I woke up this morning to discover I had turned into an insect.

[canadiancutie]

but I'm about to be a poor student again

totally missed that the first time, what kind of student?

 

[Marquis]

You might have issues and baggage and be a sadist Marquis but I've read plenty of your girl Killi's posts and she strikes me as a smart woman. I am sure C is just as intelligent though she doesn't post enough for me to have an basis for an opinion. On top of it you don't strike me as the type to be interested in stupid women for very long.

So just a silly question but why don't you trust the judgement of the women in your life (the ones that are yours not the ones you could simply screw and discard) to know whether or not you're a loser? Obviously they don't think you are so why do you persist in thinking you are?

I've never been able to figure this one out. I think it makes them feel warm and fuzzy to be needed. Eventually it's gonna get old, and even if they do want to spend the rest of their lives as philanthropists, eventually my guilt over not being able to give them what they deserve in return is going to devour me from the inside out like an ulcer.

Let me give you an example. On my last day in Hawaii, Killi packed my bags and took me to the airport. When I arrived in Florida, C picked me up from the airport and unpacked my bags when I got home. You would think I must be doing some extra special shit to be getting this kind of treatment huh?

Nothing could be further from the truth. I've been a flagrant prick for the last week at least, and have unpredictable bursts of cockery at random. They BEG me to talk about what's on my mind and what's important to me, and when they want to tell me about what's important to them in return, I rarely want to listen.

I think they just like me cause I'm the moderator.

Or is this just a really lousy down night where it's impossible to think anything good about yourself?

Nah, this is pretty much my life. I walk around with a bigger chip on my shoulder than anyone can possibly imagine. I choke it down hard to keep out of jail or the loony bin for as long as I can.

 

[caela]

Tell me about it. I used to be able to um...cut a tiny bit and they wouldn't be quite as bad haha, but now that I'm super anemic, I can't and have been reduced to snapping myself with elastics haha

I never could cut myself, I hate the sight of my own blood. However I became very proficient at heating up the end of a lighter and found that the skin on the inside of my ankles (near where a tennis shoe rests) doesn't scar for me. Wore socks all the time and no one ever saw the burns.

 

[Marquis]

Tell me about it. I used to be able to um...cut a tiny bit and they wouldn't be quite as bad haha, but now that I'm super anemic, I can't and have been reduced to snapping myself with elastics haha

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

I bet you can't wait to get your dominant sadist master so he can hurt you oh so good just like in Secretary right?

If you're lucky, you'll get a nice inverted masochist who will be happy to accomodate you. If you're unlucky you'll make the mistake of hooking up with a man like me who won't give a shit when you're jonesing for a beating and is smart enough to walk away when you try to provoke one.

However, you could be having the worst PMS of your life, but you better hope no one cuts him off on the drive home.

 

[caela]

Marquis, I don't know what to say other than that if you keep insisting you will lose them, odds are good you will. People tend to create self fulfilling prophesies of such things.

 

[canadiancutie]

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

I bet you can't wait to get your dominant sadist master so he can hurt you oh so good just like in Secretary right?

If you're lucky, you'll get a nice inverted masochist who will be happy to accomodate you. If you're unlucky you'll make the mistake of hooking up with a man like me who won't give a shit when you're jonesing for a beating and is smart enough to walk away when you try to provoke one.

However, you could be having the worst PMS of your life, but you better hope no one cuts him off on the drive home.

Actually no, I really have very little desire to be hurt by anyone else, I'm just getting pretty good at hurting myself. And hooking up with you wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, you're a puppy compared to my ex.

 

[canadiancutie]

Marquis, I don't know what to say other than that if you keep insisting you will lose them, odds are good you will. People tend to create self fulfilling prophesies of such things.

It's easier to deal with things if you convince yourself of them happening before, even if it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't convinced yourself....yeah it makes sense in my head, I'm not sure how much sense it makes to anyone reading.

 

[Marquis]

Marquis, I don't know what to say other than that if you keep insisting you will lose them, odds are good you will. People tend to create self fulfilling prophesies of such things.

And this is how it always ends.

Someone eventually says, "negativity begets negativity, so PUUUUUUT OOOON A HAAAAPY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE"







there you go.

 

[canadiancutie]

And this is how it always ends.

Someone eventually says, "negativity begets negativity, so PUUUUUUT OOOON A HAAAAPY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE"







there you go.

oi vay.

 

[graceanne]

And this is how it always ends.

Someone eventually says, "negativity begets negativity, so PUUUUUUT OOOON A HAAAAPY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE"







there you go.

Oh, ug. I hit people when they do that to me.

 

[Marquis]

Oh, ug. I hit people when they do that to me.

Hitting is for angry people grace.

 

[caela]

And this is how it always ends.

Someone eventually says, "negativity begets negativity, so PUUUUUUT OOOON A HAAAAPY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE"







there you go.

Ackkkkkk, fuck no! If you aren't happy don't pretend you are...that's just fake. I simply meant that if you keep telling yourself something will happen, you will find a way to make it happen. Sometimes it would have happened anyway but sometimes it wouldn't have if you hadn't been so damned busy waiting for the piano to drop right on your head.

Alright so yeah the whole "negativity begets negativity" thing does apply but not the monstrously capped "put on a happy face bullshit".

Of course it's also true that sometimes negativity begets positivity and vice versa.

Or maybe I should just go to sleep.

 

[Marquis]

Ackkkkkk, fuck no! If you aren't happy don't pretend you are...that's just fake. I simply meant that if you keep telling yourself something will happen, you will find a way to make it happen. Sometimes it would have happened anyway but sometimes it wouldn't have if you hadn't been so damned busy waiting for the piano to drop right on your head.

Alright so yeah the whole "negativity begets negativity" thing does apply but not the monstrously capped "put on a happy face bullshit".

Of course it's also true that sometimes negativity begets positivity and vice versa.

Or maybe I should just go to sleep.

Lay down bitch.

You can't handle this shit.

 

[caela]

Lay down bitch.

You can't handle this shit.

Now I know I'm tired because that just made me crack up.

Sadly I'm an insomniac so you will probably be stuck with my ramblings.

 

[canadiancutie]

Lay down bitch.

You can't handle this shit.

yikes.

 

[Marquis]

By the way, I want to add that just because my mind is diseased and clouded with foreboding doom, I do not hold back out of pessism.

I put everything I have into my relationships with the women I love, but not out of some great optimist, but simply because they give me a reason to wake up in the morning and doing what little I can for them makes me feel like a halfway decent creature.

 

[caela]

yikes.

Now see that would probably have been a normal reaction...but nope, it made me laugh.

 

[caela]

By the way, I want to add that just because my mind is diseased and clouded with foreboding doom, I do not hold back out of pessism.

I put everything I have into my relationships with the women I love, but not out of some great optimist, but simply because they give me a reason to wake up in the morning and doing what little I can for them makes me feel like a halfway decent creature.

See this is why I like reading your posts Marquis...when I'm not looking for it you say something that is beautiful.

 

[graceanne]

Hitting is for angry people grace.

Yeah, well people singing that when I'm in a bad mood makes me angry.

 

[Aeroil]

By the way, I want to add that just because my mind is diseased and clouded with foreboding doom, I do not hold back out of pessism.

I put everything I have into my relationships with the women I love, but not out of some great optimist, but simply because they give me a reason to wake up in the morning and doing what little I can for them makes me feel like a halfway decent creature.

haha! so I'm not the only pessimist who tries as hard as he can!!

Just because you believe something will happen doesn't mean you can't try as hard as you can to prevent it, most optimists don't seem to understand that, makes me angry sometimes.

 

[graceanne]

haha! so I'm not the only pessimist who tries as hard as he can!!

Just because you believe something will happen doesn't mean you can't try as hard as you can to prevent it, most optimists don't seem to understand that, makes me angry sometimes.

Hope for the best, but PREPARE for the worst. Mostly cause the worst is usually what happens.

Besides, pessimist is what optomists call you when you're being realistic.

 

[brioche]

I recommend reading Kafka in the original german. Not that it is any better, but it is much harder, at least for me, and you realize he isnt going anywhere a lot quicker, so you put it down. I hate myself for plowing through The Castle (Dass Schloss) just to realize that it was all about the central metaphor, and there WAS no plot.

At least Marquis gave us the gift of brevity.

Oh, and the Fforde series is wonderful. It is one of those series that i am reading very slow, so i can enjoy it for the a long time. (I do that. I have been reading The Sandman series for the last four months, and the Preacher for the last three years. I really want to make them last.)

I like The Sandman too, if we're talking about the graphic novels, but I'm not familar with the other.

Re Fforde: Do you know who Goliath is supposed to be? The US? We have already decided it's not Microsoft, and my sister thinks it's Virgin or the US. PM me if you figure it out! (Or if you want to talk about it)

 

[Marquis]

I once heard an argument that Heaven was a metaphor for ultimate control and Hell for ultimate freedom.

In Heaven, you are one with the will of God, and you live a life of pure holiness. In Hell, you are free to do whatever it is you please, but must deal with the ramifications of your choices.

We choose our destiny by that which we strive for on Earth.

By this analogy, I suppose Satan would be the most liberated being in existence.

It must be incredibly lonely to have that much freedom.

 

[jasonlf]

I once heard an argument that Heaven was a metaphor for ultimate control and Hell for ultimate freedom.

In Heaven, you are one with the will of God, and you live a life of pure holiness. In Hell, you are free to do whatever it is you please, but must deal with the ramifications of your choices.

We choose our destiny by that which we strive for on Earth.

By this analogy, I suppose Satan would be the most liberated being in existence.

It must be incredibly lonely to have that much freedom.

I look at it more this way...

(if) God created us, he knows the best way to make us happy/bring us pleasure?

I think heaven will be God exercising his knowledge to the fullest.

In some ways, maybe, God is a dom, and believers are subs to his will. Sometimes what he wants us to do may hurt, but it's worth it, and it's overall a very fulfilling existance.

 

[Marquis]

I look at it more this way...

(if) God created us, he knows the best way to make us happy/bring us pleasure?

I think heaven will be God exercising his knowledge to the fullest.

In some ways, maybe, God is a dom, and believers are subs to his will. Sometimes what he wants us to do may hurt, but it's worth it, and it's overall a very fulfilling existance.

My point exactly. Some would rather serve in heaven. Others prefer to reign in hell.