Help...offline isn't like online

[NightingGale]

Thank you everyone. I think I just needed reassurance that it was ok not to care and not to believe it all. It's like my heart is freaking out because I'm abandoning someone when they need me, and I know what thats like...but my head knows its all BS and just trying to manipulate me.

I am safe, he left the country a while ago. And yeah, while hes here he has no one and no one will take him in, I'm the only person he has in the whole entire world. He gets back there, and he certainly has people who care a hell of alot.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Glad he not in the country anymore and that you are okay. I hope he never contacts you again (or his friends) because you are better off without him.

We all learn lessons as we go through life, some of them are harder than others.

 

[LikeableMe]

I'm really sorry to see everything you went through, and I'm glad he's now gone.

A friend of mine went through a very similar situation, I'm hoping sharing it will reassure you in some way.

She was alone for two years, with kids, when she met a guy in a club. He became a friend and started spending time at hers. I have always spent a lot of time there, helping with the children. Eventually a relationship developed between them to the point where he was staying over. Then we found all of his belongings hidden behind the multi-gym. My friend looked through them, and found his address details, and that he was an illegal immigrant. She told him to leave immediately.

He claimed he had given up his room at the address we had found, and had nowhere to go, so she let him stay. This scenario happened over and over, she would tell him he had to leave, he would disappear for a few days, and then come crawling back. We found out through a friend that he was staying in the room he'd apparently given up!

Then the violence started. Both sexual and physical. And every time he was asked to leave, he would grab a knife and start cutting his arm, threatening suicide. Even if the kids were around. When alone with the children, they would tell me things like he'd pinched them, or told them he hated them, which made my blood boil! He would always cry and say he had no money, the room was gone, and end up back in my friend's house.

Eventually she got her dad involved, and he was thrown out. He was only gone a few weeks before he was back again. Then the kids started having injuries, one was burned on the hand, which was left untreated until I got to her. The other had an injury so bad he nearly had to have a finger amputated. Not long after, my friend attempted suicide. I found her, and got her to hospital, and family looking after the children. The guy was thrown out and threatened by friends and family never to turn up on the doorstep again. He kept texting and calling anyway.

Then presents would appear on the windowsill overnight. My friend ignored them. Then he started turning up and looking in the windows once it was dark. Then he was knocking on them, and opening them, putting his hand in and shouting taunts at her! She phoned me, and I rushed over, having to pass right by him to get in the house. We called the police, they came over and took a statement, and arrested him.

He was in the cells overnight, but once released, kept texting and calling, leaving messages and crying. He would stand in the dark, watching the house (texting to say what he'd seen) but not coming too close. A few days later, one of his friends called to say he was in hospital, after attempting suicide. We don't believe he really did try.

Eventually we got rid of him, by keeping the police informed and involving the neighbours (like a neighbourhood watch!)

I hear he's still in the country, still has his room, and eventually moved on. It was a long and messy road to get to that point though!

So hang in there. It does get better, I promise. You have to take care of YOU. He is not your responsibility!

Take care of yourself!

 

[subwannabe]

Amazing how all of these homeless guys still have access to computers and cellphones. I bet in most of these cases when they force themselves to live with someone that they are still "playing the field" on these computers and phones. I guess there's always a bigger and better sucker out there and they're always on the lookout, especially if they need a plan "B" if they get thrown out on the street.