how to survive divorce

[somberReality]

I think I'm going to take a break from Lit for a while. I'm not sure if it's the board or me (probably both) but my stomach gets tied in knots reading some of the posts. I feel like I in no way belong here. I do not feel sexually liberated, I do not wish to flirt, I do not wish to show revealing pics of myself, and I certainly do not wish to be someone's fuck buddy, IRL or online. And I find more of that here than i do anything else. I am going through a horrible divorce and thought this site would be a break from reality, but it's not. I don't know how to explain it. Not dogging the site, it's just not helping me right now dealing with real life stuff and seeing people make the same mistakes i did in my marriage. I'm sorry if i offend anyone, I just need to get away from everything for a bit. *hugs to all*

 

[reignophelia]

I think I'm going to take a break from Lit for a while. I'm not sure if it's the board or me (probably both) but my stomach gets tied in knots reading some of the posts. I feel like I in no way belong here. I do not feel sexually liberated, I do not wish to flirt, I do not wish to show revealing pics of myself, and I certainly do not wish to be someone's fuck buddy, IRL or online. And I find more of that here than i do anything else. I am going through a horrible divorce and thought this site would be a break from reality, but it's not. I don't know how to explain it. Not dogging the site, it's just not helping me right now dealing with real life stuff and seeing people make the same mistakes i did in my marriage. I'm sorry if i offend anyone, I just need to get away from everything for a bit. *hugs to all*

I extend the hand of friendship. PM me if you'd like to talk.

 

[Recidiva]

I think I'm going to take a break from Lit for a while. I'm not sure if it's the board or me (probably both) but my stomach gets tied in knots reading some of the posts. I feel like I in no way belong here. I do not feel sexually liberated, I do not wish to flirt, I do not wish to show revealing pics of myself, and I certainly do not wish to be someone's fuck buddy, IRL or online. And I find more of that here than i do anything else. I am going through a horrible divorce and thought this site would be a break from reality, but it's not. I don't know how to explain it. Not dogging the site, it's just not helping me right now dealing with real life stuff and seeing people make the same mistakes i did in my marriage. I'm sorry if i offend anyone, I just need to get away from everything for a bit. *hugs to all*

All good reasons to go. When it feels like you're walking on broken glass, it's best to get off your feet.

Be well, be happy. Hope to see you again when you can stand strong.

 

[somberReality]

Screw it, i'm not leaving. But I will be quieter for now.

Gotta love the hormone factor (that's my excuse anyway).

 

[Recidiva]

Screw it, i'm not leaving. But I will be quieter for now.

Gotta love the hormone factor (that's my excuse anyway).

*cheers*

 

[somberReality]

*cheers*

Awww thank you

 

[Floridaguy692]

Wishing you the peace you need to heal somberReality.

 

[somberReality]

I really appreciate all the support here. It's helped a lot.

I've been reading How To Survive the Loss Of a Love that was suggested to me, on this very thread if memory serves. It confirms a lot of what I've been feeling and thinking, which also helps.

One thing I am working on is not holding my feelings inside. I tend to do that, and I'm trying to not do that this time. "The sooner you allow yourself to be with your pain, the sooner it will pass." I sure hope this is the case.

One mistake I have made and learned from: getting involved too soon. I had been seeing a man since the ex and I separated. Even though he helped me to forget about all this for a while, in the end he disappeared off the face of the earth, and this "rejection" has made my progress reverse itself. Being alone has never agreed with me. But being with someone just to not be alone isn't helpful either.

School doesn't keep my mind busy enough. The kids don't distract me enough. I am so restless I don't know what to do, and the excess energy is not good for me.

Any suggestions?

 

[snackson]

I went thru / going thru the same thing you are now, long marriage then the nasty divorce.
I refused to date or even go out for that matter, i kinda forced myself to getting used to being alone ( well with my kids, i have custody ). I started reading a lot of books, i joined netflix my kids and I enjoy watching movies together, even started playing an online game with my son ( wow ) to help pass the time and to get my mind over and past the expirience.

Someday i may date again, but i am not in any hurry, i dont want to put my kids thru that.

Anyways, that is how i am dealing with it, thought i would make the suggestions to help you also, It does take a bit, but time does heal all wounds, you seem very strong and I wish you the best getting thru this time.

 

[snackson]

oh, and another thing, listen to the song "Dont forget your sunscreen" by Baz Luhrmann now and then

i know it sounds stupid, but when i feel down, it helps me. I even had my daughter listen to it a couple times when she was feeling low and she loves it now also.

 

[somberReality]

I don't feel very strong. I feel rejected and not good enough. I feel ugly and disgusting and just.....pathetic. Nothing i do helps me to forget, even for a moment. I'm just so sick of being miserable that I don't know what to do anymore.

I try to be happy for those who have happiness in their lives. And I know it could always be worse. Sometimes i wish this was all a very bad dream and I'll wake up to a better life.

I'm hoping down the line I will say that's what this all was. And I'll be better off for it.

I just have no patience.

 

[Recidiva]

I don't feel very strong. I feel rejected and not good enough. I feel ugly and disgusting and just.....pathetic. Nothing i do helps me to forget, even for a moment. I'm just so sick of being miserable that I don't know what to do anymore.

I try to be happy for those who have happiness in their lives. And I know it could always be worse. Sometimes i wish this was all a very bad dream and I'll wake up to a better life.

I'm hoping down the line I will say that's what this all was. And I'll be better off for it.

I just have no patience.

These are the moments in time where you develop patience because you need it. It gives you something to do.

 

[snackson]

There are lots of things you can do to help with what your going thru.

Someone posted in this thread about excercise, that really does wonders, it really helped me out,take walks with your boys, just keep active, you will feel a lot better by just getting your blood pumping. I dont mean join a gym or anything, just get more active. Excercise always makes a person feel better about them selves.

Music, if you do listen to it, becareful what channel you listen to, you dont need to hear love sick songs, play some uplifting stuff, we all know songs that when we hear them it cheers us up , or puts us in a good mood.

Dont be happy for others, be happy for yourself, you may not feel that way now, but your a very beautiful lady and you should be happy about yourself.

Your a strong girl, your looking for help, that means you havent given up. Keep your mind and body busy with things, dont sit idle, thats when we start to feel alone, talk to freinds, just talking about nothing helps, it keeps your mind working and not dwelling on the negatives you feel.


Never, ever feel like your not good enough.

 

[MzDeviancy]

Hey girl, just wanted to say respect for you seeking some support. As everyone else has pretty much confirmed, there will be days when you miss him, miss the good times, miss just having someone to be with, and there will be days when that makes you so sad it's almost unbearable. Remember as you go through this that divorce was ranked on a list of the 100 most stressful things and came second only to death in the immediate family - go to a support group if you need to, find people to talk to, and don't be ashamed.

You will get through this, and you will be a stronger, wiser person for the experience.

 

[somberReality]

Once again, thank you all for the support. I signed the divorce papers today and it will be official around 5 pm EST on October 16th. I can't believe it's so easy to just get divorced. Gah. Mixed feelings about it......relief, sadness.....a bit of it all.

I'm not sure how i'm gonna feel about.....well, anything anymore. I keep shocking myself back to reality.

And it's a bit of a somber one.

 

[Homburg]

It's not on the same level as divorce, but I did just have someone that I love truly and deeply walk out of my life. I feel for you.

I keep hearing that it gets better, hurts less. I hope so.

My deepest sympathies, SomberReality.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm going through a separation and impending divorce from a man I'd been with romantically since I was 16. (I'm 34 now.) There are days I'm happy being "single" and other days I miss being with him. Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to help me to move on without being angry with him (he left me though technically it had been "over" for a while) or never wanting to trust another man with my heart?

Yes, it is normal. That is a long time which means it will be a difficult habit to break, thinking of him, loving him, hating him.

However, you are 34 now. You should have some ideas of what you would like to see happen in your life. I think you should concentrate on those things. Make the life you want to happen, happen and know that many of these things couldn't have happened if you were with him.

With time, you will find that you are thinking about what might have been with him less and that you have a life you are happy about.

 

[pleasantville]

Just saw your post

I am a amle and have been divorced for 5 years now. It was tough when my ex answered my question of "Do you still want to be married?" With a flat out no! We have 3 daughters. Twins that were 11 and my youngest daughter that was 8. I found out she was seeing another guy that was 22 years older. I broke and went to see my doctor he was able to help me by talking about my problems and prescribing me to take Paxcil. I had mood swings my whole life and wouldyell but never get violent. After a month of begging her back I realized that it was never going to work. I than decided to dedicat myself to being the best divorced father around for my daughters. I dropped the fight and went to work on myself and my relationship with my daughters. I have dated on and off for the past 5 years but no real (physical) involvment. I have problems and hate being alone but I have learned that to enjoy life you must learn to like yourself. I am 45, somewhat overweight but I know that I am a better person now than I ever was before. Sorry that I ran on but I hope that you will be able to find that point where you like yourself.

 

[sister76]

Yeah, divorce is hard for everyone I imagine. Psychologists equate it to experiencing a death of someone close to you because a large part of you, your relationship, is essentially dying. And the longer the relationship lasts, the harder it is.

 

[FurryFury]

I am a amle and have been divorced for 5 years now. It was tough when my ex answered my question of "Do you still want to be married?" With a flat out no! We have 3 daughters. Twins that were 11 and my youngest daughter that was 8. I found out she was seeing another guy that was 22 years older. I broke and went to see my doctor he was able to help me by talking about my problems and prescribing me to take Paxcil. I had mood swings my whole life and wouldyell but never get violent. After a month of begging her back I realized that it was never going to work. I than decided to dedicat myself to being the best divorced father around for my daughters. I dropped the fight and went to work on myself and my relationship with my daughters. I have dated on and off for the past 5 years but no real (physical) involvment. I have problems and hate being alone but I have learned that to enjoy life you must learn to like yourself. I am 45, somewhat overweight but I know that I am a better person now than I ever was before. Sorry that I ran on but I hope that you will be able to find that point where you like yourself.

Good for you!

You are a very rare man!

*hug*

 

[FurryFury]

Yeah, divorce is hard for everyone I imagine. Psychologists equate it to experiencing a death of someone close to you because a large part of you, your relationship, is essentially dying. And the longer the relationship lasts, the harder it is.

It's certainly a HUGE loss.

I used to say, (during my first marriage) that I didn't believe in divorce, I believed in death.



Now that I've been divorced death, (his), would have been far preferable.

Oh well.

*chuckles*

Eventually things worked out.

 

[pleasantville]

Fury
Thanks didn't write it for compliments but aways appreciated. I just wanted to show that no matter how weak you think you might be you can get through it. After my weekend visitations I still walk around my house and it is sooo quiet. I have started a photography business and other things to keep me busy. Don't change who you are and lean on other for help. Take care Somber and love your sons.

 

[FurryFury]

I've seen so few willing to change and improve themselves.

The people that are willing to look inside at the gray as well as the black and white, take and assessment, determine to change and then DO that hard work have my admiration, always.

Divorce in particular, usually brings out the worst, not the best in people.

The children often get treated like playing pieces and possessions rather than people to be loved and respected.

I've been a child of divorce. Sadly I also have had a child and gotten divorced. I have strong feelings on the subject based on my experiences as well as those of people I know and have observed. I even know "fathers" whose children have died from neglect while on a visit.

So when I see a post like yours it really does deserve positive recognition! Good for you and your children!

 

[somberReality]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=24154381#post24154381

This says it all for me lately!!

 

[phantasi]

Wow.

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/sr1.htm

Read it. Learn it. Live it. It helps.

From one who knows,

SG

Read it. Will read it again and again until it sticks.

Thanks, SG.