How to spot a Domme/Dom

[LloydW]

This is one of those border line ridiculous threads.

Basic rule of thumb, at least in my 40 some odd years, is that you will not know someone's preferences until you are allowed to enter their intimate zone.

I hardly think this thread is "borderline ridiculous." I was curious as to whether people had observed in Dommes/Doms certain behaviors that can give them away as such. It's a reasonable question, is it not? I'd really like to know what is so borderline ridiculous about it. It's not like I was asking "does penis size really matter" (which seems to be asked & discussed anew daily)

At the expense of going on a rant of my own, carverII's response seems to be typical of people who hang around these threads long enough to think they have some kind of superiority over new posters. For a community that professes to be open-minded and tolerant, many Literotica members seem to be just the opposite - openly hostile and dismissive of new members, their threads, and their posts. It's people like carverII, who (for whatever reason) take the "Literotica Guru" title too far and actually believe they are some kind of Guru, that make more lurkers stay in the shadows than would otherwise.

Perhaps I am overreacting, or perhaps I am taking too personally carverII's comment about the thread being ridiculous, but I had to get that off my chest.

 

[carverII]

I hardly think this thread is "borderline ridiculous." I was curious as to whether people had observed in Dommes/Doms certain behaviors that can give them away as such. It's a reasonable question, is it not? I'd really like to know what is so borderline ridiculous about it. It's not like I was asking "does penis size really matter" (which seems to be asked & discussed anew daily)

At the expense of going on a rant of my own, carverII's response seems to be typical of people who hang around these threads long enough to think they have some kind of superiority over new posters. For a community that professes to be open-minded and tolerant, many Literotica members seem to be just the opposite - openly hostile and dismissive of new members, their threads, and their posts. It's people like carverII, who (for whatever reason) take the "Literotica Guru" title too far and actually believe they are some kind of Guru, that make more lurkers stay in the shadows than would otherwise.

Perhaps I am overreacting, or perhaps I am taking too personally carverII's comment about the thread being ridiculous, but I had to get that off my chest.

Yeah, you're over-reacting. But then again I do owe you a bit of an apology. Wasn't at my top form when I wrote that. I vented a bad day on you. Very sorry about that.

Oh and I don't even know what my title thing says cause I set it a long time ago. But I will look. And I certainly don't care how long other people have been around. The more the merrier I say. But you are right, there are people on Lit who sit like vultures waiting to pounce on others in order to make themselves feel better. I don't like them anymore than you do.

 

[CutieMouse]

At the expense of going on a rant of my own, carverII's response seems to be typical of people who hang around these threads long enough to think they have some kind of superiority over new posters. For a community that professes to be open-minded and tolerant, many Literotica members seem to be just the opposite - openly hostile and dismissive of new members, their threads, and their posts. It's people like carverII, who (for whatever reason) take the "Literotica Guru" title too far and actually believe they are some kind of Guru, that make more lurkers stay in the shadows than would otherwise.

[minor hijack]

Ummm... I read that and thought "Who the hell is CarverII?"

I've been on the Lit BDSM Boards for 3+ years, didn't/don't recognize the name or nick, and hardly think it's fair to judge an entire board of *individuals*, based on one persons response to a thread... especially without knowing if said person is one of the forum "regulars".

[/minor hijack]

But yeah... it does appear you are taking things a bit personally. Does it really matter if some stranger online thinks differently about a subject than you?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I hardly think this thread is "borderline ridiculous." I was curious as to whether people had observed in Dommes/Doms certain behaviors that can give them away as such. It's a reasonable question, is it not? I'd really like to know what is so borderline ridiculous about it. It's not like I was asking "does penis size really matter" (which seems to be asked & discussed anew daily)

At the expense of going on a rant of my own, carverII's response seems to be typical of people who hang around these threads long enough to think they have some kind of superiority over new posters. For a community that professes to be open-minded and tolerant, many Literotica members seem to be just the opposite - openly hostile and dismissive of new members, their threads, and their posts. It's people like carverII, who (for whatever reason) take the "Literotica Guru" title too far and actually believe they are some kind of Guru, that make more lurkers stay in the shadows than would otherwise.

Perhaps I am overreacting, or perhaps I am taking too personally carverII's comment about the thread being ridiculous, but I had to get that off my chest.

Remember that although this is a BDSM Forum many of the people posting, reading, and ranting here have no knowledge or experience of BDSM. I have been posting on this forum for donkey's ages, and lots of folks don't like what I post either.

It happens.

Why anyone would rant about love in a BDSM forum is beyond me.

 

[Xelebes]

They have twinkle in their eyes
All three of them in disguise
Whispering secrets with each other
Because saying aloud would bother

The gleaming of shadows that lurk
Are truths summoning from the murk
And they share words behind hands
Knowing that you so lack the brands

It's a cruel world
And they laugh
They all despise
The riff-raff
What are you there
Hands before
Grimacing as
If you'd score

They know not, they guess, they muse
They'll think of ways of how t'abuse
But you don't know them at all
And they don't see you crestfall'n

And that don't matt'r
At the ball
You're dressed no bett'r
Not at all
Court to the sack
All night long
'Til you ask back
Sing a song
They'll know neither
You or them
In this weather
You want them

 

[Krinaia]

Someone is coming over to play scrabble so i can't take the time to read all the way through this thread as I should - good thread by the way. It's been a long time since I cruised here.

Anyhow, I used to consider myself submissive. Now I'm exploring my dominant side. But mostly I'm just a very open kinky person who is willing to be turned on by anything. I don't subscribe to any labelization nor do I really fit into any preconceived notions and other than my fondness for innuendo, I doubt most the people in my life know how very naughty I am.

So my advice is look for the adventurous sort and the sort of person that is open minded. That's the kind of person you want to play with and date anyhow. And don't have a preset notion of what can fulfill you - if you let yourself, you might find that the right person can turn you on to things you hadn't previously found all that erotic... and of course, vice versa

I'm hoping I've found it - but we'll see.

 

[AndrewKay]

What's wrong with love?

 

[coy_one]

I went on a vanilla date over a month ago, and by the end of the date, I knew that they were a PYL. It wasn't by doing anything more than just communicating. Now, I'm not always able to tell - but I can usually gauge a conversation well enough to press on with my curiousity. This person made several hints, and I snagged onto them.

Interesting, one of my friends told me that he wished you could tell by some sort of tell tale way. I don't know about piercings and tattoos, because lots of my friends have those things and they aren't. I've tempted the conversation in that manner, and have received clear indication that they are not.

 

[Maximumtest]

Great thread! I'd love to know how to find/spot a Domme

 

[Ebonyfire]

Here's a concept:

Try getting to know the person as a human being. Over time it is very hard to maintain the facade of being someone you are not.

Find partners who you have the same values as. I have a few submissives who I find perfectly fine to deal with on a part-time basis, but as life partners, they and I would not get along at all.

So I would not dream of entering into a 24/7 relationship with someone who did not complement my way of life and vice versa.

 

[Krinaia]

Beautifully said EB

 

[PoeticMusings53]

I have to tell you that for years everyone who worked for me in the restaurant business was sure, I mean sure that I was a Domme...they even had a pool going about it.
Yet in truth I am just a demanding bitch-well was, so much nicer now that I am Buddhist and out of that field of work-but in the bedroom I am a sweet and compliant sub, except when I am being terrible to tempt my hubby to spank me.

This is consistent with what the literature is saying about BDSM right now; its a release from your daily "role" of either submissiveness of dominance that makes one role or another fun.

The OP's best statistical bet woudl be to find a woman involved in work that required to have her be very meek and submissive during the day when, in fact, she is nothing like that.

But, of course, there are infinite gradiations. I for example, enjoy both light dominance and light submission, but find either extreme unappealing.

 

[Life_Noir]

I went on a vanilla date over a month ago, and by the end of the date, I knew that they were a PYL. It wasn't by doing anything more than just communicating. Now, I'm not always able to tell - but I can usually gauge a conversation well enough to press on with my curiousity. This person made several hints, and I snagged onto them.

Interesting, one of my friends told me that he wished you could tell by some sort of tell tale way. I don't know about piercings and tattoos, because lots of my friends have those things and they aren't. I've tempted the conversation in that manner, and have received clear indication that they are not.

Tsk tsk... Sounds like it's time for a "secret handshake"..

 

[Life_Noir]

I hardly think this thread is "borderline ridiculous." I was curious as to whether people had observed in Dommes/Doms certain behaviors that can give them away as such. It's a reasonable question, is it not? I'd really like to know what is so borderline ridiculous about it. It's not like I was asking "does penis size really matter" (which seems to be asked & discussed anew daily)

At the expense of going on a rant of my own, carverII's response seems to be typical of people who hang around these threads long enough to think they have some kind of superiority over new posters. For a community that professes to be open-minded and tolerant, many Literotica members seem to be just the opposite - openly hostile and dismissive of new members, their threads, and their posts. It's people like carverII, who (for whatever reason) take the "Literotica Guru" title too far and actually believe they are some kind of Guru, that make more lurkers stay in the shadows than would otherwise.

Perhaps I am overreacting, or perhaps I am taking too personally carverII's comment about the thread being ridiculous, but I had to get that off my chest.

*scratches head*

Ummmmm Did we profess to be open minded and tolerant????

 

[Ebonyfire]

I believe there is a difference between what people do (for a job or career) and who they are (core personality).

Attaching significance to a person's way of making a living to whether they are dominant or submissive is risky. I doubt if you will be able to tell.

You have to know who they are, and what they value to find out who they really are.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

*horrified gasp* suits!

Some of us get wet at that sight, thank you!

 

[Krinaia]

i just thought and thought i would mention it... as i didn't think it had been mentioned thus far... and it also takes us back to the original question

sometimes a person's jewlery or tattoos can give them away. i find more often this gives away people in a couple - but find a couple and sometimes they have a single friend

but to give an example. there was a woman in my college swimming class who came into the locker room one day wearing a bettie page tshirt and it made me take more notice of her tats. I noticed she sometimes had bruises. sometimes they resembled bruises i myself had and bruises can be a form of jewelry i suppose.

but i also recently made friends with a german dom online - because i found him on a rather vanilla site but he had the three pronged harmony symbol that is for bdsm and i made a teasing remark to him in private.

 

[Puman]

I think the fact that my parents managed to hide their kink from me just about all my life means that there is no way I would know a Dom from a sub until they made it really obvious

 

[myinnerslut]

i know you cant tell if someone is a dom or sub just from talking to them, but i came across this one guy who gives off the most dominating vibes i have ever seen. he works with me, and i am dying to ask him about it, but i know i cant becuase it is unprofessional and off limits enough that i may be fired for bringing it up (i work in a camp).

 

[Krinaia]

we definitely need a handshake

i suggest a left handed offering with a tickle to the palm as you pull out of the shake... or maybe that's too awkward

how about a a right handed shake with the grazing of the middle finger - that seems a little perverse?

or maybe just a hand signal so that you wouldn't need to try to shake the hand of someone you already knew well.... the gesture would have to be seemingly innocent but also alluring and distinguishable to those in the know and perhaps there could be a version that would state your dominance or submissiveness or switchiness. for example, you know that gesture when you cross your fingers to say you aren't lying (at least in america)... well subs could cross the index over the middle and the doms could cross the middle over the index... and we could touch the fingers to our face or lips in a gentle caress. except that i just tried it and it's hard to make it even remotely sexual... but you get the idea and i'm open to suggestions. All we would need to do is infect enough munches with the idea and it would spread like wild fire

 

[mrwupy]

Perhaps we could go the college route where they have the funny little emblems embroidered on their shirts.

A little whip on the left upper shoulder or perhaps a pair of handcuffs....:lol:

Or we could just hang a whip in our living room.....Those who see it understand it. Perhaps cuff's on the wall.....

Much to debate here......

 

[Penalt]

we definitely need a handshake

i suggest a left handed offering with a tickle to the palm as you pull out of the shake... or maybe that's too awkward

how about a a right handed shake with the grazing of the middle finger - that seems a little perverse?

or maybe just a hand signal so that you wouldn't need to try to shake the hand of someone you already knew well.... the gesture would have to be seemingly innocent but also alluring and distinguishable to those in the know and perhaps there could be a version that would state your dominance or submissiveness or switchiness. for example, you know that gesture when you cross your fingers to say you aren't lying (at least in america)... well subs could cross the index over the middle and the doms could cross the middle over the index... and we could touch the fingers to our face or lips in a gentle caress. except that i just tried it and it's hard to make it even remotely sexual... but you get the idea and i'm open to suggestions. All we would need to do is infect enough munches with the idea and it would spread like wild fire

Or a coded knock....does anyone recognize 'tap tap tap TAP tap tap tap TAP'? Thats a new one out there. Or a code phrase...anyone recognize, "we met on the square, and we part on the level"?

Just a couple of viral recognition codes, one old and one new, that are currently active out there.

 

[Mamid]

the symbol that was on my show collar was a good one.

too bad it broke. (yay!!!)

 

[Penalt]

the symbol that was on my show collar was a good one.

too bad it broke. (yay!!!)

Yah? YAY?! YAY!!

Okay woman, time for a spanking...once the kids are asleep of course. Then its off to buy you another one....


this is a nice one....

or we could just get a new one of these....

 

[Stegral]

*giggles*

ok..I have to put in my story...

I am a very agressive female...
I will break bones or dislocate limbs if I am touched inappropriately...
All the fellas I work with KNOW this... (I drive tractor-trailers)
I display handcuffs on my sunvisor & wear leather chokers...
I have been labelled a Bitch, Butch, Dyke,Tease & Flirt...
the guys know I wear leathers, someone found me on Facebook...
someone mentions spanking me I say nopers... I like knives better...
I was asked where my whip was & told them I don't own one,
but could borrow one from a friend, or a flogger or paddle if they prefered that...
The guys TRY to embarass me... but it is a hard go.
One fella noticed the leather chokers I wear, was confused & asked me about them...
He thought I was for sure a Domme... & was quite relieved to find I switch...
Another found me on ALT, read my profile & played the "I know you" game...

I am a switch that prefers to bottom
Reality is I would be a submissive to the right fella...
I have enough back bone at work...

I am in a group now locally that are awesome..
Discretion is MANDATORY...
When I first began exploring, I had recently started a new job & found out a co-worker was kinky by meeting him at a play space when he walked in with his subbie Talk about akward... but we BOTH respected that work & play were seperate & no-one knew until about 4 months later, when I said I was shunting trucks locally, then it started to get peiced together. Itwas a temp job but alot of fun

Fotunately my job wouldn't be jepordized by my off work play time...
truck drivers are pigs anyway right ?? (this is sarcasm!!)
my outward acceptance of my "lifestyle" has probably scared off a few good 'nilla guys...
but it has also opened doors I never would have gone through before...

I hate secrets, I hate hiding... I am me... accept it or piss off...
I am counting on someday tripping over the Dom I need...
but until I do I continue to weed thru the wanna be's & befriend alot of people as well

Good luck with your journey
It has been an extremely freeing one for me so far