on.

In the subs, I like, patience is not only a virtue, it is a necessity.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Welcome back Eb....hope you have had a much deserved rest and some fun to boot!

C

 

[Ebonyfire]

Welcome back Eb....hope you have had a much deserved rest and some fun to boot!

C

Thanks I had a blast! I must plan more vacations!

 

[Desdemona]

<snip>
To me, submission is more than just a matter of role playing to please, in other words appearing to submit while wanting something else, or a quicker outcome as this discussion is on. In my days as a submissve only I still strove for this goal. I saw the submissive role of submission as just that....submitting to the will of the Dominant, or saying no thanks, as was my right, unlike the position of slave where there is not a choice.

If I gave the outward appearance of submitting, it became role play only to not feel that submission internally also, accepting the dictates of the Dominant. For me submission is about accepting the responsibility of submitting emotionally and physically, to honour the Dominant with that power in thought and action. I guess some of this is also influenced by my spiritual journey also where I strive for authenticity where it would be so easy to outwardly accept and give a show of growing, while inwardly never facing the deeper challenges and struggling to peel away the layers of misconceptions. Both paths are far from easy, but that is always what attracts me to most things. Hope this has gone some way to making my words clearer, though my mind is not working well so I suspect it sounds confused.

Catalina [/B]

I looked up the word in the yahoo dictionary.: Submission - The act of submitting to the power of another. The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.


This definition says nothing about whether the submission is easy or not. It just says that you comply with the other person's wishes.
I think you are right, it is a process or a journey. I have found over time that by starting out acting "as if", it became my reality. It is not a role playing exercise for me at all. While I strive for complete submission, I'm not perfect. Some days, its easy and natural, other days, I want my own way and struggle with impatience. Regardless, we do it His way. Always. I gave Him that power and would not retract it for anything. I believe that my submission is every bit as authentic as the submission of someone who doesn't have to struggle occasionally.

Does that make any sense?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Makes perfect sense to me Des.

C

 

[Desdemona]

Makes perfect sense to me Des.

C

Thanks. When I get to be a full grown subbie, I want to be like you.

Hey Eb, I know you choose your subs well. They must be patient to make the cut. Hope you had a great weekend. I wish I had been able to join you.