~ Honey's Blanket Fort Of Bliss 2 ~

[gracie920101]

Uh...I have no blanket fort offerings, just a straightforward all encompassing hug for you.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Bringing my book and hiding away in the corner.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Rough weekend, emotionally. My own doing. But good opportunity to do some soul-searching and reevaluate how I'm spending my time, my energy, and where I have some cleaning up to do.

Discipline isn't my strong suit. I can see that I've gotten into a habit of doing the easy thing and then making up for it by being extra hard on myself when I have to pay the piper later on. What a waste of energy! And not great for my soul. Time to fix that.

The other thing I noticed is that, while I'm aware that I'm 'highly sensitive' (I wish that didn't sound so condescending), I haven't done a great job of developing tools to help me manage it as well as I could. I don't always see a potential issue before it whacks me upside the head, and by then it's almost invariably too late for me to deal with it internally without it spilling over and affecting the people around me.

I've experienced a lot of shame over my sensitivity. I blush easily, I struggle with anxiety, I'm verbally clumsy when I'm feeling self-conscious, I get overwhelmed, I cry easily, I sometimes overreact, I withdraw when I'm overstimulated. It's exhausting and can be embarrassing and sometimes it's hard to see any upside. I've worked at developing a thicker skin and learning to take a breath and reset before reacting and I've seen some improvement, but there is room for more.

Why didn't I learn these things as a child? I guess my parents didn't know them, or didn't know how to teach them. Am I doing any better with my kids? I don't know.

I'm tired. Going through lots of transition. Experiencing some loss in a couple of big areas. But I am getting up every day and making myself Do Hard Things, and so I have hope.

I think this is going to be the year of the big life makeover.

 

[gracie920101]

Honey, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I could mouth platitudes all day long but I know that provides little comfort to you. However, it sounds like you're doing the right things. You identified the issues and now you get to do the hard part, making those changes so Life won't catch you unaware and slap you around. I'll sit on the sideline and be your cheering section but it's all on you. You can do this.

PS Your kids will always know mom loves them even if you don't feel that you are raising them the way the experts say you should. Fuck the experts!