Doms have it easy. (Or what’s a sub to do?)

[A Desert Rose]

I was just reflecting back and began to think about the practices, why some are drawn to it, and where does it all lead?

Dom(mes), all Dom(mes), have a repertoire. Things they’ll do, things they won’t do. (At least those intelligent to know the consequences of doing something you don’t have a clue about.) As an example, wizard does full suspensions. I would never try that without first watching someone like wizard, and then having him watch me. The consequences of fucking something like that up are just too dire. I’d expand my repertoire to that scene if I had the opportunity to learn how to apply it properly. Some Dom(mes) will take the time to expand their horizons, others won’t. They are quite comfortable with the range of skills they currently posses and are fully satisfied with same. (Some will try anything even if they don’t have a clue as to what they’re doing or the consequences. But that’s another thread.)

So the Dom has only to do what he/she does best. The broader the repertoire, the longer interest is held.

But what about the sub? Particularly the adventurous sub. Obviously he/she can shop Dom(mes) to satisfy any kink. The ‘hard limits’ become softer as the desire for the new and different take hold. It seems to me that it can (please note the use of that word. I’m not intimating that it always does.) lead to the same syndrome that effects adrenaline junkies. That the end of the line for these subs is either real damage, or real boredom. A Pavlovian search for faster, deeper, entry into sub-space. Instant gratification as it were.

I suspect that every Dom(mes) has met this sort before and to one extent or the other observed the consequences of the subs search for satisfaction.

And what of you subs that are searching now? Or you subs that have seen this in other subs? Or you that found your level of kink?

Ishmael

I can only speak for myself. I only know my own reality and no one else's. So here goes:

In the beginning, this was me... It seems to me that it can (please note the use of that word. I’m not intimating that it always does.) lead to the same syndrome that effects adrenaline junkies. That the end of the line for these subs is either real damage, or real boredom. A Pavlovian search for faster, deeper, entry into sub-space. Instant gratification as it were.

And I think this is true of Dom/mes, too. This is not just a submissive thing... I think both are looking for the more intense:

"Okay, that was fun. Now let's move it up a knotch or 2."

and so on...
and so on...

In fact, I think it's more of a human nature thing than just a "lifestyle" thing. We experience or master one thing and then want to move on to the next level. Kinda like roller skating. Once I mastered standing, skating in a line and being able to stop when I wanted to, I had to move on to more fun and dramatic moves. I had to be able to DANCE on those wheels!!!

So, in the beginning of whatever this is, I couldn't get enough. I prefer not to use the words sub frenzy. I think it's natural to Dom/mes, as well as subs. I think it's natural to most human beings, in fact. We want to push our own limits, master new things, experience new stuff. It's exciting. It's all new and uncharted territory. And I couldn't get enough!

And then the been-there-done-that sets in. I wouldn't call it boredom. And I'm still definately open to experience new things, but I found a comfort zone. I know my limitations, emotionally, mentally and physically and I accept them. I know how far I can push myself and how far I can be pushed. In short, I'm very comfortable in the skin I'm in.

But most importantly, I'm accepting of my partner's comfort zones, too.

I still believe that it's not my place to push a Dom or push his limits. My partners have been men I've known for a long time. I don't hop in and out of "play" beds. (In fact, for me it's not "play".) I know the men I've slept with and I know, within pretty good margins, what they're limits were/are. When he wants to try something entirely new, I'm game for it. I never say no to a Dom I'm in bed with. (And that means in or out of bed. If I'm in bed with him that means he's a big part of my life outside of the bedroom.)

I agree that new things should not be tried untested, as in your example about suspension. I've never been with a Dom who would try something he didn't know about and that could put us in danger or harm us. But I think and, I think you'd agree, that maturity plays a big role in that. Personally, I can't imagine being with a Dom who didn't know what he was doing and being with one I couldn't trust to know what he was doing. That's just not even part of my reality. (And someone needs to rewrite that paragraph because it's full of double negatives...)

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I have a tendency to run amouk and off topic, a lot. And I may have missed the point entirely. I do that a lot, too.

Again, I'm only speaking from my own base of reality. I'm not trying to say this is how it is for everyone else or how it should be for anyone else. In other words, I hope I'm not pissing anyone off again... I seem to do that a lot, too.

 

[Ishmael]

I can only speak for myself. I only know my own reality and no one else's. So here goes:

In the beginning, this was me... It seems to me that it can (please note the use of that word. I’m not intimating that it always does.) lead to the same syndrome that effects adrenaline junkies. That the end of the line for these subs is either real damage, or real boredom. A Pavlovian search for faster, deeper, entry into sub-space. Instant gratification as it were.

And I think this is true of Dom/mes, too. This is not just a submissive thing... I think both are looking for the more intense:

"Okay, that was fun. Now let's move it up a knotch or 2."

and so on...
and so on...

In fact, I think it's more of a human nature thing than just a "lifestyle" thing. We experience or master one thing and then want to move on to the next level. Kinda like roller skating. Once I mastered standing, skating in a line and being able to stop when I wanted to, I had to move on to more fun and dramatic moves. I had to be able to DANCE on those wheels!!!

So, in the beginning of whatever this is, I couldn't get enough. I prefer not to use the words sub frenzy. I think it's natural to Dom/mes, as well as subs. I think it's natural to most human beings, in fact. We want to push our own limits, master new things, experience new stuff. It's exciting. It's all new and uncharted territory. And I couldn't get enough!

And then the been-there-done-that sets in. I wouldn't call it boredom. And I'm still definately open to experience new things, but I found a comfort zone. I know my limitations, emotionally, mentally and physically and I accept them. I know how far I can push myself and how far I can be pushed. In short, I'm very comfortable in the skin I'm in.

But most importantly, I'm accepting of my partner's comfort zones, too.

I still believe that it's not my place to push a Dom or push his limits. My partners have been men I've known for a long time. I don't hop in and out of "play" beds. (In fact, for me it's not "play".) I know the men I've slept with and I know, within pretty good margins, what they're limits were/are. When he wants to try something entirely new, I'm game for it. I never say no to a Dom I'm in bed with. (And that means in or out of bed. If I'm in bed with him that means he's a big part of my life outside of the bedroom.)

I agree that new things should not be tried untested, as in your example about suspension. I've never been with a Dom who would try something he didn't know about and that could put us in danger or harm us. But I think and, I think you'd agree, that maturity plays a big role in that. Personally, I can't imagine being with a Dom who didn't know what he was doing and being with one I couldn't trust to know what he was doing. That's just not even part of my reality. (And someone needs to rewrite that paragraph because it's full of double negatives...)

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I have a tendency to run amouk and off topic, a lot. And I may have missed the point entirely. I do that a lot, too.

Again, I'm only speaking from my own base of reality. I'm not trying to say this is how it is for everyone else or how it should be for anyone else. In other words, I hope I'm not pissing anyone off again... I seem to do that a lot, too.

Thank you DR.

Ishmael