How do you feel emotionally?

[chame1eon]

I've done a lot of dumb things in my life, including a lot of casual sex. I've always tried to be kind, but I've often had this lingering feeling that I didn't get things right.

Why? If you both enjoy and appreciate the experience then what is wrong?

 

[chame1eon]

I have to have romantic attachment before I have sex with someone. I honestly am very confused as to how you all do it the other way around. I don't understand. I am not chastising or being mean either. I just don't get it.

I wish I could explain but it doesn't make any sense to me either

 

[chame1eon]

biology beats emotion every time when it comes to sex...
I hunt 24/7--, though I don't like people, I like what they cause in my touch receptors..., the need, the drive to get that willing touch of theirs on my body is a drug like no other. If they can get my body to respond to their touch in a pleasurable way, its a done deal--, but once its done I'm gone, no regrets

You really feel nothing at all?

I think I've even felt somewhat affectionate toward my vibrator and that's an inanimate object..

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

I have to have romantic attachment before I have sex with someone. I honestly am very confused as to how you all do it the other way around. I don't understand. I am not chastising or being mean either. I just don't get it.

Maybe I'd not need the romance, it's easy to fake but I would need a good connection and a lot of laughing, that's the best aphrodisiac for me.

 

[Joe_Bob_Gautama]

Why? If you both enjoy and appreciate the experience then what is wrong?

It's that one person often wants more than the other. Sometimes me and sometimes her. I've had some very sweet one or two night stands where we've run into each other later and I felt that both of us had satisfied our expectations and had a good time. But I've also been stalked by someone who didn't feel that way, and been tortured by regret on my end over things I didn't say or didn't do. I've probably never been good at handling emotional fallout.

 

[Misshotndeep]

Bold of you to assume that our emotions aren't also part of our base needs and desires!

I was addressing one person in particular. That was not you. My post was an ask for clarification. Way to make it about you.

Maybe I'd not need the romance, it's easy to fake but I would need a good connection and a lot of laughing, that's the best aphrodisiac for me.

If you want to enjoy anything other than the fuck, IMO that is emotional.

 

[chame1eon]

biology beats emotion every time when it comes to sex...
I hunt 24/7--, though I don't like people, I like what they cause in my touch receptors..., the need, the drive to get that willing touch of theirs on my body is a drug like no other. If they can get my body to respond to their touch in a pleasurable way, its a done deal--, but once its done I'm gone, no regrets

It's that one person often wants more than the other. Sometimes me and sometimes her. I've had some very sweet one or two night stands where we've run into each other later and I felt that both of us had satisfied our expectations and had a good time. But I've also been stalked by someone who didn't feel that way, and been tortured by regret on my end over things I didn't say or didn't do. I've probably never been good at handling emotional fallout.

That makes sense. You were not on the same level.

 

[alexia34]

Do you have nsa casual sex/ encounters?

If you do how do you feel toward those people emotionally?

Yes. I find myself making sure I don’t get emotionally attached and that I don’t expect much. Communication is key to make sure everyone’s on the same page.

 

[Misshotndeep]

Yikes. I guess you're not familiar with the "bold of you to assume" meme, I wasn't trying to be a dick. My point being that emotional connection is usually a base need too.

I was not. The net is huge. That is vague.

 

[NightL]

Four of my long term relationships started as NSA - obviously I felt fairly good about it at the time.

A number of in between relationship NSA friendships remained as friends after the sex stopped.

Some I stopped as the other people were getting attached. Many years later we are still friends.

There are no guidelines or advice to offer except to be honest and courteous. There usually was a connection with these people that was worth holding onto.

 

[LuciousLadyMary]

......

 

[Mtnmike]

Luscious & Night have figured it out and have the right attitude!!!
Congratulations guys.

 

[chame1eon]

Luscious & Night have figured it out and have the right attitude!!!
Congratulations guys.

I don't see how its something you can have figured out since it seems to be an innate thing that you dont have much control over.

Trying to figure it out is interesting and helps you understand other people, but I don't thing it will really change this.

Are you saying they are the most similar to you?

 

[HoldYouDown]

Do you have nsa casual sex/ encounters?

If you do how do you feel toward those people emotionally?

Is this a general question, or do you mean during the current circumstance of lockdown?

 

[chame1eon]

Is this a general question, or do you mean during the current circumstance of lockdown?

I just mean in general.

 

[Mtnmike]

I don't see how its something you can have figured out since it seems to be an innate thing that you dont have much control over.

Trying to figure it out is interesting and helps you understand other people, but I don't thing it will really change this.

Are you saying they are the most similar to you?

Yes their similar to myself. When I was younger, I would get attached easily if we became intimate but as I aged, that changed, don't know why, just did. Not saying I don't feel something for the other person, i do, it's mostly as a friend or fwb I guess. I've been hurt in both marriages and don't open my heart up for that kinda pain anymore. Best I can explain it Chame1eon.

 

[chame1eon]

Yes their similar to myself. When I was younger, I would get attached easily if we became intimate but as I aged, that changed, don't know why, just did. Not saying I don't feel something for the other person, i do, it's mostly as a friend or fwb I guess. I've been hurt in both marriages and don't open my heart up for that kinda pain anymore. Best I can explain it Chame1eon.

That's interesting I didn't think there would be much you can change.

Thanks for explaining.

 

[IsItBad]

nsa

i may have had a few along the way
maybe 2 of them were truly nsa
it is hard, to me, not to get attached
it may start out as just fun - meet up - play - go
but.....sooner or later you start to put your heart into it
and then it becomes more
at the least close friends
at the most you fall in love
in every case it all started out kidding about never saying the "L" word
never letting it mean anything
using each other for sex
etc
but in all but 2 cases, within a little while it became more
sometimes that was sweet and nice and good
and sometimes it became painful and disruptive
i did always envy those who could just bang and go and never look back
i just was not wired that way

 

[oneblueye]

hey,,,

So exactly how many hookers HAVE you killed?

NONE---, yet...Sooooo why don't we hook up and see if the score stays the same???

 

[chame1eon]

NONE---, yet...Sooooo why don't we hook up and see if the score stays the same???

I'm good.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Let me see if I get this right. Your basically saying that you are a slave to your base needs/desires? Emotion does not play a role in your choice as it does not fee that base need. Am I reading your words correctly?

I find it an easier break than to try and convince myself that I have some imaginary emotional bond them. And as far as the way you read my words--, I have no way to know HOW you READ my words nor do I care.
A question was presented that I believed I had an answer in my mind, concerning a honest look at my behaviour. Whether you or anyone else doesn't like who or how I am is on you, I can only present myself in the most honest light that I can. When I first came here and was asked, "what are you?" referring to my sexuality;
I responded that I was a sexual opportunist and that I didn't care what people thought of my answer...that full answer hasn't changed.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Why? If you both enjoy and appreciate the experience then what is wrong?

YES!!! Exactly what I said in a slightly different way.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

i may have had a few along the way
maybe 2 of them were truly nsa
it is hard, to me, not to get attached
it may start out as just fun - meet up - play - go
but.....sooner or later you start to put your heart into it
and then it becomes more
at the least close friends
at the most you fall in love
in every case it all started out kidding about never saying the "L" word
never letting it mean anything
using each other for sex
etc
but in all but 2 cases, within a little while it became more
sometimes that was sweet and nice and good
and sometimes it became painful and disruptive
i did always envy those who could just bang and go and never look back
i just was not wired that way

No one is wired that way, not even sociopaths or psychopaths are wired like that.
It is something that you put yourself into-, so maybe sometimes I forget to put myself back in place. Its not like anyone who doesn't know me is likely to be able to see from looking at me. So long as everyone is shown the same level of respect and everyone gets the necessary amount of endorphins whats left to say but smile and 'thanks'.

 

[newhere2learn]

Do you have nsa casual sex/ encounters?

If you do how do you feel toward those people emotionally?

Varies, had a few over the years. All but one was good sex, she was a "lay back and expect" sort of girl.

Most have been fine with a mutual pump and dump arrangement.


A couple have wanted repeat visits. And got "feels".


I've always had the same thoughts throughout; it's just two people getting off. Don't over think it. I've had great sex with girls who wouldn't last a week in a relationship with me.

The best "booty call" arrangement was an older woman, late 30s/early 40s. I think she went back to her husband in the end. No hard feelings.

 

[KinoKe]

I think it all depends. Sometimes a good cigar is just a good cigar.