First Time

[ahveel]

Hello

Wow! Didn't see this thread. Well, figures. I've only been posting here for the past few days. And here i thought i was the only virgin in both sense left in this world. hahaha

I've only realized and fully admitted to myself that I'm into D/s this past year. I've no experience to speak of and I'm not even sure yet what I'm really into. Most definitely a sub but i don't know if i could be a switch too. Anyway, before this, i was a wreck. I didn't know why i was doing stuff and why i craved it. It took me years to even acknowledge it, after reading LOTS and LOTS of books from plain romance and gradually going to eroticas. Books and movies so far are my only outlets here. And of course, now this forum. I love you people for being who you are and so open!

Yes, I'm only 21 and as I've stated on my other posts here. I'm a chinese catholic and come from a very conservative part of society with very traditionalist parents. I can't reiterate that enough to really show what i mean and the frustration i feel. The bonds that keep me from "going out" aren't just the physical ones with concerns to society but also deeply ingrained nurturing since childhood that I should be a good girl with "good" intentions. hahaha

An example of when this nurturing thing kicked in with me. The first times i orgasmed i didn't even know what it was and i was so guilt ridden with it but just couldn't deny myself. So i thought, who could i go to to help me and maybe get some answers? Uh huh! My priest/teacher! I confessed to him about it and told him that it just wasn't once but many many times. I can still remember his face. He was trying to keep it calm so hard. I must've really shocked him with that. So what did he tell me to do? Pray this for 10 times and pray that 10 times and ask for forgiveness. OK. That was it for me. I wasn't going to deny my needs and who i am because of that.

So that's where it all began for me. Right now, I'm still a virgin and still a good girl in everybody's eyes, except for a certain few who know I'm leaning towards D/s. I love myself right now and I'm at peace with what i need. Well, most of the time that is, when I'm not aching too much from the need. I'm still waiting and will keep on waiting no matter how difficult for the right man to initiate me. I'm picky, what can i say?

 

[the captians wench]

Wow! Didn't see this thread. Well, figures. I've only been posting here for the past few days. And here i thought i was the only virgin in both sense left in this world. hahaha

I've only realized and fully admitted to myself that I'm into D/s this past year. I've no experience to speak of and I'm not even sure yet what I'm really into. Most definitely a sub but i don't know if i could be a switch too. Anyway, before this, i was a wreck. I didn't know why i was doing stuff and why i craved it. It took me years to even acknowledge it, after reading LOTS and LOTS of books from plain romance and gradually going to eroticas. Books and movies so far are my only outlets here. And of course, now this forum. I love you people for being who you are and so open!

Yes, I'm only 21 and as I've stated on my other posts here. I'm a chinese catholic and come from a very conservative part of society with very traditionalist parents. I can't reiterate that enough to really show what i mean and the frustration i feel. The bonds that keep me from "going out" aren't just the physical ones with concerns to society but also deeply ingrained nurturing since childhood that I should be a good girl with "good" intentions. hahaha

An example of when this nurturing thing kicked in with me. The first times i orgasmed i didn't even know what it was and i was so guilt ridden with it but just couldn't deny myself. So i thought, who could i go to to help me and maybe get some answers? Uh huh! My priest/teacher! I confessed to him about it and told him that it just wasn't once but many many times. I can still remember his face. He was trying to keep it calm so hard. I must've really shocked him with that. So what did he tell me to do? Pray this for 10 times and pray that 10 times and ask for forgiveness. OK. That was it for me. I wasn't going to deny my needs and who i am because of that.

So that's where it all began for me. Right now, I'm still a virgin and still a good girl in everybody's eyes, except for a certain few who know I'm leaning towards D/s. I love myself right now and I'm at peace with what i need. Well, most of the time that is, when I'm not aching too much from the need. I'm still waiting and will keep on waiting no matter how difficult for the right man to initiate me. I'm picky, what can i say?

I always find it interesting to see people from religious families. I always have been more religious than the rest of my family, and I've set some hard limits because of those religious beliefs. One thing I will say to you, be true to yourself, and what you believe. I've never been one to say if it feels good do it, some things that feel really good I believe are not okay so doing them will only cause me extream guilt, and not guilt that is easily gotten rid of.

I had a hard time with the masterbation thing. I always thought that it was wrong, and so I went and re read the scripture that was pointed out to me that made masterbation a sin. When I read it, I realized it said something slightly different than what had been taught me, and there are a few things I read that changed my view. But then there are twists to it as well. Any way it was about when I turned 22 that I started on my own personal journy of self discovery, and since then I've learned alot, I've grown a lot, and I'm happy with who I am. There are a few things I still wish to change, but I'm working on that.

good luck

 

[ahveel]

I always find it interesting to see people from religious families. I always have been more religious than the rest of my family, and I've set some hard limits because of those religious beliefs. One thing I will say to you, be true to yourself, and what you believe. I've never been one to say if it feels good do it, some things that feel really good I believe are not okay so doing them will only cause me extream guilt, and not guilt that is easily gotten rid of.

I had a hard time with the masterbation thing. I always thought that it was wrong, and so I went and re read the scripture that was pointed out to me that made masterbation a sin. When I read it, I realized it said something slightly different than what had been taught me, and there are a few things I read that changed my view. But then there are twists to it as well. Any way it was about when I turned 22 that I started on my own personal journy of self discovery, and since then I've learned alot, I've grown a lot, and I'm happy with who I am. There are a few things I still wish to change, but I'm working on that.

good luck

Thanks for the advice! Well, to make my situation a bit more clear. My parents are taoists, so no conflict there but they sent all of us, their children, to a catholic school so we became catholics. hahaha Most schools here in my country are ran by religious orders and we're known as a devoutly catholic country. Though I seriously doubt the devout part with most people in my generation here these days.

I'd like to quote a character from sherrilyn kenyon's books. Acheron is his name and his motto is "Just because you can doesn't mean you should." The part you said about the guilt thingy made me remember that. It's not always good for us to do the things that we can. That's why i need a dom to control me. *sigh* hahaha

 

[BallonBob]

I always find it interesting to see people from religious families.

Amen!

My wife is from a very strict religious family (her dad's a pastor) and she hates sex now. It kills me because she didn't have a problem keeping her hands off me when we were dating, even though she said it was 'wrong'. I guess all the guilt finally caught up to her.

I don't know if others have found the same thing but from what I see most "religious" families don't really enjoy sex (or anything related) as much as those who didn't grow up in the "religious" family. Maybe a poll is in order?

 

[SephStarr]

Whoops!

Damn, posted in wrong place. Sorry!

 

[keystone_209]

this thread has definitely given me some great advice. i too am an newly budding sub, and i can use all the advice i can get. i've been this way for a long time. i even remember trying to humilate myself when i was 12 on my back porch while home alone in the summer time, attempting to tie myself up naked in broad daylight....haha at the time, it got me off! actually that probably still would today.

anyway, i've become really interested lately in finding my own sort of D/s relationship. i feel like that is really what's been missing from my life. i just wanted to tell you all how much i appreciate all the time you put into these forums, and for helping people like me! thank you all

 

[Rayelle]

this thread has really helped me too, in fact this whole site has...

im from a pretty uptight family, and i have to be honest i thought i was some kind of freak for wanting to be dominated by another. now i know im not. the advice on this thread will i hope, help me someday find my own Dom, and fill in the missing pieces of my life