help me find my sanity

[Chicklet]

I think there's a big difference in what *I* would do and what another person should do. I wouldn't stay with the guy, but then, I don't have to face that option, do I?

Collarme or Craigslist are my suggestions, because they're free and people actually do read them. I scan the "Misc Romance" section of Craigslist all the time, and what I would suggest to make your ad slightly more believable would be to include some photos of you and your master. So many people just attach pics of random bondage porn, and I get frustrated because damnit, I want to know what they look like.

Edit the faces out if you must, but include a pic.

 

[EmpressFi]

I guess what disturbs me, and what disturbs others.. is his disregard for her and the fact that he broke his word. Now her "punishment" for being honest with him and saying she's not comfortable with it is not only that he's going to someone else, but the degradation of having to be the one to find that replacement. I know for me, there would be enough pain in knowing there was something that my Dom wanted that I couldnt provide... the feeling that I let him down. But then to be the one to have to find a replacement, to have to keep reminding myself and telling others that he found me lacking. I hurt for her.

I agree with Homburg and the others who mentioned that he could have at least tried to read up on ways to get her used to the idea, toys, lube, anal plugs, etc. Being dominate isnt akin to heartless. Being dominate doesnt mean that you cant admit you might not know everything on a subject. Your slave, your submissive serves you, but she also relies on you to keep her safe. And that safety should include emotional as well as physical.

Even with lube, there's a chance for tears in the mucosal membrane. Those tiny tears leave an opening for fecal matter to get into them and exposing the person to infections, be it septic or abcesses. The risk is there, no matter how minimal. And no one should be chided that the risk is so small it shouldnt be a concern.

My first experience with anal sex was when my first husband pressed it in.. and then over my screaming protest of "No, OW, you're killing me" - no lube used... Continued until he couldnt put up with my sobbing anymore and shoving my face in a pillow wouldnt stifle it. Its a wonder I do anal at all. With everyone who's tried..even with lube.. it's taken a lot for me to relax. I would enjoy the feeling of fingers and toys there..but the moment I felt the head of the penis there.. I'd tense up and just couldnt do it.. Thankfully, my current husband and my Dom have both been very patient, I have butt plugs to use as trainers..and lots of lube..and I do like it. If they hadnt been, if either of them had said they were going to get someone else to satisfy that need.. I know me.. I'd acquiese.. but I'd feel so .. I'd beat on myself to no end, for disappointing either of them... and then to be told that I had to be the one to find the new person. I'd be inconsolable.

 

[Krinaia]

TO me sharing or having multiple partners who aren't committed in the relationship courts disaster with stds (by this I mean, someone who is there to suit a single need isn't going to be exclusive in to the relationship most of the time nor is it sane to assume they will be).

I know I already said this but no one else has picked up on it to reinforce it. I have lots of personal experience with hpv - it's soooo easily undetected and so easily spread - something like 80% of adults have it by the time they are 50. A couple of my best gal pals in college had paps come back abnormal and still have to go twice or more to the gyno every year to get screened for cancer. And that's just one of the diseases out there. So to me I really feel she should worry that he's willing to risk not only his own health by hers by association if he's looking for a quick fix to his anal cravings.

Threesomes and sharing and harems might be hot little fantasies but realistically - I think it's just too dangerous.

 

[catalina_francisco]

apparently without any concern for her well-being regarding the issue.

ETA - the public profile says she's in college; there's a post back in her history mentioning her master is several decades older than she...

See I'm just cautious to jump to the conclusion it is without concern for her well being on the little, and one-sided information we have, though initially I reacted as well. Why reluctant to judge? Because I could post many things here in a way which would make F look like the biggest, uncaring, inexperienced Owner in the world, but that would be because I presented it from my own bias, only presented some of the information, and basically set out to get support for my position regardless of whether it fell within the agreement of our relationship or not...it remains subjective. MAybe this guy is a complete dipstick, but from past experience here and in life I am still cautious to decide that based on 2 posts which in all reality were not that huge or explanatory...they gave a brief outline of the situation. Sure it looks bad, but do we know the real situation?

What I would want to know before even beginning to think of forming an opinion of the Master in this situation is :

* What are the terms of the relationship (eg. no limits; open; poly; with limits)
* How long have they been M/s?
* How long before that commitment did they know each other and what was involved in preparing for such a step?
* Why if he mentioned anal several times in the past few months did the slave not think it was necessary to at least offer to discuss it again in terms of how important it was to him, what she could do, what were the possible outcomes if this couldn't be resolved? (I guess that comes from the perspective of wanting to please and if I know something is important enough for him to mention it even after saying it was over, then it obviously isn't and needs both our attention to resolve it...for me it isn't about 'but you said you wouldn't mention it again'...if it was an issue to begin with I would not want him to promise silence, I would want to work on it, discuss it, resolve it.)
* Did he just come home one night and drop this on her without mentioning anything prior?
* Do they live together?
* Has she spoken to him about how she feels about this order?

...and these are only some of the questions I would have before forming such a strong opinion of PYL.

As to the age thing, as I said before, I suspected she was young...age difference is not a sin, how one approachs it and the differences encountered may be problematic though.

Catalina

 

[PleasurePuppy]

Thankyou all for the advise. After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

 

[Krinaia]

Thankyou all for the advise. After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

well don't drop it altogether. if you love him - perhaps you could do some research on how to make it pleasurable... next time you two are intimate, suck his finger and ask him to just press his finger to the outside while he eats you out or something. break yourself in slowly. Hell, ask him while you're sucking him if you can press a wet finger to your own ass. I bet he'll be turned on and that'll probably turn you on and you can slowly get used to the idea and go at your own pace. if you can get used to just being touched there ... move to being licked there. if you can do that... try a really small thin flexible plug... or a well lubed finger. research those things. read erotic stories that turn you on to the idea. and present that to him - maybe you'll be pleased with the suprise and he'll be pleased that you're willing to try and will be open to slowly helping you explore the pleasures of anal sex by slowly slowly introducing you to it.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I was going to post one way... then the other, now we get

After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

I am SOOOOOO going to keep my yap shut.

 

[Netzach]

If I couldn't dry ream M to our mutual hearts' content, I'd look for someone to do myself. Am I the only person who had *that* issue?

 

[Marquis]

Oh my god, I could totally see myself doing this.

"Find me some anal, woman!"

I gotta be honest, I don't see this topic being dropped forever..

 

[HottieMama]

Thankyou all for the advise. After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

Why would you just drop it all together? It is obviously an issue for the both of you, and one that you need to come to some sort of comfortable terms with.

i would be really worried if i just refused to do something that WASN'T a hard limit and my Dom was ok with it.

 

[alexanna]

Thankyou all for the advise. After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

I don't get this. Why wouldn't you try working up to it very slowly as some of the other posters have suggested? There's no way this isn't going to come up again.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm betting its not just the anal that he wants but the sense of ownership of all of you and having an "anal replacement" would very possibly only satisfy him for a short time.

 

[alexanna]

I am SOOOOOO going to keep my yap shut.

Kinda like who's in control now?

I'm just a starry eyed newb but seems like someone doesn't want to deal with their "anal issues" and someone else isn't smart enough to "help" them.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thankyou all for the advise. After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

Ummm, isn't that what supposedly already happened before he decided to get you to find a replacement? And why as a slave are you so ready to give up on something he obviously feels a need to have? Doesn't add up for me, not in my world at least. Who is dominating this relationship, you or him?

Catalina

 

[Quint]

Oh my god, I could totally see myself doing this.

"Find me some anal, woman!"

I gotta be honest, I don't see this topic being dropped forever..

*cough*lo-call-me*cough*

 

[Marquis]

*cough*lo-call-me*cough*

I'll give her your digits, not that there's a derth of anal in my current situation.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Very well. I'll go with that for now.

Seems to be a hard limit issue. Anal can be as much physical as mental and it happens.

It seems to me that the upcoming issue is polygamy and that's most certainly psychological. Or more precisely, an examination if the need for exclusivity exists or not.

Speaking for myself, one sub is enough to tax my available time. I'm not running a dog training kennel. Nor am I interested in doing so. Nor would I be interested in having the dog go fetch me more dogs. I have certain responsibilities, especially concerning my own desires and demands. My first responsibility would be to make sure the sub that wasn't suitable to my demands/desires had a good home to go to. Not to berate her for not exceeding her own limits. To do otherwise is to violate everything this board pretends to profess.

Ishmael

Just wanted to let you know that this didn't get by me...

LOL

 

[Noor]

feeling snarky

I've been a slave for almost two years. I love it, I wouldn't give it up for anything, but there was a point when I'd dred seeing my master. During that time, he would want anal randomly. I can't handle it. I really started fearing the idea so mch it was making me sick. So, my master, after I broke down sobbing, decided that anal would no longer be a problem. He promised that there would be no more talk about anal. That didn't happen. Now it's been at least six months since the promise, and I thankfuly haven't had to deal with it, although the topic has come up several times. Anyway, my master has decided that he wants anal and is no longer satisfied without it. He gave me three weeks (two weeks as of this post) to find someone to replace me for anal. I bring this up because I need some ideas. I've already posted an add through this site and in several interest rooms on ALT. I have two weeks, and I can't handle it. If you have any ideas of where else I could go, I'd be extremely greatful.

Thankyou all for the advise. After reading some of your comments, I decided to talk to my master. He decided that you were right, and it was unfair of him. The time limit has been revoked, and the issue of anal has been dropped altogether. Again, thank you all for your help.

I am confused, if anal has been dropped altogether, why has the time limit merely been revoked? Do you still have to eventually find someone else?

I was curious how what your ads said. I was imagining something along the lines of:

Slave looking for anal sex partner for master.
Anal can and will occur without lube, protection, preparation or warning.
Must understand that any promise made by master can be revoked at will.
If there are any problems, you will be replaced.

I supposed now you could add
Master uninterested in slave's concerns but may yield to peer pressure from an erotic literature board forum, slave will provide the url of said board.


Seriously, pleasure puppy, it might be a good time to reevaluate your role in this relationship. Your master's behavior seems unfeeling and unsafe for someone you have been involved with for several years. I am seeing broken promises, emotional abuse and blackmail, and a serious lack of caring for you as a person or, as someone already posted, as his possession.

 

[Noor]

I don't get this. Why wouldn't you try working up to it very slowly as some of the other posters have suggested? There's no way this isn't going to come up again.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm betting its not just the anal that he wants but the sense of ownership of all of you and having an "anal replacement" would very possibly only satisfy him for a short time.

Because her master is not interested in working up to it?

Ditto, I agree.

 

[Puman]

I was going to post one way... then the other, now we get


I am SOOOOOO going to keep my yap shut.

LOL... well said. And I agree.