guilt from pleasure

[Etoile]

Etoile! Nice to see you here.

I can relate to this. I am not allowed to orgasm without D's permission, and most of the time she is either with me, or listening to it on the phone and directing it on text messages or on chat or something...but one way or another, she is usually directly involved in all my orgasms. At times, she will leave me a message allowing me to orgasm in the shower, or when I wake up as our schedules clash horribly and there are times we don't get to see each other for days.

I have a really hard time enjoying those orgasms without feeling guilty, even though I AM allowed them and have permission...because she is not hearing them, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and always have a lingering sense of guilt. It can be rather annoying to feel that because I really want to enjoy those orgasms! LOL....but...I like the feeling of devotion that it brings me too.

Hello dear!

Do you ever skip the orgasms even though she allows you to have them? When Daddy and I are not together, I'm only supposed to come if my wife brings me to it, although in practice that usually means while she and I are having sex, because she can't usually reach me properly while she's fisting me, and because we choose to have free reign over our own sex life with each other. If Daddy were to leave me instructions to come, though, I don't know if I could do it without em being there! Have you ever not had one when you were told to, because you felt bad about D not being able to hear it?

 

[serijules]

Hello dear!

Do you ever skip the orgasms even though she allows you to have them? When Daddy and I are not together, I'm only supposed to come if my wife brings me to it, although in practice that usually means while she and I are having sex, because she can't usually reach me properly while she's fisting me, and because we choose to have free reign over our own sex life with each other. If Daddy were to leave me instructions to come, though, I don't know if I could do it without em being there! Have you ever not had one when you were told to, because you felt bad about D not being able to hear it?

Early in our relationship, the orgasm rule was not as strict as it is now...in the sense that I was not restricted to having them. Then it moved into I could touch, but had to ask permission to come, but usually she was not "involved" in those orgasms by hearing them or instructing them. There was a period I was being punished for something, I don't recall what...I think orgasming without permission where she tightened up the rule to "no touching, no orgasm unless at my whim", and that is when she started requiring me to call her at work and entertain her with my orgasms, and that was the only time I was allowed them. After that "punishment" or training period was over and the rule fell back to what it was before, I realized I really missed it, and would rather no denied until she could enjoy it as well. So that was a time when I asked her permission to not have that orgasm she allowed until she had a moment and could call and hear it. Now however, if she does allow me an orgasm that I haven't asked for, I'm not allowed to NOT have it either. I just much perfer it to be for her pleasure and entertainment.

To further that, there was a time when I was still allowed to get together with a local friend and play. He was the only one I was really allowed to play with anymore unless D was present, because we had a standing relationship before D and I were together, and she allowed that to continue. Our play usually involved spanking each other, and him fucking my ass, which is a big hot button for me...being "used" for another's pleasure. I was never allowed to orgasm during those sessions, I always had to come home to her for release.

One time he was asking to get together, so I asked her permission (I still had to ask permission), and she granted it. Things kept coming up that prevented us from meeting, and I realized that I was not taking advantage of opportunities and making excuses, even though I did enjoy our meetings. I realized that because my being fucked was not for D's pleasure...I no longer wanted it. So I actually asked permission to NOT be allowed to get together with him anymore. At one time, I enjoyed my sessions with him because it was just mindless, "being used" anal sex with a man (the only way I like being with a man), but once D was in the picture and I experienced being used by a man for her entertainment, I just couldn't enjoy my body being used unless it was for her pleasure. Now it has shifted to that I am not allowed at all to be used by anyone else or even ask permission for that unless it IS for her pleasure, and I'm much more content with that.

It was a very interesting step though, and a big shift for me personally into really feeling owned.