Finding a cheater, would you tell or keep secret?

[Bramblethorn]

I've always defined cheating as being more about breaking a commitment rather than the act of being with someone else. That APA definition is quite out of touch.

I see as more of a term for someone who broke a specific intimate clause in the contract of their relationship regarding relations with other people. Cheater's break an intimate trust, which the root of the pain--I believe--and the act that broke that trust is secondary to defining a cheater.

This is the interpretation that makes sense to me too; it's not "cheating" if everybody involved follows the rules they agreed on. I'm just noting that not everybody uses the word the same way, and presenting the APA definition as an example of that, not to endorse it.

Exactly. Which is also why if I don't know the couple very well, I stay the fuck out of it. Getting involved when I don't understand the circumstances, even to "drop a harmless hint" as people are saying, is the equivalent to outing their lifestyle, especially vile if I gossip about it to others.

If they are swingers, "harmlessly" telling their partner will pressure them to explain intimate details of their life to me if they want to quell any judgements, and they might not be comfortable with that.

Yeah. I'm not ashamed of my love life - or of the stories I write here - but that doesn't mean I trust every person in my family or my workplace to react appropriately to those things. There's a reason most people here don't post under their wallet names.

 

[Voboy]

I disagree here too. We are our brother's keepers... both keeping them from harm, and keeping them from harming others.

Ah.

If that's your mindset, I'm not sure we'll find common ground. I live my own life; my privacy is sacred to me. I treat others the same way. I'd never presume to lay my morality on another. As we've established, an actual crime is somewhat different.

Good luck to you.

 

[desecration]

If know for a fact that he's cheating, and I'm friends with the woman, I'm going to let her know or else, I feel, I can't call her a friend.

True. Anything else is stabbing her in the back, or by allowing it to happen, being an accessory or accomplice.