Expectations

[FungiUg]

A while back I posted an "I am giving up" thread. Basically, it just hurts too much to be constantly out there looking and hoping for someone to come along who meets our needs (those of myself and my lover) as a submissive.

And yes, it DOES hurt. It's not just about depression, but ongoing rejection, disappointment, hopes dashed. It sucks big time.

Since then I have been much happier with myself, just enjoying where I am AT, rather than constantly pining for where I want to be.

Sure, I still hope to meet someone -- and perhaps, may have even done so. And I have occasional play sessions with friends. But... my hearts no longer on the line.

KC... I wish you all the best with SirWinston! Aside from his abomnable taste in literature ( ) he seems a fantastic guy... and he obviously has excellent taste! Be well, be happy my gorgeous friend.

 

[Netzach]

I keep my expectations very low and my hopes very high, in as many things as I possibly can. I've found this makes me a much happier person that others prefer to be around to the person who was perpetually in martyrdom and disappointment.

It's not to say I don't try to open the door to things happening, as cataline described. I just don't feel a need to have a choke-hold on what has to happen.

I really think getting into rope bondage has changed my outlook on a lot of things, D/s and other things as well. Destinations sometimes don't make sense to people around you. Things sometimes don't bend the way you want. Some days are shittier than other days for bending and holding still and keeping balance.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

Two weeks ago i had what i thought were too many expectations to ever find the right One for me. I was ready to give up on all of it and retreat back into my shell never to reveal this person i am to anyone again. Im picky, i know all to well what i need and want in a Dominant and was sure no one existed who was all these things until i started talked to Sir Winston.
It was like i knew him forever, i was comfortable, safe...even smiling lol. We have the same expectations and i think thats the best part.
We are starting out as "engaged to be collared" because we didnt know what else to call it and that may sound silly but it fits. We have taken the first step in a commitment to each other, a step to build a strong foundation for our relationship. Whatever is to come after that will come, but my hopes or expectations now are that because the foundation will be strong nothing will break the bond.

congrats kajira and wishing you happiness.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Two weeks ago i had what i thought were too many expectations to ever find the right One for me. I was ready to give up on all of it and retreat back into my shell never to reveal this person i am to anyone again. Im picky, i know all to well what i need and want in a Dominant and was sure no one existed who was all these things until i started talked to Sir Winston.
It was like i knew him forever, i was comfortable, safe...even smiling lol. We have the same expectations and i think thats the best part.
We are starting out as "engaged to be collared" because we didnt know what else to call it and that may sound silly but it fits. We have taken the first step in a commitment to each other, a step to build a strong foundation for our relationship. Whatever is to come after that will come, but my hopes or expectations now are that because the foundation will be strong nothing will break the bond.

This is sounding good!! Brings back many memories of our initial contacts that became so much more....foundations are everything and knowing you already have a similar mindset and goals can only be a plus. I wish you both well.

Catalina

 

[PyroDemon]

Sir Winston, I admire your " engagement to be collared" idea. I have thought of a concept close to it. Just the admission to each other that you are serious enough to engage in a serious attempt to find out if the other is right is something I admire in both of you. I admit to a bit of envy. I do have a question though. If this engagemant turns into the real deal. We going to have a celebration? Damn, I am such a party slut.....

I am finding this idea of expectation of no expectation a bit on the lame side. Sorry, I guess I am just not the type to not keep putting myself on the line. But then, I have not put myself on the line much. Luckily for me my heart has not been torn apart in along time like so many others. So I am jaded a bit thinking I am untouchable in that direction. I find that those that have been hurt and are not lettting it be on the line sad. Why? Because it hints at a breaking of ones spirit. It is one thing to dominate and break ones will, another to break their spirit. Too many do not understand this concept. Few things truely sadden me, broken spirits are one of those. Guess I am getting soft in my old age.

I am just a self opinionated ass that is like so many not worthy of judging what is good for others. I do know what works for me. My expectations are changing day to day. I do not know. For 10 years or so I was looking without looking I guess. I knew then that I was wanting more, wanting it all. I just was not willing to open myself enough to allow that to happen. So I have this suggestion. Go ahead, keep your heart in check, use your head and live life and not worry about finding some one, it will happen as we all have seen proof of it. But if you get the slightest hint of thet connection. Go for it. Open that door just a crack and let someone in.

**** This message has been brought to you by the makers of mushy greeting cards and candy boxes worldwide.......******

 

[kitty4ever]

I wish you well, KC and good luck.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thank you

Wow...

Thank you all for the wonderful good wishes you have sent. I feel that all of you are emanating strong support "vibes," and appreciate it greatly as we start out on this journey.

ToyDoc, my apologies for hijacking your thread - I didn't intend to do so, just to insert our good news along with my take on expectations.

 

[m wisdom]

<hijack>
I wish the best of luck to KC and Sir Winston.
As FungiUg said "he obviously has excellent taste".
</hijack>

 

[PyroDemon]

Re: Thank you

Originally posted by sir_Winston54
Wow...

Thank you all for the wonderful good wishes you have sent. I feel that all of you are emanating strong support "vibes," and appreciate it greatly as we start out on this journey.

ToyDoc, my apologies for hijacking your thread - I didn't intend to do so, just to insert our good news along with my take on expectations.

As a matter of fact. I do believe I started this thread because of the hope or something like you and Kalistra. It made me think. So hijack away. I admit to expectations of happiness for the both of you.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Re: Thank you

Wow...

Thank you all for the wonderful good wishes you have sent. I feel that all of you are emanating strong support "vibes," and appreciate it greatly as we start out on this journey.

ToyDoc, my apologies for hijacking your thread - I didn't intend to do so, just to insert our good news along with my take on expectations.

[hijack]
Sir:

Please allow me this small opportunity to say "Thank You" for the most kind words You sent me. Please know... in Your heart, that the feelings You expressed; I hold/share similar ones for the one I call Sweet Sister of My Soul.

Once again, allow me to add... I am in Your debt... for making Kajira so clearly and obviously happy.

Blessed Be ~
As it is above
So shall it be below.
[/hijack]

 

[Kajira Callista]

I wish you well, KC and good luck.

thank you

 

[Kajira Callista]

<hijack>
I wish the best of luck to KC and Sir Winston.
As FungiUg said "he obviously has excellent taste".
</hijack>

 

[kitty4ever]

thank you

You're welcome

 

[CagedDesires]

Honestly the only expectation I have at this point in my life is not to get too confused and to find the happiness,isn't that what everyone is looking for?

 

[TigerClaw]

Kitty

Hon,

In the short time I have come back to Lit too many of the women I knew have been hurt deeply.

You have every right to stop. You will feel like there is no hope. You will feel like the pain is not worth trying again. You my dear have had a 1 - 2, knock out punch.

You may want to stop everything. I mean everything and as things arise decide if they are good and beneficial to your life. some are just mandatory like paying bills, some are not like hobbies, etc. Anything associated with the relationships should be put out of your life. Bring in only things you like.

Throw out any and all things related to him. I have things from past relationships except for one. Clear the slate and start rebuilding You.

You dont trust because you dont understand how to identify the manner in which you got hurt. Did you go to another thinking they would heal a previous wound? That is often a mistake.

Once you are ready you can start to make new friends. Just talk to them. You'll see with time that you can recognize certain things you didnt see before all this mess. You'll recognize you learned new things and identify warning signs. When warnings appear ask, talk, listen. If you dont get the answer that is right you can either keep some distance until it is resolved or leave.

Youll find in time you will learn to trust yourself in picking out good candidates for a relationship.

 

[TigerClaw]

Catalina

Hello my dear. Hope life is treating you well.

 

[shy slave]

Sir-Winston & KC

Congratulations I love the idea of engaged to be collared.

I enjot reading both your posts, KC your sense of humour may get you into the best kind of trouble with Sir-W

*Reading some good news posts make you smile out loud*

 

[shy slave]

kitty

Hope you don't mind if I post a few words on your recent comments.

It reads to me as if your in a place of accepting life as it is now. Thats ok for a while; its better that not seeing the point of the day.

Don't stay in acceptance mode to long, at the point where everything feels bland and safe its time to decide if thats the life you want forever.

I think I understand about not wanting disappointment but sometimes the unexpected happens. I
f you've stopped feeling or expecting even good news takes time to readjust to.

Take care Kitty and be kind to yourself.

On a last note ~ Have you ever noticed 'men are like buses, you wait for ages, give up hope and then 3 come along at once!

(apologies to Wendy Cope who I think wrote the orginal poem before I bastardised it )

 

[FungiUg]

Re: kitty

On a last note ~ Have you ever noticed 'men are like buses, you wait for ages, give up hope and then 3 come along at once!

No, that's a gang bang...

 

[kitty4ever]

Tiger and shy, thank you for your words. As I said, I don't know the future, but I do know the now.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hello my dear. Hope life is treating you well.

Nice to see you again, and yes, life is certainly picking up again....some days are harder than others, but I continue to move forward.

Catalina

 

[crimsonlace]

Having recently ended a long-term relationship - almost five years - which included both BDSM and marriage, I thought to look for a new partner, then realized that I needed to get myself settled into a new home, re-establish myself within myself, and stabilize my life. Therefore, I decided, I would stop seeking for a while and just enjoy the company of like-minded people here at Lit and at my local BDSM group, while I got my life together. I expected to live a fairly quiet life for a while, and then resume my search.

Lo and behold, while not seeking, I initiated a correspondence with one who had viewpoints complementary to my own, and who amused and entertained me with her wry outlook. It was my intention only to chat and correspond and be friends. Ha! I had chosen someone who is - as far as I can tell from 700 miles or so - a perfect match for my needs and desires, as I apparently am for hers.

After a lot of chat and correspondence, we have decided to be "engaged to be collared," meaning that we intend to focus our attentions on learning about one another and sharing ourselves with each other, to decide if we want to take that step. Both of us feel that collaring is at least the equivalent of 'nilla marriage - that it is a solemn commitment not to be taken lightly or entered into without a great deal of communication and thought. We also want to have some "real life" (i.e., physical) meetings, rather than webcams and chat windows and/or e-mails, to see if the chemical/physical attraction we feel through those media is the same when we are in the same place.

We don't know where it will go. We do know where we hope it will go. Our expectations are only this - that we will each give as deeply as we can of ourselves, that we might discover how deep it may become in the future.

Wish us well, my friends. We expect only that this will be a journey of discovery - but what we hope to discover is a treasure far beyond gold and jewels.

I have followed the posts of both of you since you joined the boards and cannot imagine two people I am more happy to see together.

I wish you happiness and wisdom and fun....in no particular order!

 

[Kajira Callista]

I have followed the posts of both of you since you joined the boards and cannot imagine two people I am more happy to see together.

I wish you happiness and wisdom and fun....in no particular order!

Thank you.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Sir-Winston & KC

Congratulations I love the idea of engaged to be collared.

I enjot reading both your posts, KC your sense of humour may get you into the best kind of trouble with Sir-W

*Reading some good news posts make you smile out loud*

 

[TigerClaw]

Enery one goes through pain. It doesnt matter whether or not you believe her or sympathize with her. She has to work this out. She will be making contratidictory statements depending on her emotional state at the moment. I support her. I feel for her. I have been there and can see what the crap she feels. That is exactly what it is Crap. Once she has it figured out maybe her posts will not annoy you.

She will state things that should be challenged. The challenge will force her to think about what it is that she is saying and feeling and come to terms with it.

She hasnt had time not to heal and not feel like she is at the bottom of the barrel. This may be her problem in the sense of falling into something before she is ready. Now, will she do something about this. She knows what the problem is and what led up to it. Kitty will you repeat it or fix it. (lol, Oh someone else will just hate that term. Ha ha ha, Tough!)

I also dont believe in, the "no-win" scenario at the moment she does. I have confidence this will change. She will learn from it. She had a one, two knock out punch and has a right to feel this way whether, I , you, or anyone else agrees.

On a different note if someone whallows in their problem. Or worse keeps repeating the same horrible problem over and over again we have the choice not to listen. Our attentions are being manipulated to gain attention.

I am hoping the best for her.

Originally posted by kitty4ever
... but I no longer have hope ... So, in answer to your question, I have no expectations. Then, I don't have to deal with disappointment.

Every time i hear/read someone say something like this, i have to remind myself each of us has the right to do with our lives what we will.