For women in this lifestyle with children

[sb2009]

for the most part teachers seem to have a good filter for what kids spill about homelife. I don't know how'd they handle things like "my mommy is chained up at night" LOL but I know my daughters kindy teacher told me that my child informed her that I didn't wear a bra to bed, that sometimes I sleep naked and that Daddy knows I sleep naked and doesn't tell me to stop.

This was after she came in one night after a bad dream and I had to fish around the floor my bathrobe.

 

[mistressmaxine]

And what if she goes of and blurts all about those "natural things" to kids in the school and teachers?
The child might accept as ordinary whatever she sees her parents do, but society may have other opinions on ordinary things.

I found myself thinking about this half the night, which made me pretty grumpy today!
I was not implying that everything should be out there, there are obviously items etc. that you would keep away from any child BDSM or not. However small children learn from their adults and if the adults make something interesting by NOT talking about it then the kid will be interested.

Nowadays most of them talk about computer games, tv, films and what they had for tea, not whether their parents walk around naked or not.

As I said before, it really is about common sense, the people involved AND the child herself.

It did really keep me awake though, thinking about it.

 

[eastern sun]

I found myself thinking about this half the night, which made me pretty grumpy today!
I was not implying that everything should be out there, there are obviously items etc. that you would keep away from any child BDSM or not. However small children learn from their adults and if the adults make something interesting by NOT talking about it then the kid will be interested.

Nowadays most of them talk about computer games, tv, films and what they had for tea, not whether their parents walk around naked or not.

As I said before, it really is about common sense, the people involved AND the child herself.

It did really keep me awake though, thinking about it.

It bears thinking through.

I make a point to spend as much time at my childrens' schools as I can. That way, no matter what my children say, their teachers have an independent opinion of who I am and can measure what my children are saying against their knowledge of me.

(I have had school nurses send home pamphlets about "children witnessing violence in the home," only to have teachers call me and apologize. I can't really say either was wrong.)

 

[intothewoods]

I found myself thinking about this half the night, which made me pretty grumpy today!
I was not implying that everything should be out there, there are obviously items etc. that you would keep away from any child BDSM or not. However small children learn from their adults and if the adults make something interesting by NOT talking about it then the kid will be interested.

Nowadays most of them talk about computer games, tv, films and what they had for tea, not whether their parents walk around naked or not.

As I said before, it really is about common sense, the people involved AND the child herself.

It did really keep me awake though, thinking about it.

It's only interesting if they're aware of it and its secrecy. I agree that it's common sense, but I read about a lot of batshit crazy things these days. I am the adult and I decide what I discuss with my child. And I agree most are not interested in their parents' sex lives or their parents' nudity.

 

[StrayKat]

I found myself thinking about this half the night, which made me pretty grumpy today!
I was not implying that everything should be out there, there are obviously items etc. that you would keep away from any child BDSM or not. However small children learn from their adults and if the adults make something interesting by NOT talking about it then the kid will be interested.

Nowadays most of them talk about computer games, tv, films and what they had for tea, not whether their parents walk around naked or not.

As I said before, it really is about common sense, the people involved AND the child herself.

It did really keep me awake though, thinking about it.

I am sorry if you had bad night because of my comment

Kids do talk about different things nowdays, but how do you know exactly how much they talk about sex? It depends on the age of the child of course, but I do think they are interested just as much as we were. Now try to remember how you were at that age, did you talk about "giggling" things when everyone could hear you?
And if your child is not very interested, how do you know their friends are not as well?

Yes, its about common sense. I would not count on my common sense all the time personally, I would do some serious thinking if I was involved in anything that could for some reason in any way hurt my children. People tend to forget how much can a child sense from very little data and then make conclusions that are not always logical to adults.

I would just say be careful and never underestimate your kids or what they might be interested in.

 

[sb2009]

hell yes, never ever underestimate what your kids can infer, refer, defer or just plain guess from anything!

 

[mistressmaxine]

To be fair I am much more experienced with teenagers than wee ones so maybe I have to look back at when mine was that young. And he was a boy which makes it a bit different too.

I still was fairly free about walking around with little or nothing on until he was about 8 or 9 though. He knew I slept naked. In fact when I became a step mother and took on two teenagers they also knew that I slept naked, never kept it a secret. And shows of affection were always encouraged in the house. My personal opinion is that children should see love, hugs, cuddles, affection from their parents, or the adults in their home as well as between and from each other.

It's ok to keep me awake, just not too often!!!

 

[eastern sun]

To be fair I am much more experienced with teenagers than wee ones so maybe I have to look back at when mine was that young. And he was a boy which makes it a bit different too.

I still was fairly free about walking around with little or nothing on until he was about 8 or 9 though. He knew I slept naked. In fact when I became a step mother and took on two teenagers they also knew that I slept naked, never kept it a secret. And shows of affection were always encouraged in the house. My personal opinion is that children should see love, hugs, cuddles, affection from their parents, or the adults in their home as well as between and from each other.

It's ok to keep me awake, just not too often!!!

I think it's really important for kids to witness their parents' affection for each other. And a certain amount of even the embarrassing kinds of "smoochy" affection just make the kids feel secure in their parents' bond with each other.

We also have no problem with nudity in our household. Each person's modesty seems to shift and change with their moods and age, so we just generally give each person whatever level of privacy they ask for.

What I've found both fascinating and troubling is the way the kids respond subconsciously to the "undercurrents" in the household. They may not even be able to identify where they got the ideas to lead each other around on a leash, or tie each other up, demand to be called "master," or position their butts and tease for a spanking. But they do it whenever my husband and I amp up our private lives, or take it into new areas. We're not doing it in front of them. We're not discussing it within their earshot (at least to our knowledge). It seems like it just bubbles up from the "collective unconscious" of the household.

Those are the influences I wonder about. And it always makes me ponder the nature/nurture arguments.

 

[HottieMama]

What I've found both fascinating and troubling is the way the kids respond subconsciously to the "undercurrents" in the household. They may not even be able to identify where they got the ideas to lead each other around on a leash, or tie each other up, demand to be called "master," or position their butts and tease for a spanking. But they do it whenever my husband and I amp up our private lives, or take it into new areas. We're not doing it in front of them. We're not discussing it within their earshot (at least to our knowledge). It seems like it just bubbles up from the "collective unconscious" of the household.

This is very interesting to me as well. HusDom and I are just beginning to "amp up" our private behaviors and I wonder if I will notice this phenomenon as well.

 

[sb2009]

one thing that I notice my oldest does is any time husband and I are alone in a room and we laugh or make noise she yells "I CAN HEAR YOU!!" She has never yelled at us when we are actually HAVING sex, though.

 

[graceanne]

What I've found both fascinating and troubling is the way the kids respond subconsciously to the "undercurrents" in the household. They may not even be able to identify where they got the ideas to lead each other around on a leash, or tie each other up, demand to be called "master," or position their butts and tease for a spanking. But they do it whenever my husband and I amp up our private lives, or take it into new areas. We're not doing it in front of them. We're not discussing it within their earshot (at least to our knowledge). It seems like it just bubbles up from the "collective unconscious" of the household.

I've noticed this, too. Like the time my youngest were taking turns spanking each other.

 

[AnnV]

I got two sons,they know I sleep naked-they've never known otherwise-and we don't make a big deal about seeing eachother naked in this household,I won't put a robe on walking from the bathroom to the bedroom for instance,they're used to that-but I don't leave any of my BDSM toys lying around,allthough I'm quite sure they know about my preferences in one way or another.They're far from stupid.

 

[sb2009]

so last night we were kissing, just nice casual kissing in the kitchen and in walked the 12 year old, gagged, and said "can't you be normal and not touch each other? that's gross."

 

[AnnV]

so last night we were kissing, just nice casual kissing in the kitchen and in walked the 12 year old, gagged, and said "can't you be normal and not touch each other? that's gross."

Lol,very typical!!!But seriously,I've never made a problem of my kids seeing me nude,never seen it as something unhealthy or corrupting,and they are so used to me walking around naked,they don't blink an eye or feel embarrassed by it.

 

[sb2009]

they are used to average affection. I do wonder though, this thread has got me thinking, about noise level. Our house is rather small and we wait until they are asleep (or out of the house!!) to have sex...but I wonder about things like the crack of the riding crop or slaping noises, etc...for all I know, the whole middle school knows I like to get spanked, eeeek.

 

[StrayKat]

Lol,very typical!!!But seriously,I've never made a problem of my kids seeing me nude,never seen it as something unhealthy or corrupting,and they are so used to me walking around naked,they don't blink an eye or feel embarrassed by it.

I dont think anyone was making an issue about being naked or showing affection. That is healthy and can only help a child develop normal attitude toward their body, just as kisses and hugs mean loving parents.

On the other hand letting children know about some even legally frowned upon activities and consider it "nothing much" can be at least said dangerous imo.

 

[AnnV]

I dont think anyone was making an issue about being naked or showing affection. That is healthy and can only help a child develop normal attitude toward their body, just as kisses and hugs mean loving parents.

On the other hand letting children know about some even legally frowned upon activities and consider it "nothing much" can be at least said dangerous imo.

I totally agree.That's why they'll NEVER see some of my BDSM"equipment".

 

[intothewoods]

I've noticed this, too. Like the time my youngest were taking turns spanking each other.

Fwiw, I have seen many kids my son's age spanking each other lately, and I highly doubt they are all kinky! I think they are aware of spanking as a punishment and are sort of playing with it. I dunno. I'm not negating what you and easternsun have observed, just pointing out that I'm sure there are other things influencing your kids too (so don't feel too bad ).

On another note...I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there's a difference between what the parents do and what one parent does with a new partner, especially if the kids are older and pretty aware. I mean, sure, it's gross that your parents have sex and all that, but really in the long run, that's a good thing for kids to be aware of (minus the details, of course). Parent moves in their new honey and all of a sudden you have nudity, loud, noisy sex, authority figure parent deferring to someone else's authority, parent dressing weirdly or in a way that causes embarassment (particularly to a teen), or some combination of the above, and you are going to have an angry, resentful kid who may start acting out in a big way.

That said, as a single parent, you have to avoid the trap of coddling your child or spoiling them because you feel guilty over the divorce. I mean, that doesn't do your child any favors either. But I am sensitive to the fact that my kid and I have moved in with someone who has been in charge of various aspects of my life, and I have been and am the authority figure. I have tried not to disrupt my kid's life in a negative way, and I think I've done a pretty good job.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I think it's really important for kids to witness their parents' affection for each other. And a certain amount of even the embarrassing kinds of "smoochy" affection just make the kids feel secure in their parents' bond with each other.

Definitely this.