Honestly, as a bi woman, I can see why people don't want to date us

[haurni]

Thank you, Bramblethorn & pcarp.

 

[ChrisLondonMan]

Not long before we got married (long time ago) my wife told me that she had been bi when she was younger (we were in our late 20s at the time) and had had a four-year relationship during and after her time at uni. However, she had not had one since, and was going to stay hetero-faithful to me.

We were married for nearly 30 years, but the last four were difficult with lots of arguments. She had decided that she wanted to do another degree, but in a different discipline, which was fine with me, but it began taking up a massive amount of her time. I subsequently found out - when she told me that she was leaving me - that she had been having an affair with her lesbian tutor, with whom she went on to set up home.

OK, so I should have guessed, and at the time it hurt. I just wish she had been more honest with me.

 

[JamesRTickit]

The issue

Is surely about attraction to more than one sex.
How many people on Lit have lived a happy fulfilled relationship with one partner?
Probably not many.

So to me bi means this relation ship is with a male but the next could be a female, CD or transexual.

I think you are assuming bi means unfaithful which is not the case.

 

[dacoach44]

Yep

Not long before we got married (long time ago) my wife told me that she had been bi when she was younger (we were in our late 20s at the time) and had had a four-year relationship during and after her time at uni. However, she had not had one since, and was going to stay hetero-faithful to me.

We were married for nearly 30 years, but the last four were difficult with lots of arguments. She had decided that she wanted to do another degree, but in a different discipline, which was fine with me, but it began taking up a massive amount of her time. I subsequently found out - when she told me that she was leaving me - that she had been having an affair with her lesbian tutor, with whom she went on to set up home.

OK, so I should have guessed, and at the time it hurt. I just wish she had been more honest with me.

You put 30 years into it, of course it hurts. The massive amount of time would have hurt, not just the affair.

 

[dacoach44]

the moral compass

To be fair, tmmmbrrr didn't mention infidelity. And unless one is speaking of a bisexual who is only a bisexual in the mind, his comment rings true. In order to explore/satisfy one's bisexuality it takes both genders. But, I agree with the main point you made that it is whatever moral compass guides us that dictates infidelity whether it is bi,gay, trans or st8.

There has to be one, or I dont know how it could work well. If you just wanna be slut, thats fine. Just be careful about promises you make.

 

[Dam_Fool]

The funny thing I've found is when a girl told me she was bi, when I told her I liked males, then she'd double-take or flip, as if that was wrong. I remember one got very pissed off. I didn't say I was flat out gold star gay, but the attitude... jeebuz.

 

[dacoach44]

Hmmmmmmmm

The funny thing I've found is when a girl told me she was bi, when I told her I liked males, then she'd double-take or flip, as if that was wrong. I remember one got very pissed off. I didn't say I was flat out gold star gay, but the attitude... jeebuz.

Aint that called hypocrisy?

 

[flanneland]

Interesting thread.

 

[followmenow6969]

Reading some of the confessions here, and the thoughts and feelings some of these bisexuals harbor I say to myself why would a decent person want to date us?

But on the positive note, I really believe bisexuals should look into relationships with other bisexuals

As a bi woman, I have no problems

 

[Blueser916]

I'm sorry to disagree but tmmmbrr said "being openly bi is fundamentally telling prospective partners that they're not going to be enough for you and you're not going to be sexually exclusive with them". If that is not talking about infidelity then what is it talking about?

pcarp, I think most people define "infidelity" as cheating. Breaking the agreement. If the agreement allows for non-monogamy, then it's not infidelity.

I agree that being bi does not automatically mean being non-monogamous, but I think it can be more of a struggle for a bi person.

 

[Naughty69M2M]

Open bi is a hard road. Not telling the guy is not all that honest, but...

Agreed. Tell your guy that you are bi and heven could think that you want all sorts of threesomes etc..

But being a bi male and telling your lady that.........yeah.

 

[Erotically_Yours]

The problem isn't with bi-sexuality. The problem is with people not being honest with their partner(s) from the start, people's misconceptions about what all love and sex entails, and people not coming to terms with their own insecurities. The only "rules" you should be abiding by are those set by you and your partner(s).

If you can't be open and honest with your partner about your sexuality then why are you wasting your time with them? Yeah, being pushed away for something that makes you who you are sucks, but so does wasting years pretending to be something you're not. It is a conscious choice you make if you choose to bury that part of yourself -- and you can't hold it against your partner for being shocked years down the road.

Sex and love are not mutually exclusive. This is the thing most people fail to comprehend. People can fuck out of hatred just as easily as love -- and they most certainly can fuck without feeling anything at all. For this reason, sex and love and all the various complex combinations therein cannot be placed into neatly labled boxes. Your understanding differs from mine who's understanding differs from the next.

At the same time, bi-sexuality does not mean inherent non-monogamous tendencies. It means attraction to either sex. Simple as that. There are plenty of bi-sexuals who remain happily monogamous. Having same sex relationships does not somehow make you "tainted" to a straight person any more than multiple heterosexual relationships do. If the person feels that it somehow does, then they are very insecure with themselves and you're better off with someone else. Harsh, but the truth.

Sex is something meant to be talked about, to be shared, to be explored. Keeping things to yourself is counterproductive. To hell with this social mentality that anything outside of monogamous vanilla sex is something to be ashamed of. Tolerance and understanding go a long way.

 

[dacoach44]

O my

Agreed. Tell your guy that you are bi and heven could think that you want all sorts of threesomes etc..

But being a bi male and telling your lady that.........yeah.

Tell my dame I am bi? She would stroke out.

 

[WhiteTrashDaddy]

The problem isn't with bi-sexuality. The problem is with people not being honest with their partner(s) from the start, people's misconceptions about what all love and sex entails, and people not coming to terms with their own insecurities. The only "rules" you should be abiding by are those set by you and your partner(s).

If you can't be open and honest with your partner about your sexuality then why are you wasting your time with them? Yeah, being pushed away for something that makes you who you are sucks, but so does wasting years pretending to be something you're not. It is a conscious choice you make if you choose to bury that part of yourself -- and you can't hold it against your partner for being shocked years down the road.

Sex and love are not mutually exclusive. This is the thing most people fail to comprehend. People can fuck out of hatred just as easily as love -- and they most certainly can fuck without feeling anything at all. For this reason, sex and love and all the various complex combinations therein cannot be placed into neatly labled boxes. Your understanding differs from mine who's understanding differs from the next.

At the same time, bi-sexuality does not mean inherent non-monogamous tendencies. It means attraction to either sex. Simple as that. There are plenty of bi-sexuals who remain happily monogamous. Having same sex relationships does not somehow make you "tainted" to a straight person any more than multiple heterosexual relationships do. If the person feels that it somehow does, then they are very insecure with themselves and you're better off with someone else. Harsh, but the truth.

Sex is something meant to be talked about, to be shared, to be explored. Keeping things to yourself is counterproductive. To hell with this social mentality that anything outside of monogamous vanilla sex is something to be ashamed of. Tolerance and understanding go a long way.

Very well said.

 

[Katieb_38]

I had my first bi sexual experience when I was 20, it was with a friends mother (Jan) on holiday. She was open with her husband about it. I was single at the time so I had no issues. I did ask her opinion of what I should do when I started dating a guy. She said the best thing to do is tell them and let them decide if they want to carry on with the relationship.

I have had mixed results with it over the years, some guys are ok with it and some couldn't deal with me seeing a woman while with them. This was before I was involving my partner in my bi sexuality. I told a guy once when on a first date with him and his answer was.

"It's ok as long as I can watch."

He never got a second date. Now I'm married and my husband is fine as we do meet couples and singles together. He has no problems with me meeting another woman when he's not there.

 

[Erotically_Yours]

Now I'm married and my husband is fine as we do meet couples and singles together. He has no problems with me meeting another woman when he's not there.

My relationship with my husband is similar. He doesn't mind if I meet up with a girl, he just prefers to know about it. He understands this need is a part of me and that he cannot provide it himself. He also understands that he does provide my other needs which is why I don't seek out other men. He has no desire to seek out others -- male or female. It's our dynamic, and it works for us. We're honest and open with each other about everything and really, isn't that the basic fundamentals for any healthy relationship?

 

[Katieb_38]

My relationship with my husband is similar. He doesn't mind if I meet up with a girl, he just prefers to know about it. He understands this need is a part of me and that he cannot provide it himself. He also understands that he does provide my other needs which is why I don't seek out other men. He has no desire to seek out others -- male or female. It's our dynamic, and it works for us. We're honest and open with each other about everything and really, isn't that the basic fundamentals for any healthy relationship?

I don't meet guys on my own even though hubby has said it would be ok as long as he knew. He is the same with meeting a women on his own but he says he's not bothered about that. He said if that changed he would tell me. He had his first bi encounter a couple months back. He said he may meet a guy on his own but still thinking about it.

 

[ClosetGirl7]

It's hard to make it all work together. I mean we're told marriage and relationships should be between two people but if you're truly bi then one side is usually in a sense lacking. I mean I think it would be good for everyone to be bi or at least accept it and then having a relationship that allows the freedom to explore both sides. Maybe I'm just rambling on.

 

[ashik09]

It's hard to make it all work together. I mean we're told marriage and relationships should be between two people but if you're truly bi then one side is usually in a sense lacking. I mean I think it would be good for everyone to be bi or at least accept it and then having a relationship that allows the freedom to explore both sides. Maybe I'm just rambling on.

Everyone should be open to positive new experiences.

 

[dacoach44]

Maybe dreaming....

It's hard to make it all work together. I mean we're told marriage and relationships should be between two people but if you're truly bi then one side is usually in a sense lacking. I mean I think it would be good for everyone to be bi or at least accept it and then having a relationship that allows the freedom to explore both sides. Maybe I'm just rambling on.

No way would my GF be bi; doesnt know I am. But then, we are SOOOO old. I would hate to lose her, but I am not giving up the adventures of men.