hate him

[hurtme]

yeah, well, I would probably stop a scene if I started dry heaving. I never actually puke, not even when I am sick or have had to much to drink, but in order to get me to dry heave it doesn't take much, swallowing something that tastes gross or looks wierd, seeing someone else vomit, and the worst one, anyone talking about boogers...my friends used to think it was the height of amusement to talk about snot, and then watch as I would start dry heaving...luckily they have (mostly) grown out of it....

 

[lark sparrow]

In a desperate way of trying to link this back to the main topic of conversation...

I think were you being made to gag on the taste of pee or soap, right at that point you would be hating your dominant... while at exactly the same point, you would be loving the fact that he can make you do this, the power and ownership displayed in making you do something you so absolutely loathe.

Love and hate, right there, all in the same moment.

I can't agree. While gagging and choking on the soap, I hated the soap, I hated what I did to earn the soap... I felt humiliated to be receiving a childish punishment and physically uncomfortable, but I didn't feel hate towards her at all. I had been warned that a punishment would follow if the specific behavior continued, and she was following through. The first time I was a little shocked, the second time I felt somewhat stupid to be back in a situation I could have avoided with a bit more forethought... it didn't take a third time. If she found some humor in my wretching the second time, all the better, as it was my mistake -why should we both be punished? lol

With that said, I don't think there is anything wrong with "hating" your Dominant in those moments if that is how it feels to you and doesn't injure the relationship. Raw emotions can sometimes ride a thin line.

I never received soap as anything but a punishment, and punishment comes with it's own mindset for me.... were it simply enduring soap because I don't like, enjoy or get positive feelings from it... and if were done constantly and exclusively simply for the entertainment of me getting sick, I could probably work up a resentment towards the relationship that felt like hate eventually.

 

[smokeyjoefun]

I think hate and lust can be both provocative. just as long as you keep love in sight. It is exciting to lose perspective over over the these subconcious thoughts, but trust me honey if you dont love, just lust, just don't hate!. We will love you all the more.

Domination comes from domain. Who is the boss?.

 

[Mr-Ontario]

fisrt, i understand completely, love and hate, there is a fine line, and as i said, it was one of the best reltionships (sexually) i had ever had...
well, its just, i have kind of a reputation, amongst my friends...I am the ice queen. thats not to say i am prude, i am far from it. I just, tend to not get attached to guys, and they tend to get very attached to me, and they tend to follow me around like lost puppy dogs. They get very, um, clingy is the term. So I then i have to explain to them the truth, and they get all fucked up. Point being, i am never the one head over heels making an idiot out of myself for any guy. For them to see me that way becuase of him. For him making me that way, is one of the things that made me hate him, even as he was doing things to me that i loved...

You told us a few posts back he didn't "make you do anything you didn't want to" does that not include making an idiot out of yourself in front of friends. Perhaps your not the ice queen after all. Perhaps you really do enjoy "love" perhaps it is worth being an idiot in front of your friends for too. Don't be to proud of being the ice queen. Your friends deep down likely feel quite sorry for your inability to connect with the world on a level of intimacy and honesty instead of hiding behind your ice facade. This seems to be one trait many submissive women share, and why they require domination. They are unable to allow themselves pleasure do to guilt. For that joyful part of life, someone who is willing to take responsibility for love sex and emotion is required. That would be the dom. Thank goodness we all need each other.

 

[hurtme]

nope, actually I said that he didn't hurt me in a way I didn't allow...that in my mind had nothing to do with humilation. I am not proud of being an "ice queen" I never said I was. As far as letting people in, I do, on a regular basis, I have never closed my heart off to love in hopes of not being hurt. I enjoy being hurt, beucase it least it makes me feel like I am alive, and I can feel better. I will never "block myself off" becuase doing so would mean I would never get to experience the high of being in love...even if it does end...but that doesn't mean I am going to be in love with every person who has ever hit on me...and that doesn't mean that i have to be in love with someone who I am having a mutual "fling" with...(in other words, they know its a fling) thats where the ice queen thing comes in. Just beucase they might get attached, there is no law that says I have to. As far as my friends, why would they pity me, I have had more amazing experiences for my fairly short life time than I can imagine. Some of them weren't good, but they were all...amazing, for lack of a better word. I don't pity myself, I enjoy my life most of the time. mayhap you should ask for clairification before you try to analyze someone

 

[Mr-Ontario]

Not you

I am sorry . I made this much to personal. Your right. I should have been more thoughtful. My point was to try and point out that the bdsm lifestyle does serve us all in a very special way. Many in the life style do have issues around intimacy, sex and love. We come together in the strangest of ways sometimes, to make our lives fullfilling and complete. Sometimes this does make our lives complicated. Sometimes confusing. We are all complex people in a complex world. Please accept my apology for directing my poorly written words at "you" instead of to "everyone" in general.

 

[hurtme]

its ok, I suck at explaining myself sometimes...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Bump for more words from the Master down under.