Feeling better about your body

[Olivia_Yearns]

ohhh i hear that, i had to quit hanging around certain people because they would constantly complain about how FAT they were when she weighed off 120 pounds and im like HELLO have you looked at me???

it's about as rude as complaining about how "short" you are in a room full of dwarfs!

Exactly. If it is someone want to stay close to, I've decided it is worth it to say something. It has made a difference when I have.

 

[eudaemonia]

Yes, I agree it is problematic to suggest someone else is responsible. They aren't. I didn't mean to imply that we are victims of other people's self-loathing. Rather, to become aware that it has an impact and take responsibility for dealing with that. So if I am in the middle of all kinds of obsessional thoughts about weight, it is responsible to say "when you talk about your fat obsession, it actually affects me really badly. Maybe we can make some kind of agreement about how we talk to each other." If they can't work it out, it might be personally responsible to take a step back. It's like other people don't force you to drink, but if you're trying to quit drinking, you don't hang out in bars for a while, and you ask your friends not to pressure you.

Okay, I grok you now. I think you're *right on* about taking responsibility to take a step back from a situation that's feeding into your obsessive thinking.

 

[center_stage]

I had some recent issues of my own, despite my normal self-acceptance and everything. I read a bood though that was very inspirational and did help change some of my opinions and the way I look at myself. The book is called The Good Body written by Eve Ensler. For some reason, it really shed some light on a few things that I never thought would be very clear to me. I would suggest taking the time to read the book for anyone that is having some negative thoughts about their body.

I just ordered it from Amazon. Can't wait to read it!

 

[TBKahuna123]

My mother has always put tremendous pressure on me to have a "good" body. When I would go dress shopping for a semi-formal, she would always tell me that shopping would be a lot easier if I was taller and skinnier. I can't fix the taller thing, but she always put pressure on me to lose weight. She has always told me that I would be a lot happier if I were skinnier.

My wife went through the same thing. She has always had weight problems and her mother was always brutal about it to her, like on the verge of mean. She was the only one in the family with a weight problem, so it had to be her own fault right? Turns out after a fighting this for 25 years unsuccessfully, that she has PCOS. One of the effects of this disease is that women have a hard time with weight, especially around the middle. It doesn't matter how much she diets or how much she exercised, she just couldn't lose a substantial amount of weight. Finally she just gave up trying because it was so depressing. When we finally figured out what was really going on and she started getting treatment for it, it has made all the difference. She's still fighting it and she will never be rail thin, but that's fine. She's seeing small gains now and is more motivated because she knows she can have success.

The other big thing is that she has finally come to realize that her mother was not right in the way she treated her. She's always justified it just like you did, that her mother's mother treated her that way, etc., but that doesn't make it right. I'm not trying to be too harsh on your mother, but there is one thing I have learned, and that's the pressure that can build over 20 years of parental nagging.

Screw having a "perfect" body. Who's idea of perfect are you going for? I'll be totally honest, my "prefect body" is not a size 3, 6 foot 120# blonde. My perfect body, if I had to chose one, is what Erika showed in those wonderful art pieces. The fact is though that there is no perfect body, only the bodies of perfect people. I've always been more attracted to a person's attitude and personality than their body type.

I joined a gym today so I feel better. I also am drinking more water and buying some nice clothes because nice things always make me feel good.

Good for you! Losing weight should not be about how you look physically, it should be about how you feel physically. Do it for your health, not your image. I know I need to lose weight, and I've set my goal at 40 pounds. If I do this everything in my life will improve, I know it. My knees, my back, my blood pressure, how well I play hockey, how well I sleep, my sex life, everything. I also know though that it isn't about diet, it's about changing my lifestyle as a whole to a healthy one.

Forget about how you look in the mirror, it's deceptive, both directions. I can look in the mirro, suck in my gut and straighten my shoulders and I don't look bad. When I close my eyes though and "feel" my body, I feel the weight. I feel how stiff my knees are, the strain on my shoulders, I feel the unhealthiness of my diet. This is what I have to strive for, to FEEL healthy. That's all you need to worry about too.

 

[jerseyman1963]

Dreaded memories of gym class

Joining this conversation late, but I don't think I know anybody who is happy with their body. I mean, some are more comfortable in their bodies than others, but I don't think I know anobody who, at least at some level, is totally happy and comfortable in their body.

Something I've thought a lot about - at least here in the US, we all go through 10-11-12 years of physical education. And what did it get us? A nation with an obesity crisis, and a nation full of people obsessed about their physical appearance, but not collectively able to do anything about it except for increasingly extreme cosmetic and elective surgeries.You'd think somewhere in those years of gym class we all could have been taught a basic workout routine that would become a daily part of the rest of our lives, just like brushing our teeth. Instead, I just have horrible memories of gym class, and by the time senior year hit, being told if I cut one more gym class I wasn't going to graduate!

 

[phoenix1224]

Something I've thought a lot about - at least here in the US, we all go through 10-11-12 years of physical education. And what did it get us? A nation with an obesity crisis, and a nation full of people obsessed about their physical appearance, but not collectively able to do anything about it except for increasingly extreme cosmetic and elective surgeries.You'd think somewhere in those years of gym class we all could have been taught a basic workout routine that would become a daily part of the rest of our lives, just like brushing our teeth. Instead, I just have horrible memories of gym class, and by the time senior year hit, being told if I cut one more gym class I wasn't going to graduate!

Personally, I think that it has much more to do with diet than exercise...

It's that bs food pyramid that was shoved down our throats for decades that many doctors and dieticians have now admitted had absolutely no scientific basis... That's why they have recently "tweeked" it... And why it now looks a whole lot different.

I'm surprised that none of those investigative news programs haven't latched onto this yet... The obecity epidemic in America didn't begin until that garbage food pyramid came out... Until then, only about 10% of Americans were overweight.

 

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[Olivia_Yearns]

(...)You'd think somewhere in those years of gym class we all could have been taught a basic workout routine that would become a daily part of the rest of our lives, just like brushing our teeth. Instead, I just have horrible memories of gym class, and by the time senior year hit, being told if I cut one more gym class I wasn't going to graduate!

Great point. Now, as an adult, I love to be fit, to feel my body and to be active. As a kid, I dreaded gym class, which seemed to be designed to maximize shame and discomfort for all but a handfull of athletic and talented kids.

I think we all learned to feel like you either had it or you didn't, and some of us gave up.

 

[EJFan]

Personally, I think that it has much more to do with diet than exercise...

It's that bs food pyramid that was shoved down our throats for decades that many doctors and dieticians have now admitted had absolutely no scientific basis... That's why they have recently "tweeked" it... And why it now looks a whole lot different.

I'm surprised that none of those investigative news programs haven't latched onto this yet... The obecity epidemic in America didn't begin until that garbage food pyramid came out... Until then, only about 10% of Americans were overweight.

yeah. the food pyramid, the four food groups and that triangle thing that preceeded the pyramid are all bullshit built around lobbyists and whatnot. there's some good information there but it's so broad-based that it's not very applicable for most people. the general idea that you should eat low GI carbs rather than highly refined carbs is a good addition to the latest version though.

i think exercise is very important though. you're right that your health is highly impacted by your diet because food is the courrier of the nutrients our bodies need to build/rebuild itself. exercise, however, is necessary to maintain overall health. you can eat really well but if you don't get proper exercise (even walking a few minutes a day is sufficient) then you won't be in good health and will be at greater risk for disease.

 

[pleasteasme]

Look at the package....

I'm totally taking this out of context but...packaging is a lot. Why do you think so many people are insecure about themselves? Body image is HUGE! *no pun intended*

I fall into the same trap. I've never been comfortable with myself. It is difficult to live life to the fullest when you have thoughts running through your head like, "are they whispering/laughing/making fun about me?" "Am I really as hideous as I feel?" "OMG, my ass is HUGE!" The list goes on and on...

When you grow up with people taunting you, teasing you, or just being flat out rude to you, it is easy to become very jaded about people and their opinions of you based on how you look. It is easy to think your self-worth is based solely on your appearance.

The difficult part is trying to overcome 31 years of this type of treatment.

 

[EJFan]

it's sad but the nutrition labels aren't all that sufficient in some cases. trans fat, for example, can be listed as zero grams as long as there's less than one gram in a serving.

also, low fat and fat free foods have huge banners on the front of the package but they often include tons of high GI carbs, which are often worse.

finally, on the news the other night they had mentioned how the low/no carb meals & foods on the market don't account for things clearly. i'll have to hunt for the story to get the details because i don't want to spread misinformation. just remember that fiber is a carb too and your body needs it.

 

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[pleasteasme]

Judging from your av, I never would have guessed you are 31.

But you're right, different people have different experiences from their past which tend to follow them through life. I suppose I don't worry so much about what other people think because I really don't give a shit what they think, though I do care about the way I look. But I don't have the same experiences you and others have. My wife is the same way...she heard a lot of not-so-nice things from her father growing up, got no help from her mother when she asked for it, and has been struggling with self esteem issues for as long as I have known her.

I look older, right?

I can sympathize with your wife. I've never really had anyone on "my" side so to speak. I think the worst are the comments from your family ~ they are the ones that are supposed to love and support you no matter what...

As I get older, I am starting to not give a shit but there are still the feelings of inadequacy that bubble up to the surface. Unprogramming the negative takes a lot.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I look older, right?

I can sympathize with your wife. I've never really had anyone on "my" side so to speak. I think the worst are the comments from your family ~ they are the ones that are supposed to love and support you no matter what...

As I get older, I am starting to not give a shit but there are still the feelings of inadequacy that bubble up to the surface. Unprogramming the negative takes a lot.

This is so true. Despite the amount of confidence I have in myself, I still cant help but hear the things my family always used to say to me when I was younger. What's really sad, is I half think through my teenage years, I stayed overweight on purpose, just to spite them all.

 

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[pleasteasme]

No. Not even.

Thanks

My wife still carries some of the baggage from her family....and there is a lot there to carry....but she's been able to toss some of it aside. Some things she's been able to forgive; many things she will never forget.

I hold grudges. I can forgive but I never forget. It really is a hard habit to break but, I'm working on it.

The best thing for me was to move away from my family and a lot of bad memories...still I remember and well, it is tough to move on.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

Thanks




I hold grudges. I can forgive but I never forget. It really is a hard habit to break but, I'm working on it.

The best thing for me was to move away from my family and a lot of bad memories...still I remember and well, it is tough to move on.

Once in a while, speaking up or fighting back can feel good too, don't you think? Not for everybody, but for me, when I speak up, it makes me feel stronger. For me, the issue wasn't weight, but other stuff about how I dress and other things. One day I said "Dad, I just don't want you to comment on my appearance in any way any more, unless I specifically ask you. If you make offensive comments, I'll leave (during a family visit). He knew I meant it. It made me feel good. I was ready to walk away, and I would have. It changed things.

 

[pleasteasme]

Once in a while, speaking up or fighting back can feel good too, don't you think? Not for everybody, but for me, when I speak up, it makes me feel stronger. For me, the issue wasn't weight, but other stuff about how I dress and other things. One day I said "Dad, I just don't want you to comment on my appearance in any way any more, unless I specifically ask you. If you make offensive comments, I'll leave (during a family visit). He knew I meant it. It made me feel good. I was ready to walk away, and I would have. It changed things.

Yes, it does!

I actually try not to interact with my family much because they bring me down. I have a lot of issues I'm trying to work out. The fam is just not supportive, not in the least bit.

Good for you Olivia! I'm taking baby steps...

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Yes, it does!

I actually try not to interact with my family much because they bring me down. I have a lot of issues I'm trying to work out. The fam is just not supportive, not in the least bit.

Good for you Olivia! I'm taking baby steps...

my family is the same way ptm. I know exactly how you feel.

 

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[Olivia_Yearns]

The fam is just not supportive, not in the least bit.

Staying away is great to rebuild your strength and find out you can manage better without them. When you're ready, then you can visit and define your own terms and conditions, exactly because you've given up on waiting for them to be supportive. Again, not for everyone. I do still like to be around them from time to time, as long as I am able to draw the line and get treated respectfully. That took a long time. But I know for some people, it is just better to stay away.

 

[pleasteasme]

my family is the same way ptm. I know exactly how you feel.

My wife is very much like you in this sense.

In both cases, it is nice to know I am not the only one.

 

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