How were you disciplined as a kid, and how has that affected you?

[Guest]

 

[NaiveOne]

Thanks. But it just seems like common sense.

My younger son has been giving us a lot to work with lately.

He's got a B+ average through 3.5 years of high school, is enrolled in a very good NY college for next fall, and comes home with two 60s and a 58 on his progress report? WTF?

No yelling involved but I've been on his ass for weeks now, in fact I'll announce to him with a smile that it's time for his daily grilling; I think he's really getting sick of me.

I don't think you should keep grilling him and worrying. I agree that he should be doing better, but ...

He's gotten great grades for the past 3.5 years.
He works very hard at his job.
He doesn't spend the money he makes on himself, but saves it for college.
He has already gotten into a good college.

All in all, you have a great, sucessful son!

High schoolers are always told to do well and work hard in high school, to get into a good college and hopefully get scholarships. So, unless a C will completely bring down his average causing him to lose any financial aid, he's technically accomplished his high school goal.

Honestly, his college will not care that he falls below a B+. He's already in.

More than likely he's sick of high school. He's ready to move on, and is trying to enjoy the time he has left with his family and friends.

So my advice is to let him do just that.

You've taught him well, taught him to work hard and be responsible. And I sincerely believe that him slacking off a little at the very end of his senior year does not reflect a loss of those charachter traits.

He's an adult, he can make the decision to get up his grade or be content to do not-so-good.

Also, I'm sure he doesn't like the grilling and could become bitter with nagging. You don't want him to leave for college feeling bitter.

Again, he's gotten into school and has proven himself already as a good student.

He'll be fine!!!!

Promise

 

[ThornDaddy]

>How were you disciplined as a kid,

was never spanked.


>and how has that affected you?

I'm still a fucking brat!

 

[FurryFury]

I received corporal punishment.

I have avoided doing the same with my kids except when I was to scared (usually for their safety) to stop myself. I reserve that right.

The upshot is that my kids are nearly as scared of me (or the world) as I was of my parents. Therefore I get to see the shit they try to pull. My parents were blissfully unaware 95% of the time. I'm not sure one is better than the other.

Fury

 

[SweetErika]

High schoolers are always told to do well and work hard in high school, to get into a good college and hopefully get scholarships. So, unless a C will completely bring down his average causing him to lose any financial aid, he's technically accomplished his high school goal.

Honestly, his college will not care that he falls below a B+. He's already in.

I'm not sure about Scaly Jr.'s school, but slacking after admission has become enough a problem that many colleges make confirmed admission contingent on final grades.

I think you make a good point about not riding basically good kids too much. Some of my friends and students have been subjected to that, and it caused them and the parents real problems. I'm big on the 'always give your best effort' philosophy, and don't have complaints when someone is does just that.

 

[cherries_on_snow]

'splaining

As part of a blended family, I received guidance from my father and my mom, and discipline (as he called it) from my stepfather.

My mom occasionally swatted us with flyswatters, but wasn't a spanker. Mainly, her weapon was the uber quiet voice of doom when you had to be absolutely silent to hear her as she spoke, her lips white with rage. Then someone was about to be grounded or given horrid chores, or something not good.

Dad would guide us with reason and questions and the occasional verbal slap (calling one of us "dummy," for example.) Aside from the namecalling, he was pretty good at the big stuff, sitting us down for long question-answer periods about conscience. I'm sure he helped develop mine.

The stepfather, on the other hand, was a psycho who had served two tours as a green beret in Vietnam. If any of us made the slightest infraction, we would all be bent over the couch as he beat us with a belt. I'm not sure how he was able to convince my mom that this was a good idea, but he did it nonetheless, and this lasted until I was 16. He beat my brother and I a lot but not nearly as badly as he beat his blood son. His son was often beaten bloody also, once so badly that the rifle with which he had been beaten broke during the beating. (That kid is doing time now for meth production or something, last I heard.)

So, I won't use corporeal punishment. This is mainly because I would never want to make anyone feel the pointless shame and self-loathing that my stepfather seemed to enjoy instilling. I don't have children yet, though. The cats don't get spanked, but they do get tossed outside if they pee inappropriately (a rare voicing of discontent).

 

[Guest]

 

[The Gimp]

With my parents the threat of being spanked was constant and I took it very seriously. I can only remember it actually happening once. They must have torn my ass up a time or two when I was very young which was enough to keep me in check for the rest of my life
When it comes to parenting I would be more of a disciplinarian than my parents were but with fewer threats of violence. When I was younger I never got in trouble at school and I never disrespected adults because I knew that if I did I would get my ass kicked. At the same time I knew that I'd get a stern talking to if dad found a pile of dishes when he got home from work so I did them when I felt like it. I had very few rewards or incentives for getting good grades. I didn't start taking school seriously until I was about 30. I figured out the hard way that A and B students had a more comfortable lifestyle than C and D students.
The following is a simplified version of my rules for raising a child.

• If you're disrespectful then I will kick your ass
• If you want nice things then get good grades and do your chores. A's and B's will get you an X Box 360 and Lebron James basketball shoes. Anything less will earn a pet rock and a Goodwill shopping spree.

 

[Eilan]

My brother's fiancée just finished her first year of college.

One of her professors told the class that she was widowed at 36 (the woman's in her 60's now, so the kids are obviously grown). Her sons were still fairly young, but she believed that they were too old for her to spank. Her preferred method of "discipline" was to spit in their faces.

 

[FurryFury]

My brother's fiancée just finished her first year of college.

One of her professors told the class that she was widowed at 36 (the woman's in her 60's now, so the kids are obviously grown). Her sons were still fairly young, but she believed that they were too old for her to spank. Her preferred method of "discipline" was to spit in their faces.

Seriously!?!

I agree, eek! I see mental problems there.

Fury

 

[Eilan]

Seriously!?!

I agree, eek! I see mental problems there.

Fury

Apparently this woman shocked the class into silence, but maybe that was her goal.

I'd take a whack on the ass any day. But I have saliva issues. Seeing people spit makes me heave.

I'm afraid that I would have hit one of my parents if they'd done that to me.

 

[FurryFury]

Apparently this woman shocked the class into silence, but maybe that was her goal.

I'd take a whack on the ass any day. But I have saliva issues. Seeing people spit makes me heave.

I'm afraid that I would have hit one of my parents if they'd done that to me.

Slaps, spits and anything like that to the face is absolutely shocking to me.

Fury

 

[sensationseeker]

I never received any kind of punishment as a child. I was hit by my parents on a couple of occasions, but this was due to shock/fear/not knowing how to react.

I don’t have any children, but no, I don’t believe in corporal punishment. By the way, isn’t it illegal to hit a child nowadays?

 

[human_male]

My father gave us both a good booting once when I was ten or elleven because we woke him up one Sunday morning goofing around. That was in front of friends who'd stayed over too. I'd advise anyone against that unless they want to scar their kids for life.

 

[FurryFury]

I never received any kind of punishment as a child. I was hit by my parents on a couple of occasions, but this was due to shock/fear/not knowing how to react.

I don’t have any children, but no, I don’t believe in corporal punishment. By the way, isn’t it illegal to hit a child nowadays?

Not in the states, although doing so in a way that breaks skin or leaves marks could conceivably get you in trouble should it be found out. It is still very much a country in which parents are allowed to raise their children the way they see fit for the most part. I could point to exceptions in the news but I said for the most part. Our laws, which have their basis in English laws, still mostly consider child as the property of the parents.

Fury

 

[Denae]

I was on the receiving end of a switch and a belt as a kid. Not very often for me as I learned quickly. I was deathly afraid of my step-dad (the only father I've known). My first memory of him is when he threw a coffee carafe through a double paned window in the living room.

I flew under the radar: keeping good grades, doing my chores immediately, and not causing problems in any way, shape or form. Even as an adult, I didn't voice my opinion on anything with my father until I was 30 years old. Standing up for myself for the first time with him was a huge action in my life.

I do not have children, but I think I would have tried the approach that I used often with my niece when she was a little one. I would take her aside and talk to her about bad behavior and try to reason with her. I did give her a swat on the rump once. She was really out of control and there was no amount of talking getting through to her. She was on the bed throwing a tantrum kicking her feet at me and I was trying to talk to her. I told her several times that she needed to stop kicking because she'd wind up hurting me if she kicked me. Well, she pulled her legs into her chest and kicked me in the stomach on purpose. Quick as a flash, I flipped her over with her little ass in the air and swatted her butt. That got her attention. No more screaming or kicking,

Since I don't have children and never will, perhaps I should just leave this to the parents in the group.

 

[onlyerics]

Great thread! This is why I love to join in the discussions.

My daddy was in the military so he was strict.

He spanked my older sister and my brother when he had to. It was never out of anger. Usually, there was a verbal warning, and if they didn't stop misbehaving, he would spank them.

He never had to spank me because all he had to do was raise his voice at me, and that alone would set me straight. I was scared of him. Until I was in my late twenties, I just went along with whatever decision he made.

But I would say he raised the three of us very well. We didn't do any drugs and we never got in trouble with the law.

E was raised by his grandfather. He did get spanked. There was no warning (i.e. "I'm going to spank you if you don't quit."), but he told me that there was always a reason. He was never abused or was hit in anger. But he turned out fine.

I don't have children, and neither has E. He does believe in corporal punishment. I, on the other hand, do not.

 

[antiface]

I, too, was brought up in a military household. Strangely, it wasn't my father who dealt out the punishment so much, as he was typically in the field. My mother, on the other hand, liked to give it liberally, especially to me and my youngest sister. I wouldn't say I was a bad kid growing up, but I got the fist or the foot or the belt enough times. Having gone through that, and being in the military myself now, I chose to do away completely with any sort of physical punishment, as it serves no purpose. (That I can see.) I prefer to give consequences to the kids, and have them involved in the process in determining that punishment. If they try to lessen the punishment by proferring a weak consequence, then the final punishment is more so. If they are honest in the process, they usually choose a slightly harsher punishment than what I would have had in mind, and I tell them that and then we decide the punishment. They're growing up to be fantastic kids, and I think it is because I am not so involved in "forcing" them in a direction I want them to go in, but rather in a direction that they are naturally going on.

 

[SweetErika]

I prefer to give consequences to the kids, and have them involved in the process in determining that punishment. If they try to lessen the punishment by proferring a weak consequence, then the final punishment is more so. If they are honest in the process, they usually choose a slightly harsher punishment than what I would have had in mind, and I tell them that and then we decide the punishment. They're growing up to be fantastic kids, and I think it is because I am not so involved in "forcing" them in a direction I want them to go in, but rather in a direction that they are naturally going on.

I think that's an excellent approach, one I'll commit to memory for the future, Antiface. You're right, having them choose the consequences for their actions seems very natural and allows the parent to take more of a guide than disciplinarian/dictator role. It seems like that would greatly help keep trust and the lines of communication open throughout the formative years.

Welcome to Lit, by the way!

 

[pplwatching]

.....

 

[charliegirl0404]

I was spanked as a kid. I dont htink it hurt me as a person.. but i know if i did something and got spanked for it i never did it again.

The other side to that is now i'm scared to death to make a mistake because deep down i thin something really bad is gonna happen to me. so if i mess something up i get really scared and i panic.

 

[Eilan]

I wonder if The Rod is still available?

Scroll down for product description

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

though I got swatted across the ass (or back of legs if she missed) many times, I'm fairly certain I was deserving of some sort of discipline.

But I can't believe that someone actually came up with all that marketing BS.

At one time, I'd come across a website that sold The Rod because I'd seen a thread about it on the GB. The impression that I got from reading the site was that not spanking (beating?) one's child was more abusive than spanking them.

I wouldn't mind having a Rod for my "toy" box, though.

 

[SweetErika]

I wouldn't mind having a Rod for my "toy" box, though.

Well, they do say it's "an excellent gift idea." $5.00 is a BDSM bargain, too.