Guilty?

[wicked woman]

You know quoll I've been thinking about this question for a few days...read the answers and some other words on guilt...and much as I'm sure if people knew all the intricacies of my life they would definitely find something I 'should' feel guilty about...I just can't think of anything. Not saying I'm perfect..I'm not. Not saying everyone, or even most people, would have made the decisions I've made...they probably wouldn't. Just not feeling guilty about any thing.

 

[Flyin_Free]

Now I feel guilty for making you feel guilty for making me feel guilty. . .

Most of my guilty feelings are parenting-related.

I felt guilty for leaving my oldest child with my in-laws when I went back to work after she was born. I felt like I was imposing on them because they wouldn't hear of talking any money to care for her, and I felt like I was doing my child a disservice by not staying home with her.

Now that I'm home with the kids, I feel guilty about not working, even though I don't have to (or really want to) work.

I feel guilty because I think I treat my second child differently from the other three. My husband says I don't do this, but I think I do.

I feel guilty whenever get some "mom time."

I occasionally feel guilty about intentionally spacing my two youngest children so closely together, like I robbed my third child of the opportunity to be the "baby."

I could continue, but I think I've made it pretty obvious that I have issues. And I haven't even gotten to the non-parenting stuff yet!

Boy can I relate

I feel guilty for being a stay at home mom for my first two but going back to work when my youngest was so little.

I feel guilty for leaving my ex (even though he was an arse) because my kids are now in a "broken home"

I feel guilty for taking time for me.

It just goes on and on really...I feel guilty for a hundred things....heck if somebody *thinks* I did something I usually feel guilty even though I know I didn't do it.

It's crazy really. Logically I Know there's no reason to feel guilty for most things so I DO try to catch myself a lot more now but it's a hard habbit to break.

 

[Flyin_Free]

You know quoll I've been thinking about this question for a few days...read the answers and some other words on guilt...and much as I'm sure if people knew all the intricacies of my life they would definitely find something I 'should' feel guilty about...I just can't think of anything. Not saying I'm perfect..I'm not. Not saying everyone, or even most people, would have made the decisions I've made...they probably wouldn't. Just not feeling guilty about any thing.

Good for you. Really. That's a hard place to get to (for me anyway) and I admire that you can just *accept* things instead of feeling guilty about them!

 

[footlongish]

I've been talking with a close friend about divorce stuff. One of the things you have to do to make a divorce work is put your needs first and that involves controlling the guilt you feel. Were you put on this earth to serve someone else ? Nope. Within reason, your actions should serve your needs, whatever they may be. So the first thing to do is decide what YOU need and go from there.

Sure, its going to hurt our Exes if we leave them. But aren't they adults supposedly capable of standing up for themselves ? And if they are so worried about their own hurt, how come they aren't worried about our hurt if we stay ?

So here is where I draw the line with guilt... and I am still working on this. I'll feel guilty if I do something that hurts someone whereby the hurt was sinful. Like committing adultery or stealing or something like that. Am I going to feel guilty for answering my own needs ? Nope. If people want me to do something, like stay, then they should be a little in tuned to what I need, not just what they need.

I'm a giver and I'm used to feeling guilt with other people's needs. But not any more.

 

[Flyin_Free]

I've been talking with a close friend about divorce stuff. One of the things you have to do to make a divorce work is put your needs first and that involves controlling the guilt you feel. Were you put on this earth to serve someone else ? Nope. Within reason, your actions should serve your needs, whatever they may be. So the first thing to do is decide what YOU need and go from there.

Sure, its going to hurt our Exes if we leave them. But aren't they adults supposedly capable of standing up for themselves ? And if they are so worried about their own hurt, how come they aren't worried about our hurt if we stay ?

So here is where I draw the line with guilt... and I am still working on this. I'll feel guilty if I do something that hurts someone whereby the hurt was sinful. Like committing adultery or stealing or something like that. Am I going to feel guilty for answering my own needs ? Nope. If people want me to do something, like stay, then they should be a little in tuned to what I need, not just what they need.

I'm a giver and I'm used to feeling guilt with other people's needs. But not any more.

Good for you footlongish. You sound like you've come a really long way in the short time you've been posting here. I remember your first posts about this. It's hard to stop feeling guilty when you've been doing it for so long.

 

[Eilan]

I feel guilty for being a stay at home mom for my first two but going back to work when my youngest was so little.

I hear you on this. I went back to work when my second child was five days old. Talk about guilt. I honestly believe that going back to work so early contributed to my postpartum depression, and I think it affects how I relate to my daughter to this day. (Though, of course, my husband insists that this isn't the case.)

I feel guilty for leaving my ex (even though he was an arse) because my kids are now in a "broken home"

My ex was the one who moved out. Although I was devastated at the time (he moved out when I was had PPD--gotta love those folks who kick people when they're down), it was a blessing in disguise, because I ended up meeting my husband, who's basically everything my ex was--only more charismatic, more successful, kinder, more attentive, etc.

 

[Flyin_Free]

My ex was the one who moved out. Although I was devastated at the time (he moved out when I was had PPD--gotta love those folks who kick people when they're down), it was a blessing in disguise, because I ended up meeting my husband, who's basically everything my ex was--only more charismatic, more successful, kinder, more attentive, etc.

Actually my ex moved out too but I told him to go. By the time he left I really could have cared less.....except when the kids cry about him, then it hurts. I haven't met anybody else yet but I'm still not sorry that he's gone--that may sound mean but I'm not.

 

[Eilan]

that may sound mean but I'm not.

Doesn't sound mean to me.