How to hang on during really dark times

[philos]

I’m just kind of surprised more people didn’t have something to add. Movies can help me get out of my way of thought. Especially at the theater. I can lose myself for a few hours.

 

[Athalia]

I am doing better and appreciated all the well wishes and support but I’m still curious how others cope. I’m going to the gym more often and saw a therapist yesterday. Just making the appointment helped.

Good for you! If part of your counseling includes meditation, so much the better. I've found that to be very helpful when I was going through my own darkest days. And a good component of that is setting ... some place where you feel secure, and feel that nature is going on around you in its own way.

Sometimes it was a park bench in a more secluded part of a park, sometimes it was a rock on a river bank that I had to walk for a half a mile to reach. In both of those cases, the important thing was to try to tune out my own anxieties and tune in to this glorious mechanism that is nature, busy pursuing its own goals and taking no notice of me. It sounds strange, but my feeling insignificant somehow helped me that my own troubles were equally insignificant in the great scheme of things.

I've also taken solace in church, and have been part of a Christian outreach program for some decades now. But I'm careful about recommending a religious answer because it means so many different things to different people, and I've become convinced that a good path for one person may be a disastrous path for another. Rather, I'd tell you not to seek out a particular set of religious beliefs, but let them find you.

 

[LikeableMe]

It’s nice to see someone taking the step to reach out and ask this question. That is a great sign that you’re already allowing some light to deep into that dark time, and beginning to feel ready to lift yourself out!

I can understand how you’re feeling. I recently had a cancer scare, I held everything in for too long, then blew up at my best friend. All because I didn’t know how to say I was struggling, and ask for support. The pain at doing that, and drinking an entire bottle of whiskey caused me to attempt to end my life, just a month ago. Now I get through the day by trying to tackle everything else that causes me pain (medical, I’ve changed job, home). Even though it’s a half hearted attempt, it still makes me feel more like myself, and sees me through another day.

All the meanwhile, wishing I could fix the one thing that is out of my control.

I hope your days are getting brighter

 

[Dbscbigi]

Hang

I'm a Vietnam vet, so there's the baggage that comes with that experience.

Exposure to Agent Orange and other dioxins have resulted in Parkinson's disease and peripheral neuropathy.

That was two years ago. I traveled through the normal spectrum of emotions like denial, anger, more depression and so on.

After a surprisingly short time, I adopted the approach that all of my days are good. Some are better than others, but they are all good. And I play the grateful card every day. Again, some days are easier than others to stick to my mantra, but it is working for me.

I hope this is of some help to others.

 

[yukonnights]

Good for you! If part of your counseling includes meditation, so much the better. I've found that to be very helpful when I was going through my own darkest days. And a good component of that is setting ... some place where you feel secure, and feel that nature is going on around you in its own way.

Sometimes it was a park bench in a more secluded part of a park, sometimes it was a rock on a river bank that I had to walk for a half a mile to reach. In both of those cases, the important thing was to try to tune out my own anxieties and tune in to this glorious mechanism that is nature, busy pursuing its own goals and taking no notice of me. It sounds strange, but my feeling insignificant somehow helped me that my own troubles were equally insignificant in the great scheme of things.

I've also taken solace in church, and have been part of a Christian outreach program for some decades now. But I'm careful about recommending a religious answer because it means so many different things to different people, and I've become convinced that a good path for one person may be a disastrous path for another. Rather, I'd tell you not to seek out a particular set of religious beliefs, but let them find you.

This ^^^ There are so many good ideas shared in this thread, and no doubt each individual must find what works for them. But what Athalia said works for me too. And I agree with the thought that one must find the spiritual path that resonates with them. I'm quite introverted, so large groups don't work for me...but meditation, nature and solitude are the perfect tonic for a down mood.

 

[yukonnights]

It’s nice to see someone taking the step to reach out and ask this question. That is a great sign that you’re already allowing some light to deep into that dark time, and beginning to feel ready to lift yourself out!

I can understand how you’re feeling. I recently had a cancer scare, I held everything in for too long, then blew up at my best friend. All because I didn’t know how to say I was struggling, and ask for support. The pain at doing that, and drinking an entire bottle of whiskey caused me to attempt to end my life, just a month ago. Now I get through the day by trying to tackle everything else that causes me pain (medical, I’ve changed job, home). Even though it’s a half hearted attempt, it still makes me feel more like myself, and sees me through another day.

All the meanwhile, wishing I could fix the one thing that is out of my control.

I hope your days are getting brighter

Yep, been there done that. Whiskey and depression don't ever mix well. I've had to deal with a potentially life ending issue too. Thankfully, modern medicine worked in my case. However, having brushed close to death—and through some good spiritual advice—I have learned a couple of things. First, death is as a part of life. I believe the entire Universe is here by intelligent design. Thus, death too is part of that perfect plan. No human knows what awaits, I choose to believe it will be good (if I'm wrong and there is nothing but nothing, I won't know about it so that's fine too.) The second important thing I've learned is to take the time each day to recognize the infinitely small moments when "life" is present. Life is present, and most often very good, in the smallest increment of time—for simplicity, each second. In those small moments, if I take stock, I find all is well...I can be thankful in that moment...then the next...and the next and so on—right up to the last moment I am here. When I consider and count the moments they add up to a lifetime to be thankful for. The only wasted moments are those where I failed to see clearly that all is well.

 

[yukonnights]

I'm a Vietnam vet, so there's the baggage that comes with that experience.

Exposure to Agent Orange and other dioxins have resulted in Parkinson's disease and peripheral neuropathy.

That was two years ago. I traveled through the normal spectrum of emotions like denial, anger, more depression and so on.

After a surprisingly short time, I adopted the approach that all of my days are good. Some are better than others, but they are all good. And I play the grateful card every day. Again, some days are easier than others to stick to my mantra, but it is working for me.

I hope this is of some help to others.

This is well said

 

[edihe]

I wouldn't call it dark, but dragging a parent through mental health issues since basically birth left me kind of going through the motions.
It has it's seasons so everything gets a double meaning.

It scarred me off course as things like that usually do.

It doesn't help that one of my siblings acquired the same mental health issue and is handling it badly, fighting the professionals every step of the way.
It makes me wonder if I would accept it if it struck.

And a fairly recent the other parent survived cancer.

So that leaves you feeling like a cog in the machine going through the motions, but I wouldn't call it dark.
Just very colorless and bland.

 

[philos]

I’m sure some the advice offered here would help with your brand of depression even if it is bland rather than dark. I hope things are getting better for you.

 

[Que]

Sounds trite, but tomorrow really is another day. Whatever the situation is another day is worth enduring. Followed by the day after that a week and then a month. Over time nothing has the importance that it has in the moment.

Life has so many twists and turns that although one can certainly take a turn for the worse, there is always a bright spot in the future..sometimes things that you don't even anticipate. It's worth hanging around to see.

Someone I think this eat dark times aren't nearly as trying as the times where you're just beaten down and exhausted. Feeling numb is an even bigger red flag, then gloom.

Talking to a professional is never a bad idea and contrary to popular fiction they're not all trying to rope you into years of therapy. Sometimes you just need a little bit of a sounding board. Friends and family can do that at times; sometimes they're the problem.

Getting outside of yourself is always a great idea although obviously that's hard when dealing with depression. Helping someone else is the easiest way to forget your own trouble.

Getting literally outside is helpful getting outside of yourself and talking to people even if it's not about the problem is worth doing. Maybe you have a friend that you're comfortable talking to but not about something in-depth like this just have a conversation. Talk to your Barber talk to a store clerk if that's all you can manage for now but talk to someone.

I realize the threat is a little dated but I figured I would answer the question for someone who's reading the thread but didn't even have the energy to Star Tours chime in on a thread like this.

 

[ArtfulRyder]

Just curious how others manage to keep going. Any honest advice would be welcome.

Keep busy doing something you like doing.

Have no more than two vices if possible.

Ignore people who lead you astray.

 

[Man4Strapon]

I know this but I’m wondering what coping methods other people use.

I try to focus on my loved ones. My depression comes from feeling little self-worth but I know in the back of my head that my kids need me, my wife does, my elderly parents and so on.
I once heard "Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem" so I try to focus on the second part: that this IS a short term problem. Life will even itself out eventually where I can be happy again.

Knowing that and accepting that is the struggle though, because it feels like it will always be this way, depressed. So I try to keep as much perspective as I can.

 

[Shelly2inme]

People need to fuck more often

People think that the world is going crazy but I think it always has been. I have read a lot of history and the story of humankind is filled with horrific people doing horrific things. There are many wonderful people too. The world today is the product of years of sick mentality that is causing division and suffering. I believe that we all have a sphere of influence and can do our part to be a positive factor. But the problem is too ingrained to be solved through the passing of laws or social movements. Even when successful it is always just a matter of time before the selfish mind-control people step in a corrupt things. So, I do what I can to be a positive force and I find joy in my own life as best I can. My husband and I both enjoy multiple partner sex and since sex is a natural pleasure we embrace our sexuality and I do think that sexual bliss helps a person to cope with the negative influence all around us. I am not saying that sex is a cure-all. But it keeps me positive.

 

[NightL]

People need to fuck more often

The content of this post is so "Literotica" - love it. Lifted and smiling for just the reading of it.

Them: "My car has broken down, I have no money, my partner walked out, my pet turtle died and I hate Trump"

You: "People need to fuck more"

Not trying to belittle this thread but I did have a chuckle for your post

 

[AnneSexton]

People think that the world is going crazy but I think it always has been. I have read a lot of history and the story of humankind is filled with horrific people doing horrific things. There are many wonderful people too. The world today is the product of years of sick mentality that is causing division and suffering. I believe that we all have a sphere of influence and can do our part to be a positive factor. But the problem is too ingrained to be solved through the passing of laws or social movements. Even when successful it is always just a matter of time before the selfish mind-control people step in a corrupt things. So, I do what I can to be a positive force and I find joy in my own life as best I can. My husband and I both enjoy multiple partner sex and since sex is a natural pleasure we embrace our sexuality and I do think that sexual bliss helps a person to cope with the negative influence all around us. I am not saying that sex is a cure-all. But it keeps me positive.

I agree completely. We’re all a bunch of hateful fucking assholes, and life is a misery. Might as well just fuck tons and hope the end comes soon.

Cheers!

 

[stupidnamechanger]

Be happy you’re alive in 2019

Here is the counterpoint to the above: the story of humankind is full of incredible people doing incredible things.
If you’ve read a lot of history, one thing should be clear: we live in the most fantastic time in human history. Porn at our fingertips, kik and Grindr a click away, people with similar interests no matter how bizarre who just want to connect with YOU; airplanes, cars, electric ovens, hot water, grocery stores with unlimited food, a social safety net, and air conditioned and electrified homes.
Think about it... it was only about 100 years ago that if something got hot, it was probably because somebody has chopped some wood. That wood chopping, farming, etc. might have had something to do with mental health.
So what do I do when I lose sight of all that? How do I stay grounded and/or escape when I’m depressed, anxious etc.? Netflix is pretty great. Porn rocks. Ever tried gaming? I like fishing. Maybe try chopping some wood or growing a garden or.. see if you can cum hands free from prostate stimulation. Whatever floats ur boat.
Also, nothing like giving something of yourself to others who are less fortunate to keep things in perspective. Homeless shelters, food banks, churches, habitat for humanity, a local service club like Kiwanis or rotary, the options are endless.
One thing is for sure, the answer is not inside you, it’s not going to come from navel gazing. It’s going to come from external stimuli and influences. And there is no shortage of it in this modern world. Enjoy finding what works for you.

 

[Nezhul]

Just curious how others manage to keep going. Any honest advice would be welcome.

I'm just telling myself that whatever happens will not kill me, and that I'll get through it eventually and have happy times again. Realizing that I'm not in any mortal danger lets me calm down and look at the problems I'm having more calmly.
I didn't have as dark of times when that wouldn't have helped, thankfully. Perhaps I'm just looking at life optimistically. As long as I'm alive - good things will happen.

 

[human_male]

I keep going for my father.

 

[lustfulraj]

Just curious how others manage to keep going. Any honest advice would be welcome.

It depends on the type of problem and type of solution, if there is one, that may fix it. “Dark times” can mean different things depending on the circumstance.

 

[lustfulraj]

I agree completely. We’re all a bunch of hateful fucking assholes, and life is a misery. Might as well just fuck tons and hope the end comes soon.

Cheers!

Or we could fuck tons and hope it doesn’t end at all

 

[jehoram]

Not meaning to sound cavalier about this, but unless your condition is what's now called "clinical depression" and not a bit of life suddenly overwhelming you, you may find it useful to do some volunteer work at a hospital or rehab center, an old folks home, or a homeless shelter. You'll find people who have done amazing things under far worse conditions than you could imagine, and learn what keeps them going. I spent an extended stay in a hospital and met people who had lost limbs, fortunes, and friends, and their perspective on things gave me some strength to deal with my own situation.

 

[philos]

I’ve had clinical depression for most of my life. I’d like to think I have it mostly under control but some days are tougher than others.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Haven't read everything posted here, but having gone through some serious bouts of depression myself, I can relate. I was lucky and that I have some amazing people around me who helped me get to a more positive place, but it isn't easy.

A few things I found though that helped:
1) make small "to do" lists - achievable things you can accomplish, focus on realizing one or two of them. Not go shopping, walk the dog, kind of list, but things you enjoy doing for yourself - go for a hike, a road trip to a favorite destination, whatever it might be.

2) write - a story, a journal, observations of things going on around you - just a mental place you can create where you can go to express yourself

3) be careful of who you hang out with - not everyone understands your condition or has your best interest at heart

4) breathe... and follow your breath, feel the air slip through your nostrils, filling your lungs, then blowing out, feel the air - focus on the little things

 

[PenelopeWood]

One Step Forward

I also have suffered with the depression and dark days. I have stood at the ledge, one step forward and I would fall into the abyss, those two steps back had me throwing my handcuffs and overcoat laden with rocks into the dark waters below.

1) Surrounding yourself with family and friends helps, but I have also found that learning to like yourself and knowing you have value is also helpful.

2) I read a short story each day with my morning coffee; a sense of accomplishment that I have completed something for the day. Like the previous poster mentioned, it is on my to do list.

3) Journalling helps, putting words to paper, you are talking about your thoughts and feelings even if you are speaking to no one. I write @ 1000 words a day; short stories, random thoughts, anything to keep my brain cells talking to one another.

4) In my youth, I ran to lift me up. I have matured so now I cycle 5 miles a day instead. Exercise releases feel good endorphins.

5) Eat the rainbow, the fruits and veggies of bright colors are also mood lifters. I am not a vegan; I eat meat and fish as well.

6) Be kind to yourself, we all have faults and weaknesses. There will always be days when life doesn’t seem to go our way, but those two steps back had saved my life.

Be Well

 

[philos]

This is another thread I’d like to see return. Anyone have something to add?