"Gathering of the Clans"

[Rumple Foreskin]

I believe that the mere threat of airborne haggis has kept the Scottish tourist trade depressed for several generations.MG

Inspired by MG's apocalyptic vision, I came up with the following. It should reveal to one and all why I'm not allowed around the Poetry forum. To the tune of "Ballad of the Green Berets."


Flying haggis from the sky,

Tourists take one bite and die,

Indigestible at best,

It will lay them to their rest,

RF

 

[Guest]

They threw HAGGIS at you?

Yes! I was shocked, dumbfounded, amazed and rendered speechless by their reaction to me. All I did was question their sanity with regard to deep frying Mars bars in batter. They really do that, they are such uncivilsed brutes.

Damn sexy in their kilts, though.

Away noo te cook me tatties,
Lou

 

[Belegon]

Real Men Wear Kilts!

As a man of scottish ancestry who has yet to actually visit Scotland I've read this with amusement. I do own a kilt and can tell you that the general reaction to wearing one in public is a mixture of puzzlement/admiration from the ladies and pretty general scorn from non-scottish males. I honestly believe they feel threatened. As the only part of my physique that still remotely resembles my athletic youth is my legs I admit to enjoying the "show-off" aspect.

The caber toss, hammer throw, etc. were apparently developed because the english were afraid of the warlike scots practicing their military skills and outlawed things like fencing and archery.
The highland sports evolved from substitutes.

I've never tried haggis. I love bagpipes played well. Any instrument can sound ugly played poorly.

 

[Guest]

Re: Real Men Wear Kilts!

I've never tried haggis. I love bagpipes played well.

I have tried haggis, and I loved it! But please don't tell everyone, it is a delicacy of acquired taste, we don't want the hoards eating it all.

I also adore the bagpipes. Played well they are so haunting, and never fail to send shivers down my spine.

I'm English, but in reality a lover of all things Scottish. Many happy memories of childhood holidays in bonnie Scotland.

Lou

 

[MathGirl]

Flying haggis from the sky,
Tourists take one bite and die,
Indigestible at best,
It will lay them to their rest,

Dear Rumple,
That was truly offal.
MG
Ps. Does anyone remember Monty Python's ten second skit entitled "Invention of the Bagpipes?"
Two scots, complete with kilts and tam o'shanters, standing face to face. One says, "Hoot mon, Angus. Let's invent somethin' that sounds really disgustin'."
Pps. The Irish are the only people who have so little to brag about that they claim they invented the bagpipes first.

 

[Guest]

Pps. The Irish are the only people who have so little to brag about that they claim they invented the bagpipes first.

They do have Jiminy Cricket in his wellies (L and R painted on the toes and still worn on the wrong feet,) and they infected the world with potatoes.

Lou (married to a half Japanese guy with Irish descent.)

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by Tatelou they infected the world with potatoes.

Dear Tat,
I'll beat Ogue to the punch on this one. Spuds actually came from South America. They were brought back to Europe by explorers. Ireland had such perfect soil (poor) and climate (questionable) that the spuds did well there. About the only thing they could grow, and the Irish developed a tater-based food chain. Thence the great spud famine.
Pedantically,
MG
Ps. I like spuds, and I love Ireland.

 

[ffreak]

Just as I always thought. Potatos are a weed.

 

[Guest]

Dear Tat,
I'll beat Ogue to the punch on this one. Spuds actually came from South America. They were brought back to Europe by explorers. Ireland had such perfect soil (poor) and climate (questionable) that the spuds did well there. About the only thing they could grow, and the Irish developed a tater-based food chain. Thence the great spud famine.
Pedantically,
MG
Ps. I like spuds, and I love Ireland.

Yeah, I knew that, I was just trying to be funny.

Sir Walter Raleigh first introduced them to the UK, after his voyages of discovery (he also blighted us with his introduction of tobacco, myself included.) The Irish made the humble spud their own.

Potatoes are also the staple food of us Brits, roasted spuds being our speciallity.

A fellow spud lover,
Lou

 

[ffreak]

Raleigh is where I'm hailing now (or is that haleing - still doesn't look right, we don't have any hail here and certainly all the tobacco does not make one hale).

Sir Raleigh's NC State of tobacco farmers can be amusing sometimes. I went to lunch with a collegue in a 'large' city here (four offramps). Two little old ladies greeted us at the door. My friend asked for a table in the non-smoking section. One of the ladies gave him a quizzical look and said, "Sonny, do you realize you are in a tobacco State?"

Dear friend, with the smokey eyes, if you want to put something in your mouth I can suggest other interesting thingys.

 

[Guest]

That man has got a lot to answer for.

Also, take into consideration the fact that he wanders around Sherborne Castle, with his head tucked under his arm, frightening the locals. No wonder Queen Elizabeth I went off him.

My Gran lives in Sherborne, and claims to have seen his ghost. She's told me many spooky tales about that place.

Lou

 

[ffreak]

Over here we just commercialize everything we can. The made this the capital of North Carolina and then proceeded to name every other business Sir Walter Chevrolet, Cleaners, Picture Framing, Hot Dogs, etc.

We get back at people by making money off low quality products using their name.

 

[Guest]

We get back at people by making money off low quality products using their name.

Ha ha!

The buggers just come and haunt us.

Lou

 

[Quasimodem]

One of my favourite comedy bits is Bob Newhart (on record) as Sir Walter Raleigh explaining to Queen Elizabeth I how one uses tobacco.

"You dry it, shred it, roll it up in small pieces of paper . . . and then you burn it?

 

[Guest]

I'm pretty sure they did a similar thing in Blackadder II. I know Baldrick had a thing for turnips, but that's a different matter altogether.

Lou

 

[ffreak]

Oh Gawd, tell me he didn't smoke the turnips. That's a California thing.

I knew this kid in Los Alamos who came over to my Aunt's and whispered to me to follow him. We went to his back yard and he proudly showed me that he had collected and dried weeds (I mean foxtail, dandelion, etc.) and had just stolen some ancient cigarette papers and was intending to roll his own and try it out. He was offering to include me in on the fiasco.

Worked for me. Can't smoke anything because I would never be able to hold the cigarette still for laughing at the memory.

 

[Guest]

Oh Gawd, tell me he didn't smoke the turnips. That's a California thing.

I knew this kid in Los Alamos who came over to my Aunt's and whispered to me to follow him. We went to his back yard and he proudly showed me that he had collected and dried weeds (I mean foxtail, dandelion, etc.) and had just stolen some ancient cigarette papers and was intending to roll his own and try it out. He was offering to include me in on the fiasco.

Worked for me. Can't smoke anything because I would never be able to hold the cigarette still for laughing at the memory.

Blimey, he was being rather risquee. Imagine if he'd used foxgloves, or even deadly nightshade. That would've had very negative effects. Halucinating is one thing, cardiac arrest is far more serious.

Anyone ever try magic mushrooms?

Sorry MathGirl, this is so off topic now, how do we bring it back?

Lou

 

[Quasimodem]

Oh Gawd, tell me he didn't smoke the turnips. . .

I had an Uncle who used to smoke hams

 

[Guest]

I had an Uncle who used to smoke hams

The Earl will get this, and maybe a few others...

"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." - Ace Rimmer.

Lou

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by Tatelou Sorry MathGirl, this is so off topic now, how do we bring it back?

Dear Tat,
I don't mind at all. I, for one, believe that threads generally improve as they mature and lose all resemblence to the original intent.
MG
Ps. If I was in charge, it would be mandatory that all threads meander through TV singing cowboys, garderobes, and sheep by the 50th post.
Pps. I had no doubt that you knew the true origin of the noble spud. You're quite well informed.

 

[gauchecritic]

I've known a few girls who smoke sausages.

Gauche

Got it LouLou. So did everyone else on the board who ever read TheEarls 15 page sig-lines from before you joined us.

 

[Guest]

Ps. If I was in charge, it would be mandatory that all threads meander through TV singing cowboys, garderobes, and sheep by the 50th post.

Oh goodie! Now, there's a challenge.

I imagine Queen Bess had a garderobe to put all others to shame. Gold plated and jewel encrusted perhaps?

Gauche- I forgot about The Earl's mammoth sig lines. The only one I've ever seen was the scene about the dog's milk?!

Loulou

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Okay, I gotta ask. Who the hell is Alan Rickman? I don't watch current movies. Am I really missing something?
MG
Ps. Who is Snape?

*getting big paddle and smacks Cheekey's big butt*