How Do You Balance.....

[intothewoods]

Fwiw, I have a lot of respect for all of you, Etoile, Netzach and Cat.

Doesn't everyone here agree with personal choice? People discuss their respective life choices all the time on the boards. Some I relate to. And some I don't.

Whatever choices I make in the context of my relationship, as long as I'm happy and he's happy, where is the problem? We each have to decide what being a submissive, or Dom or Domme or Master or whatever means in our own heart.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... This restrictive culture which raises its head from time to time is why I and some others do not discuss the more serious issues of living a D/s lifestyle on Lit and save it for a place where it is treated respectfully and experiences are shared out of a genuine desire to help and support others.

Catalina

While I don't always agree with you Catalina, here again I do. I rarely give advice on this board or speak seriously about my relationship. And you pointed out one of the major reasons why I don't.

While this thread is NOT an example of it, it seems that many times people come here for advice and have a dozen reason why the advice can't/won't work. I have to wonder, why even ask if you can't glean something from the advice of others? No one has to take any advice asked for, but certainly there's something to be learned from what most people say.

It'snot (LOL I did that on purpose) like I read a romance novel last week and viola! discovered that I am a submissive. I've been in this lifestyle for almost as long as some posters have been alive. While I don't claim to know everything or have all the answers, (and few posters here who have been in this lifestyle as long or longer than I make that claim either) I, like others, do have some experience and understanding.

What I do see is a lot of newish or just well read lifestylers giving erroneous and misleading advice and then hailed as authorities on the subject by other even newerish (I made that word up, it's mine now) lifestlyers. I find that most disturbing.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

cat, i respect your views and opinions very much. and i am thankful that every time i ask for advice i can count on you to give me a 'reality check' your posts always make me think. i do think we live a little different but that's ok. in the past i would have seen your posts on here as being subbier than thou or 'preachy' however, i now understand you are just giving me your experience, so thank you!

Etoile and Netz, i always love your posts also and i have great respect for both of you. i really think all of this disagreement comes down to misunderstanding and reading wrong. idon't think cat was trying to say her way is the best way or the only way, i asked for advice and she was giving it to me through her own experience. she was making me look at our reasons for not moving in together after 4 years, though they really are not excuses they are our reality at the moment.

Desertrose, thank you so much for that inspiring post! you are right, and i know we WILL make it, wherever this journey takes us. we'll be together.

thank you everyone for all of the feedback on this thread. i love you all *smiles* and MP and i have been talking alot and working alot of this out, things are starting to go alot smoother now......thanks again everyone......

 

[Etoile]

Ditto Etoile, if you remember correctly this whole discussion we are having resulted from you saying exactly what you felt and believed I was thinking and saying and it is not the first time, nor is it correct. You are entitled to your opinion, and guess what, so am I.

Catalina

I have never said otherwise, chérie, only that your posts may sound to others differently than they do to yourself.

I have a great deal of respect for you too, and I appreciate that you have respect for me.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm going to go ahead and say I'm probably going to piss people off with this post, but I am NOT in a good mood, and something about this thread just bothers me. Let me first say that I have a great respect for both rose and MP, and I don't want either of you to think I'm coming down on you. This is strictly my $.02, so take it for what it's worth.

My opinion is, if you choose to be in a LDR, you have to learn to compromise, to prioritize, and to make sacrifices. If you can't sit at home and talk on the phone/IM all night like teenagers because life gets in the way, then it shouldn't be seen as a failing on anybody's part. So often, I see people get SO caught up in their relationships to the exclusion of everything else. Yes, I know it's D/s or M/s or whatever, but it still ain't healthy. Get a hobby or something, for God's sake. The longer you sit around and dwell on what you can't have, the shittier you're going to feel about it.

No matter how much we want to concentrate on our relationships even at the expense of our own personal lives, our ultimate responsibility is to ourselves. Take care of your own shit first, and if your partner doesn't understand that, maybe it's time to rethink the nature of your association. Or at least tell him/her to take up crocheting or something.

Signed,
She Who No Longer Considers Herself Capable Of Being A Slave

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm going to go ahead and say I'm probably going to piss people off with this post, but I am NOT in a good mood, and something about this thread just bothers me. Let me first say that I have a great respect for both rose and MP, and I don't want either of you to think I'm coming down on you. This is strictly my $.02, so take it for what it's worth.

My opinion is, if you choose to be in a LDR, you have to learn to compromise, to prioritize, and to make sacrifices. If you can't sit at home and talk on the phone/IM all night like teenagers because life gets in the way, then it shouldn't be seen as a failing on anybody's part. So often, I see people get SO caught up in their relationships to the exclusion of everything else. Yes, I know it's D/s or M/s or whatever, but it still ain't healthy. Get a hobby or something, for God's sake. The longer you sit around and dwell on what you can't have, the shittier you're going to feel about it.

No matter how much we want to concentrate on our relationships even at the expense of our own personal lives, our ultimate responsibility is to ourselves. Take care of your own shit first, and if your partner doesn't understand that, maybe it's time to rethink the nature of your association. Or at least tell him/her to take up crocheting or something.

Signed,
She Who No Longer Considers Herself Capable Of Being A Slave

At the risk of pissing you, and maybe others, off further ;-D, I disagree with this... kinda. I think it's real important to focus on the things you want most and don't have... yet.

What I find annoying and what I think you, Bunny find annoying are excuses for why you can't have what it is you want most. It's nothing short of whining. If you want it... get it... make it happen. But stop making excuses for why you CAN'T have it, why it WON'T happen, why everything someone suggests won't work. It's a definate that you won't ever have what you want with that attitude.

You see yourself doing it: whether it's a year in a house full of boxes until you finally can move or one-putting on that green that has made you crazy forfuckingever. (Both of those relate to me, so they most likely mean shit to anyone else.)

To the 2 primary subjects of this thread: Stop dwelling on the reasons it can't be done and start finding ways that it can. It's all about putting the negatives (can't, won't, doesn't) behind you and looking for the postives (can, will, do) that are ahead.





I have no future as a tele-evangelist so I think I'm gonna write a book...

 

[BiBunny]

At the risk of pissing you, and maybe others, off further ;-D, I disagree with this... kinda. I think it's real important to focus on the things you want most and don't have... yet.

What I find annoying and what I think you, Bunny find annoying are excuses for why you can't have what it is you want most. It's nothing short of whining. If you want it... get it... make it happen. But stop making excuses for why you CAN'T have it, why it WON'T happen, why everything someone suggests won't work. It's a definate that you won't ever have what you want with that attitude.

You see yourself doing it: whether it's a year in a house full of boxes until you finally can move or one-putting on that green that has made you crazy forfuckingever. (Both of those relate to me, so they most likely mean shit to anyone else.)

To the 2 primary subjects of this thread: Stop dwelling on the reasons it can't be done and start finding ways that it can. It's all about putting the negatives (can't, won't, doesn't) behind you and looking for the postives (can, will, do) that are ahead.





I have no future as a tele-evangelist so I think I'm gonna write a book...

Yep, I think we're on the same page--a "shit or get off the pot" kind of thing.

I will say, though, that no matter how much I loved my Master/Dom/whatever, if he expected me to choose between him and a friend or family member or anyone else whom I really cared about, that's not the kind of person I would want to serve. (Speaking in hypotheticals here, not accusing anyone of DOING this.) Dominant or no dominant, the entire world does not revolve around you all the time. We aren't in junior high anymore; sometimes other things have to take precedence over The Relationship. The sooner you can deal with that, the better.

Sorry if I've been abrasive. I'm just grumpy.

 

[FluteMaster]

At the risk of pissing you, and maybe others, off further ;-D, I disagree with this... kinda. I think it's real important to focus on the things you want most and don't have... yet.

What I find annoying and what I think you, Bunny find annoying are excuses for why you can't have what it is you want most. It's nothing short of whining. If you want it... get it... make it happen. But stop making excuses for why you CAN'T have it, why it WON'T happen, why everything someone suggests won't work. It's a definate that you won't ever have what you want with that attitude.

You see yourself doing it: whether it's a year in a house full of boxes until you finally can move or one-putting on that green that has made you crazy forfuckingever. (Both of those relate to me, so they most likely mean shit to anyone else.)

To the 2 primary subjects of this thread: Stop dwelling on the reasons it can't be done and start finding ways that it can. It's all about putting the negatives (can't, won't, doesn't) behind you and looking for the postives (can, will, do) that are ahead.





I have no future as a tele-evangelist so I think I'm gonna write a book...

I have read all the posts here, and drawn help from all of them.

Personally I don't think anyone here is saying that their way is the only way...but by putting it forward, we are asking that our way be taken seriously and be duly considered.

MP and Rose: - Time has moved on from your earlier posts, and I am so glad that you are working out what YOU want, incorporating the elements that make your relationship work and striving hard to be together again. You went through a really tough time immediately following your last visit together, and I know that the darkest valleys always follow the brightest uplands. But you are talking, sharing and planning together. We al love you and rejoice with you.

Desert Rose - Thankyou for your clarion call to deciding what we want, and then going for it. It's not a guarantee that things will work out the way that we want...but it certainly lengthens the odds in our favour. And above all, it sure beats giving up because we see the mountains as too high. I've moved a long way in my life in tha last 12 months, and I have more traveling yet to do before I reach my destination...but I know that this will work, because I want it to, and I am prepared to do what it takes to make it happen.

Catalina - You know that I have always been inspired by your posts and your committement to your vision of the lifestyle. They speak to me of someone who sees "will" and "discipline" as a key part of what you are creating. This is what you desire, and so you focus on it. I have never thought that you are saying that others should be doing this...just that you do this, and it has worked for you. If anyone else wants to follow, then they have an example.

Bi-Bunny, Etoile and Netsache and Brioche - As always, you also remind us that D/s is part of a greater context. I can understand your concerns about what Cat is saying, but I also know that you respect her choices to make her life. There are some things that we can choose to change, and there are some things we can choose to change our attitudes towards, and there are some things we cannot change, (like other people). I speak as someone who is still a newbie, and someone who is restarting their life so that I can move from being comfortable to being fulfilled. I am still struggling with the cost of what I am doing..even as I know that the reward will be more than worth it. But that is MY choice, and I learn from what everyone says.

IntoTheWoods - Thankyou for being my hope, my inspiration and the haven I am working towards.

 

[A Desert Rose]

If I sound harsh, I apologize. I do think that both MP and rose have been very receptive and appreciative of the advice on these pages. Moreso than many of the new lifestylers that I've read. And I won't even touch the original question of this thread. But suffice it to say that my posts would be similar to Catalina's, even though I'm a submissive and not a slave.

I know very little about these 2 people or their circumstances. But I do know that I keep reading:

"I can't afford to move yet."

"Our financial situation isn't right."

"I won't be able to redden that ass for awhile."

It should read:

"I can afford to move, eventually."

"Our financial situation will be right, soon."

"I will be able to redden that ass, in the near future."

Together you should set a date that you will be under the same roof. Make it a date that's attainable. And then say "this is the date that we will be together forever." Not, "we can't afford be together until this date."

You create your world through your thoughts and those thoughts become words and then actions. Get rid of the -n'ts in your thoughts and words. Postive actions will naturally follow.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

To the 2 primary subjects of this thread: Stop dwelling on the reasons it can't be done and start finding ways that it can. It's all about putting the negatives (can't, won't, doesn't) behind you and looking for the postives (can, will, do) that are ahead.

Again well put....

Every day, I am looking for ways to make it happen....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

If I sound harsh, I apologize. I do think that both MP and rose have been very receptive and appreciative of the advice on these pages. Moreso than many of the new lifestylers that I've read. And I won't even touch the original question of this thread. But suffice it to say that my posts would be similar to Catalina's, even though I'm a submissive and not a slave.

I know very little about these 2 people or their circumstances. But I do know that I keep reading:

"I can't afford to move yet."

"Our financial situation isn't right."

"I won't be able to redden that ass for awhile."

It should read:

"I can afford to move, eventually."

"Our financial situation will be right, soon."

"I will be able to redden that ass, in the near future."

Together you should set a date that you will be under the same roof. Make it a date that's attainable. And then say "this is the date that we will be together forever." Not, "we can't afford be together until this date."

You create your world through your thoughts and those thoughts become words and then actions. Get rid of the -n'ts in your thoughts and words. Postive actions will naturally follow.

You are on a roll....

 

[A Desert Rose]

Again well put....

Every day, I am looking for ways to make it happen....

So then, You will be able to redden that ass, in the near future? LOL

Can I hear a... YES!!!

 

[A Desert Rose]

You are on a roll....

I'm writin' a book.



LMAO

Should I change your names to protect the innocent?

 

[MasterPhoenix]

So then, You will be able to redden that ass, in the near future? LOL

Can I hear a... YES!!!

Thats my goal....

I am close to a plan that would have me there permenently there in a few months....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

At the risk of pissing you, and maybe others, off further ;-D, I disagree with this... kinda. I think it's real important to focus on the things you want most and don't have... yet.

What I find annoying and what I think you, Bunny find annoying are excuses for why you can't have what it is you want most. It's nothing short of whining. If you want it... get it... make it happen. But stop making excuses for why you CAN'T have it, why it WON'T happen, why everything someone suggests won't work. It's a definate that you won't ever have what you want with that attitude.

You see yourself doing it: whether it's a year in a house full of boxes until you finally can move or one-putting on that green that has made you crazy forfuckingever. (Both of those relate to me, so they most likely mean shit to anyone else.)

To the 2 primary subjects of this thread: Stop dwelling on the reasons it can't be done and start finding ways that it can. It's all about putting the negatives (can't, won't, doesn't) behind you and looking for the postives (can, will, do) that are ahead.





I have no future as a tele-evangelist so I think I'm gonna write a book...

ok..just so everyone knows, we are not dwelling on the why we can't move in together RIGHT NOW...we are working towards that very thing and that is NOT what this thread was about someone else brought that up and i gave the reasons why we couldn't just drop everything and move in together, that's all. so i don't see where i am making excuses or dwelling on anything, just simply giving the reasons why right now we are still moving TOWARDS living together. we do things all the time to move us closer to that day..

 

[Netzach]

I'm going to go ahead and say I'm probably going to piss people off with this post, but I am NOT in a good mood, and something about this thread just bothers me. Let me first say that I have a great respect for both rose and MP, and I don't want either of you to think I'm coming down on you. This is strictly my $.02, so take it for what it's worth.

My opinion is, if you choose to be in a LDR, you have to learn to compromise, to prioritize, and to make sacrifices. If you can't sit at home and talk on the phone/IM all night like teenagers because life gets in the way, then it shouldn't be seen as a failing on anybody's part. So often, I see people get SO caught up in their relationships to the exclusion of everything else. Yes, I know it's D/s or M/s or whatever, but it still ain't healthy. Get a hobby or something, for God's sake. The longer you sit around and dwell on what you can't have, the shittier you're going to feel about it.

No matter how much we want to concentrate on our relationships even at the expense of our own personal lives, our ultimate responsibility is to ourselves. Take care of your own shit first, and if your partner doesn't understand that, maybe it's time to rethink the nature of your association. Or at least tell him/her to take up crocheting or something.

Signed,
She Who No Longer Considers Herself Capable Of Being A Slave

Yes yes yes yes yes and yes. And more yes.

There is a rude awakening after the honeymoon, whether you are sitting plugged into one another 24/7 by phone or whether you are dicking around living la vie Boheme while one of you collects a little more unemployment and one of you works a shitty little gallery job and you both sink further into debt. (Guess which we did?)

D/s is a priority for us, but it's part of a long and integrated laundry list.

And I didn't have to wait till 40 to figure out that making a living as an artist is AS important to me as any relationship. Wondering if you get to BE 40 and not totally debilitated does wonders for perspective.

 

[Netzach]

I don't have the energy to go through this point by point, suffice to say I think a lot of it is being read in a way different to what I have stated. For one thing, I am still trying to work out the 6 week thing. As to saying my choice was better or worse, I haven't done that and I don't tell anyone in a LDR they should do the same....what I do say though is when someone LD who has already committed to in the future to be live in, and they speak about the frustrations and difficulty with making that a reality and ask advice, that sometimes, often in fact, it is more a matter of putting it off for a variety of reasons than it not being possible though it may very well seem unrealistic and possible at the time as I well know from personal experience. For others it is truly impossible. If someone chooses to be LDR I have no problem with them doing so because that is obviously what they want and what works for them, just as it worked for me to by choice remain single and not living with someone for 16 years after divorce....if a couple (as in this thread) or person says they do not want that, are having a problem and ask for advice, I don't see why it causes so much angst among people who feel I should not speak of my personal experience or thoughts based on being at different times in both situations and dealing with many of the same issues (as opposed to giving advice based on no actual experience), especially the question of how to cope, how to get from where you are to where you want to be, and especially when it does not upset those I am speaking to who asked advice here on a public forum and discussed their thoughts and feelings on it. What I have learned is that when you are in younger years you often put off a good many things for what seem very good reasons at the time, but once you have progressed to mid 40's and upward, it begins to appear in a different light and you realise most of the things you stressed about, were tormented by, and struggled to cope with really were not as you perceived them to be at that time...I am finding many women in my age group and older have similar views and thoughts on this and I so remember being told it by older women when I was in my 20's-30's and thinking they just didn't understand....lol, strange how clear some of those things are now.

And yes, I did pick someone whose decisions would supercede mine, but not by accident or circumstance but a decision I made before looking for him, so shoot me for knowing what I wanted and having the sense to go after it instead of wasting another 20 years hoping happiness would fall in my lap. I don't paint a picture of perfection, just the reality of any relationship which is up some days, down others. I don't say it works for everyone because it doesn't always just as vanilla doesn't always, wide age gaps don't always, close ages don't always, different cultures and backgrounds don't always work simply because people are different. Nor do I ever ask for a medal and such statements show how little you know me or my personality, but like some others feel you are the expert in my life. I have a lot of respect for you Netzach, and Etoile, but you both really don't know me if you think I set myself up as some great authority, or think I am always doing things the right way, or that I will sit back down and be a quiet little girl because someone says I have no right to speak of my reality and experience. This restrictive culture which raises its head from time to time is why I and some others do not discuss the more serious issues of living a D/s lifestyle on Lit and save it for a place where it is treated respectfully and experiences are shared out of a genuine desire to help and support others.

Catalina

Having something you say challenged is not a restrictive culture. If that was I'd never post here in the land of M/s F/m to the 90'th percentile.

Insisting you speak of your experience in a way that doesn't belittle people of other expeiences isn't "sit down and shut up" or calling you out when one has the distinct impression that's not happening - also not the same thing.

If your posts are so heavily misconstrued maybe you need to elaborate more. It's interesting to me that a lot of people are consistently misinterpreting them. If three people I consider reasonably intelligent get an interpretation out of something I say that's offensive to them, I usually don't just scoff and say "it's just you."

I also feel the need to throw out, in light of things said by both you and ADR that I have been doing this dance for well on a decade, and living with my spouse 24/7 for well on three years at this point. I'm unsure of Etoile's timeline, but I don't think that "new or newish" applies in this case either. I have more face time with submissives than many people twice my age. I did not spend long decades waiting for the perfect relationship and conceptualizing D/s and M/s, but have experienced ownership of two slaves, and the service of many. (Completely exclusive of my professional activities, I should mention, those are interesting but irrelevant here.)

I think the main difference is really that my approach has been one of "ready, fire, aim." It has yielded different and contradictory experience, but the experience gained is no less valid. In some ways, I've spent less time sitting around and waiting for things to happen and more time out there making them happen than a lot of people.


Unlike some, I choose not to see D/s as a totally fixed item, but something that fluctuates organically within the whole of my marriage, a significant "background noise" at all times.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Having something you say challenged is not a restrictive culture. If that was I'd never post here in the land of M/s F/m to the 90'th percentile.

Insisting you speak of your experience in a way that doesn't belittle people of other expeiences isn't "sit down and shut up" or calling you out when one has the distinct impression that's not happening - also not the same thing.

If your posts are so heavily misconstrued maybe you need to elaborate more. It's interesting to me that a lot of people are consistently misinterpreting them. If three people I consider reasonably intelligent get an interpretation out of something I say that's offensive to them, I usually don't just scoff and say "it's just you."

I also feel the need to throw out, in light of things said by both you and ADR that I have been doing this dance for well on a decade, and living with my spouse 24/7 for well on three years at this point. I'm unsure of Etoile's timeline, but I don't think that "new or newish" applies in this case either. I have more face time with submissives than many people twice my age. I did not spend long decades waiting for the perfect relationship and conceptualizing D/s and M/s, but have experienced ownership of two slaves, and the service of many. (Completely exclusive of my professional activities, I should mention, those are interesting but irrelevant here.)

I think the main difference is really that my approach has been one of "ready, fire, aim." It has yielded different and contradictory experience, but the experience gained is no less valid. In some ways, I've spent less time sitting around and waiting for things to happen and more time out there making them happen than a lot of people.


Unlike some, I choose not to see D/s as a totally fixed item, but something that fluctuates organically within the whole of my marriage, a significant "background noise" at all times.

I never said anything that referred to you or Etoile and I apologize that it came across that way. I thought I made it clear what I was talking about. Guess I didn't.

Again, I apologize to you and Etoile for not being clear enough in my post.

 

[brioche]

Okay, I had to write my first post three times and this is my second time on this post. My computer keeps rebooting. So I'll be brief.


The emotionally draining relationship I was referring to was your friend, not MP. There was a sentence to that effect in the first two versions that didn't get posted, but I guess I left it off the thrid.

I have no issue with you and MP. I like both of you.

I worry about you investing too much into your friend with you off your meds. It can take a long time to find balance after you go off, and I have been in that exact situation.

Now I am going to hit post before I reboot AGAIN. Sorry if this is bare facts.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Okay, I had to write my first post three times and this is my second time on this post. My computer keeps rebooting. So I'll be brief.


The emotionally draining relationship I was referring to was your friend, not MP. There was a sentence to that effect in the first two versions that didn't get posted, but I guess I left it off the thrid.

I have no issue with you and MP. I like both of you.

I worry about you investing too much into your friend with you off your meds. It can take a long time to find balance after you go off, and I have been in that exact situation.

Now I am going to hit post before I reboot AGAIN. Sorry if this is bare facts.

there is no need for concern. my 'relationship' with my best friend is not an emotionally draining one, actually my emotional state has been better since i've been friends with her. she is my outlet, as i am hers. as far as being off of my meds, i've been off of them for quite a while now. i cannot afford them. i've been in counseling, i've learned how to 'deal' with my depression without medication. yea, the meds help, but they are not the answer for me.

my depression would be coming back alot worse if i didn't have my friend in my life, so that's not where it's coming from. as i said in an earlier post MP and i have worked alot out and we continue to work on it

 

[MasterPhoenix]

ok..just so everyone knows, we are not dwelling on the why we can't move in together RIGHT NOW...we are working towards that very thing and that is NOT what this thread was about someone else brought that up and i gave the reasons why we couldn't just drop everything and move in together, that's all. so i don't see where i am making excuses or dwelling on anything, just simply giving the reasons why right now we are still moving TOWARDS living together. we do things all the time to move us closer to that day..

The sooner it gets here, the better...

I am working consistantly on ways to tie up the loose ends here, so that once we set that date, it will be clear sailing for me.

 

[FurryFury]

I feel your pain Little Slave Rose,

I have recently discovered that when faced with anxiety and worry professionally, as well as being stressed in other areas, I can't be a very good online submissive or any sort of online submissive really.

It makes me very angry at myself to fail at something.

It saddens me to hurt someone who has done nothing wrong.

I just can't seem to do anything else right now but focus on other things. Well, that and at times try to be kind to myself to try to lighten my level of responsibility in any way I can.

I'm trying to make peace with all this in my own mind and heart. It's not easy for me. I know others here might say, that I just am not prioritizing correctly or that I don't care about being submissive enough. So be it.

I can't be other than what I am. Perhaps if I had a hands on partner that was a Dom, he could bring me out of this, or relieve some of it now and then, but I don't. I'm unlikely to ever have that. That's also something I've had to make peace with.

As a flawed human being I must simply do my best which I am fully aware is never good enough. I am trying to move forward and find a way to forgive myself.

I was worried for a while there that I had no more sex drive at all. That has proven not to be true. Thank goodness.

I was worried for a while there that I had no submissive nature right now at all either. That has also proven not to be true. Thank goodness.

I'm clearly in flux. I don't know where I will find myself in these areas down the road.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Edited 'cause it ain't worth it.

Catalina

 

[MasterPhoenix]

ok..just so everyone knows, we are not dwelling on the why we can't move in together RIGHT NOW...we are working towards that very thing and that is NOT what this thread was about someone else brought that up and i gave the reasons why we couldn't just drop everything and move in together, that's all. so i don't see where i am making excuses or dwelling on anything, just simply giving the reasons why right now we are still moving TOWARDS living together. we do things all the time to move us closer to that day..

Say the words, and it can happen within 2 months.

Reading over this thread again, reminds me of the trials that we were going though, and it was not exactly easy, but had to be done... why? I am not sure....

 

[NotsoJollyRoger]

my best friend would never dream of breaking me and Sir up she would tell me to go and be with Him and stop my time with her if she knew she were the reason we were splitting, we're not though and i know we will make it through this. we have come too far not to. you have made some very valid points as has cat and cutie mouse.

i have been staying here quite a while, but her issues is not the only reason i've been here. i live alone, i hate living alone. here at her house there are lots of people, and we are constantly doing something. when i'm at home, i sit at home, in front of the compute, on the phone and that's ALL i do. i'm making myself sound really bad here and i'm not trying to, it's just hard to explain. things here ARE slowing down and my friend and i have alot planned for the summer BUT we will be staying at my house most of the time so things should start getting easier.

this family just keeps getting hit after hit. i think i posted about it somewhere on this board but in the last two months they have been through Hell, and luckily Master is understanding and for the most part has adjusted, but somewhere along the line He feels that the dynamic of our relationship has been lost, and i guess i'd have to agree with Him.

airiing all this our here is hard, and i'm not able to give all of the details because there is just too much. but i will assure everyone that we will make it through this. our bond and love is way too strong not to. we've been through hell and back worse than what's going on now, and we're still here, so i'm not scared about that, i just really really don't know how to balance my life and with the depression showing up again and i'm not able to express that to Him until i'm already in that black hole it's just hard.......now i've got alot to think about, all of you have given me alot to think about and made some really really good points....so thanks again.......

sounds like what you choze waz to turn your back on your man for your friend.

You are lucky he didnt juz cut and run.