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The Gay Urge

CharlieBoker said:
So here's a thing......

I really fancy women, am drawn to them sexually and emotionally and I certainly enjoy hetrosexual sex..........But, having said that, I think that I get much more turned on by gay sex.

I love to give myself to another man and to pleasure a cock with my mouth. I get so turned on by being rimmed and can't deny that I love it in the ass. The daft thing about loving gay sex though, is I don't really look at men and find them attractive as such. For sure it's nice to have a good feeling about a potential male sexual partner, but I don't fancy men to look at. I'm aware that's not massively unusual and I see a few posts on here about just loving the cock.

If we're doing labels, I class myself as bisexual.

So, I had plenty of gay sex in my younger days but ended up marrying a woman and having kids. I felt I wanted to do the right thing once I had a kid and be a good present dad, so I tried not to do anything that might destroy the family unit.

The urges to have sex with men never went away though. I have had to repress my sexual urges and it's meant living in conflict. I've had a decent sex life with my wife over the years but the urges for gay sex would always rear their head periodically.

Over the years in my marriage I used to give in to the urges and had a couple of guy friends but whilst it scratched an itch, I couldn't really relax and let go fully sexually, because the infidelity never sat well with me, I love my wife and felt very guilty for risking the family dynamic with betrayal.

About 15 years ago I stopped completely and about 8 years ago when we were at a crossroads in our marriage I told her about my bisexuality and my infidelities. We are still together and she wants me to remain faithful. The love I have for her means I adhere to that, for her sake, although I think it is in conflict with my true nature. It's a tough call and ultimately is a bit of a sacrifice.

The urges are getting stronger again and I find myself being so tempted to have a gay hook up........I know I'll feel shit afterwards if I do, but I can't deny I'm getting nearer to succumbing.

Some might say I'm just gay and in denial, but I don't think so, I am still aroused by women too, so I think I'm truly bisexual.

An interesting question I ask myself is this.......If I was in a gay relationship, getting all the cock I needed and totally fulfilled in that way, would I get the same primal urges and yearn to experience tits, ass and pussy again!

Could it be that I just want what I can't have, or is it really, that sexually, I'm closer to gay than straight on the scale? Who knows? I make my choices and that's that.

So who here, feels the strong pull..........The gay urges, building up over weeks and months, like an itch that needs scratching and you just can't ignore? It's almost a lunar thing!
Click to expand...
Not a clue, my friend. Not....a....clue.
 
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