Filthy answers to innocent questions.

[ChibiFangirl]

No, they're still sore from earlier.

Will you still love me tomorrow?

As an aside-
Al Jaffee, the man who created "Snappy Answers to stupid questions" for Mad Magazine is either rolling in his grave, or quite proud of this.

Probably not because I'm fucking your husband.

Is there an afterlife?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Probably not because I'm fucking your husband.

Is there an afterlife?

Does anybody aftercare?

What is the meaning of life?

 

[Lbethy]

Does anybody aftercare?

What is the meaning of life?

Oh that I gaze upon her heavenly naked form, quivering under my playful touch. She is everything.

Why do i get brain freeze?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Oh that I gaze upon her heavenly naked form, quivering under my playful touch. She is everything.

Why do i get brain freeze?

You drink in her icy beauty far too rapidly.

What does 'to give someone a hand' mean?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

You drink in her icy beauty far too rapidly.

What does 'to give someone a hand' mean?

Well a hand is not as big as a foot so it could mean you’re giving her 7 to 10 inches and not the full 12.

Why is the metric system better?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Well a hand is not as big as a foot so it could mean you’re giving her 7 to 10 inches and not the full 12.

Why is the metric system better?

It really isn't. While a woman might want you to "pound her pussy," she'd hardly be interested in having it "kilogrammed."

Is it true that Napoleon instituted the metric system so his measurements would appear to be 2.54 times larger than it was in inches?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

It really isn't. While a woman might want you to "pound her pussy," she'd hardly be interested in having it "kilogrammed."

Is it true that Napoleon instituted the metric system so his measurements would appear to be 2.54 times larger than it was in inches?

This is false. Napoleon found the expression “pound my pussy!” to be crass and hoped “kilogram my pussy!” would catch on.

How short was he really?

 

[Needit724]

Ask a Frenchman if you can borrow his tongue.

How do you pin a butterfly?

Spread her wings and dip your wick!

How do you pick a flower?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

This is false. Napoleon found the expression “pound my pussy!” to be crass and hoped “kilogram my pussy!” would catch on.

How short was he really?

"Je regret, ma belle, mais je suis court." That was just his excuse to his Saturday night putain; he always carried a fifty-franc note tucked into his shirt in case he really had to pay in full.

What is the plot of the film, "Get Shorty?"

 

[ChrisLazure]

A college girls fraternity had a contest to see who could fuck the shortist cock.

How long does it take to change a light bulb?

 

[TheLobster]

If it stays unchanged for more than four hours, consult an electrician.

How often should you vacuum your carpets?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

If it stays unchanged for more than four hours, consult an electrician.

How often should you vacuum your carpets?

A woman shouldn't vacuum her car pets at all; she should suck them clean herself, just like the boys she keeps as house pets.

What is a backseat driver?

 

[definitely_not_writing]

A woman shouldn't vacuum her car pets at all; she should suck them clean herself, just like the boys she keeps as house pets.

What is a backseat driver?

someone giving too much road and not enough head.

My car is making clunking noises over bumps. why do you think that is?

 

[Handydan]

someone giving too much road and not enough head.

My car is making clunking noises over bumps. why do you think that is?

Because if it made moaning noises you'd get distracted driving.

How wet should my lawn be after irrigating?

 

[flynn99]

Because if it made moaning noises you'd get distracted driving.

How wet should my lawn be after irrigating?

It depends: does it squirt or spray?

How tight should I torque the bolts on my engine?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It depends: does it squirt or spray?

How tight should I torque the bolts on my engine?

As tight as you want, but it's best to stop before you damage your nuts.

What does "palming a card" mean?

 

[definitely_not_writing]

As tight as you want, but it's best to stop before you damage your nuts.

What does "palming a card" mean?

When a girl gives her sugar daddy a handjob.

How do you practice your kickflips?

 

[flynn99]

When a girl gives her sugar daddy a handjob.

How do you practice your kickflips?

By losing a ballbusting match.

Would you please get me a diet coke?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

By losing a ballbusting match.

Would you please get me a diet coke?

Diet Coke… is that code for something else, like “rusty trombone”?

What’s fun to do in San Antonio?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Diet Coke… is that code for something else, like “rusty trombone”?

What’s fun to do in San Antonio?

Visit Miss Vicki; she'll give you something to remember besides the Alamo.

Why read the Classics?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

Visit Miss Vicki; she'll give you something to remember besides the Alamo.

Why read the Classics?

Debbie Does Dallas; Behind the Green Door… the classics live forever!
Shakespeare too: “Even now! Now! Very Now! An old black ram (me) is tupping your white ewe!” (I wish)
Love the classics!

Why is love blind?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Debbie Does Dallas; Behind the Green Door… the classics live forever!
Shakespeare too: “Even now! Now! Very Now! An old black ram (me) is tupping your white ewe!” (I wish)
Love the classics!

Why is love blind?

Because it's more exciting when she doesn't know who or how she'll be fucked.

What do Michelin stars mean?

 

[MargotPayge]

Because it's more exciting when she doesn't know who or how she'll be fucked.

What do Michelin stars mean?

How tight your asshole is. 5 star? Good luck getting it in!

Why does Spiderman climb walls?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

How tight your asshole is. 5 star? Good luck getting it in!

Why does Spiderman climb walls?

Because the women's dorms are on the upper floors.

Why are professors so anxious to get tenure?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

Because the women's dorms are on the upper floors.

Why are professors so anxious to get tenure?

Because it’s almost impossible to fire a tenured professor no matter how many students they fuck.

What does MBA stand for?