How challenging is to talk about fantasies, kinks etc.?

[eroticbum]

Can't open to my wife. And I know she has no sex fantasies.
I'd like to do more with her but she's happy with current sex life. Once every 3 weeks or so. Conventional sex for her is painful so it's blowjob/handjob sessions. In times of stress waiting time is even longer.
I do take care of myself, and those sessions have evolved into one man fun.

I hope she breaches the subject one day, she does know I have a stronger drive than her and I do not need viagra.
I'd even let her pick out a sex partner for me, as long as it's someone we don't know and they like lingerie as much as I do

 

[Sappho_CGN]

to the starting question:

Not really,

arousing is finding a soulmate, a partner in crime and talking with him/her about life and love

 

[peruchica]

I think for most people, opening up even to a partner that you love and trust is easier said than done. There's always that fear that they won't react in a positive manner. I've always been extremely sexually open and had always been honest with my husband about everything from the very beginning. It took him a couple of years to get to a point where he was comfortable enough to express some of his desires and fantasies, but once he saw that I was open to discussing them and diving in, he wasn't shy anymore. Even with my openness, there was something that I kept from him for years and only opened up to him a few years ago about. That thing being my previous experiences with family. The only reason I ended up finally telling him about it, was because he allowed himself to be vulnerable enough to tell me about his own experiences. Keep in mind that my husband have done pretty much anything you can think of related to sex with each other and with plenty of other partners. We've had an open relationship the majority of the time that we've been together and he openly shares me with others. Even so, this was a topic that we both kept to ourselves until it came up. So I can completely understand that feeling of vulnerability and fear of being judged even in a loving and trusting relationship.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I think it's easier to talk to strangers about them, no fear of judgement or being looked at differently. Hence why this place is popular

You said it. It's very easy to say your thing in a setting where even if anyone judges you, there aren't too many consequences like them knowing where you work or your family's phone numbers.

 

[Vicky29Jay33]

I was married for a long time to someone who hated me.

Since then I've had a number of relationships, the last one open and hopefully permanent. Open relationships only work with 100% honesty. She knows I'm a horny pervert, I know she spent a few years after her last marriage ended (and for a couple of years before) opening her legs to half the men on Fabswingers. For us, there is no line - if we want it, we can do it. I haven't yet found a fantasy of mine she isn't willing to indulge.

I'm the same, we deemed as lucky going by what I read lol

 

[Wonderer67]

My wife and I get along really well. At the earliest days of our relationship I knew I could tell her anything.

it doesn’t mean that she agrees or is 100% in agreement. We have a great sex life. I would like to open our marriage up - she is quite monogamous and has no desire to do so. I like anal sex and she hates it. Another no-go. I would like to explore my bisexuality. She’s is not in agreement.

But she lets me talk about it. She did finally end discussion about open marriage. She didn’t want to talk about trying it or how to try it or doing a first time nite at a swingers club. But I can still tell her how hot it is for me to imagine her w another man. She’s more ok that.

Life isn’t perfect. And maintaining a healthy relationship is a lot of work. But we’re happy together and have built a good life together sexually and otherwise.

 

[zoso682001]

My wife and I get along really well. At the earliest days of our relationship I knew I could tell her anything.

it doesn’t mean that she agrees or is 100% in agreement. We have a great sex life. I would like to open our marriage up - she is quite monogamous and has no desire to do so. I like anal sex and she hates it. Another no-go. I would like to explore my bisexuality. She’s is not in agreement.

But she lets me talk about it. She did finally end discussion about open marriage. She didn’t want to talk about trying it or how to try it or doing a first time nite at a swingers club. But I can still tell her how hot it is for me to imagine her w another man. She’s more ok that.

Life isn’t perfect. And maintaining a healthy relationship is a lot of work. But we’re happy together and have built a good life together sexually and otherwise.

Sounds like you two have got it figured out . Even if it's not exactly as you'd like it's working for you as a couple .

 

[Wonderer67]

Sounds like you two have got it figured out . Even if it's not exactly as you'd like it's working for you as a couple .

This morning before work was a good example.

She was teasing me, making me go wild. I told her my fantasy of her being a hotwife. I know it’s a non starter for her and I could even see her facial expression, but she allowed me to tell her what my fantasy was… even tho she was not into it.

Give and take.

 

[Sgts19]

Here I'm a open book. I can talk about my fantasies, what we've done, what ever. In real life I can say anything to my friend ( best friends we've pretty much tried it all).

With other people we're friends with no way they'd be shocked but it wouldn't be the first time things have slipped out

 

[dkak001]

My wife and I get along really well. At the earliest days of our relationship I knew I could tell her anything.
...
But she lets me talk about it.
...
But we’re happy together and have built a good life together sexually and otherwise.

The same here. I have always told her everything. She knows where I stand, and while she isn't comfortable doing everything she accepts my interests. Although, for a lot of things we're into the same things so that helps a lot...

Seems like we have quite a bit in common.

 

[FlirtyWordy]

I will never understand, as long as I live, why some people are so negatively reactive (fear, threatened, grossed out) by other people's fantasies and in too many cases, don't make any effort to conceal their judgment.

 

[write_or_wrong]

I will never understand, as long as I live, why some people are so negatively reactive (fear, threatened, grossed out) by other people's fantasies and in too many cases, don't make any effort to conceal their judgment.

I guess that if you have a list of good things and a list of bad things pounded into you as soon as you can understand words, and those biases are repeated by all the friends, family, and people in authority around you, it's hard to believe anything contrary is true or allowable.

 

[StrongMaster7]

My wife does NOT like to talk about sex. In many years of marriage, we have had one or two very awkward chats, nothing terribly productive. The only time she becomes sexual is during sex and that's not exactly a time for chat. I try to ask her to talk dirty, but even at peak excitement she is reluctant. Bu tlittle by little over many years she has gotten a little more adventurous, but only a little. I'm grateful for whatever I get.

 

[davion2308]

There are some things I share with my wife that are low-danger or low-risk to her feelings and our relationship. I can discuss those, we can try things, it's fun. There are other things I know would make her uncomfortable so I wouldn't even bring them up.

 

[aya_amano]

I am very open towards sex (thanks to my parents who are very sex positive and never treated it like a taboo but the opposite).

I grew up in Japan and the boyfriends and sex partners I had there were very surprised how open I can talk about sex.

Only older men in Japan talked a bit about their kinks and fetishes but guys my age at the time were so shy.
Even in love hotels, I had to do a lot of effort to have them try out new things (and even 'new' positions).

 

[OtherwisePrint6210]

Use to be frustrating for me as my wife even when aroused was never really into it. I asked her several times what her fantasies were and she'd always say she didn't have any. Just her reaction made me clam up about mine.
She hit menopause last year in May and it was like a switch flipped. I honestly have the, who is this woman and what has she done with my wife moments many times. It's like Invasion of the Body snatchers.
------
Now we're in a hotwife-cuckold lifestyle with one other man who's our neighbor. She certainly has no problem talking about sex and fantasies openly now.

I’d love to hear how that started!

 

[MaxwellSmart86]

When it comes to sexual fantasies, I think most of you here know that a fundamental element between partners is frequent communication. But opening up about this topic can be a difficult barrier to overcome, especially if one of the partners (or both) is shy and afraid of being judged.

For those who have already experienced this and managed to cross this bridge, what was the turning point? What gave you the courage to approach the subject with your partner regarding fantasies, fetishes or kinks?

Did you take the decision yourself or did your partner? What was the reaction? Was it something worked on gradually, over a period of time, or did you immediately realize that both of you were on the same page to take the next step and spice up the relationship?

I have found that as I get older, I have a harder time discussing things. When my wife and I started dating in our teens and 20s, it seemed far easier to say "hey I want to try this or I want to try that" or express how we feel about something. Now that I'm in my 40s, for some reason it feels more difficult to open up.

 

[boo56]

I am very inclined to self-censor in most situations. There are times it makes me want to kick myself.