Flirt with wife

[screwher]

Then promise her that wouldn't. You do realise that you don't HAVE to fuck anybody if you don't want to, right?

You are absolutely correct. I made that promise to her when we entered the hotwife lifestyle. And I've kept it. But she has her insecurities still.

 

[AnnieLit]

You are absolutely correct. I made that promise to her when we entered the hotwife lifestyle. And I've kept it. But she has her insecurities still.

But you both are comfortable with the risk of you getting beaten up at a bar? Or her, for that matter. Just because the two of you are into this game, it does not mean that everybody else is. There are enough guys out there that will view this as a joke ON THEM and will be very unhappy with it. Depending on how drunk they are, it can end really badly.

Talk to her about it from the safety pov, that might change her mind about swingers.

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

Speaking as a single man, if you want me to flirt with your wife, stay home and watch the kids.

More: At the first hint I was being watched, I would be out of there. A setup is a setup, and most of them do not have happy endings.

You should stick to single women. "At the first hint" that she's not single...you should be "out of there." Jealous husbands have been known to kill the guy his wife is cheating with.

I myself, would prefer to know that the husband is OK with her indiscretions. I'm not into being watched while doing the deed, but that's just me. I DO NOT mess with married women who are sneaking around behind his back. That is even less likely to end well, than when a husband is OK with what is going on.

Too many guys get off on thinking they are screwing over the husband who is sitting at home. I have no sympathy when it ends badly for them, and they end up shot. They should have known better. They played with fire, knowing the risks, and they got burned. It's their fault. Same feeling I have for a proximity wing suit flyer. You know the risks...odds are that eventually you will end up dead.

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

Just find a swingers club. Because doing it a regular bar does not feel right to me. You know what's going on, she knows what's going, but the guy hitting on her has no idea. He might be ok with this game, or he might be not, but it has to be his INFORMED CHOICE. Otherwise the whole situation stinks.

Likely not going to happen. Most of these situations, the husband and wife are just looking to spice things up a little, and do NOT see themselves as swingers. They may not even want it to go further. Telling somebody that they can go into a swinger's club, and not have sex, just isn't going to compute. That's like telling them to go to a restaurant and not eat. They know they would feel out of place. And, you are making a way bigger deal out of it. It would take a guy who is a real psychopath to get angry that a woman flirted with him, while her husband was secretly watching. Heck, most guys go into a club not expecting anything to happen. Getting to flirt with a pretty woman is a bonus.

But you both are comfortable with the risk of you getting beaten up at a bar? Or her, for that matter. Just because the two of you are into this game, it does not mean that everybody else is. There are enough guys out there that will view this as a joke ON THEM and will be very unhappy with it. Depending on how drunk they are, it can end really badly.

Talk to her about it from the safety pov, that might change her mind about swingers.

Seriously? A guy is going to beat people up because a woman flirted with him, but it turns out she's married? Even if a guy is that big of a buffoon, the bouncers would have him out on his ear very quickly. But the reality is, the guy would likely never know. She would tell him she had a great time talking to him, and hope he comes back in there, and then leave.

If the risk is that he might not want to take no for an answer, that is rare but then, so what...even legitimately single women risk that.

It is sad to hear when folks assume hidden motives. Why do they do that?

Like it or not, a woman is almost always going to assume that the husband has hidden motives. She is going to assume that he wants her to have sex with other guys, she she won't have any moral ground to stand on to cry foul, when he has sex with other women. Why? Because she could never see herself allowing him to sleep with other women...but even if she did, she knows she would only do so if she was also allowed to sleep with other guys.

There are a surprising number of men out there who fantasied of their wife or g/f being picked up, or seduced, or another guy fucking her.
Less do, because one partner may not be willing, or be able to find someone.
Other barriers may be the psychology driving the person who wants it to happen, it could be a control thing, or the guy likes to be humiliated, or he could be a voyeur, etc that the other person isn’t comfortable about.

Talk to your wife, discuss, make rules.

And if everything is a go, then like Empress Josephine says, let her wear a little black dress, and leave her alone.

Think back, what was it that drew you to her in the first place. What was it you found enticing about her.

The reality is that this is crossing a bridge that can't be uncrossed. And for the vast majority of people, it is the beginning of the end of their relationship. Often, it will end because she finds a guy who is much much better in bed than her husband. If he can provide a good life for her, and he wants to take her away from the husband, he is often successful.

Next, the control issues you mentioned. Yes, for many men, they want their wives to do this, but they want total control over it. The reality is that he has zero control. She has all the control, like it or not. She decides if it will happen. She decides with who. She decides if it will happen again, and with whom. And she decides if she will stick to any ground rules he sets. She decides if she will take this as a license to now sleep with other guys, and not tell the husband. Maybe up until this point, she was resisting the efforts of her hot boss, who wants to begin and affair with her. She decides if she wants to move on with the new guy, and divorce the husband. The husband is fooling himself if he thinks he has any control at all, in this situation.

Some husbands think that involving a black guy is a safe option. The thinking is that even if she falls in love with the guy, she won't run off with him. Well, that may have been the safe bet a few decades ago, but interracial marriages are not the social taboo they once were. People don't even bat an eye at that anymore. Unbeknownst to some people, racism is mostly dead. Even in conservative churches I have been in, nobody even cares if some girl marries a guy of another race, or a young guy marries a girl of another race. They just don't care anymore.

You are right, a guy may be into humiliation...but it is likely things will go badly for him...he may lose his family, and suffer real humiliation when people learn why. Better to keep this a fantasy.

He may be a voyeur, as you suggested. Again, he is likely to get more than he wanted, here. This is not a porn video. Real people are involved. Real emotions, which brings me to the last part of your post. What brings a guy and girl together in the first place?

Well, science already knows the answer to this. Biological imperative. He is programmed to find a willing mate to get his genes into the next generation. He can father many babies in one year, so his mind is much more open to every hot girl he sees, and even girls who aren't as hot as he would like. His calling is to spread his seed far and wide, to be successful.

For women, it's different. She can only have a handful of children. What's the record? 30 to 40 kids? In reality, even 10 would be a lot of kids. And, she needs help raising them. So while the man uses the shotgun method, she has to be a sniper. Find the best man she can. Best genes, and best resources. Can't find both? Find the one with the best resources, and cuckold him.

Men and women don't understand each other. A man can be totally in love with his wife, and yet still see many many women during a day, whom he looks at, and thinks, "I would love to fuck that." He could even successfully have sex with some of them, and it wouldn't change anything about how he feels about his wife.

For women, this is not as easy. If she sleeps with a hotter looking guy, who fucks her better than her husband, it IS going to have an affect on her mind.

As a guy, who spend a lot of effort trying to get a woman to decide that you are the one for her. Why on Earth do you think it's a good idea to have her swooning over another man? Think about it. If you go down this path, she is likely to only sleep with a guy who is better than you. Better looking, and better in bed. That's the appeal right? Why bother if the guy isn't going to fuck her better than you can, right? So he is also likely to be bigger where it counts, also.

So all day long, her mind is on him, not you. He's the one that raises her pulse, not you. He's the one she gets wet, thinking about, not you. He's the one that she can't wait to fuck again, not you. Good for your relationship? Hardly. You would have to have some very weird dynamics going on in your relationship to make this work.

 

[CuriousTxGuy]

Good thread with good advice for a guy hoping his wife keeps progressing down the hotwife path.

I'm not an advocate of pushing or manipulating others to get what I want, which is what this seems.

It's hard to unfuck things up.

 

[AnnieLit]

If you go down this path, she is likely to only sleep with a guy who is better than you. Better looking, and better in bed. That's the appeal right? Why bother if the guy isn't going to fuck her better than you can, right? So he is also likely to be bigger where it counts, also.

Nope, not even close.
She is likely to sleep (the second time) with a guy that is DIFFERENT.

Say, you are great at oral, get her moaning in minutes and can keep her on edge as long as you want until she begs for release. But this is the only thing that you are really good at.

And he can make her cum just by playing with her tits, because he does something to them that you never even thought about. But his oral is completely boring.

Which one is better?

 

[AnnieLit]

Seriously? A guy is going to beat people up because a woman flirted with him, but it turns out she's married?

No, not because she is married. If she is married, but still goes to bars alone when, say, husband is out of town, that's her problem, I don't think many guys will think twice about fucking her.

But this is not what is going on here. This is a set-up, in big part for the benefit of entertaining her husband. Does any guy wants to be a free entertainment for somebody? Or will he decide that they are making a fool out of him? Some will know about cuckolding as a fetish and just walk away if they are not into it, others will feel insulted.

There is a general rule in all this - do not bring people into the lifestyle without their consent. Will you recommend to an exhibitionist to just go to a subway and flash at anybody he likes? No, because he is very likely to get arrested, when somebody does not like this. But in a sex club this will be perfectly fine.

There are a lot of things that are perfectly OK at home or among the people in the know, but should never be done in front of and especially INVOLVING those that have never gave consent.

 

[A_Hockey_Guy]

Nope, not even close.
She is likely to sleep (the second time) with a guy that is DIFFERENT.

Say, you are great at oral, get her moaning in minutes and can keep her on edge as long as you want until she begs for release. But this is the only thing that you are really good at.

And he can make her cum just by playing with her tits, because he does something to them that you never even thought about. But his oral is completely boring.

Which one is better?

You may have to start a poll so we can get a consensus on which is better.

 

[A_Hockey_Guy]

Just find a swingers club. Because doing it a regular bar does not feel right to me. You know what's going on, she knows what's going, but the guy hitting on her has no idea. He might be ok with this game, or he might be not, but it has to be his INFORMED CHOICE. Otherwise the whole situation stinks.

This.

Bringing unwilling participants into your sexual fantasy is fucked up.

It's not harmless.

And it's a good way to get your ass kicked.

 

[AnnieLit]

You may have to start a poll so we can get a consensus on which is better.

I say both are better! So just keep both guys around

 

[RustyHotDippedNail]

This.

Bringing unwilling participants into your sexual fantasy is fucked up.

It's not harmless.

And it's a good way to get your ass kicked.

I've never done anything like that, but the reality is, you wouldn't know, unless she made it known to you. I am sure this stuff goes on a lot more than people think. It is likely the very first step that couples take, when involving other people. And so long as it is just flirting at a bar, big deal. NOBODY is being hurt over it. You have to be a special kind of snowflake to think you need a safe space from flirty married women putting on a show for her husband. But here's the thing...it's not just for the husband. Even if she tries to justify it in her mind as just doing it to make her man happy, the the truth is, she is going to get a big thrill out of a guy flirting with her. The truth is, she's likely very nervous to begin with because she's afraid that no guy will approach her. When one does, and the conversation is fun and lively, and then the flirting starts, she isn't even going to remember that her husband is there.

I would also suspect that most people who do this, tell the guy that her husband wants to watch, if she decides she wants to take it further.

I'm not the overly sensitive type. If I were talking with a woman, and flirting, and things were going great, to the point that she tells me that she wants to sleep with me, but her husband has to be there...I'm just going to politely decline, because I don't want to be watched. But, I'm not going to act like a melty snowflake that thinks he has to kick somebody's ass. I would be flattered that she chose me, but simply decline.

You can be all sensitive about it if you wish, but the reality is that this goes on more than you think. Maybe you should quiz every middle aged woman who you meet in a club, just to make sure she isn't there with her husband. If you go to clubs on a regular basis, and talk with women over 28, there is a good chance that at least one of them, and likely a lot more, was there with her husband, and you never knew. But since you are sensitive about the subject, you should always ask first, just to make sure.


Ah, but what if he's there, and she goes up to your room, without her husband? Some here seem to think that if the husband doesn't know, and she is just there alone, without him knowing...this is OK. Why? Seems pretty fucked up to me. I personally don't like messing with married women who are running around behind the husband's back. The guy is especially creepy if he has no problem with women like that, but would have a problem with the husband knowing. He's stupid, for one thing, because there is a huge amount of risk in that. I was stationed on a Navy base, where an officer showed up at the barracks room of the young officer who was boinking his wife, and the husband shot both of them, and then shot himself. That's not an uncommon thing. Why would a sane man risk that for some sloppy pussy, when there is tons of unmarried pussy that you can get without pissing off a jealous, homicidal husband?

I try to live my life, not doing to others what I would not want done to me. I don't want some dude weaseling around with my wife, so I don't do it to other guys. Karma has a way of catching up with people. I think doing bad things to other people, always finds its way back to you somehow.


Edit: I also suspect that a lot of couples do this...go into a bar and the husband watches her flirt, and dance with some guy...and that's all they ever do, because they realize the fantasy is one thing, but real life is just that...real life, with real people...so they go back to just the two of them, alone, at home. They dipped their toe in the water, and decided they didn't want to go swimming.


Also, flirting in a bar is not sexual. Not really. It's conversation, with some fun banter involved. Nobody is hurt by that, unless they are seriously screwed in the head.


But I do agree that they should not advance beyond that, without first informing the guy. I would suspect that most guys don't want to be watched, but some that decline, would be OK with it if she said they did not have to be watched...they go to his place, not hers...or his room, etc..

 

[screwher]

But you both are comfortable with the risk of you getting beaten up at a bar? Or her, for that matter. Just because the two of you are into this game, it does not mean that everybody else is. There are enough guys out there that will view this as a joke ON THEM and will be very unhappy with it. Depending on how drunk they are, it can end really badly.

Talk to her about it from the safety pov, that might change her mind about swingers.

You have a point about how the guy might react to our situation. That's why I think it would be best to talk to a guy at a regular club as a couple. Let my wife and him talk and flirt. Then at some point I'll let him know that my wife is attracted to him. And they have my approval to proceed. What guy wouldn't be all about fucking a married woman with the husbands approval??

 

[Yerkiddin]

Some guys, you can just ask.

I don't wear a label, but if you come right out and tell me stuff, rather than beating around the bush, I can be very accommodating. I just rarely "get" hints.

I'm married now, though, so we'd need my wife's permission before I could flirt with yours. You'd likely need to set boundaries for me, too, as my wife would, so that I did not go too far for your tastes.

 

[screwher]

Some guys, you can just ask.

I don't wear a label, but if you come right out and tell me stuff, rather than beating around the bush, I can be very accommodating. I just rarely "get" hints.

I'm married now, though, so we'd need my wife's permission before I could flirt with yours. You'd likely need to set boundaries for me, too, as my wife would, so that I did not go too far for your tastes.

Agreed. So If the ducks are in order on your end, you have my 110% blessing and encouragement to flirt with my wife. There are no boundaries. Take it, and more importantly my wife, as far as you can!

 

[Bramblethorn]

A man can be totally in love with his wife, and yet still see many many women during a day, whom he looks at, and thinks, "I would love to fuck that." He could even successfully have sex with some of them, and it wouldn't change anything about how he feels about his wife.

For women, this is not as easy. If she sleeps with a hotter looking guy, who fucks her better than her husband, it IS going to have an affect on her mind.

(Pretty sure a guy wrote that...)

Humans are not robots constrained to repeat the circumstances of our evolution. My cave-man ancestors never had to program a computer, scuba-dive deep underwater, perform integral calculus. And yet I can do those things because humans are adaptable, capable of thinking and learning new ways to be. Plenty of people choose not to have children at all, so clearly the drive to spread one's genes isn't all-encompassing.

 

[GuessImJamie]

(Not calling any one person out but...)
Oh my. How funny, my ca 1959 birth certificate says girl but...

"Like it or not, a woman is almost always going to assume that the husband has hidden motives."

I musta missed the class on NOT trusting people before I let them inside of me.

"For the vast majority of people it," sex with another person," is the beginning of the end of their relationship."

Says so right here on page 119, EVEN WHEN BOTH PARTIES AGREED, and we gotta go by the rulebook.

"Often, it," a relationship, "will end because she finds a guy who is much much better in bed than her husband."

So true, face it guys are just biological support systems for their dicks. Its the only part we care about. so shut up with your "I want to hold you and talk to you about my day crap, and your how are you feeling bullshit. Cheap friction is what girls want, fuck us and move on.

"If he can provide a good life for her, and he wants to take her away from the husband, he is often successful."

I'll have to ask husband #147 about that. I can't recall his name at the moment, but it doesn't matter, I'll have a new one next week.

"Men and women don't understand each other."

And yet men tell me how I feel. On Wikipedia it says that doctors are uncertain where female ejeaculate comes from. Maybe if they ate a pussy they'd know. I know EXACTLY where it comes from and how it tastes.

"For women, this is not as easy. If she sleeps with a hotter looking guy, who fucks her better than her husband, it IS going to have an affect on her mind."

Oh, we are just all such little girls. Unable to think for ourselves. Flip side of that is that if we aren't grown women, then all of our lovers and hubby's need to be locked up for violating CPC 261.5 as amended or your state's version thereof.

 

[IsItBad]

its pretty easy

What’s the best way to get guys to flirt with wife when out on the town?

a) make sure she is on board with the game
b) discuss how you both see it working out
c) prepare yourself to potentially be uncomfortable at some point
d) get her to dress her sexiest
e) let her go in alone
f) never make any contact with her
g) watch from afar
h) fantasize, get off, whatever it is you are after

BUT

you started it.....you wanted it.....SO .....when a guy comes onto her.....when a guy gets closer than you want him to be.....when SHE ACTUALLY ENJOYS IT.....remember....YOU STARTED IT......not her......

so don't go home all pouty and jealous acting.....just go home and fk her brains out like she was probably wondering if the other guy would do

 

[amofiga]

I can't seem to stop thinking about part of the OP's original question and some of the comments that followed. The question related to "flirting" with a wife and not necessarily "propositioning her" and not necessarily actually fucking her. I guess I may be old fashioned but to me flirting is sort of harmless. It's paying complements and perhaps teasing a bit but it's not necessarily saying, "My place is five minutes away. How about we go there where the drinks are free and the music is quieter." That's "hitting on" but hasn't really gotten to, "we could get more comfortable without all these clothes on" which moves to out and out propositioning. So, what does the OP want to enjoy? Is it simply other guys paying attention to her and making her feel desirable or is it her going off and having sex with other men? Be careful what you ask for/wish for. Boundaries can be slipped by without hardly noticing them.

 

[screwher]

I can't seem to stop thinking about part of the OP's original question and some of the comments that followed. The question related to "flirting" with a wife and not necessarily "propositioning her" and not necessarily actually fucking her. I guess I may be old fashioned but to me flirting is sort of harmless. It's paying complements and perhaps teasing a bit but it's not necessarily saying, "My place is five minutes away. How about we go there where the drinks are free and the music is quieter." That's "hitting on" but hasn't really gotten to, "we could get more comfortable without all these clothes on" which moves to out and out propositioning. So, what does the OP want to enjoy? Is it simply other guys paying attention to her and making her feel desirable or is it her going off and having sex with other men? Be careful what you ask for/wish for. Boundaries can be slipped by without hardly noticing them.

I agree. There's definitely a difference between casual flirting and all out propositioning. My wife and I are a hotwife couple. So I'm all for the flirting turning into something more.

 

[Kimlikes]

What’s the best way to get guys to flirt with wife when out on the town?

Get her to show some leg and cleavage and don’t stand too close

 

[FunWifey]

Have her wear something fun, playful, a bit naughty (as long as she is totally on board with the whole thing). Outward personality has a lot to do with it, is she cute, smiling, does she have the 'it's ok to approach me look?'

Last night we went out, parking was crazy so hubby dropped me off at the door to get a table (had on a cute short tight dress). By the time he found parking I had found 2 seats at the bar and had 2 shots bought for my guys lol. I was friendly, but did not hide I was married, we all chatted through dinner and they even bought us all another round at the end. They were flirty for sure, but not over the top.

 

[One_ping_only]

Have her wear something fun, playful, a bit naughty (as long as she is totally on board with the whole thing). Outward personality has a lot to do with it, is she cute, smiling, does she have the 'it's ok to approach me look?'

Last night we went out, parking was crazy so hubby dropped me off at the door to get a table (had on a cute short tight dress). By the time he found parking I had found 2 seats at the bar and had 2 shots bought for my guys lol. I was friendly, but did not hide I was married, we all chatted through dinner and they even bought us all another round at the end. They were flirty for sure, but not over the top.

Funny but on our date nights I often " run late " and show up at the bar or restaurant about half hour or so. This despite the fact I'm never late hmmmm with the exception of these date nights.

Allow me to explain haaaaa .......... I'm actually not late but I would often watch my wife from afar as she sits at the bar alone patiently waiting for me. It never fails but within a few minutes of her sitting at the bar she's approached sooner or later and yeeess she has her wedding band on.

It gives me a thrill to watch the men subtly strike up a convo with her and may even flirt or banter with her. She always gets more than enough attention the short time she's alone hhhmmmmm!

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Like it or not, a woman is almost always going to assume that the husband has hidden motives. She is going to assume that he wants her to have sex with other guys, she she won't have any moral ground to stand on to cry foul, when he has sex with other women. Why? Because she could never see herself allowing him to sleep with other women...but even if she did, she knows she would only do so if she was also allowed to sleep with other guys.

The reality is that this is crossing a bridge that can't be uncrossed. And for the vast majority of people, it is the beginning of the end of their relationship. Often, it will end because she finds a guy who is much much better in bed than her husband. If he can provide a good life for her, and he wants to take her away from the husband, he is often successful.

Next, the control issues you mentioned. Yes, for many men, they want their wives to do this, but they want total control over it. The reality is that he has zero control. She has all the control, like it or not. She decides if it will happen. She decides with who. She decides if it will happen again, and with whom. And she decides if she will stick to any ground rules he sets. She decides if she will take this as a license to now sleep with other guys, and not tell the husband. Maybe up until this point, she was resisting the efforts of her hot boss, who wants to begin and affair with her. She decides if she wants to move on with the new guy, and divorce the husband. The husband is fooling himself if he thinks he has any control at all, in this situation.

He may be a voyeur, as you suggested. Again, he is likely to get more than he wanted, here. This is not a porn video. Real people are involved. Real emotions.

Men and women don't understand each other. A man can be totally in love with his wife, and yet still see many many women during a day, whom he looks at, and thinks, "I would love to fuck that." He could even successfully have sex with some of them, and it wouldn't change anything about how he feels about his wife.

For women, this is not as easy. If she sleeps with a hotter looking guy, who fucks her better than her husband, it IS going to have an affect on her mind.

As a guy, who spend a lot of effort trying to get a woman to decide that you are the one for her. Why on Earth do you think it's a good idea to have her swooning over another man? Think about it. If you go down this path, she is likely to only sleep with a guy who is better than you. Better looking, and better in bed. That's the appeal right? Why bother if the guy isn't going to fuck her better than you can, right? So he is also likely to be bigger where it counts, also.

So all day long, her mind is on him, not you. He's the one that raises her pulse, not you. He's the one she gets wet, thinking about, not you. He's the one that she can't wait to fuck again, not you. Good for your relationship? Hardly. You would have to have some very weird dynamics going on in your relationship to make this work.

I am fairly new to lit, and this just is so well written, great advice and insight!

 

[Noor]

There are a surprising number of men out there who fantasied of their wife or g/f being picked up, or seduced, or another guy fucking her.
Less do, because one partner may not be willing, or be able to find someone.
Other barriers may be the psychology driving the person who wants it to happen, it could be a control thing, or the guy likes to be humiliated, or he could be a voyeur, etc that the other person isn’t comfortable about.

Talk to your wife, discuss, make rules.

And if everything is a go, then like Empress Josephine says, let her wear a little black dress, and leave her alone.

Think back, what was it that drew you to her in the first place. What was it you found enticing about her.

And the fantasy might not live up to the reality.
Many couples don’t flirt with outsiders so they don’t open themselves up to other people. The trouble with introducing outsiders is that it’s hard to control the outcome.
You have to have a pretty strong relationship to do that, and if the op did, they wouldn’t be asking advice, they’d be talking with their wife.

 

[hornyhubby66]

The sexier she looks the more they will flirt. We are not that complicated. We are sexually visual.