I want too, but I know better

[Primalex]

I KNOW that this was wrong and things just don't work that way.

Sorry, I don't quite get this part. What was wrong and why was it wrong?

Then I wrote him a long note about how my submission was a gift

Uhm..yes.. and there are weapons of mass destruction - from a weird point of view.

I told him the title Master had to be earned and not taken lightly.

The term submissive has to be earned and not taken lightly, either. Despite this, you called him Master. You already gave him the title. Obviously you took the title lightly.

That he needed to know me and care about me first.

What? It is handy to know the first name of the bottom in a poly relationship, it makes life much easier. I agree.

What I want to know is, am I going about this right by telling him these things?

No. Shut up, do what he tells you. No risk, no fun. You can read books and forums all day, this doesn't give you any experience. It will merely give you information, which is most often useless without experience. If you've never loved, you can't understand Romeo and Juliet.. and if you never bottomed/topped, you will never understand what other people will write about BDSM.

 

[Primalex]

There is nothing consensual about our world.

This is so true on so many levels that I just had to quote it.


But..


Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his/her choices.

 

[Betticus]

Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his/her choices.

I have two words to answer that with. "Ted Kennedy"

 

[JMohegan]

Great point I think too many people don't recognise.

Catalina

Thank you.

 

[Primalex]

I have two words to answer that with. "Ted Kennedy"

I didn't expect that you are into ice hockey.

 

[intothewoods]

I almost dig this response, which is weird because you've driven me insane in the past.

Sorry, I don't quite get this part. What was wrong and why was it wrong?

Exactly!

Uhm..yes.. and there are weapons of mass destruction - from a weird point of view.

Bwah ha.

The term submissive has to be earned and not taken lightly, either. Despite this, you called him Master. You already gave him the title. Obviously you took the title lightly.

Snap!

What? It is handy to know the first name of the bottom in a poly relationship, it makes life much easier. I agree.

Ok, funny, good.

No. Shut up, do what he tells you. No risk, no fun. You can read books and forums all day, this doesn't give you any experience. It will merely give you information, which is most often useless without experience. If you've never loved, you can't understand Romeo and Juliet.. and if you never bottomed/topped, you will never understand what other people will write about BDSM.

Yes, except she still hasn't. It was in a chat room. Chat room. Say it with me, chat room.

Pardon me while I bang my head against the wall...(actually, per this thread: *bang bang bang*)

 

[RJMasters]

From the way that you've presented and worded your post I would say that you have already decided deep down what you need to do in regards to this guy and that it would make it all easier to hear opinions that back up what you are feeling.

I have some questions for you first, they are general and you don't have to answer them but it's what I would be asking myself.

What was the motivation behind his drive to flaunt you in a chat room full of people that he likely doesn't even know in real life?

Why did he lie and tell them that he was your master and you his slave? Nothing in life is free, he's getting something out of this even if it's just an ego stroke.

Are those random chat room people more important to him than you and your feelings?

Did you gain anything from this objectification?

Why didn't you bust his lying ass right on the spot?

Do you want a master who does this kind of stuff?

Does he require the validation of others in order to screw up his courage to act more dominant?

Exactamundo

 

[RJMasters]

All in all the way I see it is, you went along with the events. For some reason you have some regret in doing so or you feel guilty because you don't think what you did matches with some prescribed way that BDSM are suppose to be.

First of all hang that crap and do what you want to do. however if you are going to invest heavily on a personal level into an online relationship, then perhaps you should let your online behavior reflect your values.

It appears to me that you are approaching online in a somewhat serious matter and that being the case, I think Betticus's questions have relavance as to wondering if this online Master isn't a bit self deluted.

Again if this was just all in fun then no harm no foul type of thing, but your post leads me to believe that this guy actually believes he is your master and you are his submissive....which to me sounds comical when afterwards the submissive has to ask the guy if he was serious or not?

Don't play head games with yourself. Know what you want and what your about and act accordingly. If you want to fuck, then fuck, if you want to flash then flash, if you want a relationship, then don't sell yourself so cheaply to any HNG that gets it into his mind that he is your master.

 

[subwannabe]

I'm probably on the wrong board to express my viewpoints in this area but here goes anyway. I think the OP needs a huge dose of a reality check. She is living dangerously wanting and craving such a relationship with a total internet stranger who could turn out to be "Jack the Ripper". I'm sure many here wouldn't agree with me but especially for women, I would think you would want a real relationship with a man like dating several until you found one who was either dominant already or was interested in becoming one. Hooking up with an unknown person over the internet to have a bdsm relationship sounds terrifying to me - especially if you are a woman. The OP is craving to totally give herself to some online person she has never even met!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm probably on the wrong board to express my viewpoints in this area but here goes anyway. I think the OP needs a huge dose of a reality check. She is living dangerously wanting and craving such a relationship with a total internet stranger who could turn out to be "Jack the Ripper". I'm sure many here wouldn't agree with me but especially for women, I would think you would want a real relationship with a man like dating several until you found one who was either dominant already or was interested in becoming one. Hooking up with an unknown person over the internet to have a bdsm relationship sounds terrifying to me - especially if you are a woman. The OP is craving to totally give herself to some online person she has never even met!

Hmmm, well I dunno....I married mine 2 weeks after meeting for the first time (actually booked the marriage before we met), and we are into our 6th year of bliss. Depends if you have your head on and the guts to go after what you want. Hoping someone you start dating is a Dominant or interested in becoming one was never on my list of high possibilities to success.

Catalina

 

[kushielstoy]

Excuse me ....

What is "HNG"?

 

[catalina_francisco]

What is "HNG"?

Horny Net Geek

Catalina

 

[Primalex]

I almost dig this response, which is weird because you've driven me insane in the past.

I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure I still can.

 

[kushielstoy]

So much to learn

Horny Net Geek

Catalina

Thank you! I think that I need to develop a new lexicon to carry around with me. All of these initials are SO CONFUSING AT TIME!!! (Just showing my age)
Sign me…

HPMBMFSANYTMILF
Horny Pre Menopausal Beat My Fat Sexy Ass Not Your Typical MILF

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you! I think that I need to develop a new lexicon to carry around with me. All of these initials are SO CONFUSING AT TIME!!! (Just showing my age)
Sign me…

HPMBMFSANYTMILF
Horny Pre Menopausal Beat My Fat Sexy Ass Not Your Typical MILF

LOL, hey I AM menopausal and a grannie!!

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

All in all the way I see it is, you went along with the events. For some reason you have some regret in doing so or you feel guilty because you don't think what you did matches with some prescribed way that BDSM are suppose to be.

First of all hang that crap and do what you want to do. however if you are going to invest heavily on a personal level into an online relationship, then perhaps you should let your online behavior reflect your values.

It appears to me that you are approaching online in a somewhat serious matter and that being the case, I think Betticus's questions have relavance as to wondering if this online Master isn't a bit self deluted.

Again if this was just all in fun then no harm no foul type of thing, but your post leads me to believe that this guy actually believes he is your master and you are his submissive....which to me sounds comical when afterwards the submissive has to ask the guy if he was serious or not?

Don't play head games with yourself. Know what you want and what your about and act accordingly. If you want to fuck, then fuck, if you want to flash then flash, if you want a relationship, then don't sell yourself so cheaply to any HNG that gets it into his mind that he is your master.

I read the opening post as the virtual equivalent of a bar scene involving a group of random strangers. Bob Black tells Cathy Crimson to take her shirt off (which she does), after which he blurts out "Have mercy! Will you marry me? Dance, baby!" Which she does, and then everyone goes home and the next day Cathy writes Bob and scolds him for not understanding the sanctity of marriage.

Comical is one way to describe the idea that Bob's proposal might have been genuine, but to me that idea seems so far-fetched as to be just weirdly absurd.

Other than that, I agree with the advice in this post, RJ. Especially: "don't sell yourself so cheaply." Just as women take clues about a man's intent from his behavior, men do the very same thing.

 

[Primalex]

She is living dangerously wanting and craving such a relationship with a total internet stranger who could turn out to be "Jack the Ripper". I'm sure many here wouldn't agree with me but especially for women, I would think you would want a real relationship with a man like dating several until you found one who was either dominant already or was interested in becoming one. Hooking up with an unknown person over the internet to have a bdsm relationship sounds terrifying to me - especially if you are a woman.

Hmmm, well I dunno....I married mine 2 weeks after meeting for the first time (actually booked the marriage before we met), and we are into our 6th year of bliss. Depends if you have your head on and the guts to go after what you want. Hoping someone you start dating is a Dominant or interested in becoming one was never on my list of high possibilities to success.

To be honest, I don't see much difference.


If you browse the online market, you have it much easier to find a theoretical match and much more trouble to turn it into a real relationship.


If you browse the offline market, you have it much easier to turn it into a real relationship and much more trouble finding a match.


And whether you prefer Jack 'First Date' the Ripper or Jack 'You don't leave me after 4 years, bitch!' the Ripper is really a matter of personal taste.

 

[kushielstoy]

Lol

LOL, hey I AM menopausal and a grannie!!

Catalina

So I guess the old adage is true, OLDER WOMEN DO KNOW WHAT THEY WANT AND ARE NOT AFRAID TO ASK FOR IT.

Perhaps the OP will figure it out in time as well!

I read somewhere on this site in the past several days this quote:
“Seduction, is just someone gently convincing you to do what you truly wanted to do, but were just afraid to admit it”


I don’t need seduction; I know what I want to do.

 

[intothewoods]

And whether you prefer Jack 'First Date' the Ripper or Jack 'You don't leave me after 4 years, bitch!' the Ripper is really a matter of personal taste.

Um. I don't want to be dead.

 

[catalina_francisco]

So I guess the old adage is true, OLDER WOMEN DO KNOW WHAT THEY WANT AND ARE NOT AFRAID TO ASK FOR IT.

Perhaps the OP will figure it out in time as well!

I read somewhere on this site in the past several days this quote:
“Seduction, is just someone gently convincing you to do what you truly wanted to do, but were just afraid to admit it”


I don’t need seduction; I know what I want to do.

LOL, oh yes, I knew what I wanted and wasn't afraid to search the globe for it. Shifting 16,000kms was a bit trying, but well worth the effort.

Catalina

 

[Primalex]

Um. I don't want to be dead.

I hate to say it but it's just a matter of time.

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, I'm going to be the bitch here.

It's a fucking chatroom. Why the hell does it matter, seriously?

 

[Primalex]

It's a fucking chatroom. Why the hell does it matter, seriously?

Because of the power of words.

 

[BiBunny]

Because of the power of words.

The pen is mightier than the sword, etc., etc., I suppose.

*Sigh* I just never can get into that kind of thing.

 

[intothewoods]

I hate to say it but it's just a matter of time.

Ahh, touche, Primalex. Ok, I would like to avoid dying in the very near future, and also not by the hands of anyone remotely similar to Jack the Ripper.

Ok, I'm going to be the bitch here.

Get in line!