How can you tell who the real Masters are?

[Homburg]

Maybe this is really ass backwards, but why don't people consider looking for compatible people who make them feel like submitting and laying down their power because of who they are, rather than looking for "real masters" and auditioning them for the job of their Dom based on that label?

If I had to guess, I'd pick "intellectual laziness" for the win. But your question was rhetorical, so you know the answer.

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People don't want to do the work to find someone useful and worthwhile. They want to look in some magical internet directory of "teh awesome Dom/mes" and find a ready-made 'Master'.

I wasn't looking when I found "v". She wasn't looking when she found me. 16 years later, we're still together, and happier than ever.

I wasn't looking when I found "w". She wasn't really looking when she found me. Keeping her eyes open, sure, but not looking. It's over now, but I have no regrets and have been incredibly enriched by the experience. We are still friends.

The common thread? I met them both, in person, randomly. "v" in college, "w" because of a LARP I was running. In each case, we found ourselves wildly compatible, became friends, and moved on from there.

Personally, I think the internet has done wild things for dating, but I don't necessarily think that it has done wildly good things. Sure, you have are exposed to a much broader pool of possible mates, and thus increase your odds of finding that special someone. Unfortunately you are also just exposed in general, and thus increase your chances of finding dickwits that will screw with your heart.

 

[SierraMoon]

Go with your gut.
If it sounds like shark, smells like shark; run before your leg gets bitten off.

Unless of course, they give you a safeword, then anything goes, and it's your fault if you don't use it before the leg comes off!!!!!!!


(side note.... I miss MissTaken..... so if she's out there somewhere, I hope you are doing well, and wish you would come back!! )

 

[RJMasters]

Maybe this is really ass backwards, but why don't people consider looking for compatible people who make them feel like submitting and laying down their power because of who they are, rather than looking for "real masters" and auditioning them for the job of their Dom based on that label?

At times I think my brain is multi-orgasmic when you speak

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Is there such a thing as a good online only Dom or are they all just out for themselves? They called themselves Masters but who decides this? Do they just decide for themselves?

Well yes i think so, they can call themselfves Dom's eventho they might just be wannabees looking for some silly girl's who will put a good show for them. I know few men like that.

With my level of naivity i consider my self VERY LUCKY i am owned by one of those really good Dom's. I wanted my Dom too bad, so i was more than easy to be satisfied with a cheap wannabe Dom. What i got now is so much better, incomparable.

I can freely say i have a high level of what i expect/need/want from my Dom now. My Dom is one of those who i call "PRO", i cannot be bothered with anything less now. I deffo wouldn't bother with a new novice Dom. I need someone mature and experienced. I deffo need someone who knows what he's doing.

I am very happy i have found all of that in the Dom who have picked me.

 

[sexycaz22]

About a couple of years ago, I have taken part in an "online" D/s relationship with a couple of Doms (separately and at different times, obviously) It was at a time, where I wasn't unsure about myself, about what my fantasies (especially the spankings ones! ) and I went looking, and found some "wannabe" doms who were more than happy to "teach" me and I stupidly submitted to them.

Soon after, I realised that I didn't like it very much, that I hated submitting to them, although at the same time, I liked it. I guess I felt guilty of my secret and was not sure about who I was, what the hell I were doing etc. So I left all the submission and domination behind me, and I got on with it......

BUT......it was still there in the back of my mind.....egear to come to the front of my mind.....and waiting patiently for a couple of years more.

And about 5 months ago, it finally came....and I chatted to a good friend who encouraged me to ask questions, encouraged me to go do my research and finally I made myself at home at the BDSM forums, and began to read some interesting threads and asking questions. About a month later, I signed up with a couple of BDSM dating sites, then a month after that, going to a local munch and then a couple of weeks after that, I had my first real-life play session (a spanking one)

So, to answer the OP's question; I must warn you to be very careful with who you are chatting with, make sure you check with other people, to see if they know who the "dom" is. Ask questions about the BDSM and seeing if they DO know what words mean etc.

Above all, BE CAREFUL!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think that sometimes newbies to the forum can get the wrong idea. I always refer to my SO as Master when posting and before that he was Sir. I did this to respect his anonymity and also to clarify the dynamic we have, it also reads as more respectful than calling him 'L' or my boyfriend IMO. I did once have a pm conversation with a newbie who genuinely thought I called him Master at all times, regardless of circumstance.

Of course, she was a bit of a ditz but the opportunity for misconception is there for people who are unfamiliar with the titles and shorthand we use.

As for online 'Masters' I have had good and bad experiences before I ventured into RL. One guy was incredibly insightful. As soon as a guy starts talking at length you can usually tell whether they've got experience and genuine knowledge or not. I kept opening up about my feelings and asking questions and he stuck with me for quite a while. The time he put into discussing things rather than setting tasks or otherwise getting anything for his gratification was considerable and that's another thing I picked up on fast and appreciated.

HNGs want their kicks and they see no reason why they should be bothered with a lot of support or emotional investment in the sub. Why should they, the 'Master' put themselves out? There are lots of tells, especially if the guy is really married or living with his mum and has limited time online or frequently ends up cancelling or rescheduling chat time. Like in RL, it's mostly common sense.

 

[Homburg]

Take this Acid Test.

Brilliant link. this is one to keep. Thank you.

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[Luvkitty33]

What a fabulous test!!! Thanks SO much for the link as I found it to be extremely helpful!!!

 

[Pure]

as in other fields, music, painting, chess, the 'real masters' do not go around talking about 'who is a genuine, real master' or even 'what are the marks of a 'real master' ', AND

most of them seldom if ever say, "i am a real master"; they're busy 'being,' one might say, not advertising.

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ADDED: I note risia has made this point. i also agree with netzach that looking for a "real", i.e. sane, sincere open, dedicated and half way faithful partner is more the issue. ways of playing will evolve. and maybe neither will ever be 'real dom' or 'real sub'; 'real master' or 'real subject."

 

[Chris_Xavier]

as in other fields, music, painting, chess, the 'real masters' do not go around talking about 'who is a genuine, real master' or even 'what are the marks of a 'real master' ', AND

most of them seldom if ever say, "i am a real master"; they're busy 'being' one might say, not advertising.

Well said.