Humiliation?

[Erryn_Silver]

My dom(s) always have to bew careful about how far they push it with the humiliation.

I have a temperment that makes me a potentially very dangerous sub, due to the fact that I'm very agressive at times and I have very fast emotion switches.

I find humiliatio an extremely subjective thing, based on the person, rather than the action.

 

[BiBunny]

Not sure whether it is they have fewer insecurities as much as they don't allow them to define who they are and what they want. IME it seems to be all the more reason to challenge those parts of themselves they either do not like or feel exposed/vulnerabe over. In some part this is how it works for me as well. Sort of like a moth to the flame type thing...the things I fear and despise they thought of the most become the ones which fuel my hottest fantasies to the point I feel I have to take it a step further into a painful and possibly destructive reality. I find many women are ruled by their insecurities to the point it cripples them and defines who they become, where their life goes.

Catalina

Get out of my head, Cat!

And "men have fewer insecurities than women" was a misspeak on my part. It probably is that men tend not to let those insecurities control them like women do.

I always said I was a man trapped in a woman's body, anyhow.

 

[SweetErika]

EmpressFi, thanks for sharing the info on the workshop. Very helpful!

I tend to have trouble humiliating because *I'm* sensitive about many things and translate that to a fear of harming my sub. I've realized there's a very big difference between my issues as a woman and his issues, so I think the point about there being a general difference between men and women on this is very valid.

I'd be interested in hearing what's worked for male subs/pyls and those who top them. I know it's an individual thing that requires a careful, personalized approach, but I'd still like some ideas to think about and potentially explore.

Anyone?

 

[Netzach]

I agree with all of the above. Do you think, cat, that it might be partly because males tend to have fewer insecurities about themselves than females do? *Not trying to start a flame war here--just another general observation*

Not to steal cat's thunder but I have a lot of mileage with this.

Noooooooooo they have plenty. Tons. Just as many, even more secretly kept. If they didn't have so many they would not jack off as often to having those insecurities exploited.

I think they're just generally horny enough to convert almost anything to hotness. That's all I can come up with. Eventually dick brain takes over when they might otherwise overthink. It's what I love about the boys. I know it's a horrid generalization, but I'd be a liar to say I see no patterns.

 

[Netzach]

EmpressFi, thanks for sharing the info on the workshop. Very helpful!

I tend to have trouble humiliating because *I'm* sensitive about many things and translate that to a fear of harming my sub. I've realized there's a very big difference between my issues as a woman and his issues, so I think the point about there being a general difference between men and women on this is very valid.

I'd be interested in hearing what's worked for male subs/pyls and those who top them. I know it's an individual thing that requires a careful, personalized approach, but I'd still like some ideas to think about and potentially explore.

Anyone?

I think what got me over any hang ups was just kind of taking a breath and plunging into it - seeing the profound reactions of my male partners, overwhelmingly positive, helped me a lot, gave me the green light to take more risk than I was comfortable taking initially.

It is possible to bruise someone and create a scene ending buzzkill - I've done that. Right thing wrong day, you know?

But it's a lot harder than I think people make it out to be to create irreversible psychodamage that your bottom will never forgive. It *can* happen, but honestly I think people err too much on the side of caution and good taste at times. Think about the things you'd never say - does it turn you on at all to wonder what would happen if you said them?

I think one of the things that I've found interesting is that there's a hot vicarious humiliation when you humiliate - you suddenly become this thing you maybe rather would not be, too, and have to confront it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'm just beginning my first "real" D/s relationship, after a year of fending off asshats from CM and my Dom asked me how I felt about humiliation.

I

Don't trust the bastard! He's trying to suss you out!

Next thing you know, you are getting sent to the grocery store in silver lame hot pants and a pink tube top and a pair of size 13 Air Jordans.

 

[twysted73]

I would have chosen chaps, a thong, leopard print tube and clown shoes for her personally.

Oh, and a bright pink cowgirl hat from Disneyworld that would be just 2 sizes too small.

Humiliation.....not something I can appreciate unless it's something my submissive yearns for.
And even then....it's my appreciation for how deep her desire (and endurance) for it go.

I enjoy the reactions I elicit. Good or bad.
As for myself? I haven't touched upon it nor do I seek to. I'm a psychological fuck to be sure.
But as with breath play and Tens, the mind is tricky and if you leave scars you might not be able to repair them.
Humiliation is something only a learned individual should play with. Someone very intune and knowladgeable of their subject.......in my opinion.

 

[unfoundiamond]

humiliation....

I am struggling with this too...

I have this first instinct to say I dont want it and dont like it, as in rl i have had alot of real pain and self loathing caused by humiliation...

But i feel like having my chosen Top cut through me with an appropriate and correctly worded observation of me which i may find humiaitaing, as fair game if it "puts me in my place" a little...

I am rarely called into feeling vulnerable in rl nowdays... so it sounds enticing to have someone call me out of someting they have realized, (ex, How much I enjoy being watched during sex)

I had a Dom call me his "little pornstar" as he forced me to the ground and proceded to fuck me right there, and I was instantly humiliated, and turned on at the same time, my pussy gushed, and I knew he didnt mean to kill me by saying it, he just saw how much I enjoyed performing for him, and i was instantly in my place...
(when I say in my place, I just mean i felt like I had been almost "busted", I wasnt getting over on him... he could see, and I was embarressed, but I did love it...)

I was both humialiated by the fact he could see i liked it, and the fact he was not putting me into a bed as i am used to, but he forced me to the ground... being fucked on the floor represented to me that he was usung me for him own pleasure, and didnt intend to serve my wants like the men before him...

that probably wouldnt be humiating for some, but it made me see I may want to be humiliated, but it would have to be two things,

1. not ment to be malicious
2. be true....

 

[unfoundiamond]

sorry for the double posting, but...

Don't trust the bastard! He's trying to suss you out!

Next thing you know, you are getting sent to the grocery store in silver lame hot pants and a pink tube top and a pair of size 13 Air Jordans.

LOL... bahahaha, silver lame pants and size 13 jordans...

 

[madetotakeit]

I had a Dom call me his "little pornstar" as he forced me to the ground and proceded to fuck me right there, and I was instantly humiliated, and turned on at the same time, my pussy gushed, and I knew he didnt mean to kill me by saying it, he just saw how much I enjoyed performing for him, and i was instantly in my place...


I was both humialiated by the fact he could see i liked it, and the fact he was not putting me into a bed as i am used to, but he forced me to the ground... being fucked on the floor represented to me that he was usung me for him own pleasure, and didnt intend to serve my wants like the men before him...


1. not ment to be malicious
2. be true....

Yes, that is the kind of humiliation I can be onboard with...

 

[miss_tata]

Humiliation

You know there is the base issue of you being the only one to know what really makes you feel that way. So you need to evaluate and find out what sets you off in that chain of thought. You also so need to think is it sexual to you and if not is it to your Dom? And if it is would you be willing to do it for him.(a.k.a would this be fun for you to please your Dom in this way or would it be an emotional misadventure) To where you are able to let him push his own buttons.

But, from my experience which is just enough to know what sets me off is that I find the very act of following orders to be the ultimate form of humiliation for me. It is because in life I find myself being very opinionated and strong in what I believe. When someone needs me to do something they ask. But when it is my top it is always an order and that not only changes my headspace. it also makes it so I have to comply and in having to do what someone tells me to do I am humiliated. So this question could be answered in a simple and broad way or it could be extremely specific and I have no idea as to what you would find humiliating.

Thanks
miss_tata

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I will say to whoever listens that Master and I are equals who have chosen different roles and that we are both responsible for everything that happens in our relationship. Having said all that, the biggest humiliation mindfucks for me right now are the ones that put me in my place.

Recently I have served as Master's footstool. I thought that there was nothing enjoyable in being furniture for half an hour or so but the baseness of being used that way really got me turned on. Even he was surprised by how hot and wet I was after simply staying on all 4s while he watched tv and rested his feet on me.

I also really go wild over verbal humiliation. Master has always called me names like slut and whore during sexual play but when he goes a step further he'll say things like: 'You're nothing more than a cunt right now. You're just friction for my cock, you could be any bitch in the world right now.' That kind of talk really presses my psychological buttons.

I also find it hard to vocalise my desires and Master has taken to punishing me if I'm not explicit enough. My gut response to questions like 'how would you like me to fuck you right now?' is to say that I'll do whatever he wants to do but that's not what he wants to hear and it pisses him off. He'll also talk about fucking other women while I'm bound and forced to watch. I'd find this a huge turn on but it would humiliate me too. We're still looking for another lady to play with.

So there are lots of things that I consider to have a humiliation factor, that we both enjoy.

 

[shy slave]

I spoke to a Dom a few weeks ago and his view of humiliation was that when a pyl says they like it, his heart sinks.

I was surprised but he went onto explain that if a pyl knows they like it, they know how they like it, and a fairly specific set of circumstances/words/situations make good humiliation experience for them as oppose to abuse humiliation.

• For him, it made him uncomfortable.
  
• He felt he was being led by a pyl's previous experiences with previous partners.
  
• He did not feel as much in control of the situation because it was primarily being led by her and her past.
  
• He felt concerned that deviation from what she knew she found humiliating (and enjoyed) may play on her mind later and have a negative impact.
  
• He said that whilst pyl's are ok to safe word in a physical scene he had yet to meet one who used it when being humiliated.
  
• One pyl crying through humiliation may be hugely erotic for them, but for another it could be because it has become emotionally damaging.

I admit I had not thought about it in those terms.

I enjoy various aspects of humiliation and yes I did discover what I liked through being with other people. But the way he put it over made it sound like a more difficult place for a PYL to go than flogging someone for a first time or having them do any number of physical BDSM things.

I would hate to think that by telling someone what I found erotic was a sub-conscious way of leading him to follow a previous PYL footsteps.