How Do You View Yourself?

[Mikey1970]

Having recently truly professionally gotten for treatment PTSD after over 20 years. I've been homeless, divorced, alcoholic, and a rage-fueled lunatic! I mean I'd fight a concrete light post and wonder if I was winning... I spent time so many much time denying there was no problem I couldn't fix if I applied myself... The thing is I would sleep maybe 30 minutes and get up to go to work at a construction site and be there until the moonlight faded.

Now 52 I've married again, our oldest son has PTSD and he denies he has a problem at all and has 2 kids himself, So I got serious and went to get help, I found a group locally that has the same interests as me and we meet and get together and are sounding boards, to rage out to hear each other's pain in that safe place and deal with that trauma. I have found it helped and then I could be more open with my wife and tell her those things that scare me, what turn me on, what I find hot, or yea that's put it in the NO BOX!

 

[AchtungNight]

In my fantasies, I’m Seann William Scott in Bulletproof Monk. In real life, I’m a bipolar socially awkward introvert with a speech impediment. Look at my works, ye mighty, and despair! See the gap? Can you put yourself in that gap? Good luck.

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

View attachment 2253038

That's not what this thread is about.

I created this thread because I was wondering if there were any others like me struggling out there. I have had some nice chats with others regarding this topic and got things off our chests that wouldn't have done otherwise.

 

[StillRain]

I’m just average looking and have always been okay with that. The face I have is the face I have. The body I have is doing its best to kill me but has not succeeded yet so I’ll also take that and be grateful for it.

There are, of course, things I would change if I could wave a wand, but mostly they would be around my health and anxiety issues now. I’m a terrible over thinker and anxiety is my number one red flag.

As I’ve grown older I’ve become less concerned about my appearance, about whether my visual pleases other people and have grown used to the woman that stares back at me. She’s survived a lot and lived quite the life and has a generous heart still.

Imposter syndrome is a constant battle in some circumstances. In others you can’t believe I’d ever doubt myself.

 

[luckylegsat60]

I think you would be surprised at how many have felt like you do. I went through a 'not good enough' phase for years and have slowly learned that I am good enough and more that enough to those I care about. Becoming a widow after 34 years has been especially challenging, I had to reinvent myself. A gentleman friend knew I was struggling with my confidence and self image and he sent me this. So many points can apply to men as well and I look at it whenever I need to remind myself that I still am good enough.

 

[SherlockianMan]

It's complicated. I am both my worst enemy and also my own biggest cheerleader. It really depends on my mental state.

I'm a long time sufferer of anxiety disorder and depression, constantly fluctuating between the two. When the depression is in control, I'm brutal to myself. With the anxiety, I'm far more willing to hype myself up, just have difficulty expressing it.

I mask my insecurities with sarcasm and being an absolute smart-ass. I'll make jokes about my weight to cover how much I hate my inability to shed pounds. And then my depression kicks in and I lose all motivation to do anything about it.

 

[Desire_Girl]

I've never viewed myself in a good way. Never believe compliments people give, although it's not very often. I feel like I'm not good at anything either. Always hated the way I look.

 

[Esslemont]

Usually with a mirror…
Although, I have used still water on a lake to see myself as well.


Kick ass.

 

[onanismaddict]

I've never viewed myself in a good way. Never believe compliments people give, although it's not very often. I feel like I'm not good at anything either. Always hated the way I look.

Hello Desire_Girl,

There are so many thought-provoking and moving comments in the discussion of this thread. Thank you for sharing yours here, as well. I don't really know anyone here well enough to know what they're actually 'like', per se... but I was struck by your comment on the way you look. Looks being more tangible, after all. I've only seen two pics, but they were both fantastic. Your contribution to the "bum" thread was one of the loveliest that I've seen, and you look strikingly attractive in your profile pic, too! Anyhow, I know you already told us that you don't believe compliments... but I just felt like offering mine anyways... Hope that was alright.

For what it's worth, I can definitely relate to this, at least in a smaller measure. When I'm feeling down on myself, even if I'm receiving lots of positive feedback, I don't really see what they're seeing. But even if I don't "believe" that what they're seeing is true, it's still nice to know that's what some people see. (I guess that's why I wanted to write to you here. Even if you don't see what I see... hopefully you know many of us see you this way. Lovely pics! Thanks for listening.) As so many people have said... if only we could be as kind to ourselves as we are to others! But then, I say that... and some days I still need to be much kinder to myself. It's a lifelong learning process! Let's all keep working together...

 

[onanismaddict]

Are you super hard on yourself?

Wise Ladies & Gentlemen of Lit,

Usually I try not to be so serious here on Lit. After all, it's meant to be a fun place. However I am curious as to other people's struggles and views.

I really struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence. I thought they were the same until recently but apparently they are not. I really am not the best looking guy in the world. In fact, I make Shrek look like a handsome, ripped hunk from a steamy romantic movie. I really find it hard to look at photos of myself, to look in a mirror and to generally show my face anywhere unless my photo has been heavily edited with filters and using the best angle.

I know some people will say that everyone has had doubts at some point about their appearance but mine really is extreme to the point where I'd be happy to hide my face from people forever - however wearing a ski -mask to go shopping is frowned upon. My looks have impacted relationships too. I know of at least one person who kicked me to the side because of how I looked.

I'm curious as to how many Litsters out there feel the same way and how you have dealt with it. I'd welcome any tips except the "seek professional help" one. I have tried discussing this with professionals and nothing has ever helped, including CBT.

So please, even if it is short and sweet, any advice or any stories of what has happened may help.

I don't have much to offer you on this topic. (Or maybe I'm just being "hard on myself". That is not meant to be a flippant joke in any way... it's just been so many years of walking the line between humour and seriousness, able to pivot either way, giving me an "out" in my insecurity. Like a reflex at this point, to express myself that way.) I've only read a few of the posts here so far, because they were so personal, deep, moving, and thought-provoking... don't think I can absorb too many in one sitting. But I'll definitely be coming back to this thread to read more at a later time. Thank you for opening up such a thoughtful space for people! I really appreciate this! I hope you find some great answers to your questions, which offer more insight than mine...

By the way, even if I can't fully relate to everything you expressed, in terms of applying it to my own life experience... the idea of our self-perception becoming our new "reality" is very vivid to me. Like many, I experience those down periods... where no matter how much praise I receive, or truly lovely compliments, I can't shake my negative view of myself. However, I can experience the converse reality, as well. It's 'much' less frequent, but there are certainly times where I have an uncharacteristically high opinion of myself... with no rhyme or reason as to what brings about this change... and no one could knock me off this perch, no matter how much they criticized me. Anyhow, I just find it interesting that these seem to be two sides of the same coin... with my self-perception overruling every other consideration. Fascinating, for sure! But less so, when we're in the middle of living it out, right?

Anyways, hope this wasn't too far off topic. (I have a tendency of not really answering the question I've been asked. But there I go again, being unnecessarily hard on myself. Sorry.) I replied to a few comments on here already, so I thought that I'd definitely better go seek out the creator of the thread. Thank you, again! Hope you are finding some measure of what you seek...

 

[onanismaddict]

So much of what all of you have written really resonates with me. The poor mental health, ptsd, imposter syndrome, lack of self confidence, low self esteem...
I've always been this way. Hate my reflection. When friends do that thing of trying to get you to say 3 positive things about yourself I can't even name one.
I am trying to deal with it. Being here helps as I'm an anonymous person and I can share my thoughts easier than I can in real life. I post the occasional pic then spend a day fighting off panic attacks that people will see me for who I really am.
I never feel like I really fit in here either. Even with people who I consider to be close friends I find myself waiting for them to realise I'm not really worth their time.
This is me after a butt load of therapy too.
What has helped is making myself say thank you for every nice thing said to me, even if I don't believe it. I'm trying to fake a better self image in the hopes it'll become real.
We're all beautiful and we're all flawed. We just need to be kind to ourselves and to each other.
Sending love to all of you

This is wonderful... and a brilliant approach, too: "What has helped is making myself say thank you for every nice thing said to me, even if I don't believe it. I'm trying to fake a better self image in the hopes it'll become real." I luv this!

And this is absolutely beautiful... wow: "We're all beautiful and we're all flawed. We just need to be kind to ourselves and to each other." If anything will save us, my money's on 'kindness'. And you demonstrate it so magically in so many of your excellent posts, Rosie. Thank you for the deeply moving personal story that preceded these excerpted quotes, as well. Powerful.

I just discovered this thought-provoking, heart-stirring, thread tonight... and I've been replying to a few wise contributions. Your words really reached out and grabbed hold of me, as they so often do when I stumble upon them in a variety of threads. I appreciate your brilliant Lit contributions so much! Moving...

And I just can't resist quoting you one more time: "Sending love to all of you..." Wonderful. Thank you, Rosie! (Sincerely.) Sending love back in your direction, as well. (Love and appreciation.) And also to the other brave contributors to this open-hearted thread...

 

[Mo_Bandy]

I am that there muh fucker.

 

[Esslemont]

…with awe.

I am fantastic.

 

[Mattentive]

…with awe.

I am fantastic.

Your medication must be costing Canada a fortune.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Had this thread been around before I retired I'd have had PLENTY to say because of the complexity and stress of what I used to do. Now? I'm retired. I see myself as filling my days with whatever I want. Whenever I want. Even house chores are not work. No "need to go to bed because I'm waking up early in the morning" thoughts. No alarm clock. And, while it'll seem silly to most everyone - I've permanently kept my "vacation habit" of never wearing a watch. Ever.

 

[hopeful_wife]

I don't accept compliments. But I'm a fucking praise junkie.

What is this ridiculous thing our brains do to us?! I've actually told someone that I needed him to say something nice to me now and then... But immediately told him to shut up because I couldn't take the specific compliment... just call me a good girl, I guess, and I'll be happy.

Look at my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Didn't expect to stumble upon Ozymandias today... Good use of the reference and yes, I know the gap well.

Finally @luckylegsat60 - #2: "when someone tells you you're beautiful, believe them." I wish, so very much, that I could. Especially when it comes from one of the most beautiful humans I know. I want to be the woman he sees me to be.

 

[CaffeinatedHub45]

Overweight, but not obese. The blonde hair is now mostly grey. My boss is 15 years younger than I am, and my staff is younger than that. I'm seen more as the Dad in the office vs the good looking guy in the office, which was who I used to be. I drink too much but hide it from my wife.

What else do you want to know?

 

[Kat73]

How do I see myself...

This is a hard one right now as I am making major changes in my life.

I have spent hours writing things down lately and it's just not pretty.

Some thoughts...

I am only happy at work.
I always put myself and my needs last.
Craving touch, but not with my current partner.
Too demanding.

The list goes on, bit it doesn't matter...

 

[Crunchy75]

mostly available but underutilized

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Fingerlic’ious!!

not try’ N to humble brag , but in a word !!


finger

 

[curious_slut]

I think body neutrality is pretty cool. I've never been super thrilled with my looks or body type and that's ok. Even people who most would agree are gorgeous have physical attributes they would rather change. The grass is always greener. I'd rather focus on what my body is capable of doing and how it serves me every single day in accomplishing what I need it to do. It's my home for the time being and I choose to be content with it. Easier said than done of course but all you can do is try your best

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

I think body neutrality is pretty cool. I've never been super thrilled with my looks or body type and that's ok. Even people who most who agree are gorgeous have physical attributes they would rather change. The grass is always greener. I'd rather focus on what my body is capable of doing and how it serves me every single day in accomplishing what I need it to do. It's my home for the time being and I choose to be content with it. Easier said than done of course but all you can do is try your best

I love this answer

I definitely think neutrality is a very good thing. I have some mild health issues and I definitely don't look as fuckable as I wish I did (like Captain America fuckable lol). But know what? There are people that DO think I'm fuckable. So it's not like they're wrong. I'm not amazing or the worst. I just generally try to think "Ya know what? I'm alright. I have some good moments and that's more than enough." Having coping tools definitely helps in certain areas.

 

[metal4lace]

I've never viewed myself in a good way. Never believe compliments people give, although it's not very often. I feel like I'm not good at anything either. Always hated the way I look.

I think you're pretty, judging by your avatar pic!

 

[Crownvic]

I think you're pretty, judging by your avatar pic!

How do you feel overall?

 

[GSDom]

I’m a deep feeling, highly expressive ambivert who loves people.