Gay, bi, straight? Who cares?

[azdesert73]

Stella,

The "Queen" is looking for attention nothing more. If anyone hasn't deciphered the code. The "Queen" is a male, which explains the intense hatred for anyone with a penis. You project what you hate most about yourself on to others. Psych 101.

After fifty-plus years of my life, during which I have seen steaming mounds of hetero entitlement, bars that were safe places for LGBT folk being overrun by hets, (who already can go to every other bar in town) and watching this forum turn into a sausagefest of men who hate men but love cock, and men who like to wear pantyhose but vote Republican-- I care.

Or I would if it made any difference.

Vicki if you are looking for a 100% straight man you won't find him here. Go do something constructive. Rewrite your OkayCupid profile or something.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You define somebody who talks shit about "protected classes" who have made "choices" to take advantage of some perceived "built-in social capital" to be an Ally? REALLY???? I sure as hell don't and, frankly, I find his comments to be very offensive (along with his fetish porn).

Yep. I know he didn't use the exactly correct language, but I've gotten used to that from people, and I've stopped trying to flay the skin off of someone for imperfect communication skills. I doubt you ever will, of course-- and your opinion is one among many. Mine is another one.

Oh, and no... "WE" don't need men, especially straight men, for shit.

Yeah, we need them to be allies.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I'm not one whom assigns themselves a label or expects to be a protected class for there choices in life...

Only a person from a group protected by society's prejudices, with built-in social capital could possibly complain about this. But anyway, girl-on-girl porn is hot to most men as fantasy. The reality of lesbian women is very very different, as they can tell you. That's why GLBT sections are needed as separate sections in the first place.
Now look at these clips

http://www.xvideos.com/video4389420...n_devours_huge_black_dong_in_front_of_husband

I've fixed this for you IWillDoIt. You need to learn to use the quote button when you're referring to someone's post.

Although I did find the clip you provided offensive and inappropriate to this thread.

Most of the time Stella I tend to agree with Safe Bet but I do agree with you we need the support of everyone including straight men.

 

[Rolando2]

We are all on this forum because we are at least curious about having sex with the same sex. We are in 2013. Being afraid of labels and what people think is 20-30 years ago. People don't need to define themselves as anything. You can like men. You can like women. You can like both.

I suck dick and I eat pussy. I love them both. Period.

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-9tsoIbnCohQ/T5NH_XXxapI/AAAAAAAAAlY/9exLhSzuRIc/s200/4.1.gif

 

[stickygirl]

I'm always perplexed by this and other threads that pick over the niceties of one definition or another of sexuality. I'm currently battling my way through Julia Serano's latest book, Excluded, and her baffling acronyms ( try BMNOPPQ for size ) and trying to unravel, for example, why homosexuals and heterosexuals reinforce the notion of monosexism, but I keep coming back to the same question "Why is love never mentioned?"

Is love such a dirty word? If academics and Literoticians can talk at such length and with such conviction, sometimes anger, without ever mentioning the word, then is it me who is out of step or naive or simply inexperienced?

To me sex is an expression of love: it's what we do when words are simply not enough and even when we are writhing in the ecstasy of orgasm with someone we love, it still isn't quite enough, never quite close enough to convey what that other person means to us.

I've been trying to figure out if I am bisexual ( or pansexual, polysexual, ominisexual ) or whether because of the peculiarity of my gender I have exception to it - 'Oh your trans so you lack legitimacy' with the inference being I'm so fucked up I'll never understand the argument. That sounds like BS to me. If I feel so strongly for someone and if that attraction is mutual, then sex is just an expression of that. I've felt that way about men and women so perhaps that makes me bisexual but I am certainly bi-amorous.

So I can and do reach for any number of labels when it comes to defending the rights of marginalized groups in society, even if I'm not always wholly accepted through my gender status or my pariah sexuality. But what is the relevance of a label when two single people are in bed together expressing their love and how can anyone be critical of them? Put like that you'd think no one, yet up they step into the pulpit, onto the political stages and in every dyke bar that runs bisexuals out for being traitors.

We need heterosexual men as allies, we need bisexuals too and gays and lesbians. We need to remind ourselves more often that we are arguing about the love between two people and not the labels they wear.

I need a drink and should probably go hide for a while now. You've driven me to solitary drinking.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think love is never mentioned because it's so hard to quantify.
Two people bumping whumpies-- that's sex, or so the common supposition goes. Me, I think sex is as hard to define as love is.

 

[priapusone]

Either

yes, i agree

 

[TGirlNerd]

Is love such a dirty word? If academics and Literoticians can talk at such length and with such conviction, sometimes anger, without ever mentioning the word, then is it me who is out of step or naive or simply inexperienced?

To me sex is an expression of love: it's what we do when words are simply not enough and even when we are writhing in the ecstasy of orgasm with someone we love, it still isn't quite enough, never quite close enough to convey what that other person means to us.

Personally, I also view sex as a physical expression of love. In theory, I believe it doesn't require a deep love -- a simple display of the affection one human being is capable of feeling towards another is also possible.

That said, however, I've never had sex with anyone who wasn't already a close friend. I've found that most of my friends have had sexual encounters and experiences I would consider to be grossly irresponsible and unsafe for myself. Perhaps it comes from growing up in an environment where I was surrounded by reminders that people like me wound up the victims of violent crimes when sexual encounters went wrong -- now, it's hard to imagine taking my clothes off for anyone I didn't have a deep and trusting connection with.

By contrast, my best friend has told me that she has never experienced being in love and is skeptical that such a thing is anything but an illusion -- most of the sexual partners she's ever had have lacked that trust and comfort that I find so necessary. So people have very different feelings towards the relationship between love and sex.

I think it's also true that our society tends to associate love with only a particular kind of sex (ie: straight, cis, single-partner, penis-in-vagina sex between long-term exclusive partners). Thus I think that people who engage in less "vanilla" forms of sex, whether through kinks or simply through belonging to the LGBT community in some way, receive less social reinforcement of the idea that sex is a loving act, and are less likely (in my experience) to associate sex and love. It's for that reason that I find depictions of love between non-traditional couples to be so beautiful -- they seem to be the exception rather than the rule.

That lack of association between "kinky" sex and love also contributes, I think, to not finding many discussions of love in communities devoted to erotica. My experience has been that I'm usually far more vanilla in my sexual preferences than the people I surround myself with, simply because traditional "vanilla" sexual preferences generally exclude transsexuals altogether and so I wind up associating myself with a much "kinkier" community, simply because it's where I feel welcomed. Along with that community, I think, goes the lack of connection between love and sex.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks TGN - we're singing off the same song-sheet there.

I know what you mean about having to find acceptance in kinky circles but I've found that acceptance to be purely on a social level. All too often the men are predatory and only after one thing and 'I don't want to have a penis FFS!' I know plenty of cis-women would claim the same thing but how many men use the chat up line 'I think it's amazing you have a vagina' instead of 'Are you pre-op?' The LGBT basket is a right mixed bunch of fruit and people are drawn to it specifically because there will be trans women there and that's so much fucking missing the point *banging head on table*( by them - not you!! ). Thus we are defined as kinky before we've even opened our mouth.
So yea - labels...
I'll stick my neck out here and just say I think sex without love is just masturbation. I'd sooner masturbate than have to listen some hairy lump pissing in toilet like a horse the next morning!

 

[richfun]

Thanks TGN - we're singing off the same song-sheet there.

I know what you mean about having to find acceptance in kinky circles but I've found that acceptance to be purely on a social level. All too often the men are predatory and only after one thing and 'I don't want to have a penis FFS!' I know plenty of cis-women would claim the same thing but how many men use the chat up line 'I think it's amazing you have a vagina' instead of 'Are you pre-op?' The LGBT basket is a right mixed bunch of fruit and people are drawn to it specifically because there will be trans women there and that's so much fucking missing the point *banging head on table*( by them - not you!! ). Thus we are defined as kinky before we've even opened our mouth.
So yea - labels...
I'll stick my neck out here and just say I think sex without love is just masturbation. I'd sooner masturbate than have to listen some hairy lump pissing in toilet like a horse the next morning!

Well Said !

 

[richfun]

As a bi-sexual woman myself, I feel labels hurt the GLBT community more than it helps. It emphasizes that we are different people from everyone else when in reality we're not. Everyone on the planet isn't just straight, gay, or bi-sexual. We are all just varying degrees of "sexual". Everyone loves sex, it's how we continue to exist as a species. It's what we specially love about sex that is different, but that doesn't make us different people. No two straight men's sexual tastes are exactly the same. Some only like missionary in the dark, some like doing pile-drivers while gurgling peanut butter. We all have different tastes, some we are born with, some are accquired.

Take away the labels gay, straight, transgender, bi-sexual, black, white, little, mentally challenged, christian, jewish, whatever, and what do you have left? Just people, and all people deserve the same rights and respect.

I do totally agree, but accept the point that labels are a necessary evil for reasons given earlier in this thread. I have read this thread right through, and it is a fascinating discussion. I guess I get quesy when a few insults fly around, but on forums it does happen.

Love is a complex thing. It certainly is not just sex. In my long life I have really loved two people as soulmates, I never have had sex with either of them, and never will. But I imagine a sexual loving relationship must be the most amazing wonderful thing in all creation.
Sex without some care for the other person, I agree is not good, to me anyway. However I certainly have had sex with people I like rather than love. It is important to remember and appreciate that people are people, never sex objects.
But before you think I have a halo, I was homophobic until my late 30s, even worse I was attracted to men and homophobic.
This is a bit disjointed I know, but just to say there are sensitive men around (Anais Nin wrote in praise of them!). Sex is good, sexy talk and pictures are good, in my opinion, but always with respect.
Someone's sexuality is part and is in all of us, but there is so much more, but sexuality includes doubt and confusion and pain. I have never experienced the discrimination some describe on here, but have experienced those three and still do.
Hope there are more contributions on here, I want to lean more, please X

 

[Kalamain]

Ok...I am a male who feels that I set at a 2 or a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale with a fetish for cock..Not the rest of the male body (Although I will freely admit when a guy is handsome)...But yet has no sexual real arousal from kissing a man.

What the fucking hell do I label myself as?

For the sake of convenience I call myself "Bi-Curious" but I don't think that really fits either as I don't REALLY want to have full sex with another male.

I want to play with his cock but no more to be honest.

Now before you ask...No...I am not subconsciously trying to stop myself from accepting my being gay. I am a little too cynical, jaded and long in the tooth for that crap.

For me labels are bollocks. All they do is make things difficult.
I like what I like... *shrug*

 

[stickygirl]

^^^ I'd say you were a normal bloke... maybe a bit grumpy but normal
But look out - we can spot you in a crowd - yeah you, you with NO LABEL

 

[redrum9599]

Agreed there.

 

[Kalamain]

^^^ I'd say you were a normal bloke... maybe a bit grumpy but normal

I AM NOT GRUMPY!
I am not old enough to be grumpy. I am simply forthright and filled with indignation!

But look out - we can spot you in a crowd - yeah you, you with NO LABEL

I also cut the labels out of my clothing... :rebel:

 

[TGirlNerd]

I also cut the labels out of my clothing... :rebel:

Then the holes in your shirt will also help us to spot you

I would say, keep in mind that just because you find existing labels don't work well for you, it doesn't mean they have no purpose. "Bisexual" and "bicurious" may not fit you very well, and in terms of labels you may have to settle on "its complicated labels don't work well" in order to communicate accurately.

But I don't think that should be taken as an indictment of labels in general, it proves only that they are imperfect, not that they are useless.

I set at a 2 or a 2.5 on the Kinsey scale with a fetish for cock

These are labels! Labels you are using to let us know how you are. They're the reason you don't have to start out by explicitly calling out each one of your specific turn-ons. It takes a bit longer, but you can use some labels as a starting point and then elaborate. For many other people, stock labels like "gay" "straight" and "pansexual" work more smoothly.

I'd say what you're pointing out is that labels will never catch everyone perfectly, but I'd still say that overall labels make communication much easier, particularly when you can pick your own and not feel obligated to one that was assigned to you.

 

[pansyboi]

Gay, bi, straight, who cares ?

Obviously our readers care what our sexual genders are, I, for one am not the least bit shy about mine, I'm 100% GAY, I hate women.


princessJayme@gmail.com

 

[redrum9599]

wow!....

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'd say what you're pointing out is that labels will never catch everyone perfectly, but I'd still say that overall labels make communication much easier, particularly when you can pick your own and not feel obligated to one that was assigned to you.

Speaking of which, let's not forget that this whole discussion is happening in the "GLBT Chatter" section of the site. Even the OP seems to have acknowledged the usefulness of labels there