How do you deal with catching your GF sleeping with another guy ?

[Allanon_the_Druid]

Some thoughts

You could be right

What do you think I should do ? Shes being so nice and shes all cuddly and affectionate, so far ive kinda given her the frost bitten shoulder, but I can see she really feels bad, she was balling her eyes out the other night over the phone , and wen i went to talk to her, as soon as she saw me she started crying. And shes go nothing to gain from staying with me, so I dont think its an act ?

What u think ?

hows sunny californIA?

This may sound a little heartless, but it is with noble intent.

Don't get wrapped up in the melodrama of this thing. That is where people start thinking stupid instead of thinking things through. It is where comments about killing yourself come from and it is where for some people that becomes reality.

SHake it off and look at the reality of it, then decide if you can handle that. This sounds like a situation that became a lot more soap opera after it was initiated. Look, no matter how devoted we are to our mate, we are always tempted at some point in time. It is gauranteed. And sometimes we resist and sometimes we use bad judgement and follow the temptation.

So she got turned on and decided to let this guy fuck her. It is not anymore complex than that, so don't let it be. Once she was caught she whips out "I wanted you to catch me" thing, which is a beautiful combination of admitting she is guilty while also saying "It's kinda your fault to though." And you are expected to chew on that for a while. Fine, whatever makes her feel better.

The question is this. Does she really love you and was this just a case of too much blood rushing to her crotch and she thought with her labido for a minute. Does she really regret it and not want to lose what you have? If so, then it is all up to you. If you can live with the fact that she did something everyone does and made a snap judgement with her crotch, then forgive her and move on.

If you really believe that bending over for this guy was a premeditated attempt to manipulate you in some way, you are better off for knowing now and not later.

I think she made a mistake and like many of the stories at this site she simply followed an erotic story line too far. Forgive her. And make the point very clear that you are now holding a big, shiny GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card!

 

[Dirty Slut]

Asking for advice...

Love Hurts:


Love is a matter of the heart, sex is a shower in the dirt. I understand your asking for advice from your peers here, but the simple truth of the matter is, you're on site, not us. And logic, has nothing to do with love. Love crushes your soul to the point of extinction. Sex is a natural act of human flesh. There is no real comparison between the two. Take it from a real slut who knows. Let your heart lead you to the garden, but eat only that which you know is good for you. I don't know if each of us has 7 loves in the time alloted to us here on earth. But I can't imagine a world without love, compassion, and forgiveness. I've forgiven a great deal of things in my life, but that doesn't mean that I still hang around with those people. Remember this, I before me, and take a Let's C attitude before committing to anything. Actions speak louder than words.

I too once had a lover do to me what yours has done to you, and eventually, I did forgive them. But not before we were on even terms. He couldn't take tit for tat, but we ended the relationship under amiable terms.

Dirty Slut

 

[gauchecritic]

Re: Some thoughts

Forgive her. And make the point very clear that you are now holding a big, shiny GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card!

Think long and hard about the tit-for-tat, even the threat of it. Forgiveness is just that. You can't forgive someone making yourself holier-than-thou and then tell them that you think about doing it all the time and will whenever you feel the need. That is the worst from of hypocrisy.

If you want to engage in an 'open' relationship then fine otherwise seal it off from the start.

Gauche

 

[mr_burns01]

All very good advice

However...I dont want to and wont cheat on her just to get back at her, I think she feels bad enough. Things are getting better but its gonna take a while before i trust her completely again...I do know that I dont want to loose her and she still wants me.

Today was fun for about 3 hours we forgot it happened and could joke and laugh like we used to, but there r remindeds everywhere something will trigger it and its very hard to block it out of my mind and stay cheerful.

Funnily enough im enjoying this time, not because i have power over her or anything like that but because she feels bad and again today she started crying...and i held her and for a while i wasnt angry anymore. I have forgiven her but its not as easy to forget and the trust will have to be rebuilt.

I know it sounds dumb but Im glad in a way that this happened as it has definately made me stronger, maybe my minds a mess? but I am feeling better, and I still love holding her, it still hurts to she her cry and it makes me feel better when i can make her stop.

I never intended to get advice from you all but I do appreciate it, and im flattered at how much you care. (surely u must care to be giving advice)

Mr_burns

 

[Guest]

Mr. Burns, thanks again for checking in. I think we do care; I do, and that amazes me given the circumstances of cyber life.

Reading your comments is also more proof to me what a gentle, sweet man you are. "She" is fortunate, and hopefully will give you the things you deserve of a woman. If I had a daughter I would love you to meet her.

regards, Perdita

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Advice

Mr. Burns, thanks again for checking in. I think we do care; I do, and that amazes me given the circumstances of cyber life.

Reading your comments is also more proof to me what a gentle, sweet man you are. "She" is fortunate, and hopefully will give you the things you deserve of a woman. If I had a daughter I would love you to meet her.

regards, Perdita

You are a very astute woman, Dita .... and wise beyond what I perceive as 'norm'. Do you mind if I "Second" what you've said? For it is far more eloquently put than my poor four cents and change.

Take care, Mr_Burns .... and do keep us aprised of your situation. While love hurts, feelings get torn, and emotions get shredded; when someone threatens suicide, whether intentioned or not; I totally agree with Perdita .... or was it MathGirl .... it becomes a serious matter.

And to further what Perdita said ~ if we didn't care, we wouldn't post to you here. Cyber world or no ....

 

[MathGirl]

Altruism

Originally posted by perdita If I had a daughter I would love you to meet her.

Dear Perdita,
That's very sweet of you. Especially considering what they say about South Africans.
MG

 

[Guest]

Re: Altruism

Dear Perdita, That's very sweet of you. Especially considering what they way about South Africans. MG

Sweetiebuns: I happen to know what they say, but you won't find out from me.

Perdita

p.s. Mr. Burns told me.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

You mean "they have a very deep tan"?

 

[MathGirl]

Close, but..........

Originally posted by Svenskaflicka You mean "they have a very deep tan"?

Dear Svensks,
Ummm..... no. That isn't exactly what I was talking about.
MG

 

[Guest]

Svenska, the two S. Africans I know are as white as you, hon. One has a Dutch-sounding accent, the other veddy British.

Perdita

 

[mr_burns01]

Its going ok

Still having nightmares though. At least were still talking...she is a great person...and someone once said ... " dont condem a person for a single misdeed" kinda like the 2 monks that were on a pilgramage (thats south african speeling) when they came to a river where they met a gorgeous woman. She asked the monks "please could you help me cross the river I cannot swim" and so without a word one of the monks lifted the woman onto his shoulders and waded into the chest deep water. When they reached the other side he lifted her down and they went their separate ways. After about 2 hours the other monk asked his friend..."do u not know it it forbidden to have contact with a woman? " and he replied "yes I do, but I put her down 2 hours ago you are the one still carrying her".

ain't dat 4 reel ?

I however am still so disenchanted wif relationships and stuff that i think I will rather remain single for the rest of my life.

being alone all the time is more bearable than the acute pain of sudden loss or betrayal.

I dunno how long it will be till my next post...like John Gray says I need to withdraw into my cave...dont ask me why and dont ask me about it wen i come out...all i can say is that i think a deserve a little holiday in my head.

have a nice day (",)

 

[Dirty Slut]

I understand vacations...

Just don't go so far into that cave that you get lost forever Mr. Burns.


DS

 

[CWatson]

Originally posted by mr_burns01
I however am still so disenchanted wif relationships and stuff that i think I will rather remain single for the rest of my life.

being alone all the time is more bearable than the acute pain of sudden loss or betrayal.

Very much what DS said. Give it time. I know that, from where you stand, it doesn't seem like anything will change; but trust us, we've been where you are, and, well, we're not now. Clearly SOMETHING changed.

Does your girlfriend know how you feel about her? Like, not just the I'm glad you're sticking with me thing, but the I am so fucking confused right now that I want to crawl into a hole and die thing. Confession is good for the soul, after all. Now, I hesitate to recommend it because it'll probably hurt her feelings, but at the same time it's not fair to have you bottle up your burdens like that. You (and we, for that matter) know that she's in pain; but does she know you are? If you can manage to share that, it might help with the healing process.

And don't give up hope. This too will pass.

Best wishes.

And in the meanwhile, I'm stealing your monk story. It's a great anecdote.

 

[mr_burns01]

You people give the best advice thanx again.

She has told me exactly how she feels, and I know shes hurting and confused too, she cried herself to sleep the night i caught her and shes barely sleeping now. I told her i wasnt ready to talk about it yet, but i think you right, she needs to know exactly how i feel, put eveything on the table. I just cant get the image of another guys dick in my gf out of my mind.

by the way my story is now posted "The girl down the road"
It's based on how i met my gf and so that should give u some insight into me and our relationship. or not ?

Ill be in my cave if you need me

 

[mr_burns01]

I took your advice and we went out to lunch and talked it all out, she tole me everything and explained as best she could, and now I understand. I read that girls who cheat often do so because of slef asteem problems and my gf shared with me some very deep secrets that she was afraid of telling me before because she thought I'd dump her. Weve been together for a long long time and I'm the only real boyfriend she's ever had. At least now I can help her with her issues and give her the support she needs.

I also explained to her how I felt and what went through my mind, all the frustration and confusion. I didnt dwell on it long as I could see it was upsetting her, but she needed to know and /i needed to tell her.

I gave her a hug for the first time the other day, an quite unexpectedly it led to sex, and i didn't try and stop it. It was like taking each others virginity all over again only without the pain on her part. I've always understood the female idea of sex being emotional and intimate and now I can appreciate it.

Thanks everyone for your help

mr_burns

 

[Guest]

Mr. Burns,

Good to hear from you again, hope all keeps going well. Please keep in touch.

regards, Perdita