Feeling sad

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MeekMe]

Seela said it better than I could. I don't need the "it changes and that's life" speech either. I get it.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

The components are the same as when I first came here, from advice to frivolity. It also remains, in my estimation, one of the more respectful boards overall on Lit. I remember my Lit friend Riles teasing me that the BDSM boards were too "nicey nice" for her.

I miss a lot of older people (what a list from Stag!). But I also think it's easier to break in than it used to be. There really was a social probation period before you could be part of the group, and it took some tenacity; that seems less now.

I do notice something of the brain drain among longer-term members, who often had varying and interesting life experiences. I'm not the first to ask it, but are some of those people gone because their peers have left too, thus forming a self-perpetuating exodus?

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I suspect you're on to something there.

Homburg warned me he might not stick around because the place had become so hostile. That was a very long time ago.

Keroin hinted at some similar situation driving Stella away? and I haven't seen Keroin around since.

I don't know about anyone else.

I was on leave when Stella left. K left because her RL and career became quite demanding and something had to give. I know SW lurks, from the better place he now resides.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

This place felt pretty darn hostile in spots when I got here. I say "in spots", because the mood varied greatly from thread to thread. Where things got heated, that particular thread could get really, really ugly. There were very few warm fuzzies floating about anywhere. People seemed to like it that way.

Personally, I don't have time for that kind of negativity, so I just sort of tiptoed around the ugly when possible. Things might seem ok in one certain thread, only to have what seemed like the same old fight break out again and again. Over time some of the serious hate spewers left, and more even keeled people either joined or started piping up. The entire atmosphere eventually changed. I, for one, do not miss those days gone by.

Yes, the overall tone of the board is lighter, but I'm personally ok with that. We don't get into the deep discussions that have taken place in the past, but I'm personally not here for those anyway. I prefer having those in person, when it's much easier to read the other person and to explain yourself and go deep. But that's just me.

 

[DVS]

The components are the same as when I first came here, from advice to frivolity. It also remains, in my estimation, one of the more respectful boards overall on Lit. I remember my Lit friend Riles teasing me that the BDSM boards were too "nicey nice" for her.

I miss a lot of older people (what a list from Stag!). But I also think it's easier to break in than it used to be. There really was a social probation period before you could be part of the group, and it took some tenacity; that seems less now.

I do notice something of the brain drain among longer-term members, who often had varying and interesting life experiences. I'm not the first to ask it, but are some of those people gone because their peers have left too, thus forming a self-perpetuating exodus?

I hate my posts getting cut up and having someone filter my words to mean something they didn't when left in the full post. I try not to do that. But, I do cut up someone's posts to say I agree with something they said, kind of in a way to underline their words as making sense to me.

I think the brain drain (strange phrase usage there) might be something that's going on or has gone on here. And I've read other posts where people talk about the old Lit being better than the new Lit and thinking I or someone else is blaming this on someone. THIS IS NOT ANYBODY'S FAULT. I don't see this as someone's attempt to change Lit, to make it better than it was or to consciously add or omit something, just because they wanted to, or anything even close to this.

I see it as an evolutionary change, maybe similar to what some of the new crowd has meant when they say "things change, nothing remains the same". I see this as true, but when they add "get over it" that pisses me off, as if they think I didn't already know this and I was pointing the blame at others for causing it.

What I still think is the case though is the exodus of members, for whatever reason, and then the new members come in. What could have happened in some instances is the old people left before the new people came and got situated, so they didn't have the benefit of those older member's insight.

I see this as maybe the brain drain you talk about. And when someone gets mad at something and leaves, they are also less likely to hand over the controls with careful grace, with the intent to make sure the good of the site stays good, etc.

With the exits of all of those people Stag mentioned (and I feel I was friends or at least on a level of warm communication with all of them...some very good friends and I'm indebted to them for what they gave me), if they left in silence, they didn't even leave so much as an exit letter. And looking at that list, I can say there was a major loss, when some of them left. That's not just my opinion, by the way.

But, when these people all left (and we all know life changes and priorities get shifted, even fights can cause it), some of what they had contributed to Lit left with them. Enter the new group, coming in one at a time in most cases, never even getting to meet these people. Right from the get go, they have lost and didn't even know it. So, they take over the controls and don't even know anything has changed. Only people who were still here before all of this leaving was going on or had been here, left and then came back would notice.

So, how could someone who never experienced Lit when these people were still here even know what it was like? I just wanted them to know that I never intended they were to blame for how Lit has changed. But, I still stand by my opinion that it has changed.

For the worst? For the better? I can't say. What I've seen going on in the Talk forum seems to have continued from the old days. That is a priority, in my opinion. What happens in the cafe is just different people getting together and socializing, as the cafe was intended.

Some have said they noticed fighting in the old crowd, and some say they have issues with even posting in the cafe. I can't say anything about that, maybe because I haven't been back for very long, and I've been trying to hold my own against the mass of those who have been biter with me for blaming them for fucking Lit up.

If Lit has been fucked up, it wasn't intentional. And who knows...it might be even better as it is. I'd have to get over the loss of members I cared about, first. It's like friends leaving. Even though I never saw most them face to face, I felt I could call them friends. And some of them we lost because of cancer, or auto accident or we just found out they were gone, with no explanation. All of that creates a loss in your heart.

So, if anybody thought I was trying to blame them for fucking Lit up (or down), I didn't intend for that to come across. I did my best to explain myself, but you must understand that I was no longer a regular, although I was still feeling there were regulars here that would understand my personality and understand what I was meaning. Some of that has come through in the last few days, but the bulk of the posts were coming at me, pissed that I was pointing fingers and saying their Lit wasn't as good as my Lit was.

I'm sorry, if I didn't make that understood well enough, but I chock that up as a personality issue. None of the new crowd knows me. I often try to side step arguments by explaining we are all strangers only talking with text on a screen. We don't see facial expressions, we don't hear inflections in voices, and we don't see body language...all very important when talking to a stranger and trying to understand what they are saying. No, the damn smilies don't help any, because some can put a smile at the end of a tirade, just to piss the other person off. See, didn't that kind of piss you off?

If I stick around, you all have to understand. I have a very dry sense of humor...so dry it's got dust on it. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't jump to conclusions about anything I say, without asking for a clarification first.

I met a woman here and she didn't post much, but she saw me as someone she thought she could confide in and we got to talking via PM. In the course of our talks, she said she didn't like being called a whore or a slut, and that's one reason she didn't like posting. All forums can have trolls come around and they like causing problems. I call them pimply faced 14 year olds who start something, then sit back and laugh when good natured posters try to get them to leave the forum.

Anyway, we had been talking via PM for months. This was several years ago, by the way. I thought by that point she understood my dry sense of humor and I don't know how it started, but I joked with her,calling her a whore. Of course, it was just a sick joke, and I quickly said I was joking, but she somehow thought I really thought she was a whore and never spoke to me again.

I tried to explain but she was gone, never to return. She left, thinking I was a jerk and it bothered me, a lot. She had come to me to help her with things BDSM, because she saw my posts in the forums and thought she could trust me. There was never any sex involved and never would have been. She was married and I was someone see was seeking knowledge from.

So, please, if I say something you don't understand, ask before you get all pissy and mad. I've said this before, I have no problem letting someone know when I don't like them. I really don't think you'll misunderstand that. That's not when my dry sense of humor comes out.

 

[DVS]

I was on leave when Stella left. K left because her RL and career became quite demanding and something had to give. I know SW lurks, from the better place he now resides.

Wow, there's a group of biggies for you. Stella and I had our issues, but shit happens. I loved K's outlook on life. I guess that's probably why she's moved on to that full time. She has a great way with words.

I agree that SW is watching us. Damn, he could be causing all of this fuss and just laughing! I love that he used one of my songs to feel better when he was hurting. I thought that was very special. These are all people the new group of regulars didn't get to meet. There are threads where their personalities came through (especially Stella), but unless you read a lot of what these people wrote, you'll never understand the depth of their knowledge, kindness, caring and humor. Damn, I think I'd better stop, here.

 

[cascadiabound]

Stella's rant post about Tops/ bottoms Doms / subs etc regularly gets reposted in Talk. I wish it could be a sticky.
When I was first lurking regularly, but not yet a poster, or registered user, I read Stella and Kerion and others all the time.

Undoubtedly, there is a lot of wisdom there I missed, cause I barely rubbed shoulders with them before they were gone.

On another, but to my mind a related topic~~

Can anyone tell me about the BDSM library?
It has lots of good resources in it...(I have referred to it lots...and lots of the old timers wisdom is memorialized there), however, there are also lots of broken links and some gaps in the library. It appears to have not been added to or curated in quite a few years.

Every once in awhile a thread happens in Talk, that has enough useful stuff in it, IMO, to add it to the library.

Is that possible? How would one do that?

Thanks for any info on this.
cb

 

[DVS]

Stella's rant post about Tops/ bottoms Doms / subs etc regularly gets reposted in Talk. I wish it could be a sticky.
When I was first lurking regularly, but not yet a poster, or registered user, I read Stella and Kerion and others all the time.

Undoubtedly, there is a lot of wisdom there I missed, cause I barely rubbed shoulders with them before they were gone.

On another, but to my mind a related topic~~

Can anyone tell me about the BDSM library?
It has lots of good resources in it...(I have referred to it lots...and lots of the old timers wisdom is memorialized there), however, there are also lots of broken links and some gaps in the library. It appears to have not been added to or curated in quite a few years.

Every once in awhile a thread happens in Talk, that has enough useful stuff in it, IMO, to add it to the library.

Is that possible? How would one do that?

Thanks for any info on this.
cb

Gracie was the last librarian. She was the last in a series of them and they all did great work in categorizing threads. But, I think she did also start adding outside links, if they were helpful, but it seems some of those links go away and then we have the gaps.

The present regulars need to find someone who wants to take on the task of being the librarian and then talk to Laurel to get the necessary access so she/he can add threads. It's not normal user friendly. In fact, it's requested that nobody post anything in the library as it just gets more confusing to look past someone's post.

 

[seela]

Stella's rant post about Tops/ bottoms Doms / subs etc regularly gets reposted in Talk. I wish it could be a sticky.
When I was first lurking regularly, but not yet a poster, or registered user, I read Stella and Kerion and others all the time.

Undoubtedly, there is a lot of wisdom there I missed, cause I barely rubbed shoulders with them before they were gone.

On another, but to my mind a related topic~~

Can anyone tell me about the BDSM library?
It has lots of good resources in it...(I have referred to it lots...and lots of the old timers wisdom is memorialized there), however, there are also lots of broken links and some gaps in the library. It appears to have not been added to or curated in quite a few years.

Every once in awhile a thread happens in Talk, that has enough useful stuff in it, IMO, to add it to the library.

Is that possible? How would one do that?

Thanks for any info on this.
cb

I think gracie is still the current librarian and the one who is supposed to look after the library, add threads and so on. She hasn't been around for a long time, though, so I don't now what's going on with the account now.

Does somebody here have contact with her?

 

[DVS]

I think gracie is still the current librarian and the one who is supposed to look after the library, add threads and so on. She hasn't been around for a long time, though, so I don't now what's going on with the account now.

Does somebody here have contact with her?

Leave some cookies out with a note. Maybe she'll find it.

 

[DVS]

Stella's rant post about Tops/ bottoms Doms / subs etc regularly gets reposted in Talk. I wish it could be a sticky.
When I was first lurking regularly, but not yet a poster, or registered user, I read Stella and Kerion and others all the time.

Undoubtedly, there is a lot of wisdom there I missed, cause I barely rubbed shoulders with them before they were gone.

On another, but to my mind a related topic~~

Can anyone tell me about the BDSM library?
It has lots of good resources in it...(I have referred to it lots...and lots of the old timers wisdom is memorialized there), however, there are also lots of broken links and some gaps in the library. It appears to have not been added to or curated in quite a few years.

Every once in awhile a thread happens in Talk, that has enough useful stuff in it, IMO, to add it to the library.

Is that possible? How would one do that?

Thanks for any info on this.
cb

Big, big job, being Lit librarian. No pay and mostly a thankless job because many assume it happens automatically. I think we've had maybe 5 or 6 librarians? Somebody know for sure? I remember Gracie and Rebecca, and I"m old so I know there were at least 2 more. Help! Old man's memory lapse!

There should be a librarian honor roll.

 

[DVS]

hey DVS: any chance you've got any material left you could cobble together for your old "you had to be there" thread. I loved your wild stories.

Yes, I've got quite a bit of material that I'll be adding to that thread. I'm living through several situations right now that you just couldn't predict would ever happen at the same time, but are. Once these situations resolve, it will take a while for them to simmer in my mind before I can put them on paper. I'd say they definitely fit into that "you had to be there" thread.

Maybe I should bump that thread (again) to let others see it. I don't have any problem tooting my own horn or blatantly bumping my own threads.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Stella's rant post about Tops/ bottoms Doms / subs etc regularly gets reposted in Talk. I wish it could be a sticky.
When I was first lurking regularly, but not yet a poster, or registered user, I read Stella and Kerion and others all the time.

Undoubtedly, there is a lot of wisdom there I missed, cause I barely rubbed shoulders with them before they were gone.

On another, but to my mind a related topic~~

Can anyone tell me about the BDSM library?
It has lots of good resources in it...(I have referred to it lots...and lots of the old timers wisdom is memorialized there), however, there are also lots of broken links and some gaps in the library. It appears to have not been added to or curated in quite a few years.

Every once in awhile a thread happens in Talk, that has enough useful stuff in it, IMO, to add it to the library.

Is that possible? How would one do that?

Thanks for any info on this.
cb

Good idea!

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1360492

 

[Kajira Callista]

Well I never did return to this thread due to my mothers health. I am glad that this thread sparked some debate and discussion.