How were you disciplined as a kid, and how has that affected you?

[Guest]

 

[Horny_Husband]

I was disciplined as a kid. Personally I think I am a better person because of it.
Children and even adults needs good boundaries. If I as a parent teach my kid about those boundaries and respecting them then they will do well in life.

I also had the opportunity to talk to a local cop about discipline. She was saying that she could tell a difference in kids who were disciplined at home and those who were not. Those who are not disciplined at home have a higher chance of running into her later on in life than those who were disciplined.

 

[Eilan]

I was disciplined as a kid. Personally I think I am a better person because of it.
Children and even adults needs good boundaries. If I as a parent teach my kid about those boundaries and respecting them then they will do well in life.

I also had the opportunity to talk to a local cop about discipline. She was saying that she could tell a difference in kids who were disciplined at home and those who were not. Those who are not disciplined at home have a higher chance of running into her later on in life than those who were disciplined.

Are you implying that discipline = spanking?

Just asking.

 

[MagicFingers]

Been avoiding this thread, but have to post now

I received whuppin's with a belt from my mother; spankings with a big, solid, hard hand from my father.
At school, we made paddles with holes in them, which make them hurt more, then the principal used them ON US!
I hated them. I felt some may have been justified (at the time), and some were not at all.

IT has had a bad affect on me in many ways. I never want to do that to my kids. Even when there doesn't seem to be a more appropriate way sometimes. I'm having problems with both sons- the oldest started doing poorly in school, and punched a hole in his wall because his parents are divorced. The youngest told a telemarketer, actually a real employer, to "Go Fuck Herself". They need a spanking, but aren't going to get one.
They were such good kids until recently. Now, I'm so depressed about it, because restrictions don't seem to be enough. I don't feel like I'm doing a good job as a parent.

But, I'm not going to beat them and give them good reasons to hate me like I did my parents for so many years. (I did manage to forgive them and not hate them before they died, but never loved them!!!!! Just accepted them for what they were)

Harsh punishment will get docile behaviour from the subjects of it, like pavlov's dog responses. They will learn to behave like YOU want them to. But those kids will never grow up to reach their full potential. Consequences must be a better way, not punishment.

 

[wicked woman]

I received whuppin's with a belt from my mother; spankings with a big, solid, hard hand from my father.
At school, we made paddles with holes in them, which make them hurt more, then the principal used them ON US!
I hated them. I felt some may have been justified (at the time), and some were not at all.

IT has had a bad affect on me in many ways. I never want to do that to my kids. Even when there doesn't seem to be a more appropriate way sometimes. I'm having problems with both sons- the oldest started doing poorly in school, and punched a hole in his wall because his parents are divorced. The youngest told a telemarketer, actually a real employer, to "Go Fuck Herself". They need a spanking, but aren't going to get one.
They were such good kids until recently. Now, I'm so depressed about it, because restrictions don't seem to be enough. I don't feel like I'm doing a good job as a parent.

But, I'm not going to beat them and give them good reasons to hate me like I did my parents for so many years. (I did manage to forgive them and not hate them before they died, but never loved them!!!!! Just accepted them for what they were)

Harsh punishment will get docile behaviour from the subjects of it, like pavlov's dog responses. They will learn to behave like YOU want them to. But those kids will never grow up to reach their full potential. Consequences must be a better way, not punishment.

Magic...have you considered getting counselling for your sons? You're describing them acting out in reaction to your divorce...it's a call for help. Quite common...but needs to be nipped in the bud. Doesn't require corporal punishment to do so.

 

[Guest]

 

[privyjo]

My brothers and sisters (seven kids total) received corporal punishment on a limited basis and it worked - I used it on a limited basis with my son until he was six or seven - a swat or two on the butt. Funny - he is now almost 20 and he says the same thing I do when talking about being disciplined as kid - "I deserved it" meaning I know I did something wrong, knew I was doing something wrong, and deserved the spanking.

 

[MagicFingers]

Short answer, YES

Magic...have you considered getting counselling for your sons? You're describing them acting out in reaction to your divorce...it's a call for help. Quite common...but needs to be nipped in the bud. Doesn't require corporal punishment to do so.

He's been a few times, but is resisting it. #2 son might need to go too. I'll check into group rates.

Thanks to you and Scalywag for the positive encouragement.
It's hard being an old phart and a loving, caring, dad too.

 

[restlessnights]

Growing up, I was spanked with a hairbrush. I don't harbor any resentment or feel it was abusive. However, I don't personally feel it's a very effective method of discipline. And I don't think it fits my personality. With that said, I have no children of my own yet, so my views might change when I become a parent.

 

[Aerie]

I was a very quiet kid who didn't get in trouble, but my two siblings were frequently spanked when they misbehaved. I hated that it happened. It was terrifying to see an angry parent strike them, and that is probably the catching point for me: Striking a child out of anger. I think that is wrong, and I could never lay a hand on my children - nor would I ever need to. Corporal punishment is never necessary, though for some - it is a last resort.

 

[SweetErika]

I was a very quiet kid who didn't get in trouble, but my two siblings were frequently spanked when they misbehaved. I hated that it happened. It was terrifying to see an angry parent strike them, and that is probably the catching point for me: Striking a child out of anger. I think that is wrong, and I could never lay a hand on my children - nor would I ever need to. Corporal punishment is never necessary, though for some - it is a last resort.

Well said, Aerie. Disciplining out of anger gets me, too.

 

[Private_Label]

I was "spanked" once. Grandma made the mistake of saying "if you don't behave you will be spanked when we get home. My mom made her live up to that threat. My mom on the other hand didn't spank. She used the arm squeeze that made you listen to what she was saying.

I personally feel that there is a place in disciplining children for spanking. MHO is one or two swats to get the kid's attention and drive the point home in the kid's brain. The problem I see is that some people think this means that leaving a mark is what is necessary. I don't agree with leaving a mark, bruise or welt, that is abuse and not good. I have seen too many kids that the "time out" method just does not work with.

OTOH my mom never resorted to the "because I said so" excuse. When I worked at a daycare for several years I found that giving them a legitimate answer to "Why?" usually was enough to get them to do or not do what you want. If you give children credit for being intelligent they might actually learn from your mistakes.

 

[Ness73]

We were smacked as children, but rarely - the threat often seemed to be enough to make us behave. Mum often used " wait til your father gets home", funny now because he was in the navy and wouldn't be home for another 4 months!!
My Nana used to have a small thin paddle - it had a picture of a boy holding his bare, red bum on it. It was called "heat for the seat" and she wasn't afraid to use it. In saying that, I don't have any feelings of resentment towards my parents or my Nana, it certainly didn't ruin my life and was only ever used when we were really naughty. My siblings and I have all grown up to be respectable, contributing adults. Heat for the seat is now a family heirloom - most of us talk about it with a smile on our face.
The last time my mum smacked me, she slapped me across the face. I was 12 and had been gone all day without her knowing where I was(I'm talking 10 hours). Best slap ever but imprinted in my memory - not only could I see how angry she was, I could see the fear in her face that something had happened to me. It made me realise what we kids put our parents through sometimes.
I will be smacking my children when we have them. I think that children need boundaries and those boundaries need to be enforced. I'm not saying beat the crap out of your kid, but a smack never hurt anyone.

I think the lack of smacking that became fashionable about 15-20 years ago is to blame for the glut of disrespectful, rude, selfish generation Y's we have today. IMO