Hey Femdoms, do you ever worry your sub will "snap" one day?

[JMohegan]

Ok once you put in the "submissive mode" it makes sense..thank you!

"Submissive mode" is the OP's wording, from post 45 on this thread.

I agree with his observation that people can, and sometimes do, "snap out of submissive mode" - for the reasons I just mentioned. What I question is whether the tea party fantasy constitutes an example of "submissive mode" being present in the first place.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm still wondering what your train of thought was that brought this question on!

I immediately thought of that prodomme that was murdered by a client last year (I think it was last year). Of course, I don't think that has anything to do with submission pushed to its limit. It's just the first Femdom worst case scenario that popped into my head.

 

[Stella_Omega]

WHERE do you guys get these ideas from? Is Harlequin putting out a new version of their old bodice ripper pulps?

Ok I've only been into BDSM for a year now and all of it has been online..so I'd really like to know if its possible for a sub to lose the desire to sub? I believed it was a Need..not something you Do but something you Are.

Yes, it is possible to lose the desire to submit. We are human beings, not programmed robots. Our needs change, our brain chemistry alters as we grow and age. Humans are incredibly flexible-- we evolved that way. (and women's brains are more flexible than men's , speaking generally-- women change much more over their life courses than men do)

I believe you are correct for the TRUE submissive however I am quite sure that there are many that say they are submissive just to scratch that horny itch they have when in reality they could not submit 24/7 in real life.

I always get a kick out of this idea of a TRUE this or that. Sorry, you don't get to quantify submission, or judge the TRUEness of other people's experiences.

BDSM covers a huge range of activities, and almost every one of them is sexual. "scratching sexual itches" is what most of it is about-- and other emotional needs as well. If your emotional and sexual satisfaction can only be assuaged by a 24/7 lifestyle, go for it, I say. You should be aware though, that you are on one end of a long spectrum of possible choices and needs. There is no fence between 24/7 and one night a week.

 

[richard_daily]

BDSM covers a huge range of activities, and almost every one of them is sexual. "scratching sexual itches" is what most of it is about-- and other emotional needs as well. If your emotional and sexual satisfaction can only be assuaged by a 24/7 lifestyle, go for it, I say. You should be aware though, that you are on one end of a long spectrum of possible choices and needs. There is no fence between 24/7 and one night a week.

Exactly... The desire to learn and grow is a part of human nature.

I have a hugely different sexuality from 10 or 20 years ago and I'd imagine most people on here can say the same.

24/7 lifestyle BDSM isn't something that suits my personal taste, but to each their own. However; It's definitely not the only "true" BDSM, that's complete and utter bullshit.

For me personally, I like the switching of gears... Being able to lead my version of a normal life; go out to a nice dinner somewhere and have great conversation, dressed up nice and fancy... and then push my partner up against the wall in an ally somewhere and force myself on her later on in the evening.

There's ebb and flow in every relationship, and when that's lost, I think it becomes boring.

 

[SubNebGuy]

Am I the only one that thinks the original poster has never had any sort of BDSM experience?
There's a huge amount of trust involved, communication beforehand, and of course the safe word.
Granted, if CBT is allowed beforehand, by the time subby yelps the safe word, his tender bits have already sustained the blow (and hopefully not real trauma).

while CBT isn't for me...the whole 'snapping' idea just doesn't play out. I can only see that happening if the sub isn't truly a willing participant, or if the dom has crossed WAY over the line into uncharted or unwanted territory. for example: male 'sub' agrees to be tied up...but after being tied up and gagged, she rams a thick butt plug in his virgin ass, which was never discussed or agreed to.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Am I the only one that thinks the original poster has never had any sort of BDSM experience?
There's a huge amount of trust involved, communication beforehand, and of course the safe word.
Granted, if CBT is allowed beforehand, by the time subby yelps the safe word, his tender bits have already sustained the blow (and hopefully not real trauma).

while CBT isn't for me...the whole 'snapping' idea just doesn't play out. I can only see that happening if the sub isn't truly a willing participant, or if the dom has crossed WAY over the line into uncharted or unwanted territory. for example: male 'sub' agrees to be tied up...but after being tied up and gagged, she rams a thick butt plug in his virgin ass, which was never discussed or agreed to.

One man's hard yank on the balls is another man's thick buttplug, I guess.

This is why, once again, we so oftentie them down before we go poking them with things. If the dude does snap, he can stay safely confined till he cools down and remembers that he asked for it in the first place.

 

[Hecate]

it probably has all been said by now, nevertheless...

just a few quick notes from my pov:

Yes, a sub (of either gender ) can decide they don't want to be sub anymore - not just sub to a specific Dom/me but sub in general - full stop.
This can be driven by many bits and pieces happening in their lifes, but in my experience it is neither a "snap" decision nor even related to a specific scene.

No, I have never in my years experienced any sub "snapping" with a violent reaction directed against me (not that it would have done them much instant good - usually they are quite ... tied up in the action). By the time they are released usually it is more like a "Sorry I had to stop/safeword out" rather than any "WTF were you thinking you were doing"-reaction.

Am I just being "lucky"?
I don't think so - I would rather like to think a dose of common sense in combination with experience and an "in advance reality check" on the end of the receipient of my attention is probably more the reason. Throw in a dose of trust and caring (I know, that sounds possibly a bit weird in this context but I meant it indeed) and I should be quite safe to enjoy many more scenes without anyone "snapping" on me.

Just my thoughts, your opinion may vary,
Lady Hecate