How much does size matter?

[MaryanneB]

If I didn't know for sure, I'd think this was my post! My first husband (and my first) had a physical problem and I had no idea because I had nothing at the time to compare it to.
So.........I prefer a dick that gets the job done. If I we both end up sweaty with smiles on our faces, then that's the best one. As women, we can go out and buy any of the attributes you are referring to but it's what's attached, my dears..........but slightly larger than that average is nice.

 

[Mischka]

Good point, but does liking the guy lead to liking the size of his cock or does liking the size of his cock contribute to liking him? That's kind of where the original question comes in.

I'll approach this question from a slightly different point of view. Of all the cocks I've had, judged independent from the men they are attached to, which have I liked the most? Two tie for that spot, and they were both just above 8 inches in length and of a much thicker girth than average. I enjoy pain mixed with my pleasure, and these men filled me with both. If I was going to construct a perfect lover out of spare parts, a la Frankenstein, I'd use one of their cocks.

My husband is on the bigger side and I love every inch of him, but I can't say it was pleasurable from the first second. It took us time to get comfy with it and it really genuinely f*cking hurt at the start! I've always loved my kegel balls and therefore am quite tight down there, combine that with his package and you get cramped muscles and awkward moments.

Now, after years of being together, we've progressed to the point that if I'm _desperate_ to have him inside and we got lube at hand I can take him with one plunge. Somehow my muscles have learned to "suck" him in and he knows the correct angle depending on our position. Yet most of times I need his fingers first and preferably an orgasm too. During penetration I can take him balls deep if I'm mega-super-over-the-top aroused, but it still happens that sometimes he just ends up beating my cervix in a not-too-pleasurable way.

So yes, we've learned to combine our physical attributes and it's earth-shattering at best, but at the start I really hoped he was smaller. I still could do with him being shorter, but the girth is something I've learned to crave more than anything else ever. I love being so completely filled with him that it burns my hips.... It's like he impales me. And yet sometimes when I feel like a quickie would be nice but couldn't be bothered with foreplay, I end up getting frustrated because for us fucking isn't possible just like that.

Sooooo... Each girl is different as is each boy. Different sizes work best in different positions and some don't work at all. I'd say all guys should learn to trust their dick, have plenty of practise with their partner and eventually they'll find a way to be happy together no matter of the inches - or the lack of them!

This is an excellent description, and mirrors the experience of the wife of one of the two men I mentioned above. She has never been able to just take him without plenty of prep work, even after well over a decade together. So they both enjoy outside lovers, so she can have her quickies with an average sized chap, and he can plunge balls deep in women who quickly can accommodate his monster cock. (I'm happy to be one of those women.)

My own husband is slightly thicker than average and of average length. It's a perfectly wonderful penis. It doesn't fill me like the monsters I've enjoyed, but I love everything about the man, so that the whole package keeps me happy and hungry for more.

 

[kathieann]

*****

 

[SlutAddicted]

I don't see that it happened as you describe. Your defense of the OP is a bit ... weak. The OP made the mistake of not making the topic about big cocks, the kind that only other men and size queens follow. The Does Size Matter question brought mostly No answers which elicited no discussions. When a couple of us made snarky remarks about what did he really want to discuss if not No, he pushed back on that. That's not the same as you suggest. Another man jumped on us for rudeness. Eventually, women rushed in to support their sisters and took over.

Your last statement is one of the most honest points made. Kudos there.

This is off topic now but on that last point of mine "......anything that sounds like dismissal or avoidance of the question becomes confirmation of our bias......" I often wonder why we try to fool one another that way. Are we just conditioned to tell our partners what they want to hear or are we ourselves sometimes in denial.

The example that always resonated with me when I was younger was how women and men interact in bars. If I was dating a pretty girl I knew damn well the guys talking to her at the bar were hitting on her. I didn't bother me as long as I knew she was in control of the situation. But when asked most girls would say "no he was just being nice". Now any man with a grain of sense knows that other men will willingly fuck his gf or wife if given the chance and they are attracted to her. His confidence in her fidelity is entirely a function of her ability and willingness to be in control of the situation. In our male minds the dismissal in my example is so patently ridiculous that we assume: a) she was attracted to the guy and is trying too hard to hide it; or b) is genuinely that gullible and naive. It would have been far better to just say "yes he was hitting on me but I am not interested." Have we made it just that hard to be honest?

 

[SlutAddicted]

I don't see that it happened as you describe. Your defense of the OP is a bit ... weak. The OP made the mistake of not making the topic about big cocks, the kind that only other men and size queens follow. The Does Size Matter question brought mostly No answers which elicited no discussions. When a couple of us made snarky remarks about what did he really want to discuss if not No, he pushed back on that. That's not the same as you suggest. Another man jumped on us for rudeness. Eventually, women rushed in to support their sisters and took over.

Your last statement is one of the most honest points made. Kudos there.

I wasn't defending or attacking anyone......just making my own observations about the conversation.

 

[vibes]

The example that always resonated with me when I was younger was how women and men interact in bars. If I was dating a pretty girl I knew damn well the guys talking to her at the bar were hitting on her. I didn't bother me as long as I knew she was in control of the situation. But when asked most girls would say "no he was just being nice". Now any man with a grain of sense knows that other men will willingly fuck his gf or wife if given the chance and they are attracted to her. His confidence in her fidelity is entirely a function of her ability and willingness to be in control of the situation. In our male minds the dismissal in my example is so patently ridiculous that we assume: a) she was attracted to the guy and is trying too hard to hide it; or b) is genuinely that gullible and naive. It would have been far better to just say "yes he was hitting on me but I am not interested." Have we made it just that hard to be honest?

Hardly arguable

 

[southern_gal]

It doesn't matter much to me. Bigger is, everything else being the same, a little better. But too big is painful. As long as it isn't super tiny, I like it.

This begs the question of how many women have been with a man that was actually too small to feel him inside. I have not but can only imagine how awkward it would be to have to ask that terrible question of "are you in"

 

[Erochic]

This begs the question of how many women have been with a man that was actually too small to feel him inside. I have not but can only imagine how awkward it would be to have to ask that terrible question of "are you in"

Well I have been with some men who were smaller... And they did just fine with making me feel good.
There are nerve endings all over - not just at the end...or nobody would enjoy fingering. Seriously... If a finger feels good, why shouldn't a smaller cock.

And a guy who is smaller can go balls deep and push in as deeply as he wants straight away.

 

[SandraMustard]

PolicyWank made a point earlier that average to small men (generally) have learned to make the most of their attributes to satisfy their partners. Men and women are like hands and gloves. There is some stretching to accommodate and we tend to gravitate toward what fits best but stretching starts at zero so too small/thin is unlikely for most women.

My husband's finger can reach my G-spot so 3 inches is all it takes to give me a good time. Some of his best methods that blow the roof off my orgasms involve rapid, short thrusts only half-way in.

 

[southern_gal]

PolicyWank made a point earlier that average to small men (generally) have learned to make the most of their attributes to satisfy their partners. Men and women are like hands and gloves. There is some stretching to accommodate and we tend to gravitate toward what fits best but stretching starts at zero so too small/thin is unlikely for most women.

My husband's finger can reach my G-spot so 3 inches is all it takes to give me a good time. Some of his best methods that blow the roof off my orgasms involve rapid, short thrusts only half-way in.

My fav toy is a smallish one. Just once tho I'd like to order one of those novelty arms with a fist and have it waiting for hubs when he gets home. Tell him I've been using it since he was here last time just to see the reaction on his face.

 

[CBHunter]

Just a coincidence.

Something a Facebook friend posted today. Don't read more into it than is actually here.

'"They tend to take a very 'I have this problem how do I fix it' sort of approach," he said. "That’s fundamentally misguided. We actually need to be taking the 'we are what we are, let’s celebrate diversity' approach."'

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...age-positive-body-image-for-men-10051702.html

 

[Mischka]

This is off topic now but on that last point of mine "......anything that sounds like dismissal or avoidance of the question becomes confirmation of our bias......" I often wonder why we try to fool one another that way. Are we just conditioned to tell our partners what they want to hear or are we ourselves sometimes in denial.

The example that always resonated with me when I was younger was how women and men interact in bars. If I was dating a pretty girl I knew damn well the guys talking to her at the bar were hitting on her. I didn't bother me as long as I knew she was in control of the situation. But when asked most girls would say "no he was just being nice". Now any man with a grain of sense knows that other men will willingly fuck his gf or wife if given the chance and they are attracted to her. His confidence in her fidelity is entirely a function of her ability and willingness to be in control of the situation. In our male minds the dismissal in my example is so patently ridiculous that we assume: a) she was attracted to the guy and is trying too hard to hide it; or b) is genuinely that gullible and naive. It would have been far better to just say "yes he was hitting on me but I am not interested." Have we made it just that hard to be honest?

She is being honest. I view these "nice" men as nothing more than a fleeting social contact, as I don't see them as a potential fuck partner. Am I going to stop talking to someone just because I don't want their dick in me? No, that would be rude. So I simply mentally dismiss that scenario and enjoy the social interaction. The shorthand for that is to say, "No, he was just being nice."

This begs the question of how many women have been with a man that was actually too small to feel him inside. I have not but can only imagine how awkward it would be to have to ask that terrible question of "are you in"

Only one man holds this ignominious spot for me. Fully erect - which still wasn't all that hard - he was comparable in length to my pointer finger. Yes, a finger of that length can be felt, but when you're positioned to accept a penis, the mind expects something a little more filling, and the body responds to that disappointing assumption. What surprised me is that he had no oral or digital skills to make up for his lack of thrusting ability. Terribly nice fellow, but our bodies were not compatible at all.

 

[Miasorrow]

There is so much relativity involved in such matters.
Would you like a 1.50 meter man ( =short in inches) with a 20 centimeter ( do the math) cock? What about a big but not so hard cock ?
When it comes to what kind of cocks you admire yes I can say I like a straight, veiny normal sized hard cock with a swollen head but when it's about having sex then many parameters go into play.

And she is so right.

Considering, contrary to what porn would have one believe, that the vast majority of women don't have orgasms from penetration alone, I'm gonna say neither.

 

[Mischka]

I think my appreciation of cocks is because most of my climaxes originate from inside, rather than external clitoral stimulation. Oral rarely gets me off. If it did, I'd be paying far more attention to fingers and tongues.

 

[SandraMustard]

I think my appreciation of cocks is because most of my climaxes originate from inside, rather than external clitoral stimulation. Oral rarely gets me off. If it did, I'd be paying far more attention to fingers and tongues.

There are differences in women like this. Some get stimulation from only one so it guides their sex habits. Some have very hard time reaching a climax at all, a few can only get one and HAVE to avoid another for a fair length of time.

I am blessed. I orgasm easily and repeatedly from both.

 

[southern_gal]

When it comes to the actual feeling we get from intercourse most of us will admit that it doesn't take a monster to make us happy but am I alone when it comes to looking at them? When a guy takes off his pants (and guys please don't just pull them off like it's a race) and you see quite an outline in his underwear, am I the only one that feels an immediate flushing and tingling? Maybe I am but it happens.

 

[Miasorrow]

When it comes to the actual feeling we get from intercourse most of us will admit that it doesn't take a monster to make us happy but am I alone when it comes to looking at them? When a guy takes off his pants (and guys please don't just pull them off like it's a race) and you see quite an outline in his underwear, am I the only one that feels an immediate flushing and tingling? Maybe I am but it happens.

I am with you there. Also that tingling feeling comes when you place your hand down on him and you feel a hard well sized organ perfectly fitting your palm..yes size can matter a whole lot, it's just not an end in itself.

 

[Mischka]

That's one of the reasons I like being tall and wearing heels. He can pull me into him, when we're both still fully clothed, and I can feel his heat and size in between my legs. The anticipation is delicious.

 

[SlutAddicted]

She is being honest. I view these "nice" men as nothing more than a fleeting social contact, as I don't see them as a potential fuck partner. Am I going to stop talking to someone just because I don't want their dick in me? No, that would be rude. So I simply mentally dismiss that scenario and enjoy the social interaction. The shorthand for that is to say, "No, he was just being nice."

Only one man holds this ignominious spot for me. Fully erect - which still wasn't all that hard - he was comparable in length to my pointer finger. Yes, a finger of that length can be felt, but when you're positioned to accept a penis, the mind expects something a little more filling, and the body responds to that disappointing assumption. What surprised me is that he had no oral or digital skills to make up for his lack of thrusting ability. Terribly nice fellow, but our bodies were not compatible at all.

I certainly would not want a woman to not talk to a man just because she doesn't plan to fuck him. Some women do that and it is exceptionally rude. My point wasn't for the woman in that scenario to run away, but simply to be honest with her bf.

Denying that he was hitting on you when you know he was is a lie. It may be a well intentioned lie, but like so many aspects of our communication what is important is what is perceived more so than what you intended. In that circumstance women think they are being diplomatic but they are fooling nobody but themselves and leaving their bf to question their motivation.

It is not reasonable to expect a man to listen to his gf lie about an interaction with another man then somehow divine an innocent reason for the lie.

 

[Mischka]

I
Denying that he was hitting on you when you know he was is a lie. ...
It is not reasonable to expect a man to listen to his gf lie about an interaction with another man then somehow divine an innocent reason for the lie.

I assure you most of these interactions are not nearly as nefarious as you're making them out to be. If a woman doesn't view the man as a potential partner, she simply doesn't see his speaking to her as anything more than a simple social interaction. She's telling the truth from her perspective. She does not, nor should she, speak from his point of view.

My husband has seen me speak with men (and women) who he told me were obviously trying to flirt with me. But because I did not view them as potential partners, I did not perceive the same conversation as anything more than a social connection; there was no flirting on my part, therefore the conversation was simply platonic.

And, truly, because I speak with men all of the time (in professional and social settings), my default setting is to assume all interactions with men are platonic until proven otherwise. It's an easier way to get through life.

 

[policywank]

I think most women agree that guys are altogether too hung-up on penis size. I personally have had the conversation more times that I would like. But I have observed a few things along the way.

Their concern and insecurity is real. Whether or not I think it is justified doesn't change that one iota.

Humans don't control how we feel. We may be able to control how we react to and deal with our feelings, but the emotions themselves are largely involuntary. Telling people their feelings aren't legitimate is profoundly presumptuous and offensive.

Most guys can readily wrap their heads around the notion that bigger isn't always better. They also know that women work differently than men and may put quite a low priority on penis size. But they view that as different from it not mattering at all. As one guy said to me "really if it is 1" long and the thickness of a #2 pencil?" Well no that is too small. Guys think in linear logical terms - yes it can be low priority but how can it be completely irrelevant?

Any attempt to gloss over, avoid, mislead or obfuscate is taken as an attempt to hide something. As an earlier poster noted, when you do this you aren't fooling anybody but yourself.

Women are conditioned to mislead guys about all kinds of things. It's mostly silly stuff that we do to preserve their egos and avoid fights, but the fact remains that their hyper-sensitivity has some grounding in reality. Chances are that most women have lied or misled their bf at some point. Maybe it was for a very good reason, but he knows it is possible and on the topic of penis size quite likely.

Guys are expected to be pillars of strength and security to the point where even having an insecurity is deemed unmanly. But any guy who has zero insecurities is either too stupid or vain to see himself realistically. The test of his manliness should be in how he deals with his weaknesses and insecurities, not in how effective he is at deluding himself.

Frustrating as it may be I have never been able to wish away or ignore the conversation if he wants to have it. And if I try to do so he will just jump to the worst conclusion. That is a pain in the ass for me. But it is also represents a refusal on my part to help alleviate a sincerely felt anxiety. Why? For what purpose should I refuse to help settle his mind and emotions?

I usually have the conversation and keep it as short and to the point as possible. And if I feel the need to skew the results his way I do so very explicitly and directly......not by trying to convince him his anxiety is invalid.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I assure you most of these interactions are not nearly as nefarious as you're making them out to be. If a woman doesn't view the man as a potential partner, she simply doesn't see his speaking to her as anything more than a simple social interaction. She's telling the truth from her perspective. She does not, nor should she, speak from his point of view.

My husband has seen me speak with men (and women) who he told me were obviously trying to flirt with me. But because I did not view them as potential partners, I did not perceive the same conversation as anything more than a social connection; there was no flirting on my part, therefore the conversation was simply platonic.

And, truly, because I speak with men all of the time (in professional and social settings), my default setting is to assume all interactions with men are platonic until proven otherwise. It's an easier way to get through life.

I agree that most such interactions are not at all nefarious but that is because of our confidence in our SO not the fact that other men wouldn't go there. And it is the absence of directness and truth (not the circumstance) that raises suspicion.

I can't relate to what it must be like to be a woman, but I can imagine that it is easier to get through life not worrying about each male interaction. But that isn't what I am talking about.

My example was a pretty girl in a bar, getting chatted up by a stranger......not men and women interacting in an undefined social setting but one in which guys are very clearly there looking to pick-up women. Not knowing in that circumstance that he was hitting on you is either naive or willfully blind.

And my suggested response wasn't to avoid the situation or run away. It was simply to telegraph to your SO that you understand the context but have it under control rather than just denying the reality staring you both in the face.

 

[Mercury_Maniac]

well as a average guy I always wished I was bigger.

but being around long enough to know what type of guys get laid and what guys don't I realize it probably wouldn't matter if i had a big dick or not, I wouldn't get laid regardless.

 

[missmaddy]

Questions to ponder:

Does a woman ever ask a man about the size of his penis before accepting a date?
I don't think so.

Does a woman ever break up with a man because his penis is too small?
It might have happened but I doubt it.

Has a woman ever accepted a date with a man because she's heard he has a big penis?
There might be some truth to that.

So here is an experiment that will answer the question. Make men wear a sign around their necks giving the dimensions of their penis and see how women react.

 

[policywank]

Questions to ponder:

Does a woman ever ask a man about the size of his penis before accepting a date?
I don't think so.

Does a woman ever break up with a man because his penis is too small?
It might have happened but I doubt it.

Has a woman ever accepted a date with a man because she's heard he has a big penis?
There might be some truth to that.

So here is an experiment that will answer the question. Make men wear a sign around their necks giving the dimensions of their penis and see how women react.

Yes but we would need an independent bureau of measurement that issues penis signs only after verification - I foresee a booming business in a new kind of fake ID that add inches. Seriously though if guys did it voluntarily we would avoid any guy who did so because he would obviously be a douche. But if it was mandatory and in big clear letters, yes of course I would sneak a peak before agreeing to a date if for no other reason than curiosity.

I don't think women ask men about penis size before a date......but we sometimes wonder. And if we could find a way to ask discretely we might do so every now and then.

Women do break up with men for being sexually inadequate. It isn't an epidemic and it might be one of many factors but it happens.

You already answered the last question. I don't think I would accept a date with a guy for no other reason than having heard he has a big dick - but it might be a factor.