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how to survive divorce

phantasi said:
Read it. Will read it again and again until it sticks.

Thanks, SG. :kiss:
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I happened to find a copy of this book and have been reading it.....it helps a bit. :)
 
My three daughters are so incredible, everytime I think I have let them down or ruined their lives they lift me up. I know I was not as strong as them when I was their age. They have had to move adapt to their Mom's lifestyle and deal with me! I know it sounds backwards but I really am in awe of the three of them. I feel they will be better people by going through this. They know that life may not always be fair but by not giving up life can still be good. By the way Somber Reality I like your new picture! It is good to see you smile!
 
pleasantville said:
My three daughters are so incredible, everytime I think I have let them down or ruined their lives they lift me up. I know I was not as strong as them when I was their age. They have had to move adapt to their Mom's lifestyle and deal with me! I know it sounds backwards but I really am in awe of the three of them. I feel they will be better people by going through this. They know that life may not always be fair but by not giving up life can still be good. By the way Somber Reality I like your new picture! It is good to see you smile!
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My boys are like that for me. They literally keep me going. I always get a feeling of dread knowing when it gets close to them going to their father's place, cause I feel lost when this apartment is empty and silent.

Thanks hun. I don't really like that pic as the sig.....gonna do something with that pic and a couple of others of me for a new sig. I feel the schoolgirl pic is an outcry for attention. lol
 
Okay, divorce proceedings is on October 9th, which is like 23 days.....and I'm actually feeling excited about being single, or at least not married to Paul anymore.

But now my feelings are changing. I was dating a guy earlier on in the separation and he helped me so much to forget all the shit and stuff when I would see him. But lately I've not heard from him, very little actually, and I feel hurt by it. I feel for him, not sure if it's love or just friendship.....I don't know. I just know I miss my "distraction." I think if I had continued seeing him, feelings would have become strong. Still, it hurts.

I really don't like being alone. Gives me too much time to think. And for me, that's not really a good thing.
 
I know what you mean about being alone. It has been 5 years and I only have my daughters every other weekend. I try to keep busy before going home but eventually I get here. I have dated and it gets confusing when a relationship ends but if I don't keep trying I will just end up alone. Good luck next month with the divorce, I know what you mena about getting excited. When the time finally came fr finalizing my divorce I ws relieved. In fact the judge was 1 hour late and then the power went out in the cort house. The judge wanted to postpone and I wouldn't let him. I guess I did not want to be married to my ex anymore and I was bound and determined to get out of it. You will have a lot of people yhinking of you next month and supporting you.
 
somberReality said:
But now my feelings are changing. I was dating a guy earlier on in the separation and he helped me so much to forget all the shit and stuff when I would see him. But lately I've not heard from him, very little actually, and I feel hurt by it. I feel for him, not sure if it's love or just friendship.....I don't know. I just know I miss my "distraction." I think if I had continued seeing him, feelings would have become strong. Still, it hurts.
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Please be careful about letting your need for companionship and "distraction" overwhelm your good sense. You say that your soon to be "ex" was one you have known since you were 16 if I'm not mistaken. Take your time before committing yourself to another person...

The fact that you are hearing little from this guy should be a warning flag too you. Not trying to be a wet blanket here but when you were only separated you were not a threat to his world...now you are divorced (or about to be) you represent something different to him. After all, previously you may have been just a "distraction" to him as well...I would be cautious about investing a lot of emotional capital in him.

For heavens sake...don't introduce any new person in your life to your children until you are certain "he's the one". They are too young to go through an emotional roller coaster.
 
Just wondering how your week has been? I have been out of town for work and couldn't chek in. Went back to your old picture, too bad!
 
No, i like my old pic. :) It goes with the name and i'm not a big smiler. The week has been okay, been thinking a lot about things. :)

Less than 3 weeks and the divorce is final. I'm ready and am certain this is the best thing for me.

RE: Please be careful about letting your need for companionship and "distraction" overwhelm your good sense. You say that your soon to be "ex" was one you have known since you were 16 if I'm not mistaken. Take your time before committing yourself to another person...

The fact that you are hearing little from this guy should be a warning flag too you. Not trying to be a wet blanket here but when you were only separated you were not a threat to his world...now you are divorced (or about to be) you represent something different to him. After all, previously you may have been just a "distraction" to him as well...I would be cautious about investing a lot of emotional capital in him.

For heavens sake...don't introduce any new person in your life to your children until you are certain "he's the one". They are too young to go through an emotional roller coaster (end of the post)

I have to agree with some of this. One, my marriage was over 3 years before it was official and i did date some during the last 3 years (marriage was open at that point, my idea). So this guy wasn't the first one i dated. He was however the first i saw after the separation was official. Second, he does keep in touch some, just not as much as I'd like. He does have a 3 year old, has a fulltime job......any of us know that those things can cause the days to fly by. Third, regardless of my feelings for him, he is a good friend and has helped me immensely through all the adjustments. My kids have never met him, and they will not meet any SO, if i have one, in my life unless it's really serious, and i mean like REALLY serious. I don't want to pull people in and out of my life.
 
We all need that friend, confidant. We are not "made" to be alone in this world. You seem to have it together for your boys. I am sure you will make the right decisions. I know that when my marriage was ending, I also knew it was for the best, and I still know that five years later. I still have contact because of my daughters and I will always care about my ex. She is the mother of my daughters. I would never go back and try to rekindle anything. Keep your chin up and find that friend to help get you through this.
 
I feel like i'm going through what i call a "growing pain." Let me explain.

When i was married, the last 2-3 years we were swingers (my idea). Now i was raised with traditional values regarding sex (wait till marriage, blah blah blah) so i have to say that even i am a bit shocked that the swinger idea was essentially mine. So looking back, i know i suggested the swinging due to being unhappy with the husband. Yes, i know, makes no sense to me either.

Anyway, some of the friends i made in the lifestyle have kept in touch with me. I was talking to one last night and it just occurred to me "this is bullshit." Marriage was meant to be exclusive, meaning it was meant for such acts as sex to be only involving the man and the woman. (Not dogging those who swing or open relationships or even gay/lesbian relationships, give me a chance here to explain) Why was I so eager to sleep with whoever i could?? Was I so miserable with life that i was willing to throw away the things taught to me for a few minutes to forget?

Needless to say, I pissed off some people last night. I used to see sex as something sacred, then i saw it as nothing more than physical pleasure, now i'm starting to see it as sacred again. So the "swinger friends" get pissed off cause i won't do that shit again? They aren't friends to begin with. I'm with the woman who said she wanted to be in love first.

This is a new beginning for me.
 
Congratulations! I had an awakening like yours. I had a very exlusive marriage and wanted nothing more than to only be with my wife forever. After the divorce I got into a relationship with a very wild woman. My first party stage of my life. I was drinking all the time and changed my lifestyle. I thought I was happy. After this relatinship ended I feel I found myself and my beliefs are staronger than ever. I want to be married again, I want my daughters to see my choices and understand that sex is sacred and should be with the person you love. I am still waiting for that person in my life but I am happy with whom I am. Good lucak and have a great weekend.
 
Thank you. I feel a bit more at peace with myself cause of this. I feel i'm becoming more of the person i want to be. Not saying it's easy, but it shows who my "real friends" are.
 
I am glad you have that friend to talk to, I know without suppport it would have been impossible for me to survive. Just remember you deserve to be happy in life, Your children deserve a good parent relationship while growing up. My life and divorce were not easy to get through but I did it and believe me if I could nake it than anyone can! Have a great Monday.
 
Does anyone date anymore???

I mean, come on people.

Is it just a fuck buddy dating scene now???
 
*HUG*

I've often thought how glad I am I don't have to date anymore.

I believe people still date and don't expect to be fucked. I've rarely fucked on the first date and certainly not when it was expected.
 
*nods* I'm starting to think it's either a fuck or nothing. It's really annoying at least. GAH!!!!
 
somberReality said:
*nods* I'm starting to think it's either a fuck or nothing. It's really annoying at least. GAH!!!!
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The dating pool you are seeing must be a suck one then. I'm so sorry.

*HUG*

I'd date ya and not expect to fuck, well not, right off.

*polishes halo*
 
I have been dating for the past 5 years and have not slept with anybody. I feel I want to set an example for my 16 yr old daughters. Since their mother doesn't seem to care I want them to know that sex is not the #1 thing.
 
Finally it's here

Yep, as of 5 pm today, I am officially divorced. And you know what?

It's a huge relief.

I feel like a caged bird finally set free and knowing how to live on its own.

And it really feels good.
 
Oh I am getting on with my life. ;) Getting through school, loving my boys, and just seeing what happens.

It's a good feeling. :)
 
I read back through the posts today and I don't feel i've made much headway. I don't expect to get over this overnight but damn, there are days i don't wanna bother with anything. And with kids, that's hard to attempt. Seems i've managed to run off 2 friends (not friends apparently) and feeling a bit lonely and alone these days. Found a better place to live (remember i was evicted?) and packing up for that, with the kids in tow.

Just sick of all the shit. And not sure anyone here even gives a damn.
 
Hey you know that I care. Congratulations on the new place. I have been praying for you. Yes, like I said it seems that you tread water most of the time but it will get better. As for your friends, you are better off without them. I remember that my "best" friend after my divorce decided to start dating my ex-wife. Come to find out he was always secretly in love with her. I couldn't blieve it! Keep trying to go forward and remember you will make it through. :rose:
 
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