Found out boyfriend is bi-curious

[Harold_Hill]

No, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not participate in anything that brings someone else into our lives. He knows and understands why I feel that way and will never try to push that on me.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I said *never*, only to have that word come flying back in my face. But I support you 100% on this.

 

[Leeleigh]

There is a very specific reason why I can safely say there will be no one else.. When you love someone you accept them, flaws and all... when all someone wants is a quick bit of fun, a physical flaw can be cause for rejection.. I have been there, several times, I won't go there ever again. I don't take rejection like that well. My bf understands.. he didn't realize until recently that even now, after being together for 10 years, I still periodically feel fear of him looking at me and getting turned off

 

[robertreams]

I'm far from an expert. I am merely a bit bi-curious myself, but could it be that a neutral ground you share is the bridge to dealing with it and maybe even allowing yourself to enjoy it?

For instance, on some level I'm guessing this can be interpreted to mean that you both have a shared appreciation for the male anatomy. I'd suggest that talking it through and looking for compatible options might be a real winning deal for you.

Do you like giving oral to a man? Maybe he does too. Maybe the two of you giving oral to another man would be mutually enjoyable. I'm sure there are multiple scenarios where this could turn out that you get to enjoy another attractive man, in your current mans presence, without damaging your relationship, and in fact making you guys even closer.

At least he's honest enough to tell you his deeper desire.

Try starting with pictures or with penthouse letters, see how he reacts. PL even has a bi curious category. So does Yahoo chat. At the very least it should give him ripping erections. Also try wetting your fingers on his cock (so they smell and taste like cock) and letting his suck those while he is fucking you, or you are sucking him.

 

[robertreams]

As I said, I wasn't challenging your point of view. You made a good point and I just wanted to add my own thoughts. Not knowing you are your husband personally, I'm not sure any of this applies in your case, but there are a lot of men today who are bi curious, but feel shame at at the thought of being branded gay. For a lot of people today, (if not most), the definition of homosexuality is black and white. For most in the court of public opinion, suck one cock and you're gay, but I'm not convinced that is actually true. There seems to be a lot of men today who love women, (many even happily married, and raising a family), but are drawn to the physical act of male/male sex without any emotional attachment to the man. I guess while anyone engaging in same gender sex could be technically defined as homosexual (by Websters), I think in the real world, bi sexual and homosexual are not the same thing. Just my opinion, but I think, (the court of public opinion), should consider the emotional attachment before branding someone gay or bi. Just my opinion, but I think the emotional attraction/attachment defines whether a person is gay or straight regardless of the sex act involved. I think a person who enjoys same gender sex should still be considered straight if that person's primary emotional attraction is to the opposite sex. Perhaps in some cases, instead of someone being labeled bi or gay, hetero-flexible might be a better way of describing a person's attraction to same gender sex.

Just to be clear, I wasn't aiming my opinion at you personally, but after reading your and the OP's original post, (and I did real all of yours), I felt this thread is worthy of a broader discussion about bi curiosity. There are a lot of men, (and probably women too), who struggle with these feelings, and perhaps an open discussion might help some of them better understand their own sexual feelings.

why can't we all be just sexual, without prefixes?

 

[Leeleigh]

Try starting with pictures or with penthouse letters, see how he reacts. PL even has a bi curious category. So does Yahoo chat. At the very least it should give him ripping erections. Also try wetting your fingers on his cock (so they smell and taste like cock) and letting his suck those while he is fucking you, or you are sucking him.

We have tried playing with some toys.. while he enjoys having something up his ass, he doesn't enjoy it in the manner we were both expecting. It appears that me being there may be inhibiting him from really cutting loose.. On his days off he talks to people and plays on other sites that has lots of the things he wants to see.. Apparently I need to take a day off and be around when he gets going with them to see if it is me being around or if it comes down to him needing visual stimulation, not just a mouth wrapped around his cock as something is shoved up his ass..

 

[BiTodd]

Sorry it took so long to get back to yall..

We have been together for 10 years and he kept it secret.. I never knew till I found things he left open on the computer and did some reading.. to say that I was shocked would be the understatement. He has done nothing other than talk online with people who are like him, he has not acted upon anything YET.. I don't know that he ever will, on the same coin, I don't know that he won't and I will suddenly find myself out in the cold. So its not that I don't trust him.. I am scared... neither of us wants to lose the other.. and we both are kind of walking on egg shells right now.

I am willing to help him explore his curiosity, between just the two of us.. I just don't know how to, and hope someone out there has some suggestions.. I am figuring getting some toys would be a good start.

I am always intriqued at how a man can let his significant other of many years knkw that he is bi or bi curious and all of a sudden the woman freaks about his continued fidelity. Well you knew he was attracted to women and he picked you. What makes you think that because he is also attracted to men that he will not be satisfied by you? Being bisexual is not incompatible with a monogamous relationship.

 

[needytom]

I don't think you need to take a day off to be there so you can experience what and how he gets off. the electronics store has little video cameras like the security ones that are pretty cheap. you can even connect them to your phone or tablet or computer ,like a webcam to see what's going on. that way he isn't uncomfortable with you there, and neither are you. It might even open up another avenue for you two to get closer exploring. Good luck to the both of you.

 

[Leeleigh]

I am always intriqued at how a man can let his significant other of many years knkw that he is bi or bi curious and all of a sudden the woman freaks about his continued fidelity. Well you knew he was attracted to women and he picked you. What makes you think that because he is also attracted to men that he will not be satisfied by you? Being bisexual is not incompatible with a monogamous relationship.

#1, He didn't let me know, I found out by accident, and would probably still be unaware if he hadn't been in a hurry one day and forgot to close out the sites he had been on an delete the history off the computer.

#2, I didn't freak out over his continued fidelity, I freaked out cause I was totally unaware of his other desires and the secret life he had been enjoying while I was at work.

#3, I have personal experience, with a family member, who was bi-curious, explored that part of them-self, discovered he liked being with men more than women and broke up with his long time girlfriend. I saw what happened to her. That weighed heavily on my mind when this all started.

I don't think there would be many people, who suddenly finding out about a secret like this, would not be shocked and have some concerns.. if they didn't, they must not have deep feelings for the other person. I think is am handling this situation pretty damn well, all things considered.

 

[BiTodd]

I do understand better than you know. But he might be just as afraid of losing you if he divulges his secret. You have to admit that a fella that is starting to explore the man on man thing is probably keeping it a secret because he is afraid of being rejected. It takes alot to go from secretly acting out to telling friends about your desires, even a best friend and lover.

 

[robertreams]

so now men are trees. Thank god for JBJ or we wouldn't know how to distinguish logic from bullshit!

 

[robertreams]

way to go todd. I am a true bisexual, about 60/40 on the hetero side, but I have been faithful to my wife for over 30 years. When we take the vow we don't say above all other women, we say "above all others"

 

[robertreams]

Now we know for sure that jbj sucks cock. He KNOWS for sure that sucking cock when you're married is not a good idea. Now how would he know that?

 

[lowphat]

Dude, wait ten minutes and say it all at once.

 

[Spenser41]

Ok, I will throw my 2 cents in here... You and I have know each other a long time. You didn't find this out by accident, he wanted you to know or he would have cleaned up his tracks better.
He has had these feelings a long time, and he is getting bolder in letting you know what he wants. Will he do it? I think he will. If you are upset with this, then he will do it in secret. If you are open to it, he will do it in open.
Anyone would be afraid of what will happen. It is RARE for an open marriage to work. You are boyfriend and girlfriend but you've been together for over 10 years so basically you are common law marriage. Allowing someone else into the relationship there is ALWAYS a HUGE chance of things going bad and breaking up.
So, you have to tell him, he needs to make a choice. Either he wants you, or he wants his bi life. You can not have both. You two made a commitment, you moved all the way up to Alaska from Fla for this guy. So, you have to decide, can you live with him wanting to be with other men.? If you can, and you are ok with it, then ok. If I remember you told me the men outnumber the women by a huge amount. If he wants to play, then you should be able too as well. If you don't want his and if he is not going to honor the commitment to each other, then not much you can do.
You need to think ahead and think about you. This decision is not just about him, it is going to effect you as well. I am not judging the man but if this was a marriage and he said to his wife, I want to be with other women... how many women would you think would let another woman into the relationship. Very little. Open marriage for the most part do not work. Jealousy and the chance of being left out, always comes up. Also, on a side note, if there is no protection used, you could end up with a serious STD.
I wish you the best and you can always talk to me if you want to. Love you hon...

 

[Leeleigh]

Ok, I will throw my 2 cents in here... You and I have know each other a long time. You didn't find this out by accident, he wanted you to know or he would have cleaned up his tracks better.
He has had these feelings a long time, and he is getting bolder in letting you know what he wants. Will he do it? I think he will. If you are upset with this, then he will do it in secret. If you are open to it, he will do it in open.
Anyone would be afraid of what will happen. It is RARE for an open marriage to work. You are boyfriend and girlfriend but you've been together for over 10 years so basically you are common law marriage. Allowing someone else into the relationship there is ALWAYS a HUGE chance of things going bad and breaking up.
So, you have to tell him, he needs to make a choice. Either he wants you, or he wants his bi life. You can not have both. You two made a commitment, you moved all the way up to Alaska from Fla for this guy. So, you have to decide, can you live with him wanting to be with other men.? If you can, and you are ok with it, then ok. If I remember you told me the men outnumber the women by a huge amount. If he wants to play, then you should be able too as well. If you don't want his and if he is not going to honor the commitment to each other, then not much you can do.
You need to think ahead and think about you. This decision is not just about him, it is going to effect you as well. I am not judging the man but if this was a marriage and he said to his wife, I want to be with other women... how many women would you think would let another woman into the relationship. Very little. Open marriage for the most part do not work. Jealousy and the chance of being left out, always comes up. Also, on a side note, if there is no protection used, you could end up with a serious STD.
I wish you the best and you can always talk to me if you want to. Love you hon...

I know you do my friend. I knew you would be the voice of reason. Everything you said, I have thought about and still think about it. Its an interesting(to say the least) situation I am in. I know he loves me, and I know he doesn't want to lose me. I think I have to wait to see if his desires override his need for me. Love you too my friend, and thanks, I know you are there for me.. We have been though a lot together, haven't we?

 

[BiTodd]

I am curious how this goes. From the willingness of you to try and make yourself available to help him experience it with you, as much as possible. To how it works confronting him about keeping this so secret. I have been in this situation from the other side...btw.

 

[robertreams]

You should read the KInsey report. Kinsey's information suggests that any person is capable of being aroused to orgasm by any other person, i.e. everyone is basically bi sexual.

At the very least, he discovered what he labeled as, I believe 16, layers of sexuality between all the way hetero and all the way gay.

In addition he found that a majority of those surveyed had had at least one same sex experience in their life.

While Kinsey research is today looked somewhat down upon, because he only interviewed those who volunteered, it must be remembered that Kinsey's sample size was huge compared to any other study of human sexuality, and that he was meticulous in the gathering and cataloging of his information.

 

[Leeleigh]

You should read the KInsey report. Kinsey's information suggests that any person is capable of being aroused to orgasm by any other person, i.e. everyone is basically bi sexual.

At the very least, he discovered what he labeled as, I believe 16, layers of sexuality between all the way hetero and all the way gay.

In addition he found that a majority of those surveyed had had at least one same sex experience in their life.

While Kinsey research is today looked somewhat down upon, because he only interviewed those who volunteered, it must be remembered that Kinsey's sample size was huge compared to any other study of human sexuality, and that he was meticulous in the gathering and cataloging of his information.

I must be odd then.. I have never been interested in being with anyone other than a man, and I have never had an experience with another woman. I like cock, that is all there is to it.

 

[robertreams]

I'm quite familiar with the prostate Obviously not from the receiving end, but we've spent years playing with it. Yet still I wouldn't compare it with the feelings we girls get from having a dick inside. Not all girls have / feel their g-spot (which is the closest comparison to a prostate) and unfortunately the majority of girls won't orgasm from internal stimulation alone. Vaginas just aren't very sensitive deep inside. And this is coming from a girl who CAN orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone!

Then again I do know prostate-o's can also require training and special type of relaxation, but most men can get it going if they have the patience and skill. But for girls... nope, many just don't get IT with their pussies. Which is very sad.


------- Edit.

I feel I still need to elaborate this.

If you want to find a girls g-spot, most of us need to be very aroused - preferably even recently orgasmed. So make us cum and it might surface, might! Then if you find it, you must use force and really give it a good thumb-pounding. If you succeed, the girl can feel anything from irritation onwards. Pain, pressure, need to pee, pleasure - or just nothing.

Whereas if you get past the sphincter you'll find the prostate. When it's found, all it needs is a little tickle, you can't use force at all. So tickle it and bam! Instant pleasure or at least intense feelings! No automatic prostate-o's of course, but still something out of the ordinary. And good for you, I'm genuinely happy guys have such a delicious spot inside them and I love giving my husband massive pleasure through it but... Nope, unfortunately prostate and g-spot cannot be compared.

But anyway, I'm sorry OP, I'm babbling way too much off topic. Will back down and join in if there's anything you need to ask me. Otherwise it's time to stop (accidentally) hijacking this thread!

See my story in How to: https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-locate-your-lovers-g-spot