How annoying is first-person present tense?

[HeyAll]

In the last year, I've switched to present tense, I can't remember exactly the reason why. I must have been inspired by something I was reading.

It's a challenge at first. But you get used to it.

Now it's my prefered way of writing and reading. It gives it a sense of immediacy. Like you're experiencing it for the first time alongside the narrator, whereas with past tense, it already happened. When I read past tense now, it's not as exciting.

I've had 1 strong comment against it. Other than that, people don't comment on it.

I can name 2 successful books in recent years that have used present tense. Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (author writes all present tense in other books) and also Heat 2 (whole book is present tense). I highly recommend both books, they're highly acclaimed and best sellers, the present tense adds to the writing.


The only downside to present tense is that it's harder to speed ahead in time. For example, with past tense you can skip over days or months easily. example "She planted the crops in the summer, then by fall they grew and..." With past tense you can write the whole story like that and skip over a lot of time, covering far more ground.

With present tense you have to work around that issue.


Here's an excerpt from Heat 2. A great example of present tense:

They eat at a neighborhood place on the east side of town. Dim sum.When they leave the restaurant, she holds out her hand and says, “Keys.”They head for the Strip sharing a blunt. Charlene drives like she’s been trained at Top Gun. A screaming eagle. Confident, and smooth, and quickwitted. In control, never out beyond the edge. The engine hums under her

 

[ElectricBlue]

Here's an excerpt from Heat 2. A great example of present tense:

They eat at a neighborhood place on the east side of town. Dim sum.When they leave the restaurant, she holds out her hand and says, “Keys.”They head for the Strip sharing a blunt. Charlene drives like she’s been trained at Top Gun. A screaming eagle. Confident, and smooth, and quickwitted. In control, never out beyond the edge. The engine hums under her

To be brutal, if that's "great", I'd hate to see a bad example.

A whole book written like that would do my head in, especially with the staccato sentences.

 

[lavendersilk]

To be brutal, if that's "great", I'd hate to see a bad example.

A whole book written like that would do my head in, especially with the staccato sentences.

Some books do better in audio. But, be careful and always listen to the sample before purchasing...

 

[StillStunned]

This discussion has made me wonder whether I can do a first-person-present story. So far I'm a little over 1000 words into a university professor blackmailing a student for sex.

My name’s Ben, and I’m about to make a mistake. A big mistake. Perhaps the worst mistake of my life.

What’s worse, I know it’s a mistake and I’m going to go ahead anyway. I can’t stop. It’s like that split second before you bite down on your cheek. You know it’s about to happen, you know it’s going to hurt, but there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

But this is worse. This will be more than a sharp moment of excruciating pain and a few days of annoying discomfort. This will be life-changing, marriage-wrecking, career-ending. “Tell me, Dr Llewellyn, why did you leave your previous employment?”

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Most third-person stories have a mix of tenses in them. The dialog can be present, past, or future. Narration (first or third person) is usually past with an occasional future reference, "In three years, he would know different. But at that time, he was blissfully ignorant."

Some tenses can be used as present or past rense- or at least I think they can.

 

[lavendersilk]

This discussion has made me wonder whether I can do a first-person-present story. So far I'm a little over 1000 words into a university professor blackmailing a student for sex.

You are at the point where you could easily make a change if you want to. But, if your main character is already talking to you in present tense, stick with it!

Color me intrigued... (I love blackmailing stories.) Is this through the student's POV or the professor's?

 

[SimonDoom]

There are advantages to first person present tense. One is suspense. If a story is told in first person past tense, then presumably the narrator survived to tell the story. Also, if the narrator is concealing a secret, and not revealing everything to the reader, it's more plausible if it's in present tense than in past tense. With present tense, there's more of a feeling of "I don't know what's around the corner," which can work well with suspense stories but also with erotica.

As HeyAll points out, it's trickier to deal with passages of time in present tense, but it can be done. John Updike's four Rabbit novels are all told in present tense (though in the third person, with an emphasis on Rabbit's point of view), and the novels cover about 30 years of time, so it can be done.

If you really focus on what you're doing, and you emphasize clarity and consistency, you can make almost anything work.

 

[SimonDoom]

This discussion has made me wonder whether I can do a first-person-present story. So far I'm a little over 1000 words into a university professor blackmailing a student for sex.

I think this is a good example of a story where it could work, because right from the beginning you introduce mystery, which intrigues the reader. And there's a double mystery because even the narrator doesn't know what's going to happen, and that's NOT true when the narrator tells the story in past tense.

 

[StillStunned]

Color me intrigued... (I love blackmailing stories.) Is this through the student's POV or the professor's?

The professor's POV.

I think this is a good example of a story where it could work, because right from the beginning you introduce mystery, which intrigues the reader. And there's a double mystery because even the narrator doesn't know what's going to happen, and that's NOT true when the narrator tells the story in past tense.

I think it works because of the sense of immediacy. Just one scene where you're in the narrator's head, when you can feel their heart pounding in their chest, where you live through the battle between lust and anxiety. And no, the narrator doesn't know.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

Oh, I have She-Wolf, which I have a serious block on now, that is going to be in third person present.

If I ever get it written. AGH!!!!

Seriously, how long must we hear about the She-Wolf with no actual story to read?

 

[ElectricBlue]

Some books do better in audio. But, be careful and always listen to the sample before purchasing...

The sample given was extolling the virtues of writing In present tense, not reading out loud. Audio's got nothing to do with it.

 

[SimonDoom]

The sample given was extolling the virtues of writing In present tense, not reading out loud. Audio's got nothing to do with it.

I had the sense that your objections to the sample had less to do with the tense than with other features, such as the use of words and short phrases in place of sentences. If one replaced the present tense with the past tense in that sample, would your reaction be any different?

 

[lavendersilk]

The sample given was extolling the virtues of writing In present tense, not reading out loud. Audio's got nothing to do with it.

Oh. That's cool.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I had the sense that your objections to the sample had less to do with the tense than with other features, such as the use of words and short phrases in place of sentences. If one replaced the present tense with the past tense in that sample, would your reaction be any different?

The staccato effect compounded the problem, sure, but present tense is relentless. It's exhausting to read after a very short while because it's always full on, there's no slowing down, no control of pace. The biggest problem for me is that crossing the road gets the same urgency as falling from a plane. You no longer know what's important.

I'm sure I've read something by Le Carré where he alternates between present tense and past tense (you'd go nuts), but even with a master writer such as he, you "notice" the present tense far more. It becomes a "literary effect". It's not subtle. I couldn't see why he did it - but he couldn't sustain it, either.

 

[SimonDoom]

The staccato effect compounded the problem, sure, but present tense is relentless. It's exhausting to read after a very short while because it's always full on, there's no slowing down, no control of pace. The biggest problem for me is that crossing the road gets the same urgency as falling from a plane. You no longer know what's important.

I'm sure I've read something by Le Carré where he alternates between present tense and past tense (you'd go nuts), but even with a master writer such as he, you "notice" the present tense far more. It becomes a "literary effect". It's not subtle. I couldn't see why he did it - but he couldn't sustain it, either.

I've been reading some novels by Agatha Christie lately, for the first time. Her novels are predominantly in past tense, but she switches to present tense at times to describe background information and conditions in a way that surprises me. Her prose isn't as good as I expected it to be.

The key to make it work is to understand what you are doing and why you are doing it, and to maintain control over it. If tense gets away from you, it becomes obvious and it's a problem.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The key to make it work is to understand what you are doing and why you are doing it, and to maintain control over it. If tense gets away from you, it becomes obvious and it's a problem.

Agree this. That's why I was surprised to see Le Carré do it. I'm pretty sure it was in one of his more recent novels, I'll go find which one. And do a random check in a few of his older ones, to see if he's done it before.

@MediocreAuthor has given me a challenge to read one of hers, to change my mind. I'll report back.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Opening two paragraphs of She-Wolf.

The young man ran down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twisted and turned. Despite that, Robert kept his feet until he inevitably hung a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

Falling forward, rolling, and at last crashing into a tree trunk, his wind knocked from his lungs, and he lay still, struggling to breathe. Robert gasped for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

 

[MillieDynamite]

right off, I spotted the conflict between present and past tense. "It twisted and turned." It should read, It twists and turns. I thought I'd already changed it I haven't.

Opening two paragraphs of She-Wolf.

The young man ran down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twisted and turned. Despite that, Robert kept his feet until he inevitably hung a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

Falling forward, rolling, and at last crashing into a tree trunk, his wind knocked from his lungs, and he lay still, struggling to breathe. Robert gasped for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

I don't reply to myself often, but when I do, it's intentional.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Here is the corrected first two paragraphs. (I'm getting long-winded on this.)

The young man ran down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twists and turns. Despite that, Robert keeps his feet until he inevitably hangs a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

Falling forward, rolling, and at last crashing into a tree trunk, his wind knocked from his lungs, and he lays still, struggles to breathe. Robert gasps for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

 

[MillieDynamite]

And yet another correction.

The young man ran down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twists and turns. Despite that, Robert keeps his feet until he inevitably hangs a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

He falls forward, rolling, and at last crashes into a tree trunk, knocking the wind from his lungs, and he lays still struggles to breathe. Robert gasps for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

So this is hard work to maintain. Therefore, no way to do this before the contest entries are closed.

 

[SimonDoom]

And yet another correction.

The young man ran down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twists and turns. Despite that, Robert keeps his feet until he inevitably hangs a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

He falls forward, rolling, and at last crashes into a tree trunk, knocking the wind from his lungs, and he lays still struggles to breathe. Robert gasps for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

So this is hard work to maintain. Therefore, no way to do this before the contest entries are closed.

Still not right.

Runs down the hill

He lies Still not lays Still



This is why present is so hard to do right.

 

[MillieDynamite]

See, shit if I send this (6500 words so far) mess to my editor, he'll send me a bomb in the mail.

Still not right.

Runs down the hill

He lies Still not lays Still



This is why present is so hard to do right.

 

[MillieDynamite]

First four paragraphs. Hopefully right this time. @SmonDoom, at least I hope they are.

The young man runs down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twists and turns. Despite that, Robert keeps his feet until he inevitably hangs a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

Falling forward, rolling, and at last crashes into a tree trunk, knocking the wind from his lungs, and he lies still, struggles to breathe. Robert gasps for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

Clambering to his feet, Robert glances uphill for his girlfriend. His breath comes easier. A horrible blood-curdling howl echoes in the night. Another, a beast, the beast, yipping at the nearly full moon. Where is his girlfriend? Moments before, she ran right behind him. Or so he thinks.

He must go back.

Still not right.

Runs down the hill

He lies Still not lays Still



This is why present is so hard to do right.

 

[SimonDoom]

First four paragraphs. Hopefully right this time. @SmonDoom, at least I hope they are.

The young man runs down the hill, moving at breakneck speed. The tight pathway has trees to the left and right. It twists and turns. Despite that, Robert keeps his feet until he inevitably hangs a toe on a root, rock, or clump of grass.

Falling forward, rolling, and at last crashes into a tree trunk, knocking the wind from his lungs, and he lies still, struggles to breathe. Robert gasps for breath, that terrible rasping, he thinks, try to breathe, breathe, just breathe, come on, catch your breath. Where’s Lany?

Clambering to his feet, Robert glances uphill for his girlfriend. His breath comes easier. A horrible blood-curdling howl echoes in the night. Another, a beast, the beast, yipping at the nearly full moon. Where is his girlfriend? Moments before, she ran right behind him. Or so he thinks.

He must go back.

This works.

But you see the problem? You took much longer to perfect four paragraphs in this tense than you would have if it had been in the past tense, because writing in past tense is like second nature to most of us.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Agree this. That's why I was surprised to see Le Carré do it. I'm pretty sure it was in one of his more recent novels, I'll go find which one. And do a random check in a few of his older ones, to see if hee done it before.

I can’t recall this. And I a pretty avid Cornwell reader.

Maybe not a careful one though.

Em