How to find other discreet Bi men?

[Locknuts]

I want to give my first one but don't know my way around.

 

[StartMeUp]

Bi men, and especially bi curious men, would probably not want to wear a physically identifying sign that becomes widely known. A lot of them are already in long term committed relationships that involve more than sex. A lot of them are concerned about impacts on their professional lives.

But here is what bi and bi curious men generally do that helps to identify them. They generally show interest in other men in some way, ranging all the way from very subtle check-you-outs to touchy-feely stuff. In order to be an effective receiver of this wide range of signals, you have to be relaxed and practiced in the art of communication.

If a guy opens the door a tiny bit very cautiously, you need to proceed with equal caution in slow increments. This can take a long time, but it can be well worth the trust-building wait.

On the other end of the spectrum, if a guy you find attractive swings the door wide open, you need to be prepared to walk right in, after agreeing upon the important health and safety boundaries you have determined ahead of time.

Bi curious men! Don't be xenophobic around friendly men when you encounter them. Pay attention to other men and listen to them! Relax and have fun with them, even if it does not lead to sex!

As a disclaimer, if you are married and inwardly believe that all sexual contact outside of marriage is sinful, don't get involved in any of this. Just jack off to your fantasies, assuming that does not cause excessive feeling of guilt.

Well said and excellent advice. Oftentimes, some 'signals' just go right over my head. And I'm pretty sure I'm paying attention.

 

[cjcurious]

Bi men, and especially bi curious men, would probably not want to wear a physically identifying sign that becomes widely known. A lot of them are already in long term committed relationships that involve more than sex. A lot of them are concerned about impacts on their professional lives.

But here is what bi and bi curious men generally do that helps to identify them. They generally show interest in other men in some way, ranging all the way from very subtle check-you-outs to touchy-feely stuff. In order to be an effective receiver of this wide range of signals, you have to be relaxed and practiced in the art of communication.

If a guy opens the door a tiny bit very cautiously, you need to proceed with equal caution in slow increments. This can take a long time, but it can be well worth the trust-building wait.

On the other end of the spectrum, if a guy you find attractive swings the door wide open, you need to be prepared to walk right in, after agreeing upon the important health and safety boundaries you have determined ahead of time.

Bi curious men! Don't be xenophobic around friendly men when you encounter them. Pay attention to other men and listen to them! Relax and have fun with them, even if it does not lead to sex!

As a disclaimer, if you are married and inwardly believe that all sexual contact outside of marriage is sinful, don't get involved in any of this. Just jack off to your fantasies, assuming that does not cause excessive feeling of guilt.

The whole point is that it is something that can easily be passed off as 100% innocent. It doesn't identify you in any way unless you want it to, which would be if another similarly minded person noticed and approached because of it. It's a smoke signal not a burnished brand.

And I would be willing to bet an amount of money that really matters that bi and bi curious men generally do NOT show interest publicly in any way that cannot similarly be passed off as 100% innocent if attention is called to it. Otherwise there wouldn't be a reason for this thread to exist and the OP wouldn't have asked the question he did.

You're proposal is that he just shouldn't have the expression problem indicated in the OP, and does nothing to help overcome that obstacle, amounting to little more than an instruction to "get better".

 

[coati]

The whole point is that it is something that can easily be passed off as 100% innocent. It doesn't identify you in any way unless you want it to, which would be if another similarly minded person noticed and approached because of it. It's a smoke signal not a burnished brand.

And I would be willing to bet an amount of money that really matters that bi and bi curious men generally do NOT show interest publicly in any way that cannot similarly be passed off as 100% innocent if attention is called to it. Otherwise there wouldn't be a reason for this thread to exist and the OP wouldn't have asked the question he did.

You're proposal is that he just shouldn't have the expression problem indicated in the OP, and does nothing to help overcome that obstacle, amounting to little more than an instruction to "get better".

Don't get upset with me. I do not require that bi curious men follow the advice from my experience.

My advice is born from my experience during 47 years of sexual activity with others. I have had sexual encounters with 11 men and the same number of women. I remember every one of these folks. None of them were met as internet hook-ups. None of them had a sign on their forehead identifying their orientation. All of these encounters were safe and enjoyable, and the worst that happened was a few of the experiences got a little tedious at times.

My advice is simple-- take a risk and interact meaningfully with folks who make friendly overtures. About 5% - 10% of the adults you meet in the general public are open to same-sex encounters, and that percentage goes up in the more relaxed social situations. If there is trust and mutual attraction between you and a bi or gay man, they will usually reveal their orientation. And finally, don't be totally cock centered-- the best orgasms come from the recognition of the whole person.

 

[meme62626]

Bi men, and especially bi curious men, would probably not want to wear a physically identifying sign that becomes widely known. A lot of them are already in long term committed relationships that involve more than sex. A lot of them are concerned about impacts on their professional lives.

But here is what bi and bi curious men generally do that helps to identify them. They generally show interest in other men in some way, ranging all the way from very subtle check-you-outs to touchy-feely stuff. In order to be an effective receiver of this wide range of signals, you have to be relaxed and practiced in the art of communication.

If a guy opens the door a tiny bit very cautiously, you need to proceed with equal caution in slow increments. This can take a long time, but it can be well worth the trust-building wait.

On the other end of the spectrum, if a guy you find attractive swings the door wide open, you need to be prepared to walk right in, after agreeing upon the important health and safety boundaries you have determined ahead of time.

Bi curious men! Don't be xenophobic around friendly men when you encounter them. Pay attention to other men and listen to them! Relax and have fun with them, even if it does not lead to sex!

As a disclaimer, if you are married and inwardly believe that all sexual contact outside of marriage is sinful, don't get involved in any of this. Just jack off to your fantasies, assuming that does not cause excessive feeling of guilt.

I guess I have a little case of xenophobia, I'm afraid some guys can see through me and some how know I want to suck cock. Not necessarily them but suck in general,
Weird how the mind creates things that aren't there.
Need more social interaction, after being married for over a decade we sometimes get caught in a rut and don't socialize much outside of family and get caught up in kids activities etc.. I think I've lost some skills..

 

[coati]

I guess I have a little case of xenophobia, I'm afraid some guys can see through me and some how know I want to suck cock. Not necessarily them but suck in general,
Weird how the mind creates things that aren't there.
Need more social interaction, after being married for over a decade we sometimes get caught in a rut and don't socialize much outside of family and get caught up in kids activities etc.. I think I've lost some skills..

Totally understandable.

I think the internet and smart phones have also caused a reduction in face-to-face interpersonal skills for some people. A lot of people are getting out less and yet expecting instant gratification for everything.

When Craigslist personal ads were active, I kept hearing stories from guys who wondered why their internet sex connections tended to be either game playing string-outs or unsatisfying blow-and-goes. I only heard about a few success stories.

My theory is that the internet ads carried a higher percentage of people who had poor interpersonal skills. When you get out into recreational settings or into other healthy social situations, your chances of finding a more satisfying interaction increase, especially if you make a conscious effort to be considerate and receptive with others.

 

[shirleycd]

My crush

I guess I am in the same situation as many of you that have posted. I have a crush on a guy with whom I play chess with on a weekly basis. I really want him to make the first move, but don’t know what signals to send to pique his interest if there is any. And whether or not he is sending any signals. They have to be subtle because we are joined for our lunch dates by his secretary and lately by an associate. In the rare event we find ourselves alone, I need to know what to look for and what I might try.

 

[bimori]

I guess I am in the same situation as many of you that have posted. I have a crush on a guy with whom I play chess with on a weekly basis. I really want him to make the first move, but don’t know what signals to send to pique his interest if there is any. And whether or not he is sending any signals. They have to be subtle because we are joined for our lunch dates by his secretary and lately by an associate. In the rare event we find ourselves alone, I need to know what to look for and what I might try.

Oh love you need to save your virgin mouth for my sweet cock love.

 

[shirleycd]

Oh love you need to save your virgin mouth for my sweet cock love.

Oh bimori my love, I would gladly save my virgin mouth and ass for you. But I need to cross that line soon!

 

[partsecond]

I guess I have a little case of xenophobia, I'm afraid some guys can see through me and some how know I want to suck cock. Not necessarily them but suck in general,
Weird how the mind creates things that aren't there.
Need more social interaction, after being married for over a decade we sometimes get caught in a rut and don't socialize much outside of family and get caught up in kids activities etc.. I think I've lost some skills..

Our sign is eye contact.

Just don't be afraid to hold that eye contact with guys you are attracted to. If they hold for just a few seconds, you know you can approach.

 

[shirleycd]

I guess I have a little case of xenophobia, I'm afraid some guys can see through me and some how know I want to suck cock. Not necessarily them but suck in general,
Weird how the mind creates things that aren't there.
Need more social interaction, after being married for over a decade we sometimes get caught in a rut and don't socialize much outside of family and get caught up in kids activities etc.. I think I've lost some skills..

I’m pretty sure that xenophobia is not the word we me mean here, more like homophobia, but I’m not sure that is right either since we don’t fear, dislike or have prejudice against homosexuals, but the fear that they know we are bi or bicurious. I agree the key is more social interaction and as someone else posted be open to all kinds of non-verbal communication ( ie. maintaining eye contact a bit longer and touchy-feely stuff). I really am encouraged by the sound advice offered on this thread. I intend to be mindful of this thread in future social gatherings.

 

[meme62626]

I have met someone, we chatted like others have and I finally agreed to meet socially first. That meeting went well. Again like most on here I'm not attracted to men, just cock,. He is older than me, but I felt comfortable with him.
We tried to get together again for several weeks and finally the stars aligned and things fell into place for us to meet again. It was private enough that I told myself I would just jerk off to some porn together.
Well, we chatted and showed each other what sites and type of videos we watched. Long story short I got to suck my first cock and taste some cum. Leaving me of course wanting more.
Recently I got to meet with him and a buddy of his where I got to stroke a cock and got sucked to completion. I met my buddy on a4a , if it was a meeting out in public I nor him would ever guess we wanted to suck cock. I trust him and his buddy , they're safe and discreet both are married like me.
I do however think it would be cool to meet someone socially and find out they had the same desires. Would Be hot..

 

[coati]

Again like most on here I'm not attracted to men, just cock,....

I do however think it would be cool to meet someone socially and find out they had the same desires. Would Be hot..

I hear a lot of guys say that bit about only being attracted to cock, almost as if the cock were separate from the person, or as if an orgasm originates in the cock alone. That cock-centered concept is not consistent with my experience about how to get off with someone who happens to have a cock, nor with how to make the transition between social interaction and sexual activity.

My experience is that most bi men seduce each other in social situations because of a whole range of human cues, not just a cock fetish alone.

I don't know, maybe men say they are only attracted to cock because of socially conditioned homophobia. Maybe it gives them cover from having to admit that they love having sex with both women and guys. Or maybe they think that expressing "attraction" to another person also has to include romance and long-term commitment.

 

[newhere2learn]

I don't know, maybe men say they are only attracted to cock because of socially conditioned homophobia. Maybe it gives them cover from having to admit that they love having sex with both women and guys. Or maybe they think that expressing "attraction" to another person also has to include romance and long-term commitment.

Not at all. For me, men do.not arouse me nor do I find them sexually attractive.

The cock, is just the ultimate prostate massage tool. I started solo ass play in my mid teens. I'm now mid 30s.

Once I discovered I could *sissygasm*5 or 6 times before cumming from stroking... A rubber dildo or song wasn't enough.

Doing it yourself is tiring and often awkward.

The idea of being on all fours, with a smooth BBC pounding my spot mercilessly is heavenly... Not because I want the guy.

Because I want the sissygasm.


I'm selfish, I want the pleasure, while no doing the work

 

[Hitchiker69]

All my man 2 man sex...about a dozen guys...have been one night stands. I've never felt affectionate towards a guy, and I can't imagine that. But I love cock and sex with men.
Just the opposite with women. I often feel affectionate, even if it's just a one night stand. For me, I want more than just tits and ass.

 

[shirleycd]

I am spending the afternoon at my local Barnes and Noble trying to put some of this good advice to practical use but no eligible or attractive young men are here, and I find myself watching all the attractive young women in their very sexy outfits and not fantasizing about being with them, but wearing the very provocative outfits they are wearing.

 

[englishr99]

Use LiT?

Maybe noodle Literotica's personals? Possibly our members are more realible than CL?

 

[CNYCarol]

I have an older guy friend that is interested in exploring some bi action, I'm not so certain what he is into but that is for you to discuss.

If any of you guys are in the New Bern area and want to help someone get started, Send me an IM.

 

[DiscoveringUtopia]

I have had some good luck with Silverdaddies site.

I totally agree. I signed up 3 days ago. There were only 3 profiles from my town and I have meetings with 2 of them before Thursday.

It's free but you only get 2 messages (send or answer) a day. But you can include your email on your profile so contacting is possible.

 

[DiscoveringUtopia]

I'm selfish, I want the pleasure, while no doing the work

My comment has nothing to do with the thread or sex in general. I was in management with a very successful worldwide retail chain before my retirement.

Your statement describes perfectly the attitude of 93.6% of my employees under the age of 25.

 

[charterguy05]

I’ve never had trouble finding Bi guys being an open Transvestite. My problem has always been sorting through all the potential guys, looking for the right one to hookup with. Online, that’s pretty hard. In the real world, guys approached me if they were interest( still do, too) I can’t blame them, I’d make a pass at me, if I was curiousKant

I cant blame them id try to make a pass at you as well

 

[mark217mark]

Not sure if it's been mentioned yet

But Fetlife is a great way to make friends and find people close to you, from ALL sort of kink and fetish backgrounds. It's how my wife and I have found people to play and explore with.

 

[shirleycd]

I used to think I was all about just the cock, but more and more, I am beginning to realize that men do arouse me.

 

[sdman31]

Nail on the head

Not at all. For me, men do.not arouse me nor do I find them sexually attractive.

The cock, is just the ultimate prostate massage tool. I started solo ass play in my mid teens. I'm now mid 30s.

Once I discovered I could *sissygasm*5 or 6 times before cumming from stroking... A rubber dildo or song wasn't enough.

Doing it yourself is tiring and often awkward.

The idea of being on all fours, with a smooth BBC pounding my spot mercilessly is heavenly... Not because I want the guy.

Because I want the sissygasm.


I'm selfish, I want the pleasure, while no doing the work

I could not possibly agree more. Everything you have said is exactly how I feel and almost identical to my own situation. The only thing I would add is this is why myself and I’m sure many others out there like me are attracted to trans women and cd’s. They literally are the best of both worlds. That being said I have found that the majority of these ladies do not use their male anatomy for sex. Thus making it much easier to find a willing man to scratch that itch. Once again, it’s not the man that’s the attraction it’s the pleasure received from the cock.

 

[johntx007]

San Antonio

New to this, not sure where to look