Doms, issues, etc..

[Shankara20]

The very first time I set up a solo scene to Top someone was with a guy who was (god-I-hate-this-term) bi-curious. I had played both with he and his wife at a few parties and she was cool with him having the experience.

I was cool and confident as he and I traded emails setting up the night. Then he sent one email asking what I wanted to be called. He had a need for some Dom/sub title thing. I panicked a bit and it took several days for me to reply. That was 9 years ago and I no longer remember what I finely had him use - it might have been Sire or some other medieval title.

Titles still bug me, I just want to be thought of as god-all-mighty and let it go at that.

Anyone else have issues with what to be called in scene?

 

[DeservingBitch]

The very first time I set up a solo scene to Top someone was with a guy who was (god-I-hate-this-term) bi-curious. I had played both with he and his wife at a few parties and she was cool with him having the experience.

I was cool and confident as he and I traded emails setting up the night. Then he sent one email asking what I wanted to be called. He had a need for some Dom/sub title thing. I panicked a bit and it took several days for me to reply. That was 9 years ago and I no longer remember what I finely had him use - it might have been Sire or some other medieval title.

Titles still bug me, I just want to be thought of as god-all-mighty and let it go at that.

Anyone else have issues with what to be called in scene?

Yes, me.

I really dislike the 'Mistress' or 'Ma'am' thing. Maybe because it sounds to porn-ish to me. Like, bad-porn-ish. But also because I don't like to play with too much formalities. And because it doesn't make me laugh. I like to laugh when I play.

As I mentioned in another thread, one of the boy I play with recently refered to me as 'Bitch, Darling' in the middle of a scene, when asking for a favor no less. It cracked me up, and the boy got what he was asking for... and a little more.

But I've always been attracted to everything irreverent.

 

[Homburg]

Titles still bug me, I just want to be thought of as god-all-mighty and let it go at that.

Anyone else have issues with what to be called in scene?

Yes. Very much so. I don't mind "Sir". My dad was military, and I grew up on bases around military people. Saying, and hearing, "sir" and "ma'am" is totally naturally to me. But a simple "Sir" is not enough for some folks, and they want more. Personally, I don't really care all that much, so long as it fits the mood, doesn't jar me out of my headspace, and is basically consistent. Pick something and stick with it.

Not good enough for some. *shrug* Whatever. The only word I will not casually tolerate is "Master". If we have an agreement/arrangement, it's cool. Otherwise, oh no, you didn't just say that...

(Yes, I've worn more than one ass out for calling me "Master" at the wrong time. I give one fair warning, and that's a kindness.)

Pick something, stick with it, and quit fucking worrying me about pointless details. Do as you're fucking told, and yelp pretty when I want you to. It'll work fine.


....

Why can't I have that atttiude about the "use me" issue?

 

[DeservingBitch]

Pick something, stick with it, and quit fucking worrying me about pointless details. Do as you're fucking told, and yelp pretty when I want you to. It'll work fine.


....

Why can't I have that atttiude about the "use me" issue?

Was just gonna ask the same question.

 

[Netzach]

The very first time I set up a solo scene to Top someone was with a guy who was (god-I-hate-this-term) bi-curious. I had played both with he and his wife at a few parties and she was cool with him having the experience.

I was cool and confident as he and I traded emails setting up the night. Then he sent one email asking what I wanted to be called. He had a need for some Dom/sub title thing. I panicked a bit and it took several days for me to reply. That was 9 years ago and I no longer remember what I finely had him use - it might have been Sire or some other medieval title.

Titles still bug me, I just want to be thought of as god-all-mighty and let it go at that.

Anyone else have issues with what to be called in scene?

I dislike titles that are out of the norm. Ma'am seems so retail and impersonal - So I always had them call me Ms. ___ whenever I could get them to or make them, if that was our arrangement. I like the notion of them treating me as though I were the new boss.

M calls me by name or a large panoply of pet names, one of which is "Masterette" - ha, and H does Ma'am and it's ok for him but weird for others. With my bull in bottom mode it was always "Miss" which I like in that context too.

 

[Homburg]

Was just gonna ask the same question.

I know! I was sitting there typing it and suddenly realised it. That's when I did the ellipses and added the final line.

Yeah, I feel like a schmuck.

 

[Homburg]

I dislike titles that are out of the norm. Ma'am seems so retail and impersonal - So I always had them call me Ms. ___ whenever I could get them to or make them, if that was our arrangement. I like the notion of them treating me as though I were the new boss.

Interesting statement, and kind of makes me wonder about socialisation and paradigm insofar as usage of titles is concerned. As I mentioned, sir/ma'am are as natural to me as saying someone's name. I grew up using those terms towards any adult I encountered. It was just how I was raised. The only difference was if I knew them well, then it was Mr/Mrs whomever, or, if they were military, I would call them by their rank and surname.

So while I am flippant about what sort of title or form of reference is used, I do want some sort of consistency, and can get cranky when things get inconsistent in given settings. No, I don't expect to be called High Master McNasty Boots (props to RR), but whatever I am called had best be used consistently.

I like the "new boss" concept though. Hot.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Shankara20]

Interesting statement, and kind of makes me wonder about socialisation and paradigm insofar as usage of titles is concerned. As I mentioned, sir/ma'am are as natural to me as saying someone's name. I grew up using those terms towards any adult I encountered. It was just how I was raised. The only difference was if I knew them well, then it was Mr/Mrs whomever, or, if they were military, I would call them by their rank and surname.

So while I am flippant about what sort of title or form of reference is used, I do want some sort of consistency, and can get cranky when things get inconsistent in given settings. No, I don't expect to be called High Master McNasty Boots (props to RR), but whatever I am called had best be used consistently.

I like the "new boss" concept though. Hot.

Hunt for Red October has just started, having been in the Navy I wonder how being called Captain might be?

All kidding aside, I agree with the desire for consistency. Some role play is fine, and I do expect a bit of a dungeon etiquette & protocol - that I outline before play - even if the play in not actually in a dungeon. Then I give direction as we proceed and expect - demand - compliance .

 

[intothewoods]

Can't stand titles. I like saying, yes sir, in a playful way, but that's about it. Actually, because I hate it, he'll sometimes make me say it in a scene. Then it's hot.

I can't believe I ever called anyone that. I don't know what I was thinking. It's so freaking goofy to me.

 

[cfuhrer]

Actually this is a problem me and K have. He wants me to tell him, and to initiate sex and all that. And I really struggle to be that pushy. lol

graceanne says it very bluntly. I am a sub, and in my opinion a sub is not pushy. Therefore as a sub I am not pushy, I do not innitiate and I do not ask...that would be too forward. That would be topping from the bottom.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[intothewoods]

I cannot for the life of me do "Master," so I argued for Darling. Darling was more personal, I never call anyone else Darling, and it will always be Darling with a capital D - so we can just pretend Darling is really Master... right? No? Sigh... yes, Master (Darling). He decided he likes the Darling added on the end, so Master Darling it is.

That's cute, btw. Weren't the Darlings the name of the family in Mary Poppins? Or am I thinking of another movie.

 

[graceanne]

If you are told to do it, it isn't topping from the bottom.

Yep, and someday I will work up the courage to be 'pushy' without the aid of wine.

 

[DeservingBitch]

If you are told to do it, it isn't topping from the bottom.

I was going to say something along the lines of 'i'm not a frickin mind reader, so you better talk, ask, and voice your needs if you want to play with me', but Cutie said it better. So yeah - what she said.

 

[graceanne]

That's cute, btw. Weren't the Darlings the name of the family in Mary Poppins? Or am I thinking of another movie.

That's the name of the people in peter pan.

Wendy Angela Moira Darling

 

[intothewoods]

That's the name of the people in peter pan.

Wendy Angela Moira DArling

Thank you! I know I could have googled that. Bad intothewoods.

Master? Anyone? Hulllllooooooo?

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Homburg]

Hunt for Red October has just started, having been in the Navy I wonder how being called Captain might be?

All kidding aside, I agree with the desire for consistency. Some role play is fine, and I do expect a bit of a dungeon etiquette & protocol - that I outline before play - even if the play in not actually in a dungeon. Then I give direction as we proceed and expect - demand - compliance .

"O Captain, my Captain!"

It would be worth it for that line right there. I had some issues with Whitman, but, damn, sometimes he wrote SO damned well.

"Here Captain, dear father.
This arm beneath your head."

 

[EmpressFi]

"O Captain, my Captain!"

It would be worth it for that line right there. I had some issues with Whitman, but, damn, sometimes he wrote SO damned well.

"Here Captain, dear father.
This arm beneath your head."

I couldnt do that with Master.. he has issues with Walt Whitman

 

[Luvkitty33]

When I say that I want to be used, what I mean is that I want you to use me for your pleasure in whatever way that is. Whether it means you tying me up and doing whatever you want to me, or whether it means having me do whatever you want to you, it's still YOU using ME because you're the one deciding what's going to happen. To me, submitting means I'm giving up total control to you, not only because it brings you pleasure but because doing that brings me pleasure, too.........thus it's mutually satisfying.

For me, it's a bit deeper than all of that though, and it has to do with the following two statements you made:

"See, I like it when she orgasms. I like teasing them out, fucking them out, licking them out, rubbing them out, and beating them out. I like em orgasms."

And especially this one:

"Not topping from the bottom, really. I make it a point to know the fantasies of whomever I play with, and that one keeps popping up.

I do so both because I like to know what makes a given woman tick sexually, and because I really get a thrill out of the obvious discomfort and embarassment that comes out when she tells me her fantasies. Rawr."


I need to be with someone who gets pleasure, at least partially, by wanting me to have pleasure, too. The pleasure I'm talking about here is in addition to the pleasure I talked about above. I would need to be with someone who gets off on giving me physical and mental pleasure...being the one in total control of my mind and body. For me, being used by my Dom would mean you knowing me inside and out, knowing what makes me tick, and then using that information however you decide to. In other words, I want to be with someone who is perceptive enough to figure out what my buttons are and then pushes them to not only bring me pleasure but because doing so brings him pleasure.

So, for me, being used doesn't mean just laying there because I'm too lazy to participate. It means total submission. It means giving you total control over my mind and my body to USE for your pleasure and my own. Does any of this make sense? LOL I hope so!!

 

[Homburg]

So, for me, being used doesn't mean just laying there because I'm too lazy to do participate. It means total submission. It means giving you total control over my mind and my body to USE for your pleasure and my own. Does any of this make sense? LOL I hope so!!

Yup, makes sense to me. The more I look at it, the more I begin to feel that at least one of the cases I am thinking really was topping from the bottom. And it is probably why I had such an issue about it, at least in that case. It grated on me, and did so because I was being played and realised it on a subconscious level. Yay for self-delusion.

 

[Netzach]

Interesting statement, and kind of makes me wonder about socialisation and paradigm insofar as usage of titles is concerned. As I mentioned, sir/ma'am are as natural to me as saying someone's name. I grew up using those terms towards any adult I encountered. It was just how I was raised. The only difference was if I knew them well, then it was Mr/Mrs whomever, or, if they were military, I would call them by their rank and surname.

So while I am flippant about what sort of title or form of reference is used, I do want some sort of consistency, and can get cranky when things get inconsistent in given settings. No, I don't expect to be called High Master McNasty Boots (props to RR), but whatever I am called had best be used consistently.

I like the "new boss" concept though. Hot.

I think there's a lot of contextual stuff about how we were raised. My Bull liberally uses Ma'am and Sir with other people and does this in a way that just works as smooth polite, not ingratiating to him, nor insulting to the person he's calling that if they are in a service position. I wish I could pull it all off with that kind of panache.

I was raised by wolves. Eh, not entirely, but I also had friends' moms and dads who FAR preferred first name basis - only one was Mrs. --- and she was very cool too, it was just her MO and what felt natural with her.

 

[Homburg]

I think there's a lot of contextual stuff about how we were raised. My Bull liberally uses Ma'am and Sir with other people and does this in a way that just works as smooth polite, not ingratiating to him, nor insulting to the person he's calling that if they are in a service position. I wish I could pull it all off with that kind of panache.

Egads, it is so natural to me. We were at a play party and I said, "Thankyousir" cheerfully and offhandedly to a male sub who had handed me my drink. Got the oddest look from him. I just smiled and went on about my business.

To be honest, I've only been taken to task on the sir/ma'am thing a handful of times, and it has always been by women. It can be intersting to try to choke back on it when in a public situation with a group of fellow BDSM'ers.

 

[Netzach]

Egads, it is so natural to me. We were at a play party and I said, "Thankyousir" cheerfully and offhandedly to a male sub who had handed me my drink. Got the oddest look from him. I just smiled and went on about my business.

To be honest, I've only been taken to task on the sir/ma'am thing a handful of times, and it has always been by women. It can be intersting to try to choke back on it when in a public situation with a group of fellow BDSM'ers.

Eesh. It's called "manners" and I think it looks good on Doms.