Female-Led Relationships

[lady_jennaxx]

You are most welcome, Lady Jenna! Just started following and really liking what I see. I have a lot to learn.

Many thanks msub50some

 

[policywank]

I agree. It is not for everyone, but i like the idea. What I like about the idea of Gomez and Morticia, is that Gomez was a strong successful man. He devoted himself to Morticia because he wanted to, he worshiped her. Not because she brow beat him to it. that is a wonderful relationship. My husband is very masculine and an alpha, but very tender man as well. He is the man of the house. But as we all know, there is a lot of truth to the statement, "I have the pussy, I make the rules." So I know (we both know) that I run the house, but I let him be the man. But i love the idea that my husband worships me.

It takes a strong man to follow his woman.

It is a mistake to associate being a follower with being weak. Most people - men and women - aren't leaders. The world is built by strong betas. Leaders and followers are simply different roles with different responsibilities and privileges. One can't exist without the other. A military man who obeys his superior officer is not weak, yet he is surely a follower.

But somehow it all gets distorted when gender enters into it. The idea that men are more adept leaders or women are naturally followers simply does not hold up to scrutiny. But by reinforcing these stereotypes society encourages men to believe they have natural leadership abilities imbued in their cocks. It takes a strong man to see past that nonsense and see the world as it really is including the hypocrisy and silliness so that he can embrace the leadership of a strong woman.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Could a man ever hope to earn such delicious dominance?

https://www.sex.com/pin/10405212-handjob-and-high-heels/

 

[msub50some]

Could a man ever hope to earn such delicious dominance?

https://www.sex.com/pin/10405212-handjob-and-high-heels/

Well, one can hope, fantasize of course, maybe role play a bit. We do what we can.

 

[Justplatonic]

It takes a strong man to follow his woman.

It is a mistake to associate being a follower with being weak. Most people - men and women - aren't leaders. The world is built by strong betas. Leaders and followers are simply different roles with different responsibilities and privileges. One can't exist without the other. A military man who obeys his superior officer is not weak, yet he is surely a follower.

But somehow it all gets distorted when gender enters into it. The idea that men are more adept leaders or women are naturally followers simply does not hold up to scrutiny. But by reinforcing these stereotypes society encourages men to believe they have natural leadership abilities imbued in their cocks. It takes a strong man to see past that nonsense and see the world as it really is including the hypocrisy and silliness so that he can embrace the leadership of a strong woman.

Dear policywank... That is truly...

https://media0.giphy.com/media/H76LfSzyXeCnm/giphy.gif?cid=790b76118bf477e38fd05133f3491ae7cfd4596bc741c32a&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

 

[policywank]

Could a man ever hope to earn such delicious dominance?

https://www.sex.com/pin/10405212-handjob-and-high-heels/

Yes. However, a submissive should not importune or seek to bring about such a scenario through his own actions. When his mistress gives him the opportunity to express his desires and fantasies he can articulate this desire. But beyond that he should focus solely on his own obedience and trust that she will reward him when she sees fit.

 

[eroticspank]

Yes. However, a submissive should not importune or seek to bring about such a scenario through his own actions. When his mistress gives him the opportunity to express his desires and fantasies he can articulate this desire. But beyond that he should focus solely on his own obedience and trust that she will reward him when she sees fit.

Well said! I learned this from a Dominant lady years ago. She explained it to me in a less tactful way. Many of the images online put Dominant women in these outfits and situations that are mainly for the male audience and fantasies. The key is the interaction and dynamic between the two, directed by the woman.

ES

 

[msub50some]

Yes. However, a submissive should not importune or seek to bring about such a scenario through his own actions. When his mistress gives him the opportunity to express his desires and fantasies he can articulate this desire. But beyond that he should focus solely on his own obedience and trust that she will reward him when she sees fit.

Well said! I learned this from a Dominant lady years ago. She explained it to me in a less tactful way. Many of the images online put Dominant women in these outfits and situations that are mainly for the male audience and fantasies. The key is the interaction and dynamic between the two, directed by the woman.

ES

What each of you describe is not too unlike my situation, and it gives me a little peace. I have wanted to experience being submissive to a dominant woman for many years. I've done that by focusing on the kink, the fetish, and the sex. My wife has wanted nothing to do with that, it repulses her. Yet, in many ways she is the dominant one in our relationship. I've come to realize that if I focus on her needs, wants, wishes instead of my own kinky desires our relationship will improve, and we'll grow closer. Who knows, maybe one day she'll indulge some of my kinky desires.

 

[policywank]

What each of you describe is not too unlike my situation, and it gives me a little peace. I have wanted to experience being submissive to a dominant woman for many years. I've done that by focusing on the kink, the fetish, and the sex. My wife has wanted nothing to do with that, it repulses her. Yet, in many ways she is the dominant one in our relationship. I've come to realize that if I focus on her needs, wants, wishes instead of my own kinky desires our relationship will improve, and we'll grow closer. Who knows, maybe one day she'll indulge some of my kinky desires.

I think that it is natural for a man who wants to be submissive to focus on how he wants that to play out. But ultimately that tends to be about outward images of submissiveness rather than actually submitting to her will. When you actually submit then obedience becomes the objective rather than any given fetish or scene because the Sub turns over full authority. Once he has proven his obedience he may be rewarded with the things he wants, but that is all in her control.

 

[dannyboy1958]

Flr

I think were all in a FLR, as women can mostly wrap us around their little fingers, we just dotn want to admit it eh?
whats the saying - my husband wears the trousers, just that i decide which colour !

 

[policywank]

I think were all in a FLR, as women can mostly wrap us around their little fingers, we just dotn want to admit it eh?
whats the saying - my husband wears the trousers, just that i decide which colour !

There is definitely some truth to that. I think that for a lot of men there is real pleasure and liberation in recognizing this reality outright. You know you want to be obedient and it is a relief to not need to pretend otherwise.

 

[msub50some]

I think that it is natural for a man who wants to be submissive to focus on how he wants that to play out. But ultimately that tends to be about outward images of submissiveness rather than actually submitting to her will. When you actually submit then obedience becomes the objective rather than any given fetish or scene because the Sub turns over full authority. Once he has proven his obedience he may be rewarded with the things he wants, but that is all in her control.

And if the things never come, so be it, I guess. After so long, I start sneaking in some online play or reading stories and such. In a way that makes me disobedient, putting me further from getting what I want.

 

[policywank]

And if the things never come, so be it, I guess. After so long, I start sneaking in some online play or reading stories and such. In a way that makes me disobedient, putting me further from getting what I want.

There isn't really a clear way to follow someone who isn't leading. And you certainly can't obey commands that have not come.

 

[msub50some]

There isn't really a clear way to follow someone who isn't leading. And you certainly can't obey commands that have not come.

Not an explicit command, I suppose. Yet, I know she doesn't like it, and when she finds out it seems anything I've done to serve her desires gets wiped out.

 

[policywank]

Not an explicit command, I suppose. Yet, I know she doesn't like it, and when she finds out it seems anything I've done to serve her desires gets wiped out.

Interesting. Lots of people don't want to lead, which is fine. But it sounds like your desire to follow actually bothers her or maybe it is just the way you go about it - not being critical, just that sometimes people don't fit that way.

 

[msub50some]

Interesting. Lots of people don't want to lead, which is fine. But it sounds like your desire to follow actually bothers her or maybe it is just the way you go about it - not being critical, just that sometimes people don't fit that way.

Oh, it's not that she won't tell me what to do, it's the kinky, fetish stuff I like that she doesn't want anything to do with.

 

[policywank]

Oh, it's not that she won't tell me what to do, it's the kinky, fetish stuff I like that she doesn't want anything to do with.

I understand. Would she be willing to adoptive role of leader in an FLR if there was no kinky stuff, at least to begin with? For me the starting point really is obedience. Only after that is established does the kinky stuff happen as a reward for obedience.

For her to lead means she decides where to go at what to do. If she is just doing what you want she isn't leading, you are. Effectively she might be driving but she is just the chauffeur if you are in the back seat telling her where to go, so to speak.

 

[policywank]

I realize you are more interested in an FLR without a D/s component - and want to hear about things other than the sexual part of things - but I will say that in our version it is very much a D/s relationship and it is very centered on sexuality.

She uses her sexual power and her control of my desire (no cages or any of that) to maintain a proper level of respect and deference. So with that disclaimer - here's the part you want to hear about.

What's she in charge of? Everything that she is interested in. The house is however she wants it. She wants a project done, I build it or remodel it. She has control of all discretionary spending. She sets the direction and goals we work toward.

It's probably worth noting that I have been paid all my working life to make decisions and tell people what to do. Being in charge is easy and natural for me. And yet, at home she is the undisputed leader. It's because she is the best person I've ever known. I admire her character, personality, and intelligence. It feels logical, right, and comfortable to defer to her, serve her, and obey her.

So to a woman who desires a FLR, my advice would be, "Make yourself worthy to lead."
To a man desiring an FLR, I would say, "Find a woman worthy of being followed."

Not just anyone will do. If the person you are with is not suited, you should probably set your heart on something else. If you are single and looking, be patient and look for someone you can admire for real reasons - not for how well they fit your fantasy.

Good luck.

Good advice.

Our FLR also has a substantial D's component and is very sexual. I think that is pretty prevalent and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The confusion seems to come in when men assume that D's is what defines the FLR and their primary objective becomes to be dominated in a certain way. It becomes somewhat like what people in BDSM world call topping from the bottom. The practical reality is that he isn't deferring to her authority so much as trying to induce her to behave in a certain way that he associates with dominance.

At least for us I insist that he first defer to my authority. In due course I will lead him to the things that he desires including being dominated in sexual way as well as non-sexual ways. But by its very nature if I am to be leader it is my prerogative to decide how I lead.

 

[msub50some]

I understand. Would she be willing to adoptive role of leader in an FLR if there was no kinky stuff, at least to begin with? For me the starting point really is obedience. Only after that is established does the kinky stuff happen as a reward for obedience.

For her to lead means she decides where to go at what to do. If she is just doing what you want she isn't leading, you are. Effectively she might be driving but she is just the chauffeur if you are in the back seat telling her where to go, so to speak.

Actually, she pretty much does make the decisions on where to go and what to do. We discuss quite a bit, but I usually end up deferring to what she wants. She'd probably bristle at me trying to call that a FLR. I don't bring up anything D/s and just do my best to do what she wants as best as I can.

 

[Justplatonic]

Actually, she pretty much does make the decisions on where to go and what to do. We discuss quite a bit, but I usually end up deferring to what she wants. She'd probably bristle at me trying to call that a FLR. I don't bring up anything D/s and just do my best to do what she wants as best as I can.

Having read through your posts msub50some (and the responses), I feel I can add a little more to the mix...

I'd say my relationship with my Wife is similar to yours msub50some. I was drawn to my Wife because for all intents and purposes She projected what I saw as a Dominant character. Let's just say the math didn't work out for me either.

Many years later we were miserable as we were both trying to make the other something they are not. When we realized this, we began to have a deeper understanding of one another, and our respective limitations.

It took many months of open, frank discussion, but what it brought forth was a respect for each others needs. We knew we still loved each other, but we agreed to have singular pursuits, and that's OK. She'll arrange to do Her things, and I visit my local fetish club. She knows about it, and I don't abuse Her trust...

 

[Goldenfinger]

Was in the military for a long time. I saw many divorces. I saw the mistakes. I’ll use my situation as a example, im in the military my wife isn’t. I saw when guys get deployed their wife’s wanting to seek approval for things from their husbands and nothing gets done and that causes issues. I saw women do thing and set up the house and when the husband gets home he tries to change things and complain about how she had things done. These issues end in divorce. I wanted a strong women who wasn’t afraid to assert herself. The relationship dynamic was there from the beginning, the sexual aspect evolved over time.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Yes. The F in the FLR must be free to be herself. Real, sustainable, livable dominance can't be an endless effort to play the part or meet a "submissive's" expectations.

That's correct.

 

[Justplatonic]

Hi Jenna, I've been reading many of the replies from your followers or at least people who are interested in, or have experience with a female lead relationship and I hope you don't mind my thoughts on this topic.
I've been in a relationship with the same man for 26 years, 10 living together and the remainder in matrimonial bliss. lol
Our relationship while unique from traditional marriages, is by no means uncommon from my understanding. My husband is certainly not a " wimpy type" or even submissive, "although he does enjoy some fetishes like dressing some special lingerie I bought him and having me treat him like my slut now and then. lol
Sorry, back on topic, he is very masculine but there is some deep desire to see me not only flirting and teasing other men but to also actually play out the fantasies we often discuss as foreplay.
I think he just likes to know that other men find me as attractive as he does and possibly feels superior to them knowing I am his wife.
He isn't the type that wants to be humiliated in any way and prefers that the men that I have sex with think I'm just being an unfaithful slut that is thrilled by having extramarital affairs.
I'm curious to hear what you think of our situation and if it's more common than thought to be.
Thanks for the chat, xoxo Marcie

Hello Marcie48... I'm sure in time, the Female Leaders on this thread will post a reply. Until then, I thought I'd oblige...

The world if full of dominant males, many of whom are disillusioned (I'll admit some are not). However, whatever their stance, they do out number Female Leaders unfortunately. But of that group, IMHO, many Female Leaders express themselves in the same resultant way as yourself. It's certainly more common, all over the world as well.

How, what and why they behave way they do, is variable. But whatever their motivations, what we subs see, is beautifully sublime...

 

[eroticspank]

Hi Jenna, I've been reading many of the replies from your followers or at least people who are interested in, or have experience with a female lead relationship and I hope you don't mind my thoughts on this topic.
I've been in a relationship with the same man for 26 years, 10 living together and the remainder in matrimonial bliss. lol
Our relationship while unique from traditional marriages, is by no means uncommon from my understanding. My husband is certainly not a " wimpy type" or even submissive, "although he does enjoy some fetishes like dressing some special lingerie I bought him and having me treat him like my slut now and then. lol
Sorry, back on topic, he is very masculine but there is some deep desire to see me not only flirting and teasing other men but to also actually play out the fantasies we often discuss as foreplay.
I think he just likes to know that other men find me as attractive as he does and possibly feels superior to them knowing I am his wife.
He isn't the type that wants to be humiliated in any way and prefers that the men that I have sex with think I'm just being an unfaithful slut that is thrilled by having extramarital affairs.
I'm curious to hear what you think of our situation and if it's more common than thought to be.
Thanks for the chat, xoxo Marcie

Hello Marcie,

I know several of the women on here have their husband as a Cuckold in their relationship and it seems to work very well. So I think you have found the right thread to get tips and thoughts. Unfortunately as a male sub myself, I can't comment on being a Cuckold since I have not done it or had an interest in it. However, it sounds like you have good communication with your husband. Maybe, one day pick a time to talk about it. Getting him to open up about what he likes, turn-ons, and fetishes could be very helpful.

ES

 

[policywank]

Hi Jenna, I've been reading many of the replies from your followers or at least people who are interested in, or have experience with a female lead relationship and I hope you don't mind my thoughts on this topic.
I've been in a relationship with the same man for 26 years, 10 living together and the remainder in matrimonial bliss. lol
Our relationship while unique from traditional marriages, is by no means uncommon from my understanding. My husband is certainly not a " wimpy type" or even submissive, "although he does enjoy some fetishes like dressing some special lingerie I bought him and having me treat him like my slut now and then. lol
Sorry, back on topic, he is very masculine but there is some deep desire to see me not only flirting and teasing other men but to also actually play out the fantasies we often discuss as foreplay.
I think he just likes to know that other men find me as attractive as he does and possibly feels superior to them knowing I am his wife.
He isn't the type that wants to be humiliated in any way and prefers that the men that I have sex with think I'm just being an unfaithful slut that is thrilled by having extramarital affairs.
I'm curious to hear what you think of our situation and if it's more common than thought to be.
Thanks for the chat, xoxo Marcie

I think that the range of human sexuality is much more diverse than we imagine it to be. We are extensively conditioned to see sexuality from the perspective of what is deemed "normal" and regard everything outside of that as abnormal and therefore requiring an explanation or justification. We ask "why would a man want to be cuckolded?", but we don't ask "why does a given man prefer redheads or curvy women" because we see those preferences as within the range of normal. The fact that his brain receives stimulus from a curvy redhead is no more in need of an explanation than why he likes the taste of IPA - it is just the way he is wired.

Over time many sexual preferences have entered the mainstream such that they no longer seem unusual. We no longer question why someone is gay or bi-sexual or transsexual as if it is some kind of aberration rather than simple personal preference. Yet the proportion of people in the U.S. who are openly LGBT is roughly the same as the proportion who engage in consensual non-monogamy (4% for each).

In many ways non-monogamy isn't there yet but it is approaching normalization. But when we go a layer deeper and look at cuckolding, the simple premise that one side of the marriage is open and the other is not makes this somehow less accepted than non-monogamy. Why? Many people will say that is unequal and therefore unfair. But we recognize in almost every other aspect of marriage that balance is achieved when each person sets their own priorities, not when they agree to enforce equal opportunity and equal outcomes in each aspect of the relationship. If the cuckold is being compelled to remain monogamous while his wife is not then there is some merit to the fairness argument. But if he plays that role willingly and happily the premise that he should feel compelled to seek other women or she should be constrained is simply rooted in our conditioning as to the role of men and women in the world. There is no objective basis for believing that cuckolding is any less suitable than any other form of consensual non-monogamy.

In my view your relationship is simply a form of non-monogamy, which is increasingly common. And I would argue that most men in non-monogamous relationships are titillated by their wife's extra-marital sexual activity. Cuckolds are just one type of husband of a non-monogamous wife who don't feel compelled to keep up or constrain her sexuality. That also is increasingly common and should be celebrated and appreciated.

The activities that we associate with cuckolding as a fetish are a different matter altogether. They don't define the cuckold anymore so than stereotypical effeminate behaviour defines the gay man. Society doesn't see that yet because it still sees cuckolding as an aberration and that is made easier by associating it with narrow and false stereotypes.

I hear from tons of men who are into cuckolding. There views on it are as diverse as they are. The common thread is that they want their current or future wife to have exciting extra-marital sexual relations and they don't see that as in conflict with the love in their marriage and don't feel compelled to adhere to male stereotypes as to how they should feel in the situation. Many or even most of them are not actual cuckolds - they just wish that they were. Obviously the men on here are not representative of the total population. But if we compare this dynamic to LGBT I note that the statistics on LGBT address those people who identify as LGBT regardless of whether they are sexually active, whereas the consensual non-monogamy statistics identify those who are actively in a CNM relationship. I expect that both groups have more people who remain in the closet with their activities. But on the CNM side there is a further group who want to be in a CNM relationship but their spouse is not amenable or they aren't in a relationship at all. So the desire for CNM is probably even more prevalent than we imagine.