Getting my bottom ready for anal

[Eilan]

I'm gonna agree with this post 100%. Let's talka bout the realities of anal sex: IT'S NOT LIKE PORN!!!!

Blasphemer.

I have NEVER had a partner who I could RAM it in without getting a death threat. The only reason these porn stars can do it is because they've had a lot of time and action to get their minds ad bodies used to it.

And they use enemas and laxatives. And we generally never see the "bloopers."

Not to mention that that the ass isn't just a second pussy, which is how some guys treat it.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Not to mention that that the ass isn't just a second pussy, which is how some guys treat it.

That's exactly what I meant when I said it wasn't built for this kind of activity. My wife really put it into perspective for me when we first started exploring anal sex. She asked why I wanted to fuck her ass, what was wrong with her pussy? That made me stop and think because I could imagine she'd actually think that. But then I realized, there's a distinctive difference.

Anal sex is a different act completely from vaginal intercourse. The sensations are different, but so is the method in which is is achieved. While it can be very intimate, it also involves significant preparation and communication. You can't go at it like you do PIV sex. If you do approach it the same way, it's not going to work out well.

 

[Eilan]

While it can be very intimate, it also involves significant preparation and communication.

It's more intimate than PIV sex, IMO.

 

[hogjack]

Anal should be left to the professionals or very experienced incarcerated folks.

 

[Chi-Guy31]

Anal should be left to the professionals or very experienced incarcerated folks.

There are those of us who respectfully disagree.

 

[1_hotlilmomma]

special code

Is there a place on this site that breaks down what people are saying???
PIV
IMO

I know there've been others...I'm too new to get it

ty

 

[silverwhisper]

PIV = penis in vagina; sexual intercourse as it's generally defined.
IMO = in my opinion; common variations include IMHO (in my humble opinion) and IMNSHO (in my not so humble opinion).

these actually appear in the blank manual.

ed

 

[SweetErika]

Is there a place on this site that breaks down what people are saying???
PIV
IMO

I know there've been others...I'm too new to get it

ty

Yes, it's in the FAQ sticky. Here's the direct link to the post that lists all of the translations for common abbreviations, courtesy of Eilan.

 

[FallingToFly]

Not to mention that that the ass isn't just a second pussy, which is how some guys treat it.

Wow. I so love you..

I hate anal. With a soul-deep, primitive passion that has nothing to do with the act itself and everything to do with the way it's been presented, over and over again, in my sexual experiences.

Unfortunately, most guys do see it as a secondary pussy, or a substitute pussy. No matter HOW much lube they use... it still fucking hurts if they try to just ram it in. Sometimes I'm so tempted to return the favor, just so they understand the "Because, you dumbfuck, it hurts, that's why not!" that anyone male, female, or otherwise, will get if they ask if they can do anal with me.

There are a lot of very lucky wives, girlfriends and boyfriends in this thread, considering the sensitive and sensible way you all approach this topic.

 

[Norajane]

Wow. I so love you..

I hate anal. With a soul-deep, primitive passion that has nothing to do with the act itself and everything to do with the way it's been presented, over and over again, in my sexual experiences.

Unfortunately, most guys do see it as a secondary pussy, or a substitute pussy. No matter HOW much lube they use... it still fucking hurts if they try to just ram it in. Sometimes I'm so tempted to return the favor, just so they understand the "Because, you dumbfuck, it hurts, that's why not!" that anyone male, female, or otherwise, will get if they ask if they can do anal with me.

There are a lot of very lucky wives, girlfriends and boyfriends in this thread, considering the sensitive and sensible way you all approach this topic.

I hate anal too, for all the same reasons. I consider myself lucky not to have run into many guys who were interested in anal sex. Only one really wanted it and he approached it just as you described, so I stopped him before he got anywhere. A lot of the threads here on 'getting her to admit she likes anal' and 'how to get her to like anal' merely solidify my aversion to guys who are obsessed with getting his dick up her ass. I can also tell you I've never, ever run into a guy who would so much as consider my putting even a fingertip in HIS ass.

My SO has tried anal sex a few times with a past partner and said he didn't really care for it all that much...Mr. Happy is a big fan of the pussy and he fits very nicely there.

If he really wanted anal penetration, I would probably give it a try (keeping all the great How To tips in mind!), but he's fortunately not so interested in going there.

 

[Chi-Guy31]

I hate anal too, for all the same reasons. I consider myself lucky not to have run into many guys who were interested in anal sex. Only one really wanted it and he approached it just as you described, so I stopped him before he got anywhere. A lot of the threads here on 'getting her to admit she likes anal' and 'how to get her to like anal' merely solidify my aversion to guys who are obsessed with getting his dick up her ass. I can also tell you I've never, ever run into a guy who would so much as consider my putting even a fingertip in HIS ass.

My SO has tried anal sex a few times with a past partner and said he didn't really care for it all that much...Mr. Happy is a big fan of the pussy and he fits very nicely there.

If he really wanted anal penetration, I would probably give it a try (keeping all the great How To tips in mind!), but he's fortunately not so interested in going there.

Not to hijack this thread or anything, but you are right, it is not for everyone, just as there are women out there who hate to give blow jobs and also are not keen on receiving oral on them. Different strokes for different folks, but I do have a philosophy that we can enjoy many of the same pleasures, if they are done right. There are wrong ways to perform oral the same as there are wrong ways to enjoy anal and mistakes are made by both parties in this case. It saddens me that so many male meat-heads have ruined anal for many women, since they wield their cocks like a club. And on the flip-side it is a shame that there are far too many men who refuse to explore their own ass or let their partner explore it since I think they are missing out on a MAJOR component of what makes orgasms great. And women are completely capable of experiencing orgasms through anal sex, I read more personal accounts of this all the time (check out Tristan Taormino's site, www.puckerup.com for insight). I think it helps to have an open mind in a trusting relationship. I worried about what my wife would think of me being an ass-fan since it was not really on her radar beforehand. But I am not a creep about it, or trying to simply dominate her, I have always enjoyed a woman's ass and have 1st hand experience that a woman can enjoy it as well....

 

[anne30]

Anal should be left to the professionals or very experienced incarcerated folks.

I disagree, because I love anal !!!
Anal it's not a professional performance
but another more way to the pleasure.
For sure I'm not shy when I'm asking for
but believe me I enjoy well done sex,
oral, vaginal, anal or whatever ...

 

[angelsrose]

I miss anal sex. I have only been with one guy who could "go" there and I loved it. I asked him for it at least twice a month. Esp. when i was on my period. Good luck!!!! i hope you enjoy it as much as i have!

 

[Programmer Cat]

Just wanted to say - be really, really careful using the Anal-ease. When it numbs you up, you can do real damage to yourself, because you can't hear the pain receptors screaming stop.

I've heard this as well. Pain is not something that should be blocked for trivial reasons; it is your body's way of telling you there's something wrong.

Also, why (if you don't mind answering) are you doing anal? Are you doing it for yourself, or for him?

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Anal can be an exceptional experience, depending on who is doing the receiving, and what mind set their in about it. Go here before you try: https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=327313
I've never had or heard of a single unsuccessful anal experience from what's written in that thread. Be sure you check out the Blank Manual as well.

 

[cfuhrer]

I can also tell you I've never, ever run into a guy who would so much as consider my putting even a fingertip in HIS ass.

That is why I have a strict policy...
If you want to do it to me you have to let me do it to you.
Sorry for the hijack, I love this thread, I am learning so much.

 

[kaboom3d]

my 2 cents

it seems pretty clear that we all have different likes and dislikes.
i sooo love a finger in my ass when i'm on top, not so much dogie.

my guy likes anal as a change of pace, and i think it is fine when done with restraint. i want a lot of lube, we use ky.

one of the most inportant things for me is cleanliness.
i like to take a nice hot bath or shower and clean myself out real well, or have him clean me out which is always a lot of fun..
this goes for the finger in the ass, something about pulling out a shity finger that kinda turns me off. and i love to sleep with cum all over me, but poop is a major call to get me in the shower.


good golly, years a go i had a g/f in college and we'd give each other coffee enemas. you know i forgot how much fun that was.. good clean fun..tehe
talk about a caffeine rush ;-)

 

[Just_4_Giggles]

but as soon as I orgasm it starts hurting again.

Hubby and I have been doing the anal thing for over 20 years and this STILL happens to me. The muscles all clamp down in such a way that I want him out of there, NOW! Unfortunately, this makes it so I have to try as hard as I can not to orgasm otherwise all his hard work in "prepping" me is over in an instant. Only once in a blue moon can I keep him in there afterwards.

If I cum beforehand, I am not into it anymore. If we just lay there in stillness for things to settle down with me, it still hurts. So, all the prep, time & "experience" may not change this fact.

I also know what you mean that this is all he has on his mind. My husband will admit to his tunnel vision, promise to keep this as "dessert" and not the main course, but then next time we are together, he's heading right for the South Pole instead of my pussy. It has been years of this and it's only been until recently that I've been really able to speak up about the fact that he has to make the pussy happy. If the pussy is happy, it won't gripe so much about the ass getting it every once in a while. After watching the Vagina Monologues on HBO, my pussy started to get really pissed off about its serious lack of attention - it's like it took on a mind of its own!

Anyway, to wrap this up, orgasm can cause a prolonged clamping of all the muscles down there making anal painful. And remind your husband that your bum is not a secondary pussy. Since you are just venturing into this, you can still control this. When I first "offered" this avenue when I was 18 to him, it was a matter of needing to bring out some "big guns" to keep his attention on me and not this skank with a new Chevy Malibu SS.

 

[1_hotlilmomma]

Right on

Hubby and I have been doing the anal thing for over 20 years and this STILL happens to me. The muscles all clamp down in such a way that I want him out of there, NOW! Unfortunately, this makes it so I have to try as hard as I can not to orgasm otherwise all his hard work in "prepping" me is over in an instant. Only once in a blue moon can I keep him in there afterwards.

If I cum beforehand, I am not into it anymore. If we just lay there in stillness for things to settle down with me, it still hurts. So, all the prep, time & "experience" may not change this fact.

I also know what you mean that this is all he has on his mind. My husband will admit to his tunnel vision, promise to keep this as "dessert" and not the main course, but then next time we are together, he's heading right for the South Pole instead of my pussy. It has been years of this and it's only been until recently that I've been really able to speak up about the fact that he has to make the pussy happy. If the pussy is happy, it won't gripe so much about the ass getting it every once in a while. After watching the Vagina Monologues on HBO, my pussy started to get really pissed off about its serious lack of attention - it's like it took on a mind of its own!

Anyway, to wrap this up, orgasm can cause a prolonged clamping of all the muscles down there making anal painful. And remind your husband that your bum is not a secondary pussy. Since you are just venturing into this, you can still control this. When I first "offered" this avenue when I was 18 to him, it was a matter of needing to bring out some "big guns" to keep his attention on me and not this skank with a new Chevy Malibu SS.

I think you ROCK! Thank you for relating your experience and your sense of humour. It's much appreciated.

 

[southernsky]

I was always grossed out by anal until I decided that being grossed out by sex was probably not in my best interest pleasure-wise. So, I went to Hustler and bought the tiniest little vibrator I could find, some toy-cleaner, and some vaseline and went at it with myself. With nobody else around, and some good music on. I started by putting the tip of it against my ass and then using my regular vibe on my clit to have an orgasm. Then I stuck the tip of it in, and had another orgasm. I've been working up to fucking myself with it, but the sensations are still kind of weird. I'm trying to train my ass to associate things going up it with pleasure (clit orgasms), and so far it seems to be working. I'm trying to re-write that inner monologue that says it's a dirty place to be and convince myself that it causes pleasure. I'm trying to work up to being able to have anal sex, but I'm not letting anyone else back there until I can take a decent size vibe on my own without my ass protesting about it. Maybe something like that would work for you. Find something smaller and practice getting used to the sensations of something moving back and forth in your ass. Then work up to your husband fucking your ass with a smaller toy, then move up to a larger toy, then let him in.

 

[kiwichyck]

I can definately understand what you're saying.

We've only been doing anal for a little while. I also find that often after I orgasm it is all over and he'd better be getting out of there quick smart. That happens less now than it did to begin with though.

Anal is so much more mental than physical IMO. If I don't really want to do it, then it's either going to be uncomfortable or I feel disjointed from it, like it's being done to me rather than being a shared experience. I also think that a lot of it has to do with relaxation. All the prep in the world will still get me physically ready for it, but if I feel tense or if my head isn't in the right place, it may feel good for a little while, or it just becomes a big yawn.

I think that when my orgasm brings it all to a screeching halt this is what happens. I've noticed that most of the time when I get close to orgasm that I start to get very tense in the stomach region, kinda like the arousal level is almost raising my belly and behind off the bed. That is the kind of orgasm that makes everything clamp up and any further activity painful. It helps if I can recognise when that is happening and physically concentrate on relaxing my body. I think of it like making the orgasm come to me rather than chasing it. If I can stick to it, those kind of orgasms make me wetter, more euphoric and they last longer although they are not so intense. I also prefer doing anal in missionary position. The angle gives my clit good stimulation. Most other positions involve manual clit stim which I find distracting.

And FYI.....the same logic applies really well to G spot stim and fisting.

Do persist. It all becomes well worth it when an episode of anal all comes together in perfection. It doesn't happen too often for me but it is the most unbelievable feeling when it happens.

 

[1_hotlilmomma]

Thank you

I was always grossed out by anal until I decided that being grossed out by sex was probably not in my best interest pleasure-wise. So, I went to Hustler and bought the tiniest little vibrator I could find, some toy-cleaner, and some vaseline and went at it with myself. With nobody else around, and some good music on. I started by putting the tip of it against my ass and then using my regular vibe on my clit to have an orgasm. Then I stuck the tip of it in, and had another orgasm. I've been working up to fucking myself with it, but the sensations are still kind of weird. I'm trying to train my ass to associate things going up it with pleasure (clit orgasms), and so far it seems to be working. I'm trying to re-write that inner monologue that says it's a dirty place to be and convince myself that it causes pleasure. I'm trying to work up to being able to have anal sex, but I'm not letting anyone else back there until I can take a decent size vibe on my own without my ass protesting about it. Maybe something like that would work for you. Find something smaller and practice getting used to the sensations of something moving back and forth in your ass. Then work up to your husband fucking your ass with a smaller toy, then move up to a larger toy, then let him in.

I love this advice.

I know when I was at our local toy store I was intimidated by the sizes and unsure where to begin, but I can do more research online and find a small back door friend.

How long have you been doing this, are you ready for anything bigger yet?

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'm trying to train my ass to associate things going up it with pleasure (clit orgasms), and so far it seems to be working. I'm trying to re-write that inner monologue that says it's a dirty place to be and convince myself that it causes pleasure.

*shakes head*

See, this is why I don't understand how anal sex got to be so popular. You have to train yourself to associate anal with pleasure, you have to convince yourself that it causes pleasure...why do that?

It's not that I think it's dirty, but is it really worth all the effort and pain to eke out an orgasm that would have felt just as good via clit stim without the pain and strain?

 

[kiwichyck]

*shakes head*

See, this is why I don't understand how anal sex got to be so popular. You have to train yourself to associate anal with pleasure, you have to convince yourself that it causes pleasure...why do that?

It's not that I think it's dirty, but is it really worth all the effort and pain to eke out an orgasm that would have felt just as good via clit stim without the pain and strain?

This IS the point. IMHE the more effort we put into something, the better the rewards. When done properly there is no pain or strain, and IME the orgasm is WAAAAAYYY better than using just clit stim.

The training part is just remaking your perceptions in your head. If you have never considered the anus as a pleasurable sexual organ, then it just isn't. Once you start to consider that possibility you have to put in a certain amount of effort to achieve that result. Or even worse, if you have received input during your life of negativity, whether a bad experience or whatever, then you have to undo your learned response to that activity.

Technically it is no different to PIV sex. Hands up who enjoyed the first time? Did it hurt? Did you have a mind-blowing orgasm the first time you played with your clit? The vast majority of us have had many uncomfortable experiences with PIV but we still do it don't we. If you look closely at so called 'normal' sex it is just as icky as PIA.

Sex is like cooking. If you don't try something new, you never run the risk of serving up something inedible, but you also eliminate the possibility of discovering something that tastes wonderful.

 

[LadyJeanne]

This IS the point. IMHE the more effort we put into something, the better the rewards. When done properly there is no pain or strain, and IME the orgasm is WAAAAAYYY better than using just clit stim.

The training part is just remaking your perceptions in your head. If you have never considered the anus as a pleasurable sexual organ, then it just isn't. Once you start to consider that possibility you have to put in a certain amount of effort to achieve that result. Or even worse, if you have received input during your life of negativity, whether a bad experience or whatever, then you have to undo your learned response to that activity.

Technically it is no different to PIV sex. Hands up who enjoyed the first time? Did it hurt? Did you have a mind-blowing orgasm the first time you played with your clit? The vast majority of us have had many uncomfortable experiences with PIV but we still do it don't we. If you look closely at so called 'normal' sex it is just as icky as PIA.

Sex is like cooking. If you don't try something new, you never run the risk of serving up something inedible, but you also eliminate the possibility of discovering something that tastes wonderful.

Very well said, and that helps me understand...a little more. I like some light anal play, licking, tickling, sometimes a finger, so I'm not opposed to it from an erotic standpoint. And I don't think it's icky. The well-informed ladies and gentlemen on the forum have taught me much!

It's more the physical reaction of my body - it seems strange to train myself to like something when my body's fighting against it. My clit didn't fight me, though I sometimes struggled to understand, and it did always feel good trying!

Some have said that they feel PIA to be more intimate than PIV, which I totally believe. To me, that would be a more compelling reason to try PIA, and why I'd be open to it if my SO were interested, and I trust him. But it's not something I would suggest...am I afraid of the pain or the intimacy???