hate hearing anything about past?

[Goldenfinger]

Every once in a while my wife will ask something maybe once every 5 years maybe 10. Just the other day she asked about a girl. We have been together almost 30 years. I was like who? But if I was to just start talking about someone from e my past I think she’d stab me with my Kabar.

 

[Escierto]

Even though my girlfriend has shared past sexual experiences with me, she doesn't want to hear anything about my past. Knowing this, I steer clear of any conversation about my sexual past. I like to keep her content and happy.

 

[SparkyWalter]

UNLIKE EVERY OTHER MAN HERE, it seems…
My husband hates to hear anything at all about past sexy stories. Even very PG-13 stuff that was a turn on, esp during sex.

Discuss.

No I really don't want to hear anything about my partner's past. I'm not a jealous person , but she has told me on more than one occasion without any details, she & her ex had sex every single day. Of course, he also was a regular cheater. That did not sit well with her at all.

 

[Goldenfinger]

UNLIKE EVERY OTHER MAN HERE, it seems…
My husband hates to hear anything at all about past sexy stories. Even very PG-13 stuff that was a turn on, esp during sex.

Discuss.

Why would he want to talk to you about someone else who has fucked you. I think it’s very common. My wife would not want to talk to me about past girlfriends.

 

[YourSecretSanta]

In my first couple of relationships, it made me feel so sad and jealous to hear about my partner's other experiences. But then I had a long-term relationship and, maybe because I felt more confident and secure, really loved hearing about his other experiences. Some of my partners have been really into hearing about my other experiences, and some were definitely not into it. I enjoy it when/if I reach a point where I feel more secure with the person (but your mileage may vary, I'm definitely not suggesting someone isn't secure if they don't like hearing about those things, that's just my own experience!)

I've found it's a real careful balance as to sharing past stories. I've learned to really enjoy it. Not always been the case.

 

[keepingsweet]

Why would he want to talk to you about someone else who has fucked you. I think it’s very common. My wife would not want to talk to me about past girlfriends.

Specifically says PG stuff. NOT about sex. Why do so many of you struggle to read that when it is so clearly stated?

 

[Goldenfinger]

Specifically says PG stuff. NOT about sex. Why do so many of you struggle to read that when it is so clearly stated?

Maybe you need to re read your post.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Everyone has a past. It's a big part of who we are now. I can't imagine it being taboo for a spouse.

 

[Iwant2havefun]

i'm really not interested in my partner's past. We have our our PRESENT, and i like that. Thinking of her with another guy doesn't make me feel good. i like thinking/feeling "we're" special. i do not judge AT ALL. i know there are a lot of threads where guys fantasize or encourage their partners to have sex with other guys. COOL! i think if consenting adults are stimulated by certain activities, EMBRACE it! It's just not for me. Live, love, enjoy life!

 

[keepingsweet]

Maybe you need to re read your post.

lol like I’m going to read it and go oh wow he has a point I had no idea what i was talking about it but now that I reread my post, at his direction, I do!

fuck off dude
I’m sure there is a forum for people who like having their own words misconstrued and then mansplained back to them.

 

[Justfantasies]

Perhaps you need someone else to share your past with?

 

[YourSecretDesires]

I don't mind hearing an anecdote or two but I don't get off from someone else's past. I wasn't there so why would it turn me on? But everyone is different, that's just me.

That's when I'm in a long term thing. If it's a ONS sometimes it's fun to hear her slutty stories and tell her mine.

 

[LMWM321]

Early on in our relationship I would've preferred not hearing about her past sexual activities. Mind you I didn't judge her one iota about them, it's just that I feared I'd draw comparisons and might not fair well. ..So the less said, the better.

Nowadays? ..Well, I can't get enough of her stories about her past. I think the difference is that I'm now completely and totally convinced of the permanence of our relationship. We've been together over 35 yrs and have raised kids, built a home, planned a retirement, have a wonderful extended family, etc.... Have sex 2-3 times a week, etc.. ..There's NO way my wife is leaving me for another guy - I'm sure of it. Not for someone in her past, or someone she might meet today or tomorrow.

So...with that being said. I now not only enjoy hearing about her past sex but also LOVE the idea of her being with other men. Yep... weird, huh? Once again, I'm 100% confident she's not leaving me just b/c someone might make her cum harder. So why stand in the way of it happening?

 

[keepingsweet]

I don't mind hearing an anecdote or two but I don't get off from someone else's past. I wasn't there so why would it turn me on? But everyone is different, that's just me.

That's when I'm in a long term thing. If it's a ONS sometimes it's fun to hear her slutty stories and tell her mine.

Heard but it wasn’t smutty/slutty stuff. It was really about me learning about what I liked or something I did that was fun and sexy.

A case in point to help y’all turn away from the misunderstanding that this about past sex: talking about how I once took off my clothes in the passenger seat and the way that felt, why it was such a galvanizing moment of freedom and sensuality. I assume men who love a woman want her to engage and understand in that meaning making. And once you’ve been together and monogamous for 25 yrs perhaps a tiny bit of space could be created for such a story to be part of a deeper understanding or appreciation for one’s partner’s feelings and needs and desires - as they exist APART from the sexual reality formed and understood by your union.

Otherwise the message to women is “be a better sex object FOR ME. Anything about YOU and your internal meaning-making is not only *not* fascinating but threatening and frankly, offensive.” THAT is the opposite of curious and open and loving to me. And therefore, the opposite of sexy.

The thing so many men are doing in this thread is the very essence of why it’s so hard/hurtful with my husband: everything has to be about the guy who was present - and the guy who is present.

When women can’t talk about their experience and expression of sexual and sensual topics that are ABOUT *THEM* AS A SEXUAL BEING and learning about themselves without upsetting some fragile ego in a man, it’s inherently problematic. And you see it happening here in this thread in the same way.

Perhaps a better conversation with women. Just hate men letting me down.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Heard but it wasn’t smutty/slutty stuff. It was really about me learning about what I liked or something I did that was fun and sexy.

A case in point to help y’all turn away from the misunderstanding that this about past sex: talking about how I once took off my clothes in the passenger seat and the way that felt, why it was such a galvanizing moment of freedom and sensuality. I assume men who love a woman want her to engage and understand in that meaning making. And once you’ve been together and monotonous for 25 yrs perhaps a tiny bit of space could be created for such a story to be part of a deeper understanding or appreciation for one’s partner’s feelings and needs and desires - as they exist APART from the sexual reality formed and understood by your union.

Otherwise the message to women is “be a better sex object FOR ME. Anything about YOU and your internal meaning-making is not only *not* fascinating but threatening and frankly, offensive.” THAT is the opposite of curious and open and loving to me. And therefore, the opposite of sexy.

The thing so many men are doing in this thread is the very essence of why it’s so hard/hurtful with my husband: everything has to be about the guy who was present - and the guy who is present.

When women can’t talk about their experience and expression of sexual and sensual topics that are ABOUT *THEM* AS A SEXUAL BEING and learning about themselves without upsetting some fragile ego in a man, it’s inherently problematic. And you see it happening here in this thread in the same way.

Perhaps a better conversation with women. Just hate men letting me down.

Agree with you
But how others perceive it or feel about it we can't control.
Hopefully in time people can learn to control how they react

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Heard but it wasn’t smutty/slutty stuff. It was really about me learning about what I liked or something I did that was fun and sexy.

A case in point to help y’all turn away from the misunderstanding that this about past sex: talking about how I once took off my clothes in the passenger seat and the way that felt, why it was such a galvanizing moment of freedom and sensuality. I assume men who love a woman want her to engage and understand in that meaning making. And once you’ve been together and monotonous for 25 yrs perhaps a tiny bit of space could be created for such a story to be part of a deeper understanding or appreciation for one’s partner’s feelings and needs and desires - as they exist APART from the sexual reality formed and understood by your union.

Otherwise the message to women is “be a better sex object FOR ME. Anything about YOU and your internal meaning-making is not only *not* fascinating but threatening and frankly, offensive.” THAT is the opposite of curious and open and loving to me. And therefore, the opposite of sexy.

The thing so many men are doing in this thread is the very essence of why it’s so hard/hurtful with my husband: everything has to be about the guy who was present - and the guy who is present.

When women can’t talk about their experience and expression of sexual and sensual topics that are ABOUT *THEM* AS A SEXUAL BEING and learning about themselves without upsetting some fragile ego in a man, it’s inherently problematic. And you see it happening here in this thread in the same way.

Perhaps a better conversation with women. Just hate men letting me down.

I maybe be totally out to lunch here

Men are visual, so listening to how your journey of sexual feelings and freedom to express yourself and feel sexy really isn't in there brain compartments (for lack of a better word)
But show up in lingerie and using your sexual wiles you learned

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

I honestly think of NOT wanting to hear from a partners sexual past is strange. Personally, I'm a firm believer of not being in a relationship with someone unless you're willing to masturbate to that same person if you saw them in porn.

Hearing about your partners past is sexy. You can learn so much about what they like and what they are into and use it to your own advantage.

 

[Mike130]

Heard but it wasn’t smutty/slutty stuff. It was really about me learning about what I liked or something I did that was fun and sexy.

A case in point to help y’all turn away from the misunderstanding that this about past sex: talking about how I once took off my clothes in the passenger seat and the way that felt, why it was such a galvanizing moment of freedom and sensuality. I assume men who love a woman want her to engage and understand in that meaning making. And once you’ve been together and monotonous for 25 yrs perhaps a tiny bit of space could be created for such a story to be part of a deeper understanding or appreciation for one’s partner’s feelings and needs and desires - as they exist APART from the sexual reality formed and understood by your union.

Otherwise the message to women is “be a better sex object FOR ME. Anything about YOU and your internal meaning-making is not only *not* fascinating but threatening and frankly, offensive.” THAT is the opposite of curious and open and loving to me. And therefore, the opposite of sexy.

The thing so many men are doing in this thread is the very essence of why it’s so hard/hurtful with my husband: everything has to be about the guy who was present - and the guy who is present.

When women can’t talk about their experience and expression of sexual and sensual topics that are ABOUT *THEM* AS A SEXUAL BEING and learning about themselves without upsetting some fragile ego in a man, it’s inherently problematic. And you see it happening here in this thread in the same way.

Perhaps a better conversation with women. Just hate men letting me down.

To me, as an older guy, I don’t have the bigger ego of a younger guy, so to hear how another man satisfied her better than I could is educational and may actually help me satisfy her better. Obviously I can’t grow a bigger dick, but I can change over my lovemaking to satisfy her better.
The younger me was only interested in my orgasm. The older me is interested in hers. Anything I learn that can make her happier is more satisfying to both of us in the end.

 

[keepingsweet]

I maybe be totally out to lunch here

Men are visual, so listening to how your journey of sexual feelings and freedom to express yourself and feel sexy really isn't in there brain compartments (for lack of a better word)
But show up in lingerie and using your sexual wiles you learned

To each their own but I guess I need more than that.

Getting what I want is at least as important as giving them what they want. I mean, I can make myself come without dressing up and with a lot less effort. Wanting to talk about something and then talking about it is what men do all the time, no?

 

[keepingsweet]

Perhaps you need someone else to share your past with?

Yes his name is my husband

But i appreciate your generosity and altruism.

 

[keepingsweet]

I maybe be totally out to lunch here

Men are visual, so listening to how your journey of sexual feelings and freedom to express yourself and feel sexy really isn't in there brain compartments (for lack of a better word)
But show up in lingerie and using your sexual wiles you learned

And one point I disagree with you more generally on: all men are not the same. The men you describe are one kind of man. Not the kind I married, very much on purpose.

 

[daytr1pper]

I personally have NO DESIRE to hear about my wife's past. It is not a turn-on to me to hear about other guys she's fucked.
That's just me

 

[Goldenfinger]

lol like I’m going to read it and go oh wow he has a point I had no idea what i was talking about it but now that I reread my post, at his direction, I do!

fuck off dude
I’m sure there is a forum for people who like having their own words misconstrued and then mansplained back to them.

And you should go there.

You said “My husband hates to hear anything at all about past sexy stories. Even very PG-13 stuff” then when I reply you say “Specifically says PG stuff. NOT about sex.” Hope you enjoy your day.

 

[keepingsweet]

I personally have NO DESIRE to hear about my wife's past. It is not a turn-on to me to hear about other guys she's fucked.
That's just me

No one said fucked or guys

 

[keepingsweet]

And you should go there.

You said “My husband hates to hear anything at all about past sexy stories. Even very PG-13 stuff” then when I reply you say “Specifically says PG stuff. NOT about sex.” Hope you enjoy your day.

Sexy stories does not equal sex.
PG-13 also means not sex. What are you arguing?

Jesus