How to spot a Domme/Dom

[mrwupy]

Don't fish from the company pier is an old and time tested truism. Even if you fall madly in love with the girl of your dreams, the innuendo and gossip will destroy your career.

As for spotting a D/s, It's always going to be a crapshoot cause you may have just stumbled upon someone that is crazy as Daffy Duck.

Submissive women, in my experiance, are usually the ones that are real ball breakers IRL. My last rode a Harley, black leather and had no problem telling a man just how fast she would castrate him. She had a very be strong attitude.

Get her alone though, I couldn't give her enough pain or humiliation. Thats why it ended. We didn't find her limits, we found mine.

I don't mind the work when it comes to sex, but there comes a point that the work becomes a chore. Thats when it's time to throw in the whip.

Don't worry. In time you will learn the...er...ummm...ropes. Hehehehe...

Wupy

 

[Ebonyfire]

All I know is that I have had a lot of women check me out where I used to work, but none of them had 'the look' that my domme had. She had an instant effect on me when she stared me down.

As for why sub males don't post a lot, I really don't have a lot of time or found a site that I had any interest in until I found this one. But another post suggested that if a guy does post a lot, then he must be a troll. HOw can I win? I would like to post and maybe make some online friends, but I don't want to be labeled as a troll.

lucas

Being labelled a troll does not make you one. Just about everyone gets called something around here. Whatever you post, someone will either be offended by it or will dislike it on principle.

As for winning, it can't be done unless you take everyone with a grain of salt.

 

[liberatedslave]

You could start with a personals ad. Even if nothing comes of it (and as others have said, the odds are somewhat against you) you'll start chatting to people. There are other site like alt.com and collarme.com if you want to widen the net.

I'm fairly confident that even if you did meet someone you knew at a munch they'd be depending on your discretion as much as you depended on theirs. How do you think all these meetings take place and yet almost nobody has a clue that friends/colleagues are kinky? Think of it like the magic circle but with more gadgets.

As Geoff said, you can go out of town to a munch if you feel better about that. The problem with wanting to become part of your local BDSM community is that it's quid pro quo. Can't become part of a community without taking the plunge and actually meeting people.

I understand your fears but I imagine fear has kept you in your kink closet up till now. At some point you'll have to risk coming out.

Wish you all the best.

 

[SweetErika]

As for why sub males don't post a lot, I really don't have a lot of time or found a site that I had any interest in until I found this one. But another post suggested that if a guy does post a lot, then he must be a troll. HOw can I win? I would like to post and maybe make some online friends, but I don't want to be labeled as a troll.

lucas

People who contribute to discussions and don't post just to get others riled up are not trolls. It's all about content, not how much or little someone posts.

A good number of members are leery of people who don't post much/at all, only post come-ons, etc., and then send a bunch of unsolicited PMs trying to get chat, cyber, pics and the like. Again, though, that's a judgement on content mainly.

If you try to participate, be respectful and use common sense, you'll be welcomed by and large

 

[journeyor1]

At Work

maybe it's not safe to connect at work, but it sure is great fuel for fantasies

 

[sexycaz22]

I might be a little off topic... but anyway...

Ever since I joined the collarme.com dating site, I began to look for a Dom in people in public places, wondering if they were a Dom or a sub, or a switch.

*laughing* oh yes, it is quite impossible and not easy, I found. I think it is quite impossible to read people, just by looking at them on a bus or train or in a street.

But...

I wonder, would I recognise what I mentioned as above, in my close friends, or even my family? As I DO know them that well. Would I read them that well??

I really don't know the answer yet....

But what about the others?? What about the people you know well, perhaps you didn't think they would be a Dom(me), a sub/slave or switch until you find out and be surprised or not surprised? How would you know?

Well..... ranting over!

Caz

 

[HottieMama]

I might be a little off topic... but anyway...

I wonder, would I recognise what I mentioned as above, in my close friends, or even my family? As I DO know them that well. Would I read them that well??

I really don't know the answer yet....

But what about the others?? What about the people you know well, perhaps you didn't think they would be a Dom(me), a sub/slave or switch until you find out and be surprised or not surprised? How would you know?

Well..... ranting over!

Caz

Most people that know me in real life would have not a fucking clue that i'm a sub. i am that ball-breakin' woman that someone else described above. Part of that is protective...it keeps people from getting too close, and has served me well for the most part. Part of it is also just how i am, and why it takes a "special sort" of Dom for me...to cut through the "tough girl." And alas, why the two failed D/s relationships i have had broke my heart in a way i never thought possible.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think I posted over the weekend that I went to Zaudika and Exarc's wedding. I went with my daughter who is also a dominant. So we had a good time looking at the people at the wedding and wondering who might be a Dom/me or sub.

One thing we noticed is that their were lots of men and women with tattoos and piercings.

I wonder if an abundance of people who are into D/s or BDSM have tattoos and piercings?

Any thoughts?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I think I posted over the weekend that I went to Zaudika and Exarc's wedding. I went with my daughter who is also a dominant. So we had a good time looking at the people at the wedding and wondering who might be a Dom/me or sub.

One thing we noticed is that their were lots of men and women with tattoos and piercings.

I wonder if an abundance of people who are into D/s or BDSM have tattoos and piercings?

Any thoughts?

No tattoos Eb Ma'am . I have been very tempted on a few occasions. In hindsight I think I made a good choice not to act on impulse . My tastes evolve and I can't think of anything that I would want to express in permanence .Love the occasional henna tattoo because I am a fool like that . It's whimsical and I enjoy it.

Fairly conservative in the piercing department as well. Just ears. I had three in my left lobe and two in the right. I let the top ones in each ear close after a few years. No scarring thankfully . Still like to wear 2 graduated zircon studs in left ear when the mood takes me. Sounds trite I know but with conservative grooming otherwise there is always some kind of tiny bent as with most things and me. Contrasts can make all the difference don't you think ?

 

[FurryFury]

I think it's considered the edgy thing to do these days. BDSM people tend to be edgy. Of course my opinion is that if everyone is doing it. Which seems to be the case with pierces and tatoos these days, it loses it's edgy cache a bit. I'm very conservative about such things.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I saw a lot of men and women at the wedding with both tats and ear piercings. It made my daughter and me think about the possibilities.

 

[Ebonyfire]

No tattoos Eb Ma'am . I have been very tempted on a few occasions. In hindsight I think I made a good choice not to act on impulse . My tastes evolve and I can't think of anything that I would want to express in permanence .Love the occasional henna tattoo because I am a fool like that . It's whimsical and I enjoy it.

Fairly conservative in the piercing department as well. Just ears. I had three in my left lobe and two in the right. I let the top ones in each ear close after a few years. No scarring thankfully . Still like to wear 2 graduated zircon studs in left ear when the mood takes me. Sounds trite I know but with conservative grooming otherwise there is always some kind of tiny bent as with most things and me. Contrasts can make all the difference don't you think ?

Contrasts can be nice, I will agree.

 

[daringdarling]

Stranger's hugs for Hottie

Most people that know me in real life would have not a fucking clue that i'm a sub. i am that ball-breakin' woman that someone else described above. Part of that is protective...it keeps people from getting too close, and has served me well for the most part. Part of it is also just how i am, and why it takes a "special sort" of Dom for me...to cut through the "tough girl." And alas, why the two failed D/s relationships i have had broke my heart in a way i never thought possible.

*HUGS*

That really touched a chord inside me. I am sorry you had to experience such heart ache and sincerely hope that the right dominant will come your way soon and make you forget about the pain.

And I can relate to the situation, more than I would like to I guess. I am no ball breakin woman in real life but the "smart, hard-working and respected" type that still keeps people at a certain distance. Big part of it is self defence for me too. I have a tender heart and until this point in my life, allowing people to touch and toy with it had not proved to be the wisest idea. But I keep hoping even though taking the occasional risk has not become much easier with experience.

Oh well, if I am designed this twisted there gotta be a few others to match me out there, right?

 

[neonflux]

I think I posted over the weekend that I went to Zaudika and Exarc's wedding. I went with my daughter who is also a dominant. So we had a good time looking at the people at the wedding and wondering who might be a Dom/me or sub.

One thing we noticed is that their were lots of men and women with tattoos and piercings.

I wonder if an abundance of people who are into D/s or BDSM have tattoos and piercings?

Any thoughts?

For me, both are a way of marking milestones. I got my genital piercing when I finally started dating again (after an 8 year sexual hiatus and still being tied on many levels to my woman ex - we were together for about 14 years). It was a way to reclaim my body and my sexuality. My one tattoo is an outward "insignia" of a promise I made to myself about how I wanted to live my life. I plan to get another soon, related to my herpes/physical health.

My "alternative" body markings are all in fairly discreet locations, primarily due to professional reasons but also, in some measure, because while I like to think of myself as having a degree of "presence," there are certain ways in which I don't enjoy calling attention to myself.

I think that most of the people in my BDSM circles have some alternative "markings" but many don't. Though in San Francisco tattoos and piercings are so common that you can't really view them as an indication of BDSM involvement.

I DO love them, though.

Neon

 

[Life_Noir]

I think I posted over the weekend that I went to Zaudika and Exarc's wedding. I went with my daughter who is also a dominant. So we had a good time looking at the people at the wedding and wondering who might be a Dom/me or sub.

One thing we noticed is that their were lots of men and women with tattoos and piercings.

I wonder if an abundance of people who are into D/s or BDSM have tattoos and piercings?

Any thoughts?

I think part of it is simply that both have become more accepted..
Myself, I have earrings, and a couple of tattoos... Each of which is a reminder of something... Though sometimes not a reminder of what they originally started out to be for...
*sigh*
The most recent one, the one on my chest, has become a reminder that "Nothing is forever"... Not what it was intended as... But then, we can only take from life experience what actually is there.

 

[Puman]

The tattoo

Very interesting idea. It was actually my first tattoo what got me interested in BDSM. (still really new at this). I remember how nervous I was - I had heard from so many people how painful this was going to be & the longer I waited in the waiting room, the more the nerves turned to outright fear... and then a strange thing happened, I found myself getting turned on... which was really odd for me.

X prepped my back & explained the process and what he was going to do and then that needle touched my back... Let's just say that by the time X had finished his artwork on my back, I was so wet I just about slid off the seat!

So yeah - there may well be a connection between BDSM and tats/ piercings.

 

[mytwocents]

Most people that know me in real life would have not a fucking clue that i'm a sub. i am that ball-breakin' woman that someone else described above. Part of that is protective...it keeps people from getting too close, and has served me well for the most part. Part of it is also just how i am, and why it takes a "special sort" of Dom for me...to cut through the "tough girl." And alas, why the two failed D/s relationships i have had broke my heart in a way i never thought possible.

Forgetaboutit!

 

[CutieMouse]

No tats; no piercings (not even my ears)... the only outward kink about me is occasional (rare these days) tightlacing, and an aura of "librarian fetish" that I can't seem to turn off to save my life. LOL

 

[Ebonyfire]

So, in most cases you can't tell what lurks beneath ones public self.

Piggybacking...

It has been proved that what people say they do and what they actually do can be quite different. This is very true regarding people's personal lives.

 

[FurryFury]

No tats; no piercings (not even my ears)... the only outward kink about me is occasional (rare these days) tightlacing, and an aura of "librarian fetish" that I can't seem to turn off to save my life. LOL

My ex wanted me to get my ears pierced for some reason. I told him when he bought me diamond stud earrings of sufficient (1/4 carat, I'm not that greedy really, I just wanted to have something nice and classy to put in them if I got them.) size I'd do it. I was 25, I think.

 

[KuriousTina]

I'm going with the eyes theory - worked when it came to a guy as well - ex-boyfriend turned out to want to spank me, only it wasn't a surprise because there was something about how he would watch me that would make me shiver - and not from fear.

 

[Life_Noir]

Okay...WAYyyy off topic..

Every time I read the title to this thread I get a flash of the "comic book" series "Who Wants To Be A Superhero?"....

"Who Wants To Be A Dominant?"


*lol* Could be the whole "mild mannered alter ego" thing..

 

[secretvictoria]

This is probably offtopic but I've had my breasts enlarged and simply because of that people expect me to be some kind of submissive doormat who panders to a man's every whim.

Submissive I may be but it pisses me off that it's the boobs that give me away. I'm also an intelligent, articulate student but I always get labelled bimbo doormat, no matter what I wear... till I open my mouth that is.

 

[FurryFury]

This is probably offtopic but I've had my breasts enlarged and simply because of that people expect me to be some kind of submissive doormat who panders to a man's every whim.

Submissive I may be but it pisses me off that it's the boobs that give me away. I'm also an intelligent, articulate student but I always get labelled bimbo doormat, no matter what I wear... till I open my mouth that is.

I always kind of assume a girl did that for a guy and/or for a job. I'd like to know if you wish to share why you got your enlargements?

To me surgery is way more scary than say, Bungee cord jumping.

*shivers*

I dislike clearly fake boobs visually. I always wonder two things, can they still breast feed and how different or alike do they feel compared natural boobs. (I like to feel different things.)

It really doesn't matter what people think though as long as you are comfortable with your decisions, fuck em, yanno.

It's none of their business anyway.

 

[carverII]

This is one of those border line ridiculous threads.

Basic rule of thumb, at least in my 40 some odd years, is that you will not know someone's preferences until you are allowed to enter their intimate zone. I know and have known a lot of people in the lifestyle that you would never guess for one second that they even owned a crop, much less a set of custom cuffs.

We can throw all the fairs, socials, and events that we could ever possibly throw and still that will not ensure that you will find someone that you can "trust" enough in the lifestyle to actually be close to.

Best thing that I can suggest is to live your life the way that you are comfortable with and in the happenchance that you meet someone you truly trust, share your desires with them. If they do not understand, or it is too extreme, then obviously you need to make a choice between your preferences and that person.

Before I committed to the person that I am with right now, we had a very long discussion about the whole thing and guess what, she trusts and loves me enough that we can play along those lines when we feel like it. For me, and it is a very personal thing, if I had to give the lifestyle up to be with her, all the gear would simply retire. It's that easy.

Sorry to go on such a rant, but this whole role-playing thing and attitude just sets me off real quick. Vanilla-shmanilla.....what ever happened to love, trust, and respect?